Consent Corner 1.14

by Emma Atkinson

Hello lovely readers!  Can you believe it’s February already?  We hope 2021 is going well for you.  Spoiler alert:  it’s not so much about consent this time and I’m flying solo.

Last time we talked about change and its myriad challenges.  I’ve just discovered that one of my favorite concepts about change is technically incorrect. Maybe you’re more well-informed about this than I am.  That’s likely true in many subject areas.  Just in case you’re not, here’s what I’ve recently learned.

Apparently the Chinese character for the word for “crisis” (or “change”) does not consist of the characters for the words “danger” and “opportunity”.  John F. Kennedy is credited with creating this concept and it has become a truth in much of the Western world.

No less an authority than Wikipedia debunks this idea, and other Internet sources call it Pollyanaish.  These sources note that the idea comes from misinterpreting the characters as they’re written.

Please feel free to consider me a Pollyanna.  There is a gift in every situation.  Sometimes you have to wait a while to see that gift.  Sometimes it may seem like ages until you see that gift.  Years ago I was denied tenure at a prominent East Coast university.  At the time, it seemed like the worst thing that could possibly have happened.  Today, it’s a gift.  I wouldn’t be here in the spectacular Pacific Northwest and I wouldn’t know you.

Sometimes you have to look hard to see a valuable lesson in adversity.  Sometimes you have to decide to laugh instead of cry.

Feel free to maintain a grateful attitude in life, just because.  And, feel free to share your thoughts at:  info@thecspc.org.

“Be excellent to each other” - Bill and Ted

Volunteer position: Social Media Monitor

The Center for Sex Positive Culture welcomes everyone and encourages our members who identify as BIPOC or LGBTQ/SGL to apply for this volunteer position.

Summary/Overview:

Monitor the CSPC social media platforms on a daily basis. Platforms include Facebook, FetLife, and Instagram. A willingness to monitor all three is ideal but not necessary. This position reports to the Communications Director and can be expanded over time.

Responsibilities:

• Scroll through the CSPC posts and newsfeeds on a daily basis

• Report any unusual, inflammatory, or discriminatory posts or comments

• Report incorrect information including dates, times, or invalid links

• Report or answer questions asked by visitors to our sites

• Engage with our posts, as you are comfortable, by liking or commenting

• Suggest new ways the CSPC can interact with the community through social media

Qualifications:

• Be a member of the CSPC

• Have completed a Volunteer Orientation

• Actively browse social media on a daily basis

• Willing to engage with others on social media

• Comfortable having your social media account associated with the CSPC

Contact:

• Email volunteerliaison@thecspc.org to apply for this volunteer position.

 The Center for Sex Positive Culture creates spaces to celebrate, develop, and explore sexuality and sensuality among a diverse, supportive community.

Consent Corner 1.13

By Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Hello lovely readers!  We hope your year is going well.  As for us, so far so good. 

There’s change in the air all around us and it might be a good time to check in with loved ones you haven’t spoken with in a while.  Folks like us in traditionally marginalized communities - LGBTQ+, kink-friendly, BIPOC, etc., etc. - are noticing increasing signs of political division, not only at the national level but where they work and where they call home.  

Those of us fortunate enough to live in the Pacific Northwest aren’t seeing as much evidence of unrest as other areas.  We know that folks around here tend to be open and accepting, which is one reason both of us choose to live here.

Not all communities can say the same.  Not all areas seem to be making their neighbors feel wanted.

One of our core tenets at the CSPC is that you’re wanted here.  So long as you’re respectful of others, you’re welcome here.

It’s OK to not be OK right now.  It’s OK to ask for help.  Check in with loved ones, near and far.  Are they OK?  Can I offer a compassionate ear?  Am I OK?  Love and nurture yourself and you’ll find the compassion to love and nurture your loved ones.

There’s a t-shirt we love that reads “Change is good - You go first.” Change is hard and scary.  Even a good change - one you’ve been anticipating - can be challenging.  So, check in with your people.  Please, and thank you.

