Consent Corner 2.4

by Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Hello, dear readers! How lovely to be with you again on this journey through the wild and wonderful world of consent. 

We’re continuing to build our model for good consent: a structure that will happily house our consent agreements and be welcoming to others. Let’s take a minute (or six) to ponder the kind of structure we want to create.

We’ve already considered some key features of the building: it’ll be built on the solid ground of respect; it’ll have a strong foundation of personal autonomy; it’ll have supporting columns of capacity, information, and agreement; and its roof will be others’ autonomy. But what kind of building will it be?

The good news is that since it’s imaginary, we don’t have to concern ourselves at all with building codes or materials or costs. The better news is that it can look like anything your heart desires, so go ahead and dream big!  

We suggest that your image of the structure be as detailed as possible, knowing that it can change at any time for any reason. Picture in your mind’s eye its location--are you near water or mountains or a busy metropolis? Picture the building itself--is it a welcoming place?  What will the pillars be made of--do you see stone columns as in ancient ruins, or is there lots of glass?  Are there comfortable seating/playing areas? Where will you keep all of your wonderful toys?  Will there be a media space to keep up with Consent Corner and what your CSPC friends are doing?  

Your structure will be a safe place, even as it’s under construction. It will support you always, regardless of any storm or other unpleasantness that may arrive. And it will welcome others whenever and however you choose.  

Your building can be a place to go when you want to ponder some aspect of consent.  When you picture yourself there, you’re surrounded by love and light--a perfect environment for making good choices. Or not--but then you get to go back to this safe place and reflect on what a friend of ours lovingly refers to as “another f*$&ing opportunity for growth.” We know those far too well!  

Homework: create a picture of the consent building you’re constructing in your imagination, making it as detailed as you can.  Extra Credit: make a sketch of it and send a copy of it to us at: info@thecspc.org.  

“Be excellent to each other” - Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other” - Emma and Rachel 

Consent Corner 2.3

by Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Hello sexy readers!  We hope you’re staying snug and dry as the weather becomes wetter and chillier.  This column considers all aspects of consent, using your questions and comments as a guide.

In versions 2.1 and 2.2, we reintroduced our model of consent as equivalent to a strong, sustainable building.  Creating good consent in our lives means that we construct the building on the solid ground of respectful relations.  Then we build the foundation, which represents our personal autonomy - the right to choose what nurtures our body, mind, and spirit.  We create pillars on this foundation:  capacity, information, and agreement.  These pillars hold up the autonomy of others, which is our building’s roof.

Those previous columns were about respect and autonomy.  It’s time to start crafting the pillars that will rest securely on our foundation.  Today we’d like to ponder the notion of Capacity.  In the context of consent, capacity represents your ability to give rational and voluntary consent to an activity.

So many things can interfere with our ability to operate at full capacity:  strong emotions, hunger, mood-altering substances, weariness, and physical pain or pleasure, to name just a few.  Add your own favorites to the list and you can see why we say that none of us is ever operating at 100% capacity.

So, relax and just notice what’s going on with you before you make a consent-related decision.  How do you feel physically and emotionally?  Are you noticing anything on the fringes of your awareness?

Maybe you want to have a conversation with your partner(s) about your capacity.  Maybe your partner(s) want to talk about their capacity.  Great!  Sneak preview:  we’ll be talking a lot about communication in upcoming newsletters.

Homework:  Sometime this week, pick a day and check in with yourself throughout the day.  Notice how your capacity to make good decisions might change over the course of that day.  Notice anything puzzling?  Good!

Send your puzzling questions to:  info@thecspc.org.  As always, praise and compliments are welcome there, too. 

“Be excellent to each other” - Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other” - Emma and Rachel

PPMT Reminiscing

By Turtle and Teeebone 

Teeebone and I are sitting here by Zoom reminiscing about the “Good ol’ days” like we all promise not to do when we are young. “I’ll never do that…sit around thinking about Remember When…I’ll be too busy living!” Well, guess what? We are doing both! Double the pleasure, double the fun, with… oooo! Sorry for the earworm!

