Finding Freedom in Fear: Part 2

By Turtle 

Read Part 1 HERE.

Part 2 will cover techniques and other referential possibilities that you can utilize to diminish the fear effect over time.

• Techniques: 4Rs and 3Cs

• Foods

• Over the Counter: always do your own research and consult your physician 

• Skills

• Apps

The four Rs of Resilience:

1. Rest - sleep

2. Relaxation - stress relief

3. Replenishment - diet

4. Release - exercise

Following these well-documented ideas can help set the stage (your body and mind) for successful scenes, relationships, and a fantastic life.

It's easier to be in control of your “self” if you set yourself up for success. Get adequate sleep by practicing good sleep hygiene. Most of your REM cycles are toward the end of your sleeping cycle. Make sure the last part of your sleep period is undisturbed. If you feel your body start to be reactive, immediately start using calming techniques. 

Relax doing something you really enjoy. If you can't do your favorite hobby, for example,, then use a positive memory of it to begin quieting your mind. Imagine yourself running or playing the flute, painting, or riding a motorcycle, whatever you love.

Everyone knows how important it is to eat properly. However, many are stuck in the old food pyramid taught in elementary school. The incredible amount of research available can be overwhelming. Start by reviewing the basics or talk to a licensed nutritionist. Sometimes this may mean preparing healthy meals for the next day for a special playdate later in the evening. 

Exercise in whatever manner you can. Exercise can consist of meditation and envisioning yourself doing something athletic that you enjoy. People will often make excuses because they don't have the time to get out and do their preferred activity. Or they might have a difficult diagnosis that interferes with the ability to exercise. So, we need to do what we can mentally. This might be sitting in one place and clenching your toes, then slowly moving up your body, squeezing and relaxing all the muscles as you go. You are checking in with yourself. The more you do this, the more cognizant of your internal landscape you will become and it will help you move forward to remaining healthy as you get older.

The three Cs of handling anxiety:

1. Calm Techniques - calm your body

2. Coping Strategies - correct your thinking

3. Communication Skills - confront your fears

The three Cs are the next step to building resilience by handling how you respond to your experience. 

We all have moments of “cognitive distortion.” This is often displayed by assumptions that cause us to jump to conclusions using faulty logic and then overthinking by chasing the idea around and around and around in our heads.

This can happen by assuming the “what” others think of us or the “why” others did something a certain way. It ramps up our anxiety and releases the hormones that raise our blood pressure and breathing rate. Then, should we apply that anxiety to whatever event or thing we are nervous about in the first place, the wheels come off our ability to reason. We become prey in our lizard brain, running from an apocalypse. 

Calming your body can be done with a wide variety of techniques ranging from rhythmic breathing to visualization to simply being present at the moment. The internet, your friends and family, and the doctor will all have ideas for you. Try out many different techniques and keep those that work best for you personally!

Coping strategies can be doing a stable repetition of activities that take your brain “offline” from the rat race. This can be as simple as reading, writing, having a slow cup of tea, a long bath, gaming…anything that allows your gray matter to shift gears daily. These also include more advanced ideas such as personal or group therapy, support groups, and cognitive behavioral therapy.

The more advanced technique discussed above can also be utilized to confront your fears, reframe what you are experiencing, and communicate your needs both to others and yourself. It's healthy to question yourself and challenge your thoughts. Some patterns are ingrained in us as children and this is the best way to make choices for yourself versus just rewriting someone else's history. Accept your anxiety and ask yourself what it is trying to tell you. Perhaps something you learned by rote as a child is irritating your current self because you have a core belief that needs to be questioned and refrained.

Brain Foods: 

Just a short list of foods that have been shown to help focus and mental resilience. Which ones do you enjoy?

