What Went Wrong?

Consent-New-PageIt’s happened to most of us:  a scene doesn’t go quite the way we expected it to. Sometimes it’s just a minor annoyance, the atmosphere is disruptive, or a someone pulls a muscle climbing into a new position.  Other times, we feel hurt.  We wonder, was my consent violated?  In BDSM, it can be a little tough to suss out exactly what constitutes a consent violation.  Here’s a post-scene flowchart from A Touch of Flavor that might come in handy:

PDF version.

WIITWD — What It Is That We Do

Invest in Our Future!

The staff and directors believe our highest priority is to create the right place for our community to grow and thrive. Our plan is to create a space that suits the needs of our membership.  This is a deliberate goal and part of our mission as an organization. Finding space for everything that we want to do as a community is difficult. Many members want an improved look for our space. These improvements are not a small investment. Invest in Our Future is how we are funding this plan.

Im invested

Invest in Our Future!

The Center for Sex Positive Culture has been expanding people’s horizons since 1999. We’re creating a new location that’s a better fit for the growing needs of our community. We plan to transform our new home into the perfect place for our Sex Positive community. Our focus is on building the capital we need to make this possible. We are looking to our community to invest in our future and theirs.

You can be an active part of this!
• Buy a Premium Membership for yourself or someone else
• Introduce two friends to becoming new members
• Pay to attend 4 additional events this year
• Set up a recurring monthly donation1 of $10, $20, or more
• Become a Volunteer2
• Be a continuing invested Volunteer3
When you complete one of these options you will receive your “I’m Invested” pin

1. Monthly donations will need to recur for at least four months to earn investor status.
2. You must be a new Volunteer in and work for at least 3 months.
3. As a current Volunteer you must work a total of 120 hours a year. Positions that come with set hours (Champions, Team Leads, and some others) are not automatically included, but you can keep track of the time you put in for these positions and send them to the Volunteer Coordinator to add to your hours.

From Our Managing Director

Here is the Annual Report for 2015 for those members who might not have had a chance to review it yet.

In it we review some of the changes and accomplishments of the last year, and outline some of our plans for the future. We include plans for improving membership experiences, volunteering, and some necessary facility improvements, and our long-term plan for seeking out and moving to a new space that better suits the needs of our membership.

As a staff, we are really excited for our plans for the coming year and beyond.



In the News

A federal court in Virginia ruled recently that consensual kink is not constitutionally protected,that is, that an individual has no right to engage in 100% consensual BDSM.  Judge TS Ellis, ruling on Doe vs. George Mason University et. al, stated:

“A legislative restriction on BDSM activity is justifiable by reference to the state’s interest in the protection of vulnerable persons, i.e. sexual partners placed in situations with an elevated risk of physical harm. In this respect, the conclusion… that there is no deeply rooted history or tradition of BDSM sexual activity remains relevant and important to the analysis.”

The court found that banning BDSM activities is justified because it “protects the rights of vulnerable persons” and further states that since there is no deep tradition of BDSM (defined as inluding “binding and gagging, or the use of physical force, such as spanking or choking,” activities “not present in traditional sex”), it is not protected.

Although the term “BDSM” dates only to 1969, the history of BDSM activities can be traced through such ancient documents as the Kama Sutra, which specifies the use of certain kinds of hitting during sex and through art dating back thousands of years. Dating back to the 5th century BC is an Etruscan fresco depicting two men flagellating a woman. Academic historian Anne O. Nomis has found evidence dating back to 1590 of the Dominatrix as a professional.

“This is one judge’s ruling and it doesn’t create law,” said Allena Gabosch, founder and current Development Director for the Center for Sex Positive Culture. It can, however, set precedent. People interested in this news item might consult the Free Thought Project or the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom to inquire further.



In a Sex Positive World, Sex is a Health Circus

Sex Positive World 1Sexual health is important for our overall well-being and life happiness.  Forty-four percent of adults have had a sexual concern. But we don’t talk about it much. Our sexual function is made up of complex mind and body parts. Our sense of self influences the quality of our sexual experience. So does the quality of our relationship(s).

In fact, sexuality is a kaleidoscope of so many factors that it can be challenging to even identify all the shapes that make up the whole picture.  And forget about finding all the colors! In fact, our sexual landscape is not so different from a circus act at times. Trapeze performers fly through the air, lion tamers snap their whips, and muscle men astound the crowd.  
Continue reading

7 Health Benefits of Sex

Photo by Flickr user Patrick. Creative Commons.

Photo by Flickr user Patrick. Creative Commons License 3.0.

Mostly due to the hormones oxytocin and prolactin, the immune-system protective Immunoglobulin A (IgA), and the morphine-like endorphins released during sexual stimulation and orgasm, research indicates that sex can have the following health benefits (among others). Continue reading

Events Open to the Public

A few of our events are open to non-members and the public, age 18 and over.

