One-Year CSPC Testimonial

By Rena

I can’t believe an entire year has already flown by since I’ve joined the CSPC! Let me give you the rundown of how I came to learn about the CSPC and how it has affected my life. 

Like most horny folx on the internet, I love to consume NSFW content, like smutty manga. After I came across a certain tale of a hedonistic social club, I began to complain to my wife about how these web pages were fiction, that there was no such place where I could find a group of like-minded, kinky, LGBTQ+, sex-positive people…

“You mean, like the CSPC?” she asked.

HUH?! I was floored. Not only was this fantasy place real, but in my state! (Given, as a lifetime Washingtonian, I should have known that there was something like this, but forgive my rural/small-town upbringing.) I rushed to my computer, registered for my first online discussion group (shoutout to the Queer DG!) and attended the virtual New Member Orientation. Speaking with people online made me realize how much I had been missing, how many people had similar interests as me (in and out of kink), how diverse of a community we have accumulated, and that I was adding myself to the never-ending supply of submissive bottoms. 

But my excitement to join quickly shifted to fear. Confidence was not my strong suit when you took me away from my computer. Like most, I have body image issues, gender identity crises, and the overall intrusive thought of “oh god, everyone is going to be leagues hotter than me, I’m going to be the awkward wall potato.” So, I did the most sensible thing and decided to go to PPMT in February 2023. I made a haphazard post in the CSPC Discord that I would be attending and I immediately felt the love and support of the community. People reacted with cute emojis, replied with words of encouragement, and some offered social anchorage, if I so desired. I’d never seen such a display of courtesy and kindness, especially toward an outsider like myself. 

Even though I didn’t play at PPMT, I soaked in all of the sounds, the sights, and the people. I remember standing in frozen awe, admiring as someone was flogged across the room while their moans of intense pleasure filled the atmosphere. I was stunned and was brought back to the present moment when a friendly face asked how I was acclimating. I honestly don’t even remember exactly what I said, but the friend and others in earshot began erupting in laughter. And then, it hit me. 

This wasn’t just a place to have safe, hot, kinky sex. This was an environment for joy, pleasure, laughter, and compassion. We aren’t just a space to “hookup,” but we give people the space to grow, evolve, and learn together. After a year with the CSPC, I have made wonderful connections, had exciting new experiences, joined the volunteer team, and found my place spreading laughter to all I meet. 

Working on the Disappearing Task Force for CSPC Transparency

By Ari

In November and December 2023, I participated on the disappearing task force on the transparency of the CSPC’s current incident reporting system. I worked with a group of about twelve as we discussed our current policies and procedures and evaluated how each facet of the process could be more transparent for the community. My initial reason for joining the group was to invest more of my time into making the CSPC community the best it can be, but it turned out to have much more of an impact on me than I thought it would. I got to meet and interact with members I didn’t know prior to the task force, which was a great thing to start with. I also really enjoyed learning more about the organization and its structure. 

Outside of the six two-hour meetings, the additional work required of the task force was truly customized to the individuals in the group. No one was “volun-told” to do anything they didn’t have bandwidth for or interest in. I raised my hand to take on some work outside of meetings to design a consent page that will appear on the CSPC website along with a co-worker so that neither of us would be swamped. I found the time commitment customizable to what I felt capable of in any given week, and the task force itself was indeed “disappearing.” After our last meeting we had a couple of deliverables that folks were working on separately, but there were no additional requests after the task force wrapped. 

As we continue to work on transparency in the CSPC, my hope is that much more of the membership will continue to get involved in ways that appeal to them. I’m definitely looking out for more opportunities like this, and I’d encourage anyone who enjoys our community to also find ways to get involved. It’s a great way to learn about what it truly takes to run an org like this and to put your fingerprints on the direction of things going forward. 

Questions I Wish I'd Asked or Known When I Joined the BDSM Community

by Turtle 

tk@thecspc.org  | ObliqueBanter 

You've been dreaming about this for a long time. Waiting to get your courage up to come to an orientation here at your local BDSM community at the Center for Sex Positive Culture. You get excited waiting for the day to come. You carefully pick out a sexy outfit. You are going to go have that fantasy and revel in it! You walk in and are surrounded by others. You all try not to make too much eye contact. The orientation leader begins their presentation and you try to listen carefully, but the fantasy has taken over. You are simultaneously hot, cold, wet with excitement. Then, the doors open and more people pour in, surrounding you. Music starts and lights dim. Suddenly, you are overwhelmed. How are you supposed to find the fulfiller of your fantasy? I’m lost and have so many questions!

