Personal Reflections on The Frolic 2022

By Sam

For those of you who know me well, this will come as no surprise, but going into The Frolic last summer I was equal parts anxious and excited. I can’t tell you the number of times I almost said, “Never mind, I’m staying home,” because I was so nervous. 

I’ve always loved camping, and I’m a firm believer that life’s best moments take place sitting around a bonfire. I had gotten to know some people, but this was only a couple of months into my time at the CSPC. The friendships I was forging hadn’t progressed all that far beyond the “Hey, how’s it going?” stage of development. What was I going to talk to these people about for several days in a row?!? I was a ball of nerves.

In spite of my nervousness, from the moment I showed up—red security shirt in hand—I knew I was in the right place. Very little of what I experienced at The Frolic was what I expected, but it was exactly what I needed.

There were moments of deep tenderness. 

  • A group shower that may have been the first time in my life where I was naked with others but without an ounce of self consciousness. 

  • Playing with the hair of someone I had admired and was getting to know in a much deeper way. 

  • Holding a new friend’s hand during a painful but healing scene where she got to reclaim a part of herself and where I felt like I was truly part of a community. 

  • Falling deeper in love with a partner in the way that seems to only happen when drifting off to sleep together under the stars.

These are moments I could never have created on my own, but that I’m so grateful I got to share.

Before you go and accuse me of being overly sentimental, I’ll say that there was no shortage of silliness and shenanigans. 

Have you ever tried a lube slip-n-slide? Neither had I. Strip Uno? It still needs some workshopping, but there’s a concept there. The attempts at diversion and distraction involved in a round of the kinky dating game were, frankly, astounding. 

There were moments around the campfire long after most people had gone to bed where I laughed so hard I could barely catch my breath.

What I found at The Frolic was nothing short of magical. A sense of community emerged that was so far beyond what I could have imagined. As someone new to the worlds of kink, sex-positivity, and consensual nonmonogamy, I found myself surrounded by people who were open to discussion, who answered my questions thoughtfully and asked questions that made me think even more, and who were willing to hold space for me to think, challenge, and explore at my own pace. 

I can’t promise that any of these things will happen for you at The Frolic. What I can promise is that if you’re willing to show up, be vulnerable, and open yourself up to community, meaningful things will happen. 

Even after two rounds of The Frolic last summer, I’m still feeling that blend of anxiousness and excitement. I have no idea what gifts The Frolic has in store for me this year, but I can’t wait to see, and I sincerely hope you’ll join me.

My First Frolic

By Tristan

The first few months of my exploration into kink and sex-positive communities were transformative. I grew as I found new experiences and built new relationships and began to build confidence in who I was and recognize my value. But this whirlwind of growth gave me just a taste of what I experienced at Frolic in 2022.

The immersive experience that kinky camping provided me felt like nothing I had ever been through before but was completely comfortable at the same time.

I was able to freely be myself and express that freedom every waking moment until I decided to sleep each night. Being around others going through the same immersion just built on the energy of the moment. We were all “at camp,” and that mindset was spirited and connecting.

There were so many experiences of nudity, sex, kink, learning, voyeurism, exhibitionism, joy, camaraderie, and community across my time at Kinky Acres but I will highlight my firsts:

  • My first needle tasting

  • My first strip UNO game

  • My first skinny dipping in the inflatable pool

  • My first classes about kink

  • My first time having sex in a tent

Underlying these experiences were relationships. I was able to forge meaningful connections with like-minded people. This was so important to me feeling comfortable being at Frolic and the root of that comes from this simple fact:

Spending time living with my people is the most natural expression of my identity I can experience.

I'm so excited for Frolic this year and I can't wait to experience that feeling again.

Editor's Note:

Tristan will be leading the Finding Your Way Discussion Group on Wednesday Aug 16 at 1 p.m. during The Frolic 2023.

CSPC Travel Guide Needs You!

