Consent Corner 1.11

by Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Holiday greetings from your friends at Consent Corner!  We wish you a safe and sexy holiday season.  Is it 2021 yet?  We’re ready to start a consent-focused new year, so stay tuned for that.

Homework:  summon gratitude for at least one thing that happened to you in 2020.  As a song by the band Orbital says, “even a stopped clock tells the right time twice a day.”

Please direct holiday greetings or questions to:  info@thecspc.org.

Leadership Spotlight: Sakari

This is the twelfth of our spotlights on community members who help out the CSPC in leadership positions. In this issue, we’ve asked some questions to get a deep and personal look at our new Board Member and Communications Director, Sakari.

• Name:

  • Sakari

• Pronouns:

  • She/her

• How do you identify?

  • I am a collared, submissive transgender woman. My Mistress has a laundry list of different names for me including: Maid, pony, puppy, baby, princess, bunny, cook, chauffeur, moo cow and etc.

• How long have you been with the CSPC?

  • About 8 years now

• What brought you here and what are your main areas of interest?

  • I moved to Seattle in 2011 to transition in a welcoming environment. After searching around for like-minded people, I found the Center. My first parties were the Femdom teas and I fell in love. My main kinks are service, roleplay of the age and pet variety usually, impact, all forms of bondage and sensation play.

• CSPC e-mail address, title, areas you cover:

  • sakaricspc@gmail.com Communications Director. Please contact me if you’re interested in volunteering for the Communications Team. We are currently looking for someone well-versed in social media. I would also be more than willing to talk to any trans girls in the CSPC community who need a shoulder or just some advice. A kind stranger guided me when I first got to town and I am happy to do the same.

• What was your path to your current position?

  • I think the CSPC’s mission is of vital importance to the Seattle community and, frankly, the world at large. I also owe the CSPC a huge debt because I met my wonderful Mistress and partner at a CSPC party called Women on Top. I’ve been a volunteer for some years now and when I saw a chance to help in a larger capacity I jumped for it. I really want this place to thrive.

• Which CSPC event is your favorite and why? 

  • The Femme Soverign Teas are my absolute favorite. As a service submissive and aspiring maid I cannot emphasize how much a dream these events can be. All of the fantasy is there before you: a room of discerning dommes, a day of prostration and service and I get to put on my cutest, sluttiest maid outfit! Close runners up are the F*cking Precious ageplay party and the All In pan-party. SPOILER: I helped champion all three!

• Career or day job:

  • 24/7 kinky maid service for my Mistress =)

• What do you like to do in your free time?

  • Videooooo gaaammmmeeeeeeez

• Living situation:

  • I live with my Mistress and our two cats in the Greenwood neighborhood.

• Fun fact:

  • Everyone I meet compliments my curly hair but before I transitioned I never grew it out more than an inch so I never knew it was a thing!

• Turn-ons and squicks: 

  • I’m wildly turned on by softness. I love the feel of soft thigh-highs or fuzzy sweaters. I would assuredly be a furry if I could afford one of those suits, plus I think costumes are fun. I also love having control taken away via bondage. I especially like gags. As for squicks, it’s the usual: waste products, children, non-consent. Also not into impact that draws blood.

• Hopes and concerns for the CSPC:

  • I am very much looking forward to the CSPC weathering the COVID storm and getting back to hosting parties in our own space. My biggest concern is getting that space and making sure it fits our needs while still being affordable for the long-term. It’s my hope, once we do have space, that we skirt the line between cool, kink club and awesome kink community center.

• Advice for a new member or volunteer: 

  • To the new member I would say: If you are looking for a certain someone or experience, don’t give up if you don’t find it right away. I was getting discouraged going to Femdom teas and not getting play or meeting anyone. The day I said I was done going to the Center my roommate did my makeup and pushed me out the door to a Women on Top party. That was the day I met my Mistress. Also, don’t be afraid to let your colors show at these parties. Dress to impress. Don’t be afraid to respectfully approach someone. People won’t get the idea until you give it to them.

• Is there an event or organization, outside of the CSPC, that you feel our community should know about?

  • One of the kind owners at Wild at Heart on Leary St. pointed me toward the CSPC when I first moved here. It’s a great female-run adult store with a nice BDSM section.

• How can we build up each other? How can we be here for one another?

  • I always tell myself that karma is real. It’s scientific, really. For every action there is a reaction. I think just giving everyone the benefit of the doubt, extending your hand in friendship first can go a long way to making this world better.

• Anything else we should know?

  • The Center for Sex Positive Culture and all of the organizations like it embody freedom of the self. Freedom is our most important resource and it must be closely guarded and nurtured or we will lose it and be worse off for it.

Consent Corner 1.10

By Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Welcome back, dear readers, to our ongoing journey through the world of consent. Consent maven Rachel Drake is our wise and wonderful guide.

December, for many of us, signals the start of many holiday celebrations. How can we celebrate in 2020? We’re glad you asked.

