Consent Corner 24.10

by Emma Atkinson 

Hello, loveliest of lovelies! How about if we keep those great Pride feelings going all year long? And, why stop at 2024? Just saying…

We’ve been considering a situation in which someone to whom you’ve given consent says that you’re being too emotional. You’ve done a self-check and all of your systems seem to be functioning well. So, if it’s not you — then what?

Please remember that you always have the right to ask for what you want. You might want some time to mull things over. You might want to phone a friend or do some further research. You might get what you ask for and you might not. And, that’s not necessarily the main reason to ask. 

Sometimes it’s helpful to ask a question even if you think you already know the answer. Actually, that could be the perfect time to ask that question. You can learn a lot by paying attention to the answer you get. It’s a trope in many mystery stories: ask and then listen carefully. And then, please consider how your consent is affected by the answers you get.

Homework: It’s July — get out there and enjoy it! Then, please tell us all about it at: info@thecspc.org

“Be excellent to each other.” —Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other.” —Emma

Consent Corner 24.09

by Emma Atkinson 

Hello, loveliest of people! Go ahead, let your light shine bright, especially in Pride month. Mary Oliver wrote a breathtakingly beautiful poem called, “The Buddha’s Last Instruction.” Spoiler alert: “make of yourself a light.”

We’ve been considering the situation when someone says that you’re being too emotional. Last time we talked about checking in with yourself to see how you’re doing. Let’s say that you’ve found nothing too amiss. 

Don Miguel Ruiz, the author of The Four Agreements, wrote a book with his son in which they outlined the “Fifth Agreement”: Be skeptical, but learn to listen. In our imaginary scenario, this is the perfect time to put your listening cap on. Let’s assume that you’re already wearing your skepticism hat. Throw on your Sherlock Holmes investigating mode cap while you’re at it. Please feel free to add your own amazing caps as you see fit. 

Life can be complicated. And juggling all those hats while still making a fashion statement is a super complicated challenge unto itself! I think that honing your listening skills will bring you benefits beyond your imagination. Try it and let me know! 

Homework: Please show off your fabulous self this Pride month. And, it’s a perfect time to thank those in our community who are always working hard to build the community that treasures you and is proud of you, exactly as you are. 

“Be excellent to each other.” —Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other.” —Emma

Consent Corner 24.07

By Emma Atkinson 

Hello, sassy and sexy readers! Here’s hoping you’re enjoying all of the many gifts that springtime brings. 

We’ve talked before now about the importance of honoring your feelings. Those feelings are there for a reason, and it’s wise to examine them closely. 

If you hear someone tell you that you’re being too sensitive, or other words to that effect, it’s a good time to stop and get more information. Chances are good that you’re being gaslighted — that’s when someone is trying to manipulate you for their own purposes. This manipulation can take the form of leading you to question and eventually distrust your feelings, to their own advantage. 

We’re all entitled to our feelings, and please be very careful when your feelings are minimized or negated. I’m a big fan of Gavin de Becker’s book The Gift of Fear. He notes that the sense of discomfort, of something not being quite right, is a gift that can help keep you safe. Maybe everything is okay and maybe it isn’t. Stop and get more information to help you figure out what’s going on. Bring in supportive friends if you want help untangling a complex situation. 

If you’ve been giving your consent to something and you’re experiencing some uncomfortable feelings, it’s a perfect time to get more information. In fact, most times are the perfect time to get more information — but maybe that’s just me. 

Homework: check out the book The Gift of Fear and other of Gavin deBecker’s writing. Then, please share your thoughts at: info@thecspc.org. You’ll be glad you did.

“Be excellent to each other.” —Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other.” —Emma

Consent Corner 24.06

By Emma Atkinson 

Hello super sexy readers! March is certainly being a typical March this year, isn’t it, with its lamb-like warm days and its lion-like blustery ones. 

Shhh! There’s some secret news about this year’s Frolic event: there will be a Consent Canopy for you to explore this year. 

What’s a Consent Canopy? You’ll have to attend The Frolic to find out for yourself. It’s just one more reason to go to the most awesome event of the summer and join the other kinky campers frolicking at the beautiful venue. 

Tickets are going on sale soon, and they increase in price as time goes on. Smart folx (like you!) are well advised to act promptly and snag that ticket early on.

Homework: How can you make attendance at The Frolic happen for you this year? Are you going to join the cool kids on the volunteer team? Do you have vacation time? Share your creative thoughts at: info@thecspc.org. 

“Be excellent to each other.” —Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other.” —Emma

Consent Corner 24.04

BY Emma Atkinson 

Hello, super hot and sassy readers! It’s February and you know what that means? Please let me know if you do, because I don’t. 