There are many questions to ask. There's so much information to find out. 

• How many people are there? 

• What's where? 

• How much will it cost? 

• Will I find the person who can fulfill my fantasy with me? 

• What do people think of me?

Those are some questions I did ask beforehand. Then, I actually joined the community. I learned that there are some critical things I had no idea about and would never have thought to ask. Here are some common questions that often get asked (and sometimes answered) in the first six months.

What is negotiation for play? People need to know how to negotiate. Innumerable attendees think that they can negotiate well, but with a clever Dom/Top/Master, everything that you're trying to negotiate becomes malleable in carefully twisted definitions. I did not know that it’s best to not renegotiate once I start a scene. Your body is dumping chemicals into your system and your brain has now entered an altered state. 

I sent a friend to chat with a couple of Masters who were hanging around. I had hoped they’d teach her how to negotiate. She came back so excited. “I've negotiated my first scene.” And I said ok, what is it, and she said, “I get to have a scene where they glue a dildo to my forehead and I roll around making narwhal sounds!” Excuse me. Which part of that did you get out of the negotiation? She said, “I don't have to make whale sounds.” I laughed and sent her back to try again. They didn't mess with her and they really helped her to learn to negotiate. But, oh dear, they like to have their fun! 

There are other things that I never even considered.

I didn’t know I would be exploring my inner self so much, that I would really be digging down deep questioning all the original tenets my family and friends taught me growing up. I ended up finding a new way to look at the world. 

I didn't know it would become such a big part of my life, that the other parts would fall away and everyone I knew would be in the community. I would work to support them in finding a similar place like mine, where they could come and be seen without shame or judgment.

I didn't realize that scening could trigger my emotions and bring up old trauma. It took a while to learn how to control my emotions, to figure out triggers and if I could reframe those experiences.

One thing people often come in thinking is, “Finally, I'm going to get to live out my fantasy!” We tell you at orientation. “If you're expecting your fantasy to happen tonight, it won't happen.” Your IRL experience is going to be very different from your fantasy because you didn't know that your body could do this, or that it gave off these hormones, or that your connection with that person would be so strong that you would just be “someplace else.” A phenomenon called sub drop is very real, and there's Top drop too. I had never realized that those are important ideas nor how to handle them. 

I did not know that most scenes are pre-arranged. You have to talk to people. It is important to take the time to get to know people and their reputations. I learned what is or is not “normal.” You can't do pick-up play if you aren’t willing to get to know someone. It was time to step out of my shell and talk to people. I didn't realize how much I was repressing my core self by trying to present as vanilla. 

I didn’t know that if I said “no” to someone or a scene, it's not like it would never happen. It could happen later or maybe at another time as one becomes more comfortable. When I started, I didn't want to do anything besides floggers. I was abhorrently wrong! (LMAO!) Floggers are great, but there were other toys that reached down deep to touch a special spot inside me.

I learned how to say (and hear) “no” gracefully. I needed to know that someone saying “no” to me wasn’t a personal rejection. It's more likely to have absolutely nothing to do with me. Saying “no” is just something that we need to be honest about because we may have other plans, may not feel up to it, or have bruises and can't take more right now.

I had to learn how to navigate consent for me as a neurodivergent person. I hadn't realized how pivotal consent is in my life. I decide how you touch me, or whether you get to touch me at all.

Eventually I settled down with a Master. They taught me how to prepare for a scene and reiterated not to negotiate after a scene starts. 

There's an abundance of new information to observe. How can anyone possibly keep track of it all? There is just so much coming at me all at once. I often will feel overwhelmed, especially if my emotions are triggered, and I'll need to have my scene partner hold safe space until I can get my head and body back together. 

I didn't realize how many people were in the community. I was surrounded by all these people, looking at me and I'm looking at them, and I'm thinking, “Oh, I should have worn something else” and they're probably thinking the same thing about themselves. There are just oodles and oodles of people, and when a party starts and more people pour in, I think, “There can't possibly be this many people, but if there are this many people into it, it is mainstream.” We're no longer outliers. 

