Leadership Spotlight: Sadie

This is the ninth of our spotlights on community members who help out the CSPC in leadership positions. In this issue, we’ve asked some questions to get a deep and personal look at our Operations Manager and Interim President, Sadie.

  • Scene name:

    • I’m Sadie in the scene.  Miss Sadira Night in formal situations!

  • Pronouns:

    • she/her work fine.  I don’t have any real verve for one set over another, but I was raised female and it’s easy to let those pronouns stand.

  • How do you identify?

    • I am a male woman with femme presentation, demisexual, bisexual, sapiosexual, Domminant, sado-masochist, owner, Mommy/caregiver, head of household, and polyamorous.  I also identify as an ambivert, teacher/educator, mentor, dancer, cat-mom, and person with child-like (not childish) joy!   

  • How long have you been with the CSPC?

    • I joined the CSPC in January of 2003, so about 17 years and counting now.    Since then I spent 4ish years as an event host, a couple years as a board member, and about a year of Operations Management!  

  • What brought you here and what are your main areas of interest?

    • I’ve been a sado-masochist for as long as I remember.  At five, I was having fantasies and I spent my early life wondering what was wrong with me that I was envisioning people being hurt and enjoying it.  In my early relationships, I took over without meaning to, subsuming my partners’ personality and desires without even realizing it.  It bothered me when I did realize.  Eventually, a friend brought me to the CSPC and I began learning in depth about D/s, service, and the ethical structures for consent in a power-exchange relationship as well as how to hurt people safely and in ways that we would both enjoy.  

    • I am not personally interested in the sex-based parties.  I understand their value and that for many people they are freeing, but what interests me is sado-masochism and power dynamics.  Any event that focuses on that, or ends up with a lot of that flavor is something I enjoy.  Protocol parties, medical play parties, impact parties all hold my attention well.  

  • CSPC e-mail address:

  • What was your path to your current position?

    • I joined the CSPC in January of 2003.  The first 8 years, all I did was dance and watch the play happening.  It was difficult for me to step into my identities and roles.  Finally, someone put a submissive in front of me, a paddle in my hand and said, “Go.  You need this.”  From there on in, I felt like I stepped more and more into myself with every interaction! I hope that the CSPC as a venue and community can provide that stepping stone for others like it did for me.

    • In 2018, I joined the board of directors because a friend told me I should and emailed the current board to recommend me.  I didn’t know at the time how involved I would get!  About a year later, the idea for a paid position came up and I quit the board to accept the position after a lengthy hiring process.  At the moment, I am also acting as interim president, though I am not technically a member of the board, nor do I vote unless it is as a tie-breaker.

  • Which CSPC event is your favorite and why? 

    • The Femme SovereignTea is my favorite, hands down, with the Women on Top as a close second.  These parties were where I came into my own personally and in a D/s context, where I met my partner, where I discovered what I wanted out of life.  I am forever grateful to the ones who organized the tea to begin with and those who took it over when the first group retired.  I spent years without missing a single one because I realized that I got cranky the whole next month if I missed it.  It was the first place I got to experiment with Dominance.  The place I learned about submissives and service and impact play.  I was surrounded by strong female Dominants and strong submissives of every gender, inspired by them and wanting to inspire them.  Eventually, I decided that one tea a month wasn’t enough and started hosting my own, and then got asked to help host the CSPC tea.  When CSPC moved to the new space after being dark for some time, I took over the tea and my team hosted it for a couple years.  It is my hope that this and a Femdom party like Women on Top will quickly come back once we are able to re-open.

    • Other events I loved before we went dark included Asylum, Libertine, The Grind, and House Wildfire.

  • Career or day job:

    • I have so many secret identities…  Currently I do business consulting with commercial real estate, work with scholarships, manage charity funds, manage a short term rental calendar, act, do operations management at the CSPC, and individualized private kink education (safety, impact, service, D/s, etc…). 

    • In the past I have been an elementary school teacher, massage practitioner, and all sorts of other odd jobs, both volunteer and paid.  

  • What do you like to do in your free time?

    • What is this free time of which you speak?