The 2023 edition of Bumbershoot featured posters with the word “Consent” in large, easy-to-read letters. The word was turned into an acrostic (great word!), meaning that each letter of the word began a short phrase relating to the topic. Plus, having the word “Consent” easily visible everywhere you looked helped keep the concept front and center in attendees’ minds. Pretty great, no? Please look through recent Consent Corners to see all the delicious details. 

We’re so fortunate to live in a time when the concept of consent is being given its proper place of prominence. We have the right to give or withhold our consent as we see fit. “No” is a complete sentence and you can find support for maintaining your boundaries when you need it. 

There was a time when party hosts would encourage guests to have one more alcohol-based drink “for the road.” Yeesh! Today, we’re more aware of the risks of drinking and driving, and no self-respecting host would say anything of the sort. 

As with drinking and driving, there’s far more awareness today about the risks involved and the importance of consent and personal autonomy. Yay, right? 

Homework: Have you had a memorable experience with saying no? We’d love to hear about it at: info@thecspc.org.

“Be excellent to each other.” —Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other.” —Emma

Consent Corner 24.03

By Emma Atkinson 

Hello, lovely and sunny readers! I hope 2024 is rocking your world. 

We’ve been considering the Bumbershoot consent model and here we are at the final letter and final concept. That means that the letter “T” is up. It reminds you: Take care of yourself and others, and we’re better together. 

What a wonderful reminder to all of us that we need to look out for one another, in all ways and at all times. And, what a privilege we have to continue to create and shape the welcoming community at the CSPC that we want. 

It’s always a good time to remember your self-care. And, it can be helpful to have a variety of options, since different situations might need different solutions. Think of it as a tool kit that’s available to help you take the best possible care of yourself. 

Homework: What’s your favorite self-care practice? What are your top three practices? What didn’t work quite so well? We’d love to hear about it at: info@thecspc.org. You’ll be glad you did.

“Be excellent to each other.” —Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other.” —Emma

Consent Corner 24.02

BY Emma Atkinson 

Hello lovely ones, and warm wishes for the happiest and most wondrous 2024! Hopefully, you’re off to a good start on it.

We’re considering the Bumbershoot consent model: C.O.N.S.E.N.T. The second “N” says: Need support? Venue staff are here to help. 

Wherever you are, please remember to look around for help when you need it. And, please remember how you recognize when you need help. For me, there’s a tightness in my chest when I’m feeling uncomfortable. We’re all unique wonders, so you know best how discomfort says hello to you. 

Volunteers are there to help you have the best possible experience. They want everyone at an event to have the best possible experience, too. They want to help — let them do it! 

Volunteering is an opportunity to give back to an organization for what has been freely and lovingly given to you. Please step up at the CSPC and join the amazing volunteer team. 

Homework: How do you know when you’re uncomfortable? We’d love to hear a story about it at: info@thecspc.org. 

“Be excellent to each other.” —Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other.” —Emma

Consent Corner 24.01

By Emma Atkinson 

Hello lovely readers! Let’s plan to make 2024 the best year ever. I’m game if you are!

Returning to our consideration of the Bumbershoot C.O.N.S.E.N.T. model, we’re up to the letter “E” which suggests that you Express Yourself and Your Boundaries, and thus Have a Great Time.

The model promotes the idea that we should remember the connection between consent conversations and fun times. It’s a connection we’ve stressed often in this column. If you’re having a consent conversation, fun times are likely to be close at hand. Yay! 

Homework: got a great 2024 resolution or affirmation? Please share them with us at: info@thecspc.org. 

“Be excellent to each other.” —Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other.” —Emma

Consent Corner 23.17

Emma Atkinson

Hello my lovelies, and warm holiday greetings to you and yours! Here’s hoping we all have the happiest and most consent-filled holiday season ever.

We’ve been considering the Bumbershoot model of C.O.N.S.E.N.T, conveniently using each letter of the word. Today’s letter is S. See something weird? Speak up. Reach out to venue staff for support.

At an event, you’ll probably encounter people, situations, and activities that are new for you. Yay you! You’ll probably have some questions, and event volunteers are glad to answer them. They’re there to help — that’s their job! Remember that they’re on duty and looking out for everyone’s well-being, including yours, so please be respectful of their time.

Weirdness often abounds when the community gathers, and one person’s label of “weird” is someone else’s lived experience. We try not to “yuck” someone else’s “yum” as much as possible.

We all need to look out for each other, though, so please speak up to someone official if you’re feeling uncomfortable. Let them put your mind at ease, knowing that event volunteers will take your concerns seriously. We all thank you for helping us make the community as safe and nurturing as possible.

Homework: Enjoy the holiday season, and get out there and practice your consent skills! Share your successes with us at: info@thecspc.org.

“Be excellent to each other.” —Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other.” —Emma