Consent Corner 1.2

by Emma Atkinson 

 

Welcome back to Consent Corner! We want to help you better understand how good consent can make your interactions more fun and fulfilling.

 

The Corner is taking a step back in this newsletter to try to get a little perspective.  Current events—protests and marches—are asking us to acknowledge how systematic bias has become an almost unquestioned part of our society.  In George Floyd’s final moments his rights and autonomy were violated, his pleas for air were ignored, and his consent to the interaction was neither sought nor considered.  Consent is so important!

 

Homework:  Imagine a world that’s based on consent and respect.  You respect yourself and your choices, and extend that respect to others you know.  You respect people in the communities in which you participate—CSPC, family, friends, neighbors, work, school, geeky clubs (if you’re me)—and they reciprocate by honoring you.  These communities are respected by the nation, and honored by the global community.  That’s a world I’d like to live in, and I’m guessing that you would, too.  Let’s start by making respect and consent an integral part of our interactions in the CSPC community.

 

We’d love to hear what you’re learning about consent!  Please send your thoughts and questions to: info@thecspc.org.

CONSENT CORNER 1.1

by Emma Atkinson

Welcome back to Consent Corner!  We’re talking with Consent expert Rachel Drake about autonomy and how it relates to great interactions.  I hope you had a chance to think about autonomy (homework from last time) because in Rachel’s thinking it’s about figuring out what you and your partner(s) want for your body, mind, and spirit.

The body connection might mean considering what devices might be brought into play, and the nature of the boundaries you set with respect to them.  It could represent how - and if - you want to be touched.  Safe words or safe signs?  You get to decide.

Honoring your mind could lead you to think about the words that you want to hear in an interaction, or words that ought to be avoided.  Will there be role play, and what roles will we play?  What constitutes a power dynamic, and is it relevant?  How can we interact in ways that enrich us all as much as possible?

What if you’re not sure what you want?  Or, what if part-way through the experience you sense that it’s not quite what you thought it might be and you’re not sure if you still want it?  Good Consent means that you get to pay attention to how you’re feeling and share it in real time with your partner(s).  And, your partner(s) gets to respect your wishes and keep you comfortable, and everyone wins!

How could we honor our spirit?  What might aftercare look like, immediately afterwards and in upcoming days?  It’s highly likely that thorough attention to what our mind and body want will automatically give us what our spirit wants.  And, everyone wins!

Homework:  what would an experience look like that honors you in body, mind, and spirit?  What would it sound like, or taste like, or feel like?

Extra credit:  try out one of your ideas with a friend and get some feedback.  Because, you know you want to!

And, give us feedback at info@thecspc.org.

CONSENT CORNER – WELCOME!

by Emma Atkinson

Welcome to Consent Corner.  Consent:  You’ve heard about it, you know something about it, and you’re probably wondering if there’s more to know.  I’m with you!  That’s why we’re hanging out here in Consent Corner.  We’re going to learn more so we can have more fun.  You’re with me, right?

Consent is an agreement about what will happen in an interaction:  before, during and after.  Agreements are negotiated.  So, how can we make the best possible negotiations so we can make the best possible agreements?  We know that great agreements lead to great interactions, right?  And, who doesn’t want great interactions?

Consent expert Rachel Drake has agreed to talk about it with us in each CSPC newsletter.  She’s been a coach, writer and educator in the field for over a decade, and I’m excited to bring her passion, wisdom and insight to CSPC members.

Rachel’s consent model is firmly grounded in the notion of upholding your own autonomy as well as that of the other participant(s) in an interaction.  She acknowledges how complex it is to give or get good consent – there’s a lot to know!

What does it mean to uphold your autonomy?  It’s taking responsibility for what you do, for your part in an interaction.  The more you know about consent, the better you’re able to act in ways that strengthen your integrity and create meaningful bonds with others.

Fair warning:  Hanging out in Consent Corner means that you’re going to learn a lot about good consent.   You’ll ask yourself meaningful questions.  You’ll probably change how you see consent.  And, I think you’ll also have a lot more fun in the process.  

Homework assignment:  For next time, think about what autonomy means to you.  Think about interactions you’ve had where autonomy was relevant, in a good way or maybe in not such a good way.  Look up the definition of autonomy and see if there’s some aspect of its meaning that you hadn’t thought about before.  No, there won’t be a quiz.

Join me as we visit Consent Corner in each CSPC newsletter.  Questions or comments?  Email info@thecspc.org.