You may need to negotiate or decline invitations this year to protect your well-being. How can you do that with respect and grace?

Others may need to negotiate or decline an invitation that you’ve offered. How can you do that gracefully?

What if you have multiple partners? How do power dynamics influence your discussions? How are you defining your family?

The good news is that we have an opportunity to dig deep into our understanding of how consent is present in our lives. We get to find out where our lines for autonomy are. We get to consider what we need and want for our mind, body, and spirit. We get a clearer understanding of what our significant others need and want, too.

The better news is that we have the freedom to practice communicating with honesty and integrity. When we state our needs and wants and truly listen to others, we can create an agreement for the holidays and beyond.

Here’s a tip: start these conversations early. Give yourself and others time to ponder an agreement. You may want to sleep on the questions or discuss them with others. Take all the time you need. Consider the agreement an open document, subject to revision as life shifts around us.

Holidays offer us an opportunity to exercise compassion for ourselves and others. Actually, every day offers us that opportunity, and there’s never a better time than the present to start the practice. So, let’s get on it!

Got holiday wishes or questions for us? Let us know at info@thecspc.org.

Allena Gabosch passes away

We are sad to report that Allena Gabosch passed away, on to her next adventure, on 11/25/2020, after a long battle with cancer. Allena was an amazing person who embodied the movement of sex positivity, and she touched so many of our lives in profound ways. She was one of the Center for Sex Positive Culture’s founders, our leader, and our spiritual compass for many years. We will honor her legacy as we guide her organization into the future. Please join us in lighting a candle, donning a tiara, and eating some bacon in her memory. We will miss you, Allena.

Photo credit: Jim Duvall photography.

Local Orgs Come Together for Transgender Awareness Week

This is Transgender Awareness Week, culminating with the observance of the Transgender Day of Remembrance on Friday, November 20th. The GLAAD (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) website has good suggestions about how to observe and celebrate Trans Awareness Week.

Seattle organization Gay City has created a page with more local events (which are hosted by UTOPIA and Ingersoll Gender Center), and have put together a campaign to promote community artwork relating to issues facing trans people. They are accepting submissions through the end of today, so if you have a piece that you think would fit, see the guidelines on their Trans Day of Remembrance page. Regarding Trans Awareness Week, Gay City's Executive Director Fred Swanson gave us the following statement:

"Gay City is happy to elevate and amplify the voices of trans and gender diverse artists and organizers as we commemorate Transgender Day of Remembrance together. As we fight for the right for trans and gender diverse communities to exist and thrive with dignity and respect, we must remember those who have come before us, whose lives were lost because of hatred and bigotry. We honor their lives and their legacy."

Consent Corner 1.9.1

By Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Greetings, lovely readers.  This is the time of year when we think of gratitude.  We’re grateful for you, brave believer in the value of sex positivity.  Long may our collective freak flag fly!  

Homework:  Cultivate a grateful heart and thank those you love for sharing this time with you.  Please.  And, thank you.

You can thank us at:  info@thecspc.org.

Allena Gabosch to appear on Bawdy Storytelling this Saturday, November 21

Dixie De La Tour and Allena Gabosch at Re-Bar in 2019 (photo by Louis Shackleton Photography).

Who do you think of when you think of the CSPC? For many of us the answer has to be Allena Gabosch. There would be no CSPC were it not for the vision, courage, audacity, tenacity, and blood-sweat-and-tears of Allena. She helped found the Center and was our Executive Director for more years than anyone can count.

Allena is nearing the end of her battle with cancer but she’s determined to give us all one last scene. Get your ticket to Bawdy Storytelling this Saturday, and come celebrate a life well lived.

Facebook link

FetLife link

Ticket link

Leadership Spotlight: Elissa

This is the eleventh of our spotlights on community members who help out the CSPC in leadership positions. In this issue, we’ve asked some questions to get a deep and personal look at our Programming Team Co-Lead, Elissa.

• Name:

  • Elissa

• Pronouns:

  • She/Her

• How do you identify?

  • I’m transfeminine, gender fluid, bisexual, solo poly, and a switch.

• How long have you been with the CSPC?

  • My first CSPC event was five years ago in the fall of 2015. I became a member and volunteer in early 2016.

• What brought you here and what are your main areas of interest?

  • Mostly, I came here to make friends and find partners. When I returned to Washington after college, I missed my friends from Minnesota and a lot of my old friends here had moved away. The Center gave me the community I needed, with the side benefit of a place to have hardcore BDSM scenes and group sex and various other fun activities. I’m primarily interested in pain, roleplay, cuddles, and I enjoy vanilla sex as well, when I get the chance to have some.

• CSPC e-mail address and title:

  • programming@thecspc.org Co-Lead of the Programming Team 

  • Contact me if you’d like to be part of our team where we plan and execute events, or if you’d like to suggest or run a new event.

• What was your path to your current position?