By Emma Atkinson 

Here’s a scenario: You’re talking with someone who wants to attend a CSPC event, and they’re unfamiliar with Seattle and the Pioneer Square area where our parties are currently held. They have a hundred questions: Where should I stay if I want a funky boutique hotel experience or a longer-term Airbnb? What are some good places to stay if I’m on a budget? Where can I get coffee or an amazing snack after the party’s over? How can I get to Gallery Erato from my hotel or Airbnb? Are there great/authentic/good value places to eat that you’d recommend? Where should I park? Do you know a barista or coffee shop that cheers up everyone who comes in? What else can I do if I’m spending a weekend in the area?

Your experiences and insight can help us put this travel information together so we can offer it to other CSPC members and members-to-be. Please email your thoughts and suggestions to:  travel@thecspc.org.  

Thank you for taking the time to help others experience the wonderful parties that our members are creating.  

Photo by Sabine Ojeil on Unsplash

What Does Sex Positivity Mean to You?

Sex positivity can mean a lot of things to a lot of people. As a sex positive community, there can be many different beliefs and ideas on what sex positivity looks like. This is why we posed this question to our wonderful community on Instagram, which you can follow @the.cspc

Here are some of the amazing responses!

“Having the kind of sex you want to have, not the kind you don’t.”

“Hearing about how other people organize their sex lives and having nothing but joy for them.”

“Exploring ‘sex’ through sensuality (I am an asexual/Demi) kink dynamics really help.” 

“No judgment for kinks, or anyone’s past or present situation.”

“Being open and honest with yourself about what you want for your sex life.”

“Being able to make risk-aware choices for your sexual pleasure without stigma or concern.”

Thank you all for your incredible and honest responses, and thank you for being such a wonderful community!

I Choose My Adventures! How Group Camping as an Adult Changes Your Life

By Turtle

I close my eyes to open my mental scrapbook, reminiscing about all the varied and sundry camps I've attended over my lifetime. Initially, my dad is the oldest of five kids, all of us camping together as a family of ten at Lost Lake. I went on to 4-H Camp, Astronomy Club, my HS track team, Girl's State through the VFW program. I've even camped in the pig tack room at Grays Harbor County Fairgrounds and under the grandstands at the Puyallup State Fair. We think of camp as a place for kids in the summer.

As an adult, I discovered spiritual retreats, church camps, large outdoor activity camps, personal growth conferences in the woods, even one where no one spoke for four days. I worked at Camp Easter Seal too. (Now the slip-n-slide we had there was epic!) Camp Easter Seal was distinctly different from the Oregon Country Fair, which had greenish smoke drifting like fog through the grounds, LMAO.

Then, I joined the CSPC in 2010 and attended Paradise. In 2011, I volunteered. By 2012–2014, I was the entertainment lead for some 400 campers with a crew of ten. Sadly, Paradise was lost. 

Next, The Gathering was organized. I volunteered out there as well. LOL, I'm not sure I know how NOT to volunteer! In my family everyone helps with everything. It's what we do. Why am I sharing all this with you? Because many of my best memories happened at a camp. Ask me about being chased by a freshwater-lake shark some time.

I've learned an incredible amount about the world, about new topics, and I've expanded topics I'm familiar with. I've experienced deep personal growth, challenged my principles, met lifelong friends, and adopted new family members.

At The Frolic, you'll get the chance to experience both lighthearted moments and times when the world stands still. There are those late-night fireside talks that lead to deep-seated camaraderie and inside jokes. You'll build intimacy, trust, and bonds in ways you didn't know existed. 

Our community is unique in that we aren't just acquaintances who happen to know each other. We become an extended family that co-creates inclusive, non-judgmental experiences. We promote exploration and sexploration. Your journey of self discovery and confidence is endless.You'll stretch your cognitive and creative muscles and break out of stagnant routines. 

The Frolic allows you to expand your perspective. Create scenes you'd never consider. Maybe even enjoy new sensations. We have opportunities to experiment.

New people step up and exhibit leadership. We discover each other's hidden talents. By getting to truly know each other and set aside assumptions, we learn to respect each other. You will also see everyone just being human. Funny things happen. Laughter happens. Hugs and snuggles happen. Healing happens. People tap into their deeper purpose and learn to live their best life. They become more authentic to their hearts. 