Extra dark chocolate, leafy greens, broccoli, avocados, green tea, chia or flax seeds, beans and lentils, bananas, honey, eggs, peanuts/natural peanut butter

Over the Counter/Natural Remedies: (always do your own research and consult your physician)

• B-9 & B-12 (to help metabolize serotonin)

• 5-HTP (for focus)

• CBD

• Kava kava

• Chamomile 

• Lavender

• Omega-3 fatty acids

• Folic Acid

• L-theanine

• Magnesium 

• Ashwagandha

• Valerian root

• Vitamin D

Skills

1. Meditation

2. Music

3. Relaxation Techniques

4. Breathing - breathe through the panic

5. Avoid stimulants like coffee, alcohol, caffeine, energy drinks

6. Exercise

7. Share your feelings in a safe atmosphere 

8. Challenge yourself for growth (face your fears, imagine the worst and rewrite the possibilities, look at real documented evidence to apply against fearful thoughts, exposure therapy)

9. Take time out and reward yourself.

10. Go back to the basics of living. Stick to a routine.

11. Remind yourself of ways to stay safe. Have a plan.

12. Learn to be assertive and build your self-esteem.

13. Don't try to be “perfect.” It's a false illusion. Be yourself! 

14. Have fun!

Apps

Apps for your phone and computer can help develop resilience, expand your horizons, unlock personal growth, and increase your well-being and fulfillment. Do your own research and use one that actually stimulates your mind so that you'll use it effectively. 

Finding Freedom In Fear, Part 1

by Turtle

Trigger Warning: The following article discusses cutting, edge play, and blood play.

Fear is one of the basics of the human experience. People argue whether it's physical or emotional, or whether both feed off of each other to create a more intense experience. There's also quite a bit of confusion for non-psychology professionals about where anxiety ends and fear starts.

[TW: Edge Play (cutting)] 

Feel free to skip ahead to the next section. 

I'm remembering my first *attempt* at a cutting scene. My owner, at the time, did not prepare me for what was to follow. He hung up plastic, but I was sitting in my required pre-scene pose and couldn't see what was being set up. When I was told to stand, I could see a medical setup and scalpels. 

I froze. I didn't blink. I didn't inhale or exhale until prodded to take my position standing at the cross. 

“Breathe,” he whispered in my ear. He touched me firmly to calm me, holding my shoulders square. 

I squeezed my eyes shut. My pulse accelerated like a bomb in my chest. I fought to maintain my breathing, focusing on the very act itself. The world narrowed to a cataclysmic single point. I heard him snap on gloves. The fire of the scalpel cut lightly on my upper back. I felt a drop of warm blood drip slowly, rolling in an infinitely micro motion down my spine. I learned what the word “swoon” means. My view of the world tilted, warped like looking through water. The ground upended. I was ignominiously on my ass on the plastic, cold concrete sharp on my skin. 

He was disappointed but realized I needed different tactics. Aftercare was imminent. 

On another day, we sat in his man cave. He laid out all his tools for the scene. He explained how they were used. The dynamics of skin and choosing patterns as well as what I can expect to experience. 

Another day, I watched him do several small cuttings on other people. I assisted by handing him tools and caring for the bottom. 

Finally, he told me that we'd be doing a cutting scene the following week. I was assigned to think up every dire situation and try to imagine it. It's rather difficult. (Understatement!) Lastly, on that fateful day, he had me do the scene setup. Instead of standing, I sat backwards in a chair. I chose two small designs and traced them on tattoo paper, a triquetra and a pentagram. The scene was an exponentially divergent intimacy in comparison to my previous attempt. 

The decorative cuttings were refreshed several times over two years. They can still be seen as faint scars on the back of each shoulder. 

I've come to love blood play. 

I'm certainly a long way down the road from passing out.

[END TW]

Anxiety and fear are reactions to events and objects — real or imagined — that a human is triggered by. Things we sense as a threat to ourselves psychologically, emotionally, or physically. They trigger our “lizard brain” to dust off our survival instincts. Most will act to protect themselves and what they care for in whatever manner that they can, no matter how extreme it appears to other viewers. Fear trips into phobia when it alters our normal responses and interferes with life. 

You are an entire being. Everything you experience affects the rest of your reality. Whether it’s anxiety built up due to a big, stressful event (e.g., a death, a wedding, moving) or a bunch of smaller issues (e.g., being late from work, low sleep, poor diet, high anticipation), the stockpile of stress can escalate high anxiety to a state of pure fear when you enter a new BDSM or sexual experience. You become much more sensitive to upsetting your internal weathervane. 