The Good Ol’ Days circa 2012-2016 at the CSPC Interbay location, 3rd Saturdays at the PPMT (Power Play Mixed-Tape) party. In fact, I asked someone to volunteer at the upcoming party and they said they weren’t available on the 3rd Saturday. I said, “Great! Because it isn’t on the 3rd Saturday anymore! It’s a whole new world! Oops! Second earworm!”

I asked some of the previous Power Players what stuck out most to them. “Boobie dancing, Buffet Table, feeling surrounded by scenes everywhere, high energy, intense scenes, dancing in my underwear, dancing free, the feeling of comradeship on the Team, great music, boobie dancing, good friends, great conversations, warm Hosts, Fucktastic music, heavy players, possible blood scenes, amazing mix of laughter and screams, getting stuffed at TK’s Buffet, pogo dancing so hard I hit my head on the heater, everyone dressed up, everybody naked. You’re sexy and you know it!”

Teeebone - “That feel you get when you experience compersion while watching your former primary partner having their first DP scene some 12 feet away while you're being the DJ at PPMT. Everybody’s workin’ for the weekend!”

Turtle - “That feeling of being surrounded by friends even if you don’t know them! I miss that so much! We openly welcome everyone and we will be talking, a certain song will come on and we will all rush to the dance floor together! Everyone included!”

Teeebone - “That feeling you get when you have had an intense scene and then realize you are the closing DJ. Whoomp there it is!”

Turtle - “I had a few anthems the Team would all dance to but before everyone got there, we’d have a Pep Rally that always ended with us singing C is for Cookie!”

Teeebone - “I loved those cookies. They were the best.”

Turtle - “We were a family. A family that exists to this day. When we wanted to set up a general, heavy play party again…we realized just how far our existing volunteers were stretched. Hell, 50% of the volunteers are Board members. So, it's been 5 years since the last PPMT, and I started texting. Amazing PPMT members answer with just ‘I’m In’ then go and renew their membership. It’s that kind of dedication, love and camaraderie we at PPMT live for. I’m so grateful for them Re-Igniting Their Fires to bring PPMT back to life!”

Teeebone - *yells* “I got it! That feel you get when somebody says straight to 3 DJs’ faces ‘do you have any music I can dance to?’ and you've been playing Dance music all night long. The only right answer to this question: I'M SORRY. WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO DANCE MUSIC WHATSOEVER!” 

Turtle - “And the look on Sir Nikolia’s face that suggested the heat of a 1,000 suns… Well, we’ll leave it at that! Actually, she came back later to thank us for playing the Rolling Stones. Who knew?”

Every summer, when Paradise (our annual camping trip) would roll around, PPMT would follow it. We’d have a sarong night called, “Sarong, it’s So Right!” One year, the Paradise theme was to Keep the Fires Burning. I could have never imagined, at the time, something like a modern day plague taking humanity out at the knees. That we’d let our fires burn low into coals. That fire is still there though. PPMT and all the other CSPC programming plan to help breathe those fires back to life…to Reignite them into a conflagration of passion for ourselves and our community. Come out. Become whole again! Volunteer and make space for others to become whole too!

Turtle - “I loved that the staff, no matter the name tag, all worked together to make great things happen. They could have happened at any party. But PPMT just refuses to notice that there is a box at all, much less lines to color in.”

Teeebone - “The concept of the crew as ‘Fam’ was very strong with PPMT.”

Turtle - “You keep hearing hints about TK’s Buffet. Trust me. What’s there isn’t food but, if you have a vagina, you can still get stuffed! You have to come to PPMT and see it to believe it.”

Teeebone - “We like to think of it as an immersive experience.” *laughs* “Two of my partners have been to the Buffet Table and rate it 5 thumbs up!”