I had some difficulty with the lingo and all the definitions at first. It was easy to get tripped up. Thankfully, people graciously took time to explain the subtleties. Example: the differences between Master, Dom, and Top. Or between polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, and consensual non-monogamy. 

I didn’t realize how much it can cost. But I learned how to pick up some neat stuff at thrift stores to make pervertables. Creativity can help you save money, and it can enhance the fun!

Remember that this is a journey. Where you start is not at all where you will end (and it never has to end!). You have choices to make. This is a choose-your-own-adventure story and you are the star! You don't have to ever run out of FOMO because there are so many fetishes and kinks to explore. If someone or something is bothering you… Look the other way, go somewhere else. We will support you. If you feel judged, the person judging you is you. The shame you hold inside of yourself is yours. If you want to let it go, you can let it go here. We're here for you. We're a community. 

I just wish there had been a list somewhere with all these basic questions so I would have known where to start. Hopefully this is helpful to newcomers who might be just as confused as I was!

Building a Bottoming Bag

by Turtle

Trigger Warning: mild mention of heavier fetishes

It's Saturday night and all the Tops have their huge bags of toys that they wheel in in giant suitcases and toolboxes. The fun is about to begin. I can't wait.

There are things people never told me though. I would show up in my fancy clothes and enjoy a hot and heavy scene fairly quickly. When I started practicing BDSM years ago, generally a scene was 30 minutes of flogging. Then, hot and sweaty, I’d collapse to the cold concrete floor, spaced out. 

When I began to recover, I had to pull the same clothes back on. Oh, and that’s a big NO to putting back on those four-inch heels! They were not comfortable. Parts of my body had swollen from the scene. My makeup smeared in tear marks down my face.

I'm altered from playing. I needed to recover, and I didn't bring anything to help myself do that.

I saw other bottoms change into pajamas and sweatshirts for the rest of the party. This seemed like the best idea ever to my scattered perception! So, I picked up a backpack and made myself an Aftercare Bag.

Initially, this had very basic items in it. It consisted of soft, loose clothing (including flat shoes) to change into, a water bottle, a snack, and a book. This works in a pinch but as you change how you play and what the activities are, you should expand your bag.

I added first aid supplies like alcohol wipes, gauze, blood stop, an instant ice pack, and athletic tape as I got more into blood play. I started bringing my own tarp, my own sheet (not white), a towel, a garbage bag for wet items, a travel bottle of body wash, and a brush for when I played at other venues. I am pretty fanatical about making sure anything with blood on it goes home with me.

I started including a backup of one-day’s meds in case I stayed somewhere else. The harder I played, the more I required recovery items. It felt like I was limited in scene length.

I finally learned through experimentation that I could play a much longer scene if I used those recovery items during the scene. Drinking water, a tiny snack, an inhaler, and a better check in process meant my scene didn't go straight to Safeword.

I became a heavy bottom with time. Everyone will find their own set point. I realized that I was putting deep levels of trust in whomever I was playing with. Did I know whether their toys and rope were adequately sanitized for my use? Then, a wood toy got blood on it, and the Top gifted it to me as it was now fluid-bonded to me. I gradually obtained my own toys to be used on me by others, including items most likely to become fluid bonded (usually blood) in the process of playing. I now have quite a few paddles, knives, and machetes, and a few farm/kitchen implements in my bag. The Top should ask your consent as to which toys are on the menu for the evening, to be sure about how they are used and that you are up to it. Most people have that favorite implement that's so awesome but is so banging you can only use it sparingly.

As I get older, sometimes I deal with PTSD or being over-stimulated. I added headphones, earplugs, and a comfort item like a small blanket or stuffie. I also have a list of meds, conditions, allergies, etc. that I carry with me just in case an emergency occurs.

Don't forget your favorite lube, condoms, dental dams, and sex toys! I also bring a roll of saran wrap. You just never know what might happen for the fun of it! I have a small bag I call my Vagina Bag! Fun things for vagina owners just in case I decide to let my fingers do the walking and give some digital orgasms!

It may seem like I'm carrying a lot but it's all divided into specific bags that I take with me based on my planned activities for that evening. 

I cannot even begin to explain the comfort of a super soft throw blanket against my raw bruises. All of these items get used regularly and have greatly improved my scene experiences. I hope the idea of a Bottom Bag does the same for you!