Your inner self can be operated with the awareness of how the dominoes fall so you can prepare to avoid it. Physically, your heart rate and blood pressure quicken. This is due to the amygdala early warning system alerting your body to prepare to “fight, flight, freeze, or fawn,” flooding your body with hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. If you are paying attention, you can feel the flush like a wave crashing through your body. The emotions you are feeling at that instant dictate how you react to the hormones; pleasure or fear. 

NOTE: I'll tell you how to hijack your brain for pleasure later. 

Some of your brain will short out, while the rest takes off like a Ferrari in the European Grand Prix. Your reasoning is offline and rationalizing is now impaired. 404 Error! 

Determining what is real and NOT real goes out the window. Although many people are still convinced they are acting rationally, it's clear their brain chemistry is altered. 

People who enjoy horror movies or who have harnessed their fears can learn to wait out the hormone flush rush to experience the high of leftover dopamine once the fear subsides. Dopamine elicits pleasure. It's called the excitation-transfer process. It is one of the reasons people are drawn to BDSM and new sexual proclivities.

How to deal with high anxiety and fear in the moment. 

1. Miscount. Ask your partner to have you repeat after them. Then, they just miscount numbers. Example: 43, 72, 12, 55, 1. It interrupts your brain pattern. 

2. The 5-4-3-2-1 method. 

1. Name five things you can see. 

2. Name four things you can touch.

3. Name three things you can hear. 

4. Name two things you can smell.

5. Name one thing you can taste.

3. The 3-3-3 method is similar. 

1. Name three things you can hear.

2. Name three things you can see. 

3. Name three different body parts. 

4. Relaxation Technique: Shrug your shoulders up to your ears and hold for a few seconds. Then, drop them back to their normal position.

5. Breathing to four counts. 

1. Count to four slowly as you breathe IN through your nose. 

2. Count to four as you breathe OUT through your mouth. 

6. “Squirrel!” Distract yourself with your go-to giggle today. I saw a video of a dog who learned to catch the same poor mole over and over for his treat fix. Then, he taught his doggy friends. Someone just saying “moles for dog treats” will set me to internal giggle. 

Lastly, how to hijack your own brain! 

This requires practice but is well worth it. Choose a memory of true joy, a huge moment of transformative joy. I have a short list of go-to best hits. My best friend's memory is of getting married. He turns instantly into a big, happy, romantic goof! I love it! 

You will imagine it fully, using all your senses. Full senses: smell it, feel it, taste it, hear it, see it. Be in that moment! If it was sunny, feel the sun on your skin. Practice it randomly several times a day until you can instantly be there in your mind. Then, when you feel that hormone flush, let yourself be in that joyful moment and your brain will switch the gear from fear to pleasure. It takes practice, but is well worth the effort! Neuroplasticity for the win!

Sense and Sensuality [in-person] - Masking Requirements

Starting in April 2024, Sense and Sensuality will be requiring masking during their quarterly events for all attendees, including volunteers.

Wearing an N95/KN95 or equivalent mask will be required at the party at all times other than when actively eating/drinking, or when engaged in a scene. If you leave the scene you're in temporarily (e.g. to take a restroom break), please mask up first.

SaS and Femmes on Top are currently the only two in-person CSPC events that require masking. All other events are masking optional. 

If you have any questions or concerns regarding the SaS event, you can contact the event champions at sas@thecspc.org.

PPMT Reminiscing

By Turtle and Teeebone 

Teeebone and I are sitting here by Zoom reminiscing about the “good ol’ days” like we all promise not to do when we are young. “I’ll never do that…sit around thinking about ‘Remember when’…I’ll be too busy living!” Well, guess what? We are doing both! Double the pleasure, double the fun, with… oooo! Sorry for the earworm!

The good ol’ days circa 2012-2016 at the CSPC Interbay location included third Saturdays at the PPMT party (Power Play Mixed-Tape.) In fact, I asked someone to volunteer at the upcoming party and they said they weren’t available on the third Saturday. I said, “Great! Because it isn’t on the third Saturday anymore!” It’s a whole new world! Oops! Second earworm!

