by Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Hello sexy readers!  We hope you’re staying snug and dry as the weather becomes wetter and chillier.  This column considers all aspects of consent, using your questions and comments as a guide.

In versions 2.1 and 2.2, we reintroduced our model of consent as equivalent to a strong, sustainable building.  Creating good consent in our lives means that we construct the building on the solid ground of respectful relations.  Then we build the foundation, which represents our personal autonomy - the right to choose what nurtures our body, mind, and spirit.  We create pillars on this foundation:  capacity, information, and agreement.  These pillars hold up the autonomy of others, which is our building’s roof.

Those previous columns were about respect and autonomy.  It’s time to start crafting the pillars that will rest securely on our foundation.  Today we’d like to ponder the notion of Capacity.  In the context of consent, capacity represents your ability to give rational and voluntary consent to an activity.

So many things can interfere with our ability to operate at full capacity:  strong emotions, hunger, mood-altering substances, weariness, and physical pain or pleasure, to name just a few.  Add your own favorites to the list and you can see why we say that none of us is ever operating at 100% capacity.

So, relax and just notice what’s going on with you before you make a consent-related decision.  How do you feel physically and emotionally?  Are you noticing anything on the fringes of your awareness?

Maybe you want to have a conversation with your partner(s) about your capacity.  Maybe your partner(s) want to talk about their capacity.  Great!  Sneak preview:  we’ll be talking a lot about communication in upcoming newsletters.

Homework:  Sometime this week, pick a day and check in with yourself throughout the day.  Notice how your capacity to make good decisions might change over the course of that day.  Notice anything puzzling?  Good!

Send your puzzling questions to:  info@thecspc.org.  As always, praise and compliments are welcome there, too. 

“Be excellent to each other” - Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other” - Emma and Rachel