Want to check in with us? We’re at: info@thecspc.org.

Leadership Spotlight: 7

This is the fourteenth of our spotlights on community members who volunteer with the CSPC in leadership positions. In this issue, we’ve asked some questions to get a deep and personal look at our Board Secretary, 7.

• Name and scene name:

  •  Erik 7 Johnson, a.k.a. L 7 (my female incarnation, who more commonly goes by Mistress 7). For the sake of simplicity you can just call me 7.

• Pronouns:

  • they/them/theirs, he/him/his (only when Erik 7), She/Her/Hers (preferred pronouns of Mistress 7), ve/ver/vis (playing around with these)

• How do you identify?

  •  I’m the co-embodiment of a male-bodied, non-binary, trixic, top-leaning switch (Erik 7) and a female-identifying Domme (Mistress 7).

  • A co-embodiment is not the same as having multiple personalities. It’s not like only one of us is here or in control at a given time. We just co-exist in and share one body.

• How long have you been with the CSPC?

  • A bit over two years.

• What brought you here and what are your main areas of interest?

  • A friend said that the CSPC needed some volunteers for a pansexual/pangender party they were starting up (All-In), and that sounded like an important thing to do for the community, as well as a good time. I haven’t regretted joining for a moment. I’ve found new friends, partners, and community here. My main areas of interest are consent culture, impact and sensory play, and breaking down/redefining the boundaries between BDSM play, sex, and comedy.

• CSPC e-mail address, title, roles, reasons for contact, and areas you cover:

  • 7@theCSPC.org. I guess my title and role depends on context. I’m a volunteer with the Communications Team, usually a Monitor or Event Coordinator at the in-person parties we host, a Tech Assistant at some of our online events, and Board Secretary for purposes of more official business.

  • Oh yes, I suppose you should contact me if you want something changed on the web site, need an event added to the calendar, or if you’d like anything added to the newsletters. As to what areas I cover, usually the genitals. Sometimes the nipples. It depends on the activity and how cold it is. I’m also unofficially in charge of dad jokes.

• What was your path to your current position?

  •  I started out doing set up/strike and registration, got trained as a monitor, and after about a year of doing that I decided to become an EC. I applied to the board because I have a small masochistic side that just wanted to take on more responsibility. Most of my current path has involved noticing that there’s a need and saying, “I can help with that.”

• Which CSPC event is your favorite and why?

  • This is such a tough question. As Erik 7, my first party (and first scene in public) was at Layover, and that will always have a special place in my heart. Mistress 7’s first party was the Femme Domme SovereignTea, and those were always a tremendous amount of fun. I’ve been a regular volunteer for and am very invested in both All-In and Fresh Meet, and the LaQueer parties had some of the most creative scenes I’ve ever seen. I also had a great time ECing at Myself! the one time I was able to get a Sunday off. But I guess right now I’d have to say F*cking Precious is my favorite. Where else could I dress as Mistress Stitch and beat a partner who’s wearing dinosaur pajamas with toy lightsabers and a rubber chicken, all while singing songs from Rocky Horror? Well yes, I suppose I can do all that stuff in the grocery store as well, but it seemed to be more accepted at F*cking Precious.

• Career or day job (industry, position, or whatever you're comfortable sharing):

  • As Duchamp once said, “Je suis un respirateur.” I’m also an unpaid author and unemployed jester (it sounds like a terrible job, but I’m nobody’s fool), as well as a homemaker/caretaker/guardian for children with special needs. I’m also technically Exalted Emperex for Life of a secret conspiracy bent on global domination. But most of the other conspirators left and there’s not been much activity within the conspiracy since the late ‘90s, so I think it’s safe to say I’m not going to take over the world tonight.

• What do you like to do in your free time?