The Frolic: Thank You, Community (and Pic Gallery!)

It's been only four days since we were all together, but right now it's as if I can close my eyes and you are all still next to me if I only reach my hand out! This event was more meaningful than most due to the sheer quantity of transformation I was honored to witness. Thank you for allowing yourself to be vulnerable and become More. It's scary, and I was proud of the support and love the entire family gave. To quote Dev, "You saw Dev, for Dev, and let me be me." You are definitely all folx I hope to get to know more fully. However, if I don't, I know I was privileged to be in the presence of this group as we slipped the time stream to exist in a parallel dimension if only for a moment. (It was so weird to drive again.)

My personal goal was to create an atmosphere where people could drop the everyday mask they use between themselves and the world, even within their minds. A place so accepting that you could see your whole self for the first time and say, "Damn, I like me! All of me." I believe we spend so much time sorting ourselves as humans over aspects we have no control over and that those, ultimately, are the smallest real percentage of who we can be. Humanity uses these things to hurt each other. I dream of seeing each other's greatness, holding each other up before we fall, and teaching each other what we already know deep inside. We are each incredible! We are simultaneously unique and the same. We are one together but separate. We can be creative and build on each other's ideas. Not to steal but to help us all be MORE! Always giving credit to those who came before, struggling through a different paradigm but setting the stage for the next to come as we shall do now for those turning their attention our direction.

One person said, "But I'm only six years in. I'm still a baby. I still get mentors!" Of course you do! But you are now a journeyman, no longer an apprentice. It's time to teach those coming in all that hard-won wisdom. We had many presenters step up to give varied and distinct options as we know we have a multitude of newer people in our community. We want so badly for you all to experience success and to know just how versatile all these play options are. How deep you can go safely and be prepared for it.

I personally had a great deal of fun teaching my classes. Especially when someone exclaimed during my Energy Play class, "Oh my God, it's real!" I loved doing some intense energy work with a few special people ready to move to the next level and read a bit of tarot. It was awesome being around so many energy workers and readers! 

I reveled in all the lovely compliments I heard about other presenters and super volunteers! I sincerely love seeing people succeed and that special smile on their face as they glow. The Talent Show was one of the best I've been involved in. The Saturday Flee Market was sweet and the Thursday Tastings incredible as I watched the self-discovery process. I wish I could have seen the Saturday night event. I need to hear your stories. I went back to my tent to change and fell asleep on the floor. When I woke up, it was quiet. LMAO! I meditated and climbed in my sleeping bag.

High points were getting to meet Seq and Auto whom I've known for two years but never met in person. I also made a new DJ buddy! The Wicked Wordplay writers let loose at the Talent show! Wowza! I'm so proud of how my team stepped up and into any issues that came up. And the Rock Game—reminding that same beautiful team to have fun!

Keep using the Frolic Discord whenever a memory comes up…and maybe we'll have a mid-year reunion…inside!

Love, Turtle

Sunrise

Tree Lizard

King Butt Plug

Gnome Village + King Butt Plug

Decor

Orientation in the Shire

The Mixt

The RhythOm Yurt

The Lookout

The Hole Social Area

The Crusades 1

The Crusades 2

Crusades 3

Glitter Bees

The Plunderbund Meal Area

Dishwashing Station

Handwashing Station

The Bridge

Mossy Mushroom Orgy Tent

Mossy Mushroom 2

In the Bind 1

In the Bind 2

Great Glory Hole

Free Pony Cart Rides!

Flee Market 1

Flee Market 2

Flee Market 3

Flee Market 4

Flee Market 5

Flee Market 6

Flee Market 7

The Frolic: Transformational Experiences

Communication

By a Good Bun

What words do I use to communicate The Frolic?

Prior, it was a favor for a friend

Post, it was a community of friends.

Who am I?

            Prior, a girl, fresh into womanhood and full of shame

Post, a woman proud, sexy and full of determination.

What do I want?

                    Prior, I feel what I feel. I want you to know. But you cannot, you will not Want it

Post, I ask you. You tell me. I get what I want because I am worth it.

Ask me, I might!

Will this fade?

Prior, I am drifting, chasing the Void and periling my own well being

Post, I am not sure. I hope to be permanently changed.

Post, I know the truth will be much harder.