  • I started as a setup volunteer, eventually expanding to work as an ambassador and library volunteer at the old space. When we lost our original space in 2016, I went back to focusing on setup as those other roles were no longer available. I joined the Programming Team when it started, because I wanted to make a bigger impact on the direction things were taking. I was preparing to take on the role of Co-Lead before COVID hit and finally did once we reconvened the team again in the summer.

• Which CSPC event is your favorite and why? 

  • My favorite events that were running in the Pioneer Square space were Myself and F*cking Precious because there was always something fun to do or watch and everyone was always having a good time. My favorite at the old space was Women on Top, because I like being topped by women and topping as a woman, and the community around that event was the best.

• Day job:

  • I’ve done a lot of different things. Right now, I’m unemployed due to the pandemic.

• What do you like to do in your free time?

  • I take a five mile walk every day, I listen to podcasts and watch movies, I love professional wrestling, I write a little, I’m working on learning Japanese, I play video games, I like to bake and do origami, and I’ve been playing in several online tabletop RPGs, one of which I run.

• Living situation:

  • I live with my parents, my sibling, and our two cats; Cashew and Chanterelle, who are cute and also evil, because they are cats.

• Fun fact:

  • I used to be nearly fluent in Spanish when I was in high school, and my siblings and I would speak it to each other sometimes to say stuff we didn’t want our parents to hear. Even in the first few years of college, I’d watch telenovelas on an antenna TV while I was drawing. My favorite was Salome. I’m pretty rusty, but I can still speak a little and read more.

• Turn-ons and squicks: 

  • I like big noses, leather and latex, and a nice husky voice. I love the sound of a great impact scene. Curves or muscles are quite nice as well and both are better. The sting of alcohol sprayed on my split skin or giving or receiving a good solid bite. But the thing that works best for me is a good reaction, whether a laugh of delight or scream of pain from a bottom, the words of appreciation from a top at my own good job of bottoming, the approach of a partner’s orgasm... things like that. I have a fair number of squicks but the biggest one is feet. I’m fine to rub a partner’s feet, and I love a good boot, but I find a lot of the foot fetish standbys like footjobs, foot sucking, and sniffing dirty feet to be just really unpleasant, and I don’t even like looking at most people’s bare feet.

• Hopes and concerns for the CSPC and the greater sex positive community:

  • Even in the fairly short time I’ve been a part of the community, we have been through some hard times, but none as hard as this pandemic. I don’t know if we’ll make it through this. I’m going to do my best to make sure we do but it’s not going to be easy. That being said, I think digital events offer us an opportunity to reach out to a wider and more diverse community, which is great. Though we lost a lot when we lost our original space, when we came back, one of the great things we gained was a community that was much more diverse in many ways and I hope that continues. Another great thing is how much closer the greater sex positive community has become in the past few years. I think that’s important to foster. In the long term, I hope we’ll find a new place of our own, because that will be a gamechanger in how we can run events and foster community, and I hope that’s something we can work towards. 

• Advice for a new member or volunteer: 

  • Try out everything you can. I remember my first time at the Center, coming with a partner and telling her I wasn’t sure about all this pain stuff, and of course I immediately saw an impact scene that I couldn’t stop watching. There are tons of things that I got the chance to try at a tasting event or from a friend or acquaintance who wanted to show off their new toys or techniques, from claws to electricity to rough body play, that I might never have tried, but now are some of my favorite kink activities.

• Is there an event or organization, outside of the CSPC, that you feel our community should know about?

  • I love Diadem Events, a group that does play Femdom play parties and teaching events at the Streamhouse and other locations. It’s run by a good friend of mine and I help them run events as well.

• How can we build up each other? How can we be here for one another?

  • We have to ask what people need and want, and give what we can. Not everyone needs or wants the same things. We have to be aware of that and not assume we know best.

Consent Corner 1.9

By Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Welcome back, dear ones.  Thank you for continuing this journey through the complexities of Consent.

For this edition, we decided to ponder how to make consent communication as hot as possible.  It’s our considered opinion that any communication can be hot - it all depends on what’s said and how it’s said.

Remember that mutual enjoyment is the goal.  A sense of humor and an open mind will serve you well.

Talk with your partner(s) about words that light your fire.  What do you call your private parts?  You know which words get you ready for action.  Maybe just hearing a word like tool or johnson gets you hot and bothered.  Maybe talking about a bush or a pussy gets your juices flowing.  Talk, share, and have fun!

Will you create a scenario for your activities?  What roles will be played?  How will we interact?  Your imagination can be useful in creating a satisfying interaction.

How will you know when you’re done?  Safewords can send a signal to your partner(s).  The word “red” can indicate that you want to stop now.  The word “yellow” can mean that you want to slow down what’s going on and ask your partner(s) to check in with you.  

Nonverbal signals can be quite useful, too, when speaking is difficult.  Think about wrestling, where a person taps out of a situation.

Got a signal for us?  Send it to info@thecspc.org.