Turtle - “We are both DJs as is Sir Nikolia. We love music! We play it loud! It is important to us. So bring your earplugs or headphones if you need them. Also, if the music fits the theme and you contact us beforehand, we’ve been known to play certain songs for a scene. Be nice or we might Rick Roll you! We are Never Gonna Give You Up!”

Teeebone - “Get yourself ready for a hot night with a 5-finger sex punch!”

First half is Dance, EDM. Second half is Rock and Mashups. ppmt@thecspc.org

Come to Power Play Mixed Tape and let your body talk!

Call for artists! Join in Paddlepalooza: a toy auction to support the Center!

The CSPC needs your creative (and other) juices flowing for Paddlepalooza! This promotion will gather hand-crafted/decorated unused BDSM toys from our members and auction them off to the highest bidder. Proceeds from this charity auction will go to the CSPC as donations, and the artist who brings in the highest bids with their toy will win a fabulous prize (details to be announced soon)!

How to make and submit your smacking-good art:

1. Your Paddlepalooza donation of $25 gets your art a spot in the auction (and you get a wooden paddle to hand paint/decorate)

a. Click here to donate $25 to the CSPC’s Paddlepalooza fund (scholarships may be available). Please email paddleme@thecspc.org if you have any questions or need assistance.

b. We will provide you with a Greek-style blank wooden paddle to use as a starting point. You can pick up your pristine paddle by attending one of our events at the Gallery Erato or at a location nearer to you by arranging with our Paddlepalooza personnel. We can send paddles by post if pickup proves problematic.

2. Paint, engrave, or otherwise pretty up your paddle. You are not required to use the paddle provided -- it’s okay to keep the paddle and submit another hand-crafted/decorated BDSM toy for the fundraiser auction.

3. Submit to the CSPC:

a. The original item you’ve created (all work MUST be original and of your own crafting)

b. One or more photos of the item (we will select one to display on our web site)

c. A title for the item (can be “untitled”), and any details or stories you’d like shared with the paddle

d. An indication whether it’s intended to be decorative or functional (so a prospective buyer knows whether it can be used in play)

e. Name and contact info for you, the artist (can include website/e-commerce site, email, or social media links if you’d like to promote in this way)

Early bird date for submissions: December 1st, 2021

As soon as we receive your submission, we will publish a photo of the item (with its title as well as the artist’s name and contact info) in our rotating Paddlepalooza gallery! Multiple submissions are allowed. We will promote the gallery several times in our newsletters and social media during the submissions period and leading up to the auction, so the earlier you get your artwork in to us, the longer it will generate free publicity in the gallery.

What happens to the paddles/toys?

As soon as we have enough submissions (likely mid-December to mid-January) we will promote and host a charity auction to benefit the CSPC, at which all paddles will be auctioned. This will get even more eyes on your artwork, and best of all, the item that commands the highest bid will win a fabulous prize for the artist who submitted it!

Consent Corner 2.2

by Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Dearest Reader,

We offer you warm greetings in these crisp autumn days, and thank you for joining us on this journey through the nuances of consent.  We’re grateful to be a part of the CSPC’s community and its communications with you.  

In the last newsletter we reviewed our consent model and likened it to building a strong and enduring structure.  We noted that we’re well advised to build our structure’s foundation on a solid ground of respect.  The foundation is what we’re considering today, and it represents Autonomy.  Specifically, for you, the foundation means your own Autonomy.

Autonomy is the act of self-government or self-determination.  You get to decide what’s good for you:  what will nurture your mind, body and spirit.  

Your foundation is yours alone, and doesn’t have to resemble anyone else’s.  You can listen to suggestions about how you might reconsider what’s good for you, but ultimately it’s your life, and you get to decide how you’re going to live it.  Yay you!  

You have the right to appreciate whatever it is that you do appreciate, along with other consenting beings.  You have the right to allow something today that you didn’t allow yesterday, and vice versa - and what’s a little vice among friends?  You’re changing all the time, and your wants and needs will change, too.  Just keep your partner(s) in the loop about it.  Sneak preview:  communication is another integral part of our consent structure that we’ll talk about in an upcoming column!  