The party re-upped in 2021 on the “heels” of reopening post-Covid with some of the Interbay crew coming back out of nostalgia. We were thinking about what’s changed and what stayed the same.

I asked some of the previous Power Players what stuck out most to them. “Boobie dancing, feeling surrounded by scenes everywhere, high energy, intense scenes, dancing in my underwear, dancing free, the feeling of camaraderie on the team, great music, good friends, great conversations, warm hosts, fucktastic music, heavy players, possible blood scenes, amazing mix of laughter and screams, getting stuffed at TK’s Buffet, pogo dancing so hard I hit my head on the heater, everyone dressed up, everybody naked. You’re sexy and you know it!”

The music still pounds the sound but downstairs is quieter so people have a choice in sound immersion. The great conversations, friendly attendees, and awesome hosts stay engaged with great outfits, fun scenes, and random people dancing on the stage. Plus, we have the Pick-up Play board for the impromptu in you!

Teeebone - “That feel you get when you experience compersion while watching your former primary partner having their first DP scene some 12 feet away while you’re being the DJ at PPMT. Everybody’s workin’ for the weekend!”

Turtle - “That feeling of being surrounded by friends even if you don’t know them! I miss that so much! We openly welcome everyone and we will be talking, a certain song will come on and we will all rush to the dance floor together! Everyone included!”

Teeebone - “That feeling you get when you have had an intense scene and then realize you are the closing DJ. Whoomp there it is!”

Turtle - “I had a few anthems the team would all dance to, but before everyone got there, we’d have a pep rally that always ended with us singing ‘C is for Cookie!’”

Teeebone - “I loved those cookies. They were the best.”

Turtle - “We were a family. A family that exists to this day. When we wanted to set up a general, heavy play party again…we realized just how far our existing volunteers were stretched. Hell, 50% of the volunteers are board members. So, it’s been five years since the last PPMT, and I started texting. Amazing PPMT members answer with just ‘I’m in’ then go and renew their membership. It’s that kind of dedication, love, and camaraderie we at PPMT live for. I’m so grateful for them re-igniting their fires to bring PPMT back to life!”

And now we have a new crew of die-hards who swear by the party!

Teeebone - *yells* “I got it! That feel you get when somebody says straight to three DJs’ faces ‘do you have any music I can dance to?’ and you’ve been playing dance music all night long. The only right answer to this question: I’M SORRY. WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO DANCE MUSIC WHATSOEVER!” 

Turtle - “And the look on Sir Nikolia’s face that suggested the heat of a 1,000 suns… Well, we’ll leave it at that! Actually, she came back later to thank us for playing the Rolling Stones. Who knew?”

Every summer, when Paradise (our annual camping trip) would roll around, PPMT would follow it. We’d have a sarong night called, “Sarong, it’s So Right!” One year, the Paradise theme was to “Keep the Fires Burning.” I could have never imagined, at the time, something like a modern day plague would take humanity out at the knees. That we’d let our fires burn low into coals. That fire is still there though. PPMT and all of the CSPC programming plan to help breathe those fires back to life…to reignite them into a conflagration of passion for ourselves and our community. Come out. Become whole again! Volunteer and make space for others to become whole too!

Turtle - “I loved that the staff, no matter the name tag, all worked together to make great things happen. They could have happened at any party. But PPMT just refuses to notice that there is a box at all, much less lines to color in.”

Teeebone - “The concept of the crew as ‘Fam’ was very strong with PPMT.”

Turtle - “You keep hearing hints about TK’s Buffet. Trust me. There wasn’t food, but if you had a vagina, you could get stuffed! 

Teeebone - “We like to think of it as an immersive experience.” *laughs* “Three of my partners have been to the Buffet Table and rate it five thumbs up!”

Turtle - “We are both DJs. We love music! We play it loud! It is important to us. So bring your earplugs or headphones if you need them. Also, if the music fits the theme and you contact us beforehand, we’ve been known to play certain songs for a scene. Be nice or we might Rickroll you! We Are Never Gonna Give You Up!”

