by Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake
Hello again, dear readers! It’s the dog days of summer, and if you feel the urge to howl at the moon or any celestial object at all, please go right ahead.
Speaking of consent, the number of COVID cases is ramping up along with social interactions, and how about those masks? When should I wear it? What if I’m wearing a mask and I join a group in conversation who are all unmasked? Or, vice versa, I’m unmasked and the group is not - what then?
Neither of us is a medical authority. We do, however, suggest that you be mindful when such situations arise. Get the best information you can, consider what is best for you and the situation, and then trust your gut.
Your personal autonomy always gives you the right to decide what’s best for you. You may need to ask for a change in the situation, or you may need to leave. Being mindful can help you figure out what’s best then and there.
You have the opportunity to practice a superpower that mystifies a lot of people: how to be the one to start a difficult conversation. One way to start a challenging conversation is by pointing out what’s going on. You could say “I’m not masked and all of you are.”
What next? Practice another superpower–kindness. You could ask for what you want or ask others what they want. You can leave if it seems wise. Gathering more information about how you can uphold the autonomy of others you want to engage with doesn’t have to be complex. Finding out what they are comfortable with by asking questions like, “I don’t have a mask on me, would you be more comfortable with me standing 6ft away or should we connect another time?”
The kindness really comes into play when you accept whatever answer you are given with grace and a good attitude. It’s okay to be disappointed or feel your feelings, but upholding the autonomy of others, and creating a situation where everyone feels safe to state their needs (including “no”) without retaliation or negative reactions is important to healthy consent agreements.
These suggestions are simple, but many people find that they are not easy at first; with practice they will come naturally. In the beginning, you may need to muster all the courage you can to handle challenging situations with the kind of grace you will remember fondly, but it’s worth it! Try practicing with people in your life that you know and trust. We’re pretty sure that you have the courage you need already inside you just waiting for the chance to help you out.
Homework: Start some conversations about masks and let us know how it went at: info@thecspc.org
“Be excellent to each other” - Bill and Ted
“Be sexcellent to each other” - Emma and Rachel