We’ve been fortunate enough to have met some people who always seem to be on their own side, no matter what.  They’re unfailingly kind to themselves, even as they face what would appear to be challenges.  They tend to see unfortunate experiences not as errors, but rather as learning opportunities.  We’re absolutely in awe of such people, and we encourage you to follow their example as you build your own foundation of Autonomy.  

Homework:  take 5 minutes, get comfortable, and ponder what nourishes you in mind, body and spirit.  Just notice what arises for you.  And, today or tomorrow, make one of them so.  

Got compliments?  You can appreciate us at:  info@thecspc.org. 

“Be excellent to each other” - Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other” - Emma and Rachel

Leadership Spotlight: Eirikah

This is the fifteenth of our spotlights on community members who volunteer with the CSPC in leadership positions. In this issue, we’ve asked some questions to get a deep and personal look at our newest Board Member, Eirikah.

• Name/scene name:

  • Eirikah Delaunay

• Pronouns:

  • she/her

• How do you identify?

  • I identify as a polyamorous bisexual cis-woman, sadomasochist, and typically Dominant-leaning Switch.

• How long have you been with the CSPC?

  • I’ve been a member of the CSPC for 10 years.

• What brought you here and what are your main areas of interest?

  • I first experienced and embraced kink and sacred sexuality at 18 years old after being raised Baptist in the American Deep South. I kept these essential parts of myself super private for the next two decades out of fear of judgment. I felt isolated in my belief that sex-positive community was just a fantasy found in books and movies. I relocated to Seattle with my family in 2010, and a year later an online date mentioned The Crucible in Washington, DC. Through the magic of Google (BDSM+club+Seattle), I found the CSPC. My first event was a social night to scout the vibe before attending a tasting event the next night. I was so nervous that my partner and I sat in the car in the parking lot for a half hour before going inside. When we finally did, we found a circle of people just like us--many ages, many genders, many shapes and sizes, all smiling--who enthusiastically welcomed us, showed us the space, and were excited to see us again the next night, where I got to try “take down and struggle play” as a kink thing for the first time. I had finally found “my people.” 

• CSPC e-mail, role, areas you cover:

  • Eirikah@thecspc.org, Board Member, mission alignment and communications

• Which CSPC event is your favorite and why? 

  • Over the years, I’ve enjoyed participating in the Sacred Sexuality group and the Erotic Hypnosis group at the CSPC. D/s is a core element of all my erotic relationships, and I loved the dynamic of Libertine Social Club, Wildfire, and the Ladies’ Sovereign Tea. As a bit of an introvert who likes to play hard, however, my favorite event was Monday Madness. I loved the smaller, quieter, more intimate gathering with many of the folks who’d spent their weekends volunteering at the larger weekend events and did their own playing at Monday Madness. I also loved the tasting events as a way for folks to learn more about what they enjoy and how to practice different kinds of play more safely, and I loved the intensity and creativity of Asylum.

• Career or day job:

  • After a long career in academia, I am now a somatic sex+magic coach at Desire Alchemy (https://desirealchemy.com) who offers individual, partnered, and group coaching for people curious and excited about using effective communication, magic, sexuality, kink, and/or power exchange relationships as vehicles for personal growth and bliss. 

• What do you like to do in your free time?

  • I love spending time with my partners, hanging out in nature, gardening, reading, reading tarot and astrology charts, and making art.

• Living situation (partners, roommates, pets, plants):

  • I live with my nesting partner, a huge floofy cat with too many names, and a jungle of plants he desperately wants to eat. My two adult children live nearby, but not with me.

• Something no one would ever guess about you:

  • I co-owned an independent hip-hop record label in the early 2000’s.

• Turn-ons: 

  • Turn-ons: flirting, language, curiosity, collaborative kink, laughter, boundaries given and received with clarity and gratitude, personal responsibility, kindness. “More, please.”