Teeebone - “Get yourself ready for a hot night with a five-finger sex punch!”

By the way, come join us on March 9 and dress to the “Ls” in leather and latex! While not a requirement to attend the party, we highly encourage our attendees to adorn themselves in said fetish wear. At PPMT, we whip sensuality and BDSM all under the same roof!

ppmt@thecspc.org

Come to Power Play Mixed-Tape and let your body talk!

Betwixt and Between

By Turtle

TW: depression/loneliness 

I learned a long time ago that I'm the type of person who needs to overlap projects so that nothing completely starts or ends at the same time. I cannot allow a project to end with no plans to begin waiting for me. It's easy for me to get depressed following the excess energy that is the culmination of any large project, especially a successful one!

That depression occurred to me last year. I was stuck betwixt and between my inner and outer world. I had a large project that I was increasingly isolated from during the planning stage. The other people had other priorities pulling attention in their lives. That happens.

Due to a certain set of personal circumstances, I didn't ask for help. I was scared to ask for help. I didn't want anyone to see me as incapable. One of my greatest fears is failure. I learned that broaching that fear by pushing forward is the technique I use to work through it. At some point, in pushing my body and my mind to complete more work, I overwhelmed my logical thought and I forgot.

I felt like people had let me down and that so many things had gone wrong that didn't need to fail. It was an intense disappointment because I erroneously blamed the failures on myself and whether or not people wanted to work with me. Not whether or not they prioritized their work on the project. Ultimately, none of the successes or failures had anything to do with me. The successes and failures were those of the team working together. They worked hard to be flexible when there were issues. They deserved the event’s success! Everyone's excitement and passion for the project is what creates synergy.

So the project ends, a few people seem to step right over me in my leadership position without speaking to me, and I'm feeling very alone. Everyone else seemed to have a transformative experience. Created new community and friends. I did not. I went home alone to a busy partner. 

I received only a few short messages about other topics. It was as if the project had not happened at all. All the people I thought I'd made friends with were gone; gone home to recover, go back to work, reassimilated into the borg. Everyone I thought cared about me suddenly weren't there.

I readjusted, coming down from the high of what was a fairly successful project. Then I became completely deflated with no contact. No other project. I dropped into a deep depression. The loneliness was intense. I considered changing my life focus completely.

I was consumed with circling negative thoughts. Thoughts like, “If no one cares to contact me or even say hi, I guess I don't matter. No one values me. I suck. Guess I'll eat some worms.” 

Those thoughts don't do anybody any good. I'm neurodivergent with autism, among other diagnoses. I struggled from intense loneliness growing up. We moved a lot, and making new friends when you don't talk is an extraordinarily exhausting experience.

I eventually was given social skills training. Most of the time, I do well. But in this situation, it was as if I couldn't pick up the phone. I couldn't text anyone. I couldn't get on Discord without crying and seeing everyone else's joy. 

I had to rewrite my inner dialogue. I knew those voices weren't right, they weren't truthful. They were just old negative reels of thoughts that would spiral me down deeper and deeper. I called my doctors and got some help. I was lucky.

I also understood a universal concept when I spoke to other people later. They said, “Well, I would have been happy to talk to you if you would have called me but I was really busy,” or “I didn't know that was happening to you.”

And they do care. It's just life is frantically busy and, if our attention is scattered across a multitude of directions, it's hard to keep track of people. 

It's easy for people to get lost. Our community’s efforts toward extreme privacy and giving people room to do whatever they need to do without someone bugging the crap out of them…that is the antithesis of what people need at times. We are a community and a family.

If we reach out to each other when we haven't seen each other, just a check in when someone we enjoy has disappeared for a while, it can make a huge difference in feeling valued.

I'm NOT saying any of what happened during my depression is anyone else’s fault or responsibility. I wasn't expecting it and forgot to use all the tools in my toolbox.

I want to remind the community that we all have tools to help each other out.

1. I wrote down a list of three people who are my closest support system. The deal now is that I tell them when I'm struggling. “Hey, I'm having a hard time,” kind of a contract. An informal, you're my “friends and family” contract. I'm much more likely to follow through on something I feel is a requirement to my belief system and how I live my life.