  • I write things: some sexy, some funny, both funny and sexy when I can manage it. Zombies and ghosts occasionally appear, for reasons. I have a passion for etymology, because I love words and because it involves fewer bugs than when I had a passion for entomology (it turns out I love words a lot more than I love bugs). When I can I like to eat things, mostly food. I have fun conversations with people. Many of them are real people, and some of those people end up becoming partners who I have sex with (only with consent, of course). When they’re not available I have sex with myself (again, only after negotiating consent first). I’m also a singer/musician of sorts, as well as a part-time inventor (I invented the electric kazoo and the spam-banana taco). I’m trying to become a renaissance person by wearing very little clothing and working on my perspective.

• Living situation (partners, roommates, pets, plants):

  • I live with two of my three kids (I might have lost one kid, but I’m pretty sure he’s around here somewhere), a Russian tortoise named Иван Черепахавич (he says this translates into something like Ivan Tortoisevich), and a number of robots. We also have some plants and candy bars.

  • I’m a polyamorous and switchy co-embodiment, so this next part gets complicated. I’ll have to resort to using third-person: Erik 7 has one partner who they’re only seeing with social distancing and masks at the moment due to the pandemic; this partner has never really met Mistress 7 except for once for a few minutes at a party where She was delivering yardstick birthday swattings to another (now former) partner. Erik 7 and Mistress 7 both happily share a partner who is Erik 7’s lover/playmate and Mistress 7’s submissive (they mostly share, although Mistress 7 can be a beast to negotiate with). Erik 7 also has a 3rd partner who is mostly a platonic friend and occasional roommate, and this partner also is a play partner/submissive (during times when her health allows) to Mistress 7.

• Something no one would ever guess about you or a fun fact:

  • I am the world’s 4th worst guitarist, but working my way up constantly with all the practicing I don’t do. Also, I told one lie when filling out this interview. >>If you can guess which sentence it’s in, you’ll win a prize!<<

• Turn-ons and squicks:

  • Vampires (for both).

• Hopes and concerns for the CSPC and the greater sex positive community:

  • For the CSPC, I hope we can start meeting together in person sometime, in a home that works for everybody. Until then, I hope that we can diversify our online offerings so that we’re meeting more of the community’s wants and needs.

  • For the greater sex-positive community, I hope that we can be more open about who we are, and gain greater societal acceptance. The gay rights movement has done an amazing job at not only getting laws changed to be more fair, but also at convincing *most* of the public that gay people are not bad or threatening. That has taken a long time and a huge amount of work, much of which started with the pioneers of that movement being loud and proud about who they are, and never backing down or hiding.

I’d like to see similar societal movement toward equal rights for non-monogamous relationships and marriages, and for people to have the right to consensually do kinky things without the risk of the law interfering. I’d like people to engage in impact play without worry about statutes defining it as assault. I’d like furries to be able to go about their day wearing ears and tails if they want, without workplace discrimination or public shaming. I’d like people to be able to say they’re interested in D/s without others assuming they are being predatory or trying to convert them. I’d like asexuals to be able to be honest about their orientation without people assuming there’s something wrong with them or that they haven’t found “the right person” yet.

The majority of people have some kind of kink, when you add up all the categories, but we pretend as if monogamous people who only care for vanilla sex are somehow the norm. There is no normal. Some people are afraid of differences, others can’t risk exposing their differences so they closet themselves, and that leads to the illusion of normal from the lack of visible diversity. I want us all to be loud and proud and accepting of others, because we are all unique and that is a beautiful thing.

• Advice for a new member or volunteer:

  • For new members: Start volunteering! It’s a lot of fun, and a great way to meet new friends. Also, when you have a scene at the Center, please be sure to pick up all the things you brought with you.

  • For volunteers: Volunteer work is a great thing to put on your resume, unless you’re applying to work in a church. In that case, just call the CSPC “a nonprofit.”

• Is there an event or organization, outside of the CSPC, that you feel our community should know about?

  • I really enjoyed the Seattle Cuddle Party group as an option to get explicitly non-sexual touch, and these events help a lot of people learn to separate sexual from non-sexual intimacy (these distinctions are blurry for many people). All of the events hosted by a Cuddle Party-certified facilitator also include a mini workshop around consent, which is helpful to emphasize that every interaction needs to be explicitly negotiated.