• Hopes and concerns for the CSPC:

  • I’m looking forward to helping strengthen the sense of community within the CSPC. All of us have resources to contribute, and all of us can benefit by sharing the resources we have. Energy, enthusiasm, volunteer time, financial donations, great ideas, visibility--all of these resources and many others are essential to creating a welcoming and supportive space where diverse folks can celebrate, develop, and explore sexuality and sensuality.

• Advice for a new member or volunteer: 

  • Connect with an existing volunteer! We would love to help you connect with the service opportunities, events, and other like-minded humans that you’re looking for.

Black and white photo credit: Mitzie Gibson

New Parties are Coming! Renew Your Membership Now at 2021 Rates!

Hello, beautiful people! 

The CSPC is again running parties in person. The Myself! Party has sold out in both September and October. In November we will be hosting three events: Fresh Meet on the 5th, LaQueer on the 13th, and another Myself! on the 21st. 

December will feature Fresh Meet on the 10th and Myself! on the 12th. And at our last Board Meeting we approved two more exciting parties for December: a reboot of Power Play Mixed Tape (Dec. 4) from the Interbay era, and the brand spanking new Femme Dominion (Dec. 18)! Watch our newsletter and website for more details and ticketing links.

We’re maintaining policies to keep our events as safe as possible, but it’s safe to say that our COVID-19 shutdown is over. For the past year and a half, we’ve kept all active CSPC memberships active at no charge to you. This is your notice that the membership clock is once again ticking as of November 1st.

Speaking of memberships, 2021 is an excellent time to purchase a membership renewal. Membership dues will be going up in 2022. Renewing now lets you lock in our current rates (only $5 per month) for up to a year. Treat yourself this holiday season to the gift of CSPC membership. You can give yourself access to our play parties, discussion groups, discord server, etc. for a whole year to come!

Volunteers Needed - Get Into the Party for Free!

The party has started and we need you! The CSPC is once again hosting in-person events and in urgent need of volunteers to keep everything running tickety-boo. In addition to shaping the community, making new friends, and generally being awesome, volunteering at an event means you get in for free!

Check out the Volunteering section of our website to get started. You will need to:

• Watch the 10-minute orientation video

• Complete the online volunteer application

• Create a Volgistics account (this is our shift scheduling system)

• Join the Volunteer Google group and start receiving notices for volunteer shifts

• Sign up for a shift!

For Volgistics and Volunter Google group questions, email VC@thecspc.org

For general volunteering questions, email volunteerliaison@thecspc.org 

Once you have completed the above steps, you are eligible to start volunteering at in-person events as well as online and behind the scenes. If you are a volunteer from the way back, when we were located at Interbay, please contact volunteerliaison@thecspc.org to determine what your next steps should be. Here is a list of event volunteer roles and what you need to qualify for each role:

Setup

• No training required

• Arrange equipment/floor plan as directed by EC/Host

• Set out/restock safer sex supplies and linens

• Set out food and beverages

Registration

• Attend a 30-minute online training (the next one is at the online Volunteer Munch on Nov 7th)

• Greet individuals and determine eligibility for entry

• Collect appropriate paperwork and payment

• Provide wristbands indicating that attendees have gone through registration

• Answer questions

• Entry line management

Orientation Leader

• Shadow a current New Member Orientation Leader during a shift

• Run New Member Orientations and answer questions as needed

Host

• Must be a Champion of the event/strongly invested team member of the event 

• Circulate and be social at an event, focusing attention on those who have not yet engaged in socialization

• Know the rules and kindly communicate them as needed to attendees in the social areas

• Direct floor plan set up

• Be a resource and friendly face for new members

• Manage music needs during the event as needed/agreed to

Monitor

• Must complete one online classroom session and two shadow shifts (the next online classroom session is at the online Volunteer Munch on Dec 5th)

• Facilitate play, use of equipment and supplies, etc.