2. Next, I wrote down a list of people who are on my friend list. And people I would like to be my friends. I made a commitment to myself to try to say hi or check in with them, whether it's once a week or once a month. This can be modified for whatever works for you, is comfortable for you, and enhances how you fit into the world socially.

3. If I know someone's phone number and I know they are super busy, I put it on my calendar to text them with something funny or lighthearted. I tell them that I do not expect a reply. Just want to know in my head that I made them smile.

4. I have no plans to post my personal drama on Discord. It often seems full of the occasional over-the-top emotional drama. I have a hard enough time handling it myself without other people “trying to help” en masse. Some of the Discord drama is just too much for me, even if well-meaning.

5. I made a deal with a long-distance friend. I addressed a bunch of envelopes and put stamps on them. We take turns handwriting a letter to each other. We try to use unusual products as paper like an ad from a magazine or a piece of tree bark. It's a true pleasure to receive a handwritten note.

6. I have a journal in which I write down all the good things that happen to me. I made a commitment to myself that if I wrote down something good that someone else did, I would share that with them. Or if I hear someone did something great, I will seek them out and share that with them, if I know them. I like spreading good gossip. That is the kind of gossip that brings people “up.” Good gossip doesn't put them down or make them less than. 

7. It might be that you make plans to have coffee with somebody once a week. Or you meet up with someone who really wants to do something like karaoke but is afraid to go by themselves. 

Any of these options can help draw you out of your own depression. Help you find value for yourself in the community again. They will all increase community, strengthen the bond between members, and alleviate loneliness. These habits help keep people from falling off the radar. Pick one, just one, and commit to it. See what happens in both your life and the lives that surround you.

**If you or someone you know is in crisis, call or text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 (para ayuda en español, llame al 988). The Lifeline provides 24-hour, confidential support to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. Call 911 in life-threatening situations.

The Future!

by the CSPC Building Committee 

We've all heard the talk about how someday we want to buy our own building or at least lease one. We want you to know that we have looked at over 3,000 buildings online and visited quite a few in person over the past several years. Much of what complicates the process of finding a building is our extensive list of requirements, as well as the rules and guidelines of cities and counties.

The adult business requirements have been difficult to get around. Many cities have specific adult business areas where we “could” be located, plus we must be a certain distance away from churches, schools, and other businesses/places where children gather. Most also require an adult business to be a certain distance from other adult businesses. 

What makes things increasingly difficult? Our list of requirements includes an elevator for accessibility. But elevators are expensive and are not usually available in buildings we can afford. We will have to adjust our expectations to find a place that has a majority of our prerequisites met. For example: being near a bus stop and food as well as easy highway access and adequate free parking. There are also requirements for the construction of the building itself.

There's a long list of things that we must do before we can take on a new location. We need to make sure we have the funds to expand and that may require fundraising. (Email info@thecspc.org to donate funds, as well as new or gently used items.) 

We need to make sure that we have a detailed list of expectations of upgrades that we plan to do and how much those may cost. Having it on some sort of spreadsheet is a bonus! Research is imperative and time intensive.

Once that plan is in place, we can get started on finding a location that fits the majority of our needs. This has been a multiyear endeavor with many eyes and ears helping to find something that will work, as our building unicorn home. We’ve even considered building from the ground up!

We need to think about the donation of labor as well. We will need many volunteer hours to get our new home ready in a short amount of time. We are including installation of a sound system, plumbing, office area, décor lighting, storage, moving existing and building new play equipment. All of this is in addition to fixing any preexisting issues the building needs. For example: adding a sprinkler system, shower, washer/dryer, kitchenette, etc.

We will be reaching out to prior members in addition to current members to help with this endeavor. These are people who have previously dedicated their time to the CSPC. They volunteered with us over the wider 25 years of our existence as an organization. Everyone has been waiting for a new building that is wider and taller, addressing the need to be able to play more extensively. These members are highly likely to renew and help assist in the process of opening a new community center! This means that the old community from Interbay and the new community that we have built at Gallery Erato will integrate and become an even more amazing membership. 