Adult group camping is also the best type of self care. Being in nature is critical to our health, resting our brain matter.

Refilling our energy. Refocusing our priorities. 

All this and camp includes food, a place to camp, showers, rocking education, and awesome entertainment, plus play time with fantastic friends!

You won't want to go home.

My Black Love Letter

by Cass

Hello my Love, 

I hope this finds you well. So here we are in Black History month. How you doing so far? I have been thinking about you. February, hmm, the month of love. Funny we put love and the acknowledgement of Black contributions and the struggle of the Black people in the same month. But I can see the power in that.

Black love has endured pain, suffering, and hell even denial. Being LGBTQIA2S+ in the Black community is still fucking hard.

I know the struggle of how to love your broken self, to know that you deserve to be loved, to be seen in your flaws and your finesse. But Black love has sustained the test of time. Guess what? You have family. They may not all look like you, but they love you. The CSPC wants you to know that you truly are a beautiful member of our family. LOL, sounds like a cult.

Well kind of sort of. We got Community, we are United in our belief that everyone should be able to be themselves, we are Loving , and we are a Team. Everyone is welcomed. I know during this month the internal struggle is real. It took me a long time to be able to see my beautiful Black self, and it took even longer to be honest about my sexuality.

When I found the CSPC I found my diverse family.

I found a listening ear, a safe space to explore and learn about myself. The CSPC was created by the people, for the people. The Center has been and always will be a safe space, not just February but all year. We hope you know how much we care about you. I am so happy to have my family at the CSPC, and I hope you continue to be a part of this family. 

Love, 

Cass

Consent: The Path In and Out + Unpushing the Panic Button

Consent: The Path In and Out

Written by: Turtle and Sequentialized

Contributors: CSPC ND/DG, Chris, Clint, Kathryn, Jae, Jon, Saint, Scarlett, Seranine, and Teeebone

We decided to have a blunt conversation about our needs around consent and neurodiversity. We want to know when we have consent and we want our partners to know when they have our consent with no ambiguity!

Consent wraps itself in so many deep-seated patterns surrounded by generational- and geographical-specific minutiae that it can appear incomprehensible to the average human before you even add neurodiversity to the mix. Indeed, no one hands you a cheat sheet of codes at puberty to help you jump through the initial hoops of the social menagerie. Instead, we all believe we are alone in our shame, feeling lost in confusion, mixed signals, and bullies taking advantage until we memorize the unspoken secret language of flirtation and implied consent.

This is what neurotypicals (NTs) experience and seem to accept as standard operating procedures. Neurodivergent (ND) people find this “shared language” world exceedingly confusing and prefer a literal language, like dictionary definitions. (What I actually said is what I literally meant.) For example: “I want your banana,” means I want your banana, as in fruit, not, “I want to suck your dick,” which could be considered banana-shaped when hard.

Often, neurodivergents will go along with whatever is going on because a past trauma experience leaves them feeling unsafe to say no, or they can’t read body language and suddenly find themselves in too deep to get out without experiencing severe rejection. They experience one of the four F’s of trauma response: Freeze, Fight, Flight, and Fawn. NTs assume consent because the ND did not specifically say “No” or “Stop.” Later, with the lag of trauma response, the neurodivergent could feel increasingly violated but blame themselves for not saying “No.” But they also never said “Yes.” It is important to us that our partners get an express and enthusiastic “YES!” from us!

NOTE 1: Many NDs grow up being told they are not enough or being rejected for not being neurotypical, which leads to Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD). RSD occurs when you experience an intense or overwhelming emotional sensitivity to criticism or rejection. It can be a learned emotional response or you may be genetically predisposed to it.