Consent Corner 1.12

By Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Hello lovely readers and happy 2021!  We hope you had the best possible holiday season, given the challenging pandemic circumstances.  

We thought we’d offer some resolutions to keep in mind for the upcoming year.  As ever, please take what suits you and leave the rest.

• I’ll celebrate more things - because, well, why not?

• I’ll remember to be grateful more often - ditto.

• I’ll honor myself in body, mind, and spirit - that’s the essence of consent. 

• I’ll continue to practice good consent in all of my interactions - because you know that practice makes things better.

• I’ll continue to check out what’s going on in Consent Corner - okay, it’s shameless self-promotion, but you know you want to!

• I’ll try to give others the benefit of the doubt when I can - that’s a key message in Malcolm Gladwell’s new book “Talking to Strangers”, because we don’t always know what others are thinking or feeling.

• I’ll step up where I can to help build stronger communities - the CSPC can benefit from your wisdom, love, and skills.  Get more involved and help build the kind of community you want in your life!  

Got some great resolutions you want to share?  Got some feedback?  Send it to:  info@thecspc.org.  

Remembering Allena Gabosch

For any who missed Allena’s memorial event, the Pan Eros Foundation has kindly posted the video of the memorial service on their webpage (scroll down to the December 14th update). Below the video are transcripts of some of the speeches and the chat log from the online event, all lovingly curated by the Pan Eros Foundation.

Also, Dixie De La Tour has generously made available the video of the Bawdy Storytelling livestream Allena appeared in on November 21st.

Leadership Spotlight: Teeebone

This is the thirteenth of our spotlights on community members who volunteer with the CSPC in leadership positions. In this issue, we’ve asked some questions to get a deep and personal look at longtime volunteer and Event Coordinator, Teeebone.

• Scene name:

  • Teeebone

• Pronouns:

  • he/him

• How do you identify?

  • Male, heterosexual, top, polyamorous.

• How long have you been with the CSPC?

  • 17+ years.

• What brought you here and what are your main areas of interest?

  • A friend kept urging me to join the CSPC. They said it was relevent to my interests of sex, community & BDSM.

• Roles/areas you cover:

  • I coordinate events and/or handle music at CSPC parties.

• What was your path to your current position?

  • First 2 years, I was a member; then 3 years of volunteering as a DJ & Ambassador and then 12 years as an Event Coordinator, Champion and most recently Zoom Meeting Moderator.

• Which CSPC event is your favorite and why? 

  • The Hump - Weekly on Wednesday nights. 

• Career:

  • Graphic Design

• What do you like to do in your free time?

  • Video or pc gaming, reading, eating sweets.

• Partners:

  • In an Open Relationship. (6+ years)

• Fun fact:

  • While I’m a big fan of cats, I can’t have one live with me because I’m mildly allergic to them. :3

• Turn-ons:

  • Watching folks play at the events. Especially the events I run.

• Hopes and concerns for the CSPC:

  • My hope is that the CSPC will find a new home and start hosting in-person events again.

• Advice for a new member or volunteer: 

  • Take your time in your membership within the community. Ask questions and get educated. There is a “getting to know you” period where you need to introduce yourself. Don’t think of this place as a sex or BDSM club - Think of it as a place where you could have sex or engage in BDSM activity (or even both) with somebody you care about who also cares about you. True fact: The CSPC is where I learned how to hug. :3

Consent Corner 1.11

by Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Holiday greetings from your friends at Consent Corner!  We wish you a safe and sexy holiday season.  Is it 2021 yet?  We’re ready to start a consent-focused new year, so stay tuned for that.

Homework:  summon gratitude for at least one thing that happened to you in 2020.  As a song by the band Orbital says, “even a stopped clock tells the right time twice a day.”

Please direct holiday greetings or questions to:  info@thecspc.org.

Leadership Spotlight: Sakari

This is the twelfth of our spotlights on community members who help out the CSPC in leadership positions. In this issue, we’ve asked some questions to get a deep and personal look at our new Board Member and Communications Director, Sakari.