• Keep safer sex supplies and linens stocked throughout the event

• Know the rules, educate attendees on them, and enforce them as needed with compassion

• Monitor the play spaces for issues or individuals needing assistance

• Route scenes that need EC approval to the EC

• Move ladders and equipment as requested

• Handle emergency situations and escalate as needed to the EC

• Keep an eye on bathrooms and food areas 

Event Coordinator (EC)

• Be qualified as a Registration volunteer and Monitor, complete two shadow shifts

• Manage the people and property of an event

• Mange all staff/volunteers and provide guidance

• Be the final decision maker at an event, deal with any outside inquiries from police/fire/etc.

• Be an authority on the rules of the CSPC

• File EC reports after each event

• Deal with all attendee issues during an event

• Fill in roles as needed when shifts are not filled

Strike

• No training required

• Move equipment to storage

• Clean up trash/dishes

• Collect dirty linens and place in designated area for washing

• Vacuum, mop floors if needed

• Do a final moop (matter out of place) sweep looking for garbage, water bottles, personal items, etc.

• Take stock of food and beverages and report to EC.

We can’t wait to volunteer with you at our next event! Please reach out if you have any questions.

For Volgistics and Volunter Google group questions, email VC@thecspc.org

For general volunteering questions, email volunteerliaison@thecspc.org 

Side Effects

By Turtle

10/17/21

It often comes up in conversation, “You seem to volunteer a lot. Why?” I ask them to be specific. Why do I volunteer? Or why do I volunteer so much?

The first question is easy. I was raised to volunteer. As third-generation immigrants, my family always made it clear that we were expected to give back to our local community. I started when I was nine. I’m 51 now. I’ve volunteered in Brownies, 4-H, school functions, VFW, Grays Harbor County Fair Board, ASB, Honor Society, Humane Society, Triangle Square, Rainbow Coalition, OUT in the Park, PBS, Metropolitan Community Church, Center for Spiritual Living, WashPIRG, as a clown, as a DJ, Compass Housing, Challenge Air, and most recently the CSPC. These are just the names I remember off the top of my head.

Other reasons I volunteer are to meet people as I tend to be an introverted hermit and it helps pull me out into interacting. I also love helping and learning new skills. I’m much more well-rounded as a human being and experience a much deeper level of empathy. Sometimes I volunteer purely from a social justice need to be active in moving our community forward in a positive fashion. I’ve canvassed for signatures for WashPIRG, answered phones for PBS, met with congressional representatives, raised money for good causes like Wolfhaven. At times, I just feel out of sync with the world and volunteering helps me feel useful. Those people I meet become a network of support too!

There is so much above and beyond that though. Here is where the “side effects” to volunteering weigh in. People have used the ripples from a pebble tossed into a pond, but I’d challenge the imagery as notably too small.

I, and the many other volunteers over the 20+ years of this organization, believe deeply in the Mission of the Center for Sex Positive Culture. Although I no longer identify as a conservative Catholic, I was still quite locked up when I joined the CSPC. Through education, mentorship, role models, observation, access to more inclusive information and support, I now have an acceptance of myself and know who I am. I am a Pangender, Pansexual, Poly, Sapiosexual, Sufferer submissive… for starters. I’m far more okay with my body too. I’m not judgmental of others, I can just accept them where they are and be supportive when those morph. I’ve released shame, guilt, self-revulsion. I experienced a Becoming.

We provide a space for people to shed the shackles of the past, the shame they have been conditioned to accept, and models that they've been told are all that they are allowed to be.

I’ve seen this journey happen to others. I’ve lent a hand when needed. I’ve had many people tell me quietly in between moments of stillness about how they don’t think this could’ve happened anywhere else but a magical dream like the CSPC. I’ll keep volunteering in big and small ways, whatever ways I am capable of for as long as I am able to pave the way for those who will come to take my place, and continue this grand odyssey we are all on in Becoming.