NOTE 2: Alternately, other NDs struggle with internalized ableism. Lauren Presutti, writing for the Christopher and Dana Reeve Foundation, puts it this way: “Internalized ableism is when we project negative feelings onto ourselves. This happens when we start to believe how society labels disability as inferior. We start to believe the stereotypes. Internalized ableism occurs when we are so heavily influenced by the stereotypes, misconceptions, and discrimination against people with disabilities that we start to believe that our disabilities really do make us inferior” (Presutti, 2021). We observe this to mean that we do not deserve to ask for our needs to be met in any way, shape, or form. 

We feel that there are at least three types of thinkers: NTs, NDs, and neurotranslators. Translators seem to be in a small percentage; however, they can easily discourse within the communication matrix of either group. They are a lovely addition to any mixed population and really smooth out the ability to share ideas.

The Struggle

We NDs feel like we tell our counterparts what we need, and who we are…and they tear it apart looking for a secret code. They just then do whatever they want without also communicating the same information in return. We recognize that perhaps they are just not used to participating like this or perhaps have negative emotions surrounding such sharing. We are not trying to project any emotions necessarily. We just want information for better understanding. We wonder if the other person is cognitively inflexible. 

Understand that we process things in a multitude of different ways, some that we may share, while others we may not as we tend to be very internally wired humans. But all you have to do is ask, and when we are ready and feel safe, most likely we will share. Please try your best to be supportive and not be derogatory or humiliate us.

Ultimately, for enthusiastic consent from a neurodivergent:

  • Know when someone is capable of giving consent.*

  • Tell us very specifically what you want using actual names for body parts.

  • Point to where we can touch and what we can take off.

  • Tell us what the end of the scene looks like.

  • Show us how to please you.

  • Be open to let us show you exactly what pleases us. Be open to hearing exactly what we want to touch, lick, kiss, fuck, hit, punch, etc.

  • Be on time.

  • Follow up afterward.

  • Honor our boundaries.

  • Ask, “Is this ok?” whenever you need to or when we get that fearful look in our eyes.

We spoke about “Nonviolent Communication” by Marshall Rosenberg as a reference for better communication skills. 

*Another fantastic reference! https://www.consent.academy

A Kiss Is Not A Contract - Flight Of The Conchords (Lyrics)

Quotes from the ND/DG

“We have so much processing from having our boundaries ignored as children and having masked ourselves all day at work that we can get accidentally pressured into agreeing to things we wouldn’t agree to when not exhausted.”

“If asleep or passed out or someone’s body is responding to your violation—that doesn’t give consent.”

“The moment when the puzzle pieces click much later is intense and isolating. The context is lost to most and is quite vivid in my mind.”

“I’ve always been afraid to say no.”

“I'm glad there are communities such as this for support. Each of your journeys is so very valid.”

Unpushing the Panic Button

Companion Piece to “Consent: The Path In and Out”

By Turtle (written November 23, 2022)

I’m sitting in the corner of the stacks

Heavy mahogany shelving reaching into the clouds of my mind

Ladders cling, fragilely skimming my imagination as it cavorts among authors and genres.

My eyes stray over the edge of my latest conquest…dragons and mummies and mimes oh my

To my dreams in reality—flesh and blood, cloth and leather.

Sandy, semi-pulled-back hair, some trailing

Their jawline as they nibble errantly on a pencil.

Unknowing I’m watching…again.

Unknowing of my very existence.

I doubt I deserve someone so awesome.

If they turn out to be fantastic…

“How can they be anything but amazing?” I ask myself

As I paint graceful fairy wings on their back.

Do wolves fly? They look like a cute fluffy wolf.

Perhaps a wolf with wings is weird.

I watch their throat move serpentine as they swallow from their water bottle.

What would it feel like if they swallowed me?

They stand. Oh no.

Turn my way.

I scooch down. Folding myself on the hardwood chair.

They walk down the row I’m seated at the end of.

I can’t breathe. 

I freeze.

TERROR POURS INTO ME.

What if they saw me?

What if they are going to tell me to stop staring and violating their space?

I’m going to throw up!

I feel dizzy!

Maybe I will pass out!

PAUSE. BREATHE.

They are facing away from me

Searching the shelf for a specific book.

It’s worse than rejection.