• Name:

  • Sakari

• Pronouns:

  • She/her

• How do you identify?

  • I am a collared, submissive transgender woman. My Mistress has a laundry list of different names for me including: Maid, pony, puppy, baby, princess, bunny, cook, chauffeur, moo cow and etc.

• How long have you been with the CSPC?

  • About 8 years now

• What brought you here and what are your main areas of interest?

  • I moved to Seattle in 2011 to transition in a welcoming environment. After searching around for like-minded people, I found the Center. My first parties were the Femdom teas and I fell in love. My main kinks are service, roleplay of the age and pet variety usually, impact, all forms of bondage and sensation play.

• CSPC e-mail address, title, areas you cover:

  • sakaricspc@gmail.com Communications Director. Please contact me if you’re interested in volunteering for the Communications Team. We are currently looking for someone well-versed in social media. I would also be more than willing to talk to any trans girls in the CSPC community who need a shoulder or just some advice. A kind stranger guided me when I first got to town and I am happy to do the same.

• What was your path to your current position?

  • I think the CSPC’s mission is of vital importance to the Seattle community and, frankly, the world at large. I also owe the CSPC a huge debt because I met my wonderful Mistress and partner at a CSPC party called Women on Top. I’ve been a volunteer for some years now and when I saw a chance to help in a larger capacity I jumped for it. I really want this place to thrive.

• Which CSPC event is your favorite and why? 

  • The Femme Soverign Teas are my absolute favorite. As a service submissive and aspiring maid I cannot emphasize how much a dream these events can be. All of the fantasy is there before you: a room of discerning dommes, a day of prostration and service and I get to put on my cutest, sluttiest maid outfit! Close runners up are the F*cking Precious ageplay party and the All In pan-party. SPOILER: I helped champion all three!

• Career or day job:

  • 24/7 kinky maid service for my Mistress =)

• What do you like to do in your free time?

  • Videooooo gaaammmmeeeeeeez

• Living situation:

  • I live with my Mistress and our two cats in the Greenwood neighborhood.

• Fun fact:

  • Everyone I meet compliments my curly hair but before I transitioned I never grew it out more than an inch so I never knew it was a thing!

• Turn-ons and squicks: 

  • I’m wildly turned on by softness. I love the feel of soft thigh-highs or fuzzy sweaters. I would assuredly be a furry if I could afford one of those suits, plus I think costumes are fun. I also love having control taken away via bondage. I especially like gags. As for squicks, it’s the usual: waste products, children, non-consent. Also not into impact that draws blood.

• Hopes and concerns for the CSPC:

  • I am very much looking forward to the CSPC weathering the COVID storm and getting back to hosting parties in our own space. My biggest concern is getting that space and making sure it fits our needs while still being affordable for the long-term. It’s my hope, once we do have space, that we skirt the line between cool, kink club and awesome kink community center.

• Advice for a new member or volunteer: 

  • To the new member I would say: If you are looking for a certain someone or experience, don’t give up if you don’t find it right away. I was getting discouraged going to Femdom teas and not getting play or meeting anyone. The day I said I was done going to the Center my roommate did my makeup and pushed me out the door to a Women on Top party. That was the day I met my Mistress. Also, don’t be afraid to let your colors show at these parties. Dress to impress. Don’t be afraid to respectfully approach someone. People won’t get the idea until you give it to them.

• Is there an event or organization, outside of the CSPC, that you feel our community should know about?

  • One of the kind owners at Wild at Heart on Leary St. pointed me toward the CSPC when I first moved here. It’s a great female-run adult store with a nice BDSM section.

• How can we build up each other? How can we be here for one another?

  • I always tell myself that karma is real. It’s scientific, really. For every action there is a reaction. I think just giving everyone the benefit of the doubt, extending your hand in friendship first can go a long way to making this world better.

• Anything else we should know?

  • The Center for Sex Positive Culture and all of the organizations like it embody freedom of the self. Freedom is our most important resource and it must be closely guarded and nurtured or we will lose it and be worse off for it.