Post, I will get what I want because I am worth it.

My Frolic Transformation

By Bridgette

I spent a whole week in a relative paradise. I didn't notice anyone being reticent or avoidant. More, I *felt* like at no point was I looked down upon for being dressed as I wanted to. I introduced myself as Bridgette, and meant it without it being in the back of my mind that they needed or were entitled to my still legal name. I worked security without pants. Panties or skirt out. I walked around with my backpack with a bikini top. At no point did I feel like someone was uncomfortable around me. At this point, it almost doesn't matter if I was oblivious and someone was. In the area and time of Frolic, I was me without fear. Real life now gets me with a new level of confidence. Without much remorse or sympathy for people that wish to not notice or see me. They now get to deal with it. This buzz may fade, and my old caution may return, but it hasn't yet!

The Frolic spurred many deep, often intense, discussions between partners, friends, and people who would no longer be strangers. Paradigms shifted. This entry is from an anonymous source after one such conversation. —Turtle

By Anonymous

In an emotional transmission, one of my partners asserted that, among other things, she did not want to be my wife.

In the hours that followed, I realized that I do want a wife. I want a primary nesting partner, an anchor, someone with whom to mutually share the full threads of our existence. I want us to always know where the other is, when we expect to hear from them next, and when relevant, what is for dinner.

I am grateful for what I share with my partner, and for the realization about myself that she spurred in me.

Some lessons are very hard. I am still grateful. If something is true, then I want to know. Especially if it is about myself or a loved one.

To my partner: I love you, babygirl. <3

The Frolic: People Are Saying...

"There is an undeniable magic that happens when this community gets together in the woods. This was my second year and once again, those who arrived as strangers become friends and lovers. Together we held a safe space for each of us to express who we are and experiment with who we could become. I left feeling seen and welcomed." —Freebird

"I didn't know I needed waffles until there were waffles!" —anonymous

"Today I got all emotional doing laundry remembering all the fun I had in various outfits, particularly the onesie. I tried to find a better laundry setting because 'normal' did not seem to fit, and 'kinky' was not an option." —Anthropic 

"Someone wrote on the pick up play board for a stunt bottom to practice techniques from the Digital Orgasm class. Can I just write, 'me too!' under it?" —heard three times from three different people

"So lovely seeing everyone share their experiences. There was so much going on, I wish I could have experienced it all. For me, one of the highlights was meeting so many people with different kinds of families, friendships, and relationships. You really made me feel seen and welcomed! You are all wonderful people." —Allen

"Why is everyone telling me about consent? Is it because I'm the consent person?" —Seq

"Um…no. It's because it's a Kinky Kindness Bingo square!" —Turtle

"I experienced an unparalleled level of spontaneous community, body positivity, and acceptance that still have me glowing. I've never received, nor been so able to take in, the sort of positive attention and compliments I got in spades at The Frolic, and I am doing my best to hold onto all the highlights as reminders of my self-worth and sexiness. Inspired by everyone who worked hard to make it happen and so looking forward to future kinky camping opportunities." —betwixt

"I'll never be able to look a pony girl in the face again after that story!" —overheard anonymously in the dark

"As a socially awkward kid new to the CSPC, I was really nervous to go to Frolic alone. I'm really glad that I pushed myself to do it though: by meeting people at Frolic I now feel a lot safer attending other CSPC events by myself, because I'll definitely know people there. Thanks everyone for being so welcoming!" —GB (GoodBoy)

"Power Bottom!" [nuff said] —entire audience

"I hope he didn't get any pubic hairs caught in the guitar strings." —overheard in the dark

Meet Larry - Frolic Director!

The Frolic Director, Larry Grella

(as interviewed by Turtle)

Q: When did you join the community?

A: 2002 locally. Online maybe 30 years ago.

Q: What drew you to it (BDSM)?

A: I think I was born a pervert!

Q: How did you find the Wet Spot? [previous name of the CSPC]

A: I was doing online dating and someone told me about it.

Q: How have things changed over the years?

A: The Center was always inclusive, but after we were forced to leave Interbay, we worked really hard to become even more actively inclusive.

Q: But how does it feel different?

A: The thing I feel most is because of the current structure (renting space), we don't have the same sense of a community center that we used to have so I'm looking forward to a new building and getting that feeling back. We do what we can under the situation we have. [Note: the CSPC used to provide meeting space for numerous other community organizations.]