They don’t even see me. 

I’m invisible.

Thoughts spiral wildly in an endless, infinite moment.

They pull an enormous dusty tome.

“Oof!” I hear as I drop my head to hide behind my hair.

A large intake of breath and they exhale to blow the dust off the book.

BOOF!

Wheeze! Cough!

I’m hacking like a cat with a hairball!

“OMG are you ok?”

“Inhaler…” I gasp while blindly fumbling with the front pouch of my green backpack.

They gently remove the bag from my grasping fingers and pull out my inhaler

Assembling it with its spacer properly in a blink.

“Here.”

Hiss. Suuuuuuuccccccckkkkkk. (HOLD) Huuuuuuuuhhhhhh.

Hiss. Suuuuuuuccccccckkkkkk. (HOLD) Huuuuuuuuhhhhhh.

A tear runs down my cheek as the horrible feeling of being unable to breathe eases.

Their warm palm cups my face.

My eyes widen as I flick them up.

I’m making eye contact.

Direct eye contact.

They are green looking into my blue and they don’t look away.

I forget to breathe.

What is air anyway?

Their thumb lightly brushes away my tear

The trail of wetness slowly dries as my face begins to warm.

Still, they look into my eyes.

How long has it been?

When will they move?

When will the catastrophic rejection occur?

Can we just get it over with?

I want to scream and run and maybe change schools— 

“I See you,” they say.

Not little “s” see but big capital “S” See.

“Take a breath.”

So I do.

“Shall we go for a walk?”

I nod.

They help me gather my belongings like we’ve done it many times before.

They hold out their hand to me.

I look at it.

“It’s ok. I don’t bite unless you ask me to!” they say with a wicked little grin.

I watch my hand reach out of its own accord and grasp theirs.

I feel like for the first time I’ve given my consent instead of having it taken.

Relief washes over me.

I feel safe.

I follow them out of the deep twilight shadows of the library where I hide

Into the sunlight sliding through the cherry blossoms.

Today my dreams are real.

The fear blows away. 

Newbie Consent Guide from FetLife

KaiBrave, a member of our CSPC community, has created a useful guide for navigating consent during pickup play and posted it on FetLife. As a personal FetLife writing, this is not official CSPC communication; however, we thought it was important to share, especially in light of the new year with lots of folks trying out new things for themselves!

The guide can be found here:

https://fetlife.com/users/12394746/posts/9079822

You can join the conversation in the comments (and as a reminder, you will need a FetLife account in order to read it). There are extra resources at the bottom of the guide if you want even more information. 

Enjoy and learn!

CNM Study Participants Needed!

Study Participants Needed!

Communication About Important Transitions in Consensually Non-Monogamous Relationships

Happy January my lovelies! Time to participate in science!

West Virginia University PhD candidate, Rachael Purtell, is conducting interpersonal communication research with consensually non-monogamous populations. She is currently investigating communication among people in long-term, committed CNM partnerships navigating major transitions in their relationship(s). Broadly, this study is interested in communication within traditional underrepresented romantic relationships and how social issues are communicated and perpetuated in and by organizations. 

Expanded study details and survey link can be found here:

https://wvu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_6mN5M6bhPfPjVqe

If you are interested and choose to participate, the study consists of one 20–30 minute survey. Inclusion criteria are listed below.

  • 18 years or older

  • currently be in a self-defined committed consensually non-monogamous relationship with at least one partner (e.g., including but not limited to a primary partner, nesting partner, life partner)

  • that partner has started a new sexual or romantic partnership with someone other than yourself in the past six months

You will have the option to enter a raffle to win one of eight $100 Amazon gift cards via a separate survey, which can be accessed via a link provided at the end of the survey.

Contact details:

Researcher: Rachael Purtell

Phone: (304) 293-3905

Email: rep0027@mix.wvu.edu

This is an IRB-approved study. If you have any questions about your rights as a research participant, please contact the WVU Office of Human Research Protection by phone at (304) 293-7073 or by email at IRB@mail.wvu.edu.