by Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake
Hello.fabulous readers! And speaking of fabulous, have you had a chance to pore over the offerings in our Fucking Fabulous Fall Fundraiser? It’s your opportunity to support the CSPC and score some amazing items. Here’s the link: https://www.32auctions.com/CSPCffff.
The holiday season is upon us and it seems like a perfect time to consider negotiations. We’ve been hearing from folks who feel pulled in all sorts of directions, usually from well-meaning family members, loved ones, or even multiple partners. Here are a few thoughts on maintaining your well-being through it all.
Consider what you’d like as an ideal outcome and how attending an event or gathering will make you feel in the moment and in the long run. During this time of year, you may have different desires for how you spend your time than your partner(s). It’s a good idea to avoid assumptions, check-in on plans well in advance, and negotiate. We’re big fans of win-win solutions and think that’s the most favorable outcome for everyone. Recognize, however, that compromise will probably be needed since others will be involved, and they’ll have different needs and desires. Get out your fancy compromise hat and put it on as you proceed. Any hat that makes you feel fabulous can serve as a compromise hat in a pinch, and help you remember to negotiate with as much grace and kindness as you can muster.
Think about your needs and be mindful of what you feel are obligations. Most of us have loved ones near and far who want to spend time with us. Our family, whether of origin or creation, often has traditions that have evolved over time - sometimes for the better and sometimes not so much. What would serve you in mind, body, and spirit?
First, consider opening the conversation about timing. Will your visit happen on the actual day of the holiday or on another day? Will you be spending the whole day or can you make a brief visit for appetizers or dessert? What time will you arrive and when will you leave? Are there circumstances which might prompt a change in this timing? For example, if you find a certain person’s behavior challenging, what will you do if that individual ramps up at the event?
Second, what will you do at the gathering? Are there some rituals in which you choose not to participate? Are there any triggering events which would lead you to change your plans? Do you need to work out a safeword or phrase with your partner?
It may be helpful to remember that expectations are resentments waiting to happen. It might be wise to carefully manage your own expectations and help others manage theirs.
Holidays are wonderful times to reconnect with loved ones. Life offers no guarantees and we can be grateful for the times we spend with each other. Gratitude can make the holidays precious and memorable. See for yourself!
Homework: have a fabulous holiday season, and keep your focus on gratitude throughout. Celebrate the season by sharing a photo of your compromise hat with us at: info@thecspc.org.
“Be excellent to each other” - Bill and Ted
“Be sexcellent to each other” - Emma and Rachel