Q: Kinky camping the way we do seems to have a long history as a distinctly WA activity.

A: Maybe a year after I joined, I heard about two events: In The Woods and Paradise Unbound (CSPC.) I went to both and immediately started volunteering for both.

Q: Were they different from today's kinky camps?

A: Not a lot different from what we are doing now. Workshops and getting to know each other…except now there's probably more group activities…though we used to do things like lube wrestling. 

Q: Any favorite memories?

A: I met a woman who became a lifelong friend. Made a lot of other friends. It's a great place to meet people from different areas. You have to bring your own creativity! <grin> I remember the time I stapled my girl to the stage. Fire play and eventually fire flogging. Group meals and the camaraderie. So many classes.

Q: Favorite acts from the Friday night Talent Shows?

A: Someone picked up traffic cones with her pussy! (We are still friends.) Fire performances! Ponies pulling carts! The hook pull and hook suspensions.

Q: Why did you decide to lead The Frolic 2023?

A: I wanted to help create a memorable event and wanted to expand it.

Q: Anything special you are looking forward to this year?

A: I'm looking forward to seeing a lot of happy people! I'm excited to see the creativity of the participants and what they come up with!

Q: You usually teach Fire. This year you are teaching canes. Why?

A: Because we had other options for fire presenters. I wanted our members to see other perspectives and how they ply their trade.

Q: How long have you been doing canes?

A: I've been doing them so long that I don't remember when I started exactly. 

Q: Canes for Pleasure and Pain. Which do you prefer giving? Pleasure? Or pain?

A: It's really hard to separate the two. I really like sending somebody into subspace!

Temptr@gmail.com 

Double Dose of The Frolic: Personal Reflection

By Bill

In summer of ‘22, the CSPC had two Frolics. I went to both.

I’ve said before, I’d love to see the CSPC educate the entire world and bring everyone around to this consent-based, inclusive, and sex-positive worldview. At The Frolic, I experienced a microcosm of that as a reality.

For several days, I wake up and it isn’t a dream or memory of last night’s amazing event that I keep quiet about to most of the people I know. The amazing is still happening, and 100% of these wonderful people are on a similar journey. Experientially, it feels like the whole world because everyone I see for days shares this general worldview that supports inclusive, safe, sex-positive exploration. It felt so liberating to stay in this community and headspace, to keep making friends, bonding, exploring, learning about myself and others.

I’m pretty new to so much here. A few years ago my wife and I read The Ethical Slut and slowly opened into CNM (consensual non-monogamy). I’d never explored kink, except in my secret porn stash and my mind—never with a real person. But my biggest issue was being shy and barely able to talk about sex with anyone. Even with my partner of 15 years, I’d been guessing what she wanted and didn’t want, instead of asking and talking.

The CSPC has been a great discovery. Such wonderful and aware people!

The food at The Frolic was delicious. The classes were great. The discussion about communication I had with Eirikah and her discussion cards probably helped me the most. The negotiations with myself and the conversations I had at The Frolic were so great for me. I played “Never Have I Ever” around the bonfire and talked with everyone late into the night about experiences and where we’re each at on our journeys. We played strip Uno in the afternoon. I learned so much and practiced being bolder. More layers of shame evaporated in the sun, just slid away, baptized by the lube slip ‘n’ slide. When it was time for monitor duty, I realized I’d been nude so long that I’d lost my shorts. I finally found them, and then it felt like a great honor to help make it safe for a friend to experience an emotionally cleansing scene in space held by trusted community.

There’s something that happens to me when I’m with others and we’re all facing down our fears and exceeding society’s limits to find out who we each truly are. It builds a feeling of deep connection. Maybe because we’re all supporting each other’s honest and deeper connection to ourselves, but it’s more than that. I’m not a good enough writer to express all that happened inside of me. Personal, and simultaneously community. Self-actualization is a name for it, I guess, and at The Frolic, that is extended over time and amplified by nature.

Great medicine. It was amazing. I made many friends, used up all my summer spoons, then came home and treated my family even better than before.

I will remember…

Note: As a member of the CSPC community who is careful about privacy, I have explicit permission from everyone mentioned in this piece to use their names and any potentially identifiable scene details.