by RubyJupiter
One of the scariest things you can do is reveal the most intimate parts of yourself to a whole new community... where you know absolutely nobody.
Last year, I took a new job located up in the Seattle area. For my heat-hating California self, I was very excited about this - weather that is not on the heat spectrum of hell, with a culture that was more liberal and open. It was exciting to dream about all the deliciously kinky stuff I'd see, how I'd make all sorts of new friends and potentially reinvent myself.
Except for, you know, reality: my introverted ass knew nobody up there. I prefer being the wallflower and watching all the fun happen. I have a terrible time letting others in on the best of days. When it comes to opening myself to others and letting them see my authentic self and kinks? I'm freaking Fort Knox.
But I knew I wanted to join the community, and that to do so I'd need to break out of my comfort zone. I mean, where else was I going to watch beautiful people get tied up and spanked, electrocuted, and made to come over and over again? Porn sites? HA!!
I did my research. FetLife is a great starting point, except when it isn't - kink communities can be a very underground thing, for good reason. Even when there's not a global pandemic limiting social interactions, we kinky folks stick to our own. I went back to the basics and started from the very beginning.
In a way, Covid made some group interactions much easier, especially for my introspective self. Munches, which previously had been held in-person at public locations, moved online to vehicles such as Zoom and Teams. Here, before I even moved up to the Pacific Northwest, I was able to introduce myself to the community and vice versa. Whereas previously at munches I'd usually sit along the outside edges of the group, listening to various groups/conversations and wondering how or who I'd "bug" with my thoughts; online it's one large conversation with everyone on an equal playing field.
My first online munch was with the CSPC, a Seattle-based sex positive group, that (prior to Covid) had regularly hosted kink and sex related events. At first, it was awkward; I knew no one and had about as much confidence as a flea in making my thoughts known. (Those who know me well probably don't believe this, but I'm initially very good at blending into the scenery.) Amazingly, everyone was great, and cool, and NORMAL, and when I did pipe up, my words were heard and, better yet, discussed.
It was very motivating, which probably explains what happened next.
There was a shortage of volunteers and they put out the call. I answered. Now, I know a little about nothing and a lot about even less, but for some reason I was desperate to belong to this wonderful little community I'd found. At the very least, I figured I'd get to know more people so that when the in-person events started again, I'd at least be recognized. What I didn't plan on was being good at this, and freaking LOVING being an active member of this organization. I now Tech Assist the monthly Switch discussion group, and am vying for a spot to assist the upcoming Poly discussion group. I've agreed to start writing for the newsletter since I have a background in writing and editing. I am excited to help put together a few more upcoming events. I have also discovered that I have opinions, and somewhat to my surprise, can be somewhat dogged in getting my thoughts out into the open.
Who knew?
In a big sense, Covid has made the transition oddly easy. I attended my first CSPC munch last summer in 2020 and was immediately welcomed. You know what the absolute weirdest part of this whole business is, though? I haven't met any of these people in person yet!! That blows my freaking mind, but makes me ecstatically happy for what will be coming up in the next few months.
So if you're new to a kink community and afraid of joining in, please don't feel alone. We are normal people doing what we can in a world gone wack-a-doodle, all trying to find some semblance of normalcy and the company of others to share. I hope to meet you someday, either online or in person!