by Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake
Hello sexy, sassy readers! We hope Pride was everything you hoped for and more.
We’re very excited as we plan to bring you another version of Consent Corner in upcoming newsletters. Be on the lookout for Version 2.0 and forward as your favorite corner transforms. It’s kind of like Doctor Who, who changes into a different physical presence over his (or now her) life. It’s a Time Lord thing - look it up if you’re unfamiliar with its intricacies.
We’d like to pose a question: how do you know when it’s time to acknowledge a consent issue? We’re not talking about clear steps over the line: something done that was expressly banned or not honoring safewords (prearranged signals to pause or stop activities). We’re talking about when you have feelings that seem uncomfortable and you’re not clear on how to interpret them. You know that something’s not quite right, but you don’t know what it is.
We’ve talked before about how unexpected feelings can come up in consensual activities. You can get triggered into feeling scared or anxious. Something might come up for you that you thought had been resolved. And, there it is, right in front of you, shifting the experience from what you’d expected or consented to into something different. It’s kind of like in Doctor Who, when the T.A.R.D.I.S. takes him or her and companion(s) to a different planet or time. They’re experiencing an important event in Earth history, and then they’re in the future on another planet. You might say, “Wait, how did I get here?”
Stay tuned as we explore this idea of exploring our feelings. In the meantime, there’s homework!
Homework: Think about times in your experiences when you weren’t sure how to handle a consent issue, or if a consent issue actually represented a violation. If you’re anything like us, you’ve got an ample supply.
Extra Credit: check out Gavin de Becker and his book “The Gift of Fear.” Spoiler: The gift is that sense you have that something’s not quite right.
Extra Extra Credit: If you’re a fan of sci-fi, British TV, or if you’re just curious, look up Doctor Who. We think you’ll be glad you did.
You’ll be glad to give us praise at: info@thecspc.org.
“Be excellent to each other” - Bill and Ted
“Be sexcellent to each other” - Emma and Rachel