    • I enjoy training my submissives, reading, cooking, kayaking, getting out in the sun, playing video games (Binding of Isaac and Civilization at the moment), dancing, and learning arts and crafts.  Not doing the art or craft mind you, just learning them.  Learning in general is something I enjoy, whether it is learning more about the people around me or philosophical, academic, or practical learning.  Most of all though, I love interacting with people that I care about; connecting, discussing, and spending time with.  

  • Living situation:

    • I live with and preside over my submissive-princess-pet-partner and two other cats in the Dom(me)icile House.  We’ve got a sweet little love-nest set up with a constantly used kitchen and a dungeon that should get more use!

  • Something no one would ever guess about you / fun fact:

    • I used to do trick horseback riding.  I have pictures of me standing on a running horse somewhere around here!  

    • I used to teach Sunday School.

    • Once upon a time, a long, long time ago in the 80s, I went to Disneyland with Jon Cryer.  I didn’t know who he was, but my friends made a big deal of it, asked me to get an autograph,etc.  

  • Turn-ons and squicks: 

    • My main turn-ons are connection and control and pain. Connection has to come first.  They go together for me.  Because connection is one of my turn-ons, I can get into almost anything if I care about a person and they enjoy it, connect over it.  If what they desire links into being controlled and/or suffering, that is all the sweeter.  CNC (consensual non-consent) and devotional relationships, developed slowly in such a way that everyone involved feels safe and supported, hold a special place in my heart.

    • When I desire someone, I want all of them, all of what they are.  I want to bring out the best in them through love, pain, joy, and suffering.  I want devotion and surrender from them.  I want them to move further and further into who and what they are, into the best version of themselves.  My partners are varied, and each one has been so unique.  Each gives and is something so different from any other.  

    • My squicks revolve around disrespect, dishonesty, fakeness, a lack of consent, and a lack of connection.

  • Hopes and concerns for the CSPC and the greater sex positive community:

    • I want the Center to grow back into the community center that it once was, only better.  A place for those who are exploring their sexual freedom to come and play, socialize, meet people, learn from one another, watch, and be free to be themselves.  We are not just a club, we are a community of people who are of all walks of life and many ways of being, who join together for the sexual freedom of all.

    • I hope that we are one of many organizations in this country that promote and allow for the visibility of sexual minorities, and that we can work together to do so.  That anyone who is participating in consensual sexuality, whatever that looks like for them, would have the freedom and place to do so whether with us or with another organization in their area.  

  • Advice for a new member or volunteer: 

    • Get involved.  Meet people.  Talk to everyone, don’t just target those you’re attracted to.  Be a community member.  Be open to new ideas.  Volunteer.  Pair great freedom with great responsibility.  Go to classes and munches and parties and take the time to get to know the community as well as what you are desiring.  

  • Is there an event or organization, outside of the CSPC, that you feel our community should know about?

    • There are a number of wonderful organizations and events around this area.  The Streamhouse is an amazing venue for events and a B&B.  Inn Thrall has, sadly, moved to Philadelphia, but is still an incredible B&B and Femdom-based venue.  I know of Subspace and Kitsap Aces, though I haven’t been to either yet.  There are munches almost every day of the week during non-Covid times as well that are wonderful ways to build the community.  I’m personally partial to the Greenwood munch and the Blue Munch.

    • For larger conventions, I’ve been to and loved Kinkfest, Frolicon, The Gathering, CapCon, West Coast Jungle Gym.  I miss Paradise and Renegade’s Rendez-vous and hope eventually we’re able to do more kinky campout conventions!

    • And, of course, Dom(me)icile Events are simply the best!

  • How can we build up each other? How can we be here for one another?

    • I think the second question encapsulates itself.  We need to be here for one another.  Whether as a community or individuals, we should be constantly working for inclusion and to dismantle barriers to everyone having the ability to pursue their own lives and happiness, including their sexuality.  The idea of “your kink is not my kink, but your kink is ok” often comes across as simplistic or even condescending to me, but in essence, it’s the idea we need to live by in order to be there for one another.

The CSPC