These include:

  • New Member Orientation, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays
  • Game Play Social Night, the 2nd Tuesday of Every Month
  • The Hump Social, Every Wednesday 6-8
  • The Passport Meeting, 1st Friday of the Every Month 7-8
  • On the Market, 1st Friday of Every Month 8-1
  • Myself! Every 4th Sunday, 5:30-11
  • The Getting to Know You Potluck, Every 5th Sunday, 4-6:30
  • Try It, You’ll Like it, Every 5th Sunday, 6:30-11

See Event Calendar for more description and details!

In a Sex Positive World No One Would Be Shamed for Having Sex — or Not Having Sex

Sex Positive World 1I was 43 when I first noticed that sex was becoming more work than fun. I loved my partner very much. And we knew what we were doing. But I kept wanting to stop and talk. Or read. Or wash the dishes. At the same time TV shows, books, and movies I used to enjoy seemed more and more, well, stupid.

By the time I was 46, I was done. Gym workouts made more sense to me than sex. And I’d rather have gone to the dentist than have another tongue in my mouth. I had no more sexual oomph. No zing, no flutters, no ‘oooooo!’ My ‘mojo’ was gone.

I still had my curiosity and my playfulness. I still had my love for my partner. I just didn’t want to have sex any more.

For a while, my partner and I tried to make love even though we knew that I had no hormonal response. But that just ended up making me feel used and dirty, like a sex doll. So we stopped.

For a long time, I was worried and frightened and sad. I thought that I was broken or sick. I thought that I was being bad and unfair to my partner. I felt like an alien when seeing commercials or advertisements because sex didn’t sell to me. TV shows and movies seemed aimed at someone else. I didn’t care about the tits or the abs or the butts.

I’ve gotten better at accepting my asexuality, but it was a long, hard road. And there are still times when I think I need to be ‘fixed.’

In a Sex Positive World, I wouldn’t feel broken at all. Ever.

For me, a Sex Positive World would be one where sex is just another side of being human, not the Most Important One. In a Sex Positive World, one’s sexuality would make no more difference than if one preferred blue to red. And not having sex would be just another color, not the absence of color.

Also, in a Sex Positive World, advertisements, commercials, movies, TV shows, internet memes, everything would… it’s hard to explain.

Let’s use the colors again. Imagine a color, a color you don’t hate but you’re not particularly fond of. And doesn’t suit you. Say, orange.

Now imagine that all the people things are saturated in orange: clothes, gestures, cars, pictures, signs, food, everything. That’s what the world is like to me.

Mountains, sunsets, the sea – they’re not orange. (I love camping, by the way.) But the minute people get involved? Boom! Orange.

I think that creativity and joy, love and companionship, playfulness and fun don’t have to be orange. I think that people can be together in happiness without being orange. I think that discovery and learning shouldn’t be orange, ever. (Unless, of course, it’s about sex. In which case it had darn well better be orange.)

I believe that the strength of the human mind and heart is stronger and more important than sex.

And in a Sex Positive world, one could celebrate that. Without the orange.

Lightfoote exults in a committed loving relationship with their long-term partner and looks forward to many happy years to come.

This is the 3rd in the 12-part series, “In a Sex Positive World“.

In a Sex-Positive World, Sex is Consensual

Sex Positive World 1Imagine with me for a moment a world where all sex is consensual. Imagine a world where any sexual act, no matter how simple or complex, is agreed to whole heartedly by everyone involved. Imagine a world where you could say no to sex and that would be perfectly ok. Imagine a world where you could say yes to sex and that would perfectly ok.

In that world rape would be a thing of the past. People would talk openly with one another about what they want and don’t want. Everyone would understand they could say no without being afraid. People engaging in sex would know the person with them really wants to be there.

And there’s more.

In this sex positive world people would be able to examine their own feelings about sex, positive or negative, and express them. People would be open about what they enjoy and their sexuality. No one would get confused about the difference between abuse and BDSM (Hint: the difference is honest and enthusiastic consent.) It would be okay if someone wants to be sexual and it would be okay if they don’t want to be sexual. Continue reading

OMG SX! Anniversary

OMGSX! StrawberryWe love occasions around here. Birthdays, marriages, stubbed toes — no matter what the occasion, there is going to be an event happening that night! But Friday, February 19th was a special occasion, the one year anniversary of the month that Vampwire, kikiPuck and NWCookie took the reins of OMG SX! and stepped up to continue one of the Center’s hottest and most pleasurable sex-focused parties.

“The legend of OMG SX! started with teeebone,” said kikiPuck, one of the event’s three current Champions. “He wanted to add another sex focused event. OMG SX! is like the baby sister of The Hump.”

Teeebone added a bit about the history and why the party was started.

“Back in December 2010, a little over 2 years after Erotic City and The Spin had shut down (2 sex-focused parties on the 2nd and 4th Fridays of the month), the call came out for [Event Coordinators] and/or champions interested in putting together a sex-focused party that was like the Hump or Erotic City only on the 3rd Friday of the month,” he said. Continue reading