We hope to bring back the idea that we are a community center where all the different organizations can find a place to meet safely and be supported.

It would be extremely helpful to know what skills everyone has to bring to the building process. If you have special skills in interior design, electrical, plumbing, carpet/flooring or carpentry, please contact us so we can build a plan for getting a new expanded CSPC up and running quickly. Even just a general, “I can build stuff and hold up a wall. Let me help!” Please let us know.

Our building committee lead is Larry, CSPC Board Member. You can reach him at facilitiescoordinator@thecspc.org.

Negotiation Tactics for the Neurodiverse

By Turtle

Neurodiverse folx have no issue communicating within our community. The difficulties come when we attempt communications with people who refuse to acknowledge other languages exist and insist everyone else conform to their understanding of the world. As humans, it behooves us to create openings to make straight line communication accessible to all.

I suggest that we set aside assumptions, insinuations, and innuendo. State how you feel, what you want, and specific expectations to the person you are interacting with. At times, this needs to start with yourself. How can you negotiate with anyone effectively if you've never taken adequate time to effectuate what you'd like, hate, love, or want to try? What are your pet peeves? What intimidates you? Write it all down. 

Often, the neurodiverse experience extreme discomfort with eye-to-eye contact. If you aren't comfortable speaking the information face-to-face, you can share your document. Other techniques are sitting back-to-back for the conversation, talking in the dark, or over the phone. Even messaging can work if you agree to not assume emotional subtext and to ask clear, concise questions. I've even seen folx have highly effective discussions while both work on hobbies in the same space.

We as a group tend to be direct and specific, using dictionary definitions for words. Otherwise, I personally find myself asking, “What do you mean by that?” “Error 404!” “More input please.” “BEEP boop. Explain.” Yes, I tend to use humor to break down communication barriers. But I'm still not going to know you are interested in me unless you say, “Hey, I like you. Want to hang out?” Which I will follow up with, “What do you mean by that?” Followed by your explanation of, “I enjoy your company,” “I want to scene with you,” “I want to fuck you silly,” or a billion other possibilities. 

For enthusiastic consent from a neurodivergent:

• Know when someone is capable of giving consent.

• Tell us very specifically what you want using actual names for body parts.

• Point to where we can touch and what we can take off.

• Tell us what the end of the scene looks like.

• Show us how to please you.

• Be open to let us show you exactly what pleases us. Be open to hearing exactly what we want to touch, lick, kiss, fuck, hit, punch, etc.

• Be on time.

• Follow up afterward.

• Honor our boundaries.

• Ask, “Is this ok?” whenever you need to or when we get that fearful look in our eyes.

Successful negotiation comes down to two people who are motivated to be direct about their wants and needs regardless of identifying features in order to reach an enthusiastic YES!

The ND/DG (Neurodivergent discussion group) meets first Sundays from 5-7 p.m. and third Mondays from 7-9 p.m. Find us on thecspc.org/events

THE NEURODIVERGENT DISCUSSION GROUP IS MOVING!

By Teeebone

Hey folx! Your friendly tech host here to tell you all that starting this coming February, the ND D/G will be switching from the fourth Tuesday to the third Monday of the month from 7-9 p.m.! We will still be hosting the other meeting on the first Sunday from 5-7 p.m. as usual. Please make a note of it! And now a message from our sponsor...

Come join us on Sunday, February 4th from 5-7 p.m. for a very special ND D/G focusing on tips for neurodivergents seeking employment. Here’s a quick description from our special guest:

“The power of posting. Relearning the art of the job search. Looking for work as a neurodivergent can be hell. The good news is that it doesn't have to be! It turns out the system has changed and we haven't yet learned how it works in practice now. Brian is here to show you how you can unsuck the job search and finally have the system start working for you.”

Be sure to check it out! :^)

Important Policy Updates

Happy 2024 to each one of you in our beautiful community!

You have hopefully seen these notices in previous newsletters, but as we move into the actual new year, please take a moment to review these important updated policies taking effect in 2024. 

Updated Refund Policy (started January 1)

Updated Masking Policy (to start February 1)

Thank you all! Stay sexy!