Ask a (Sex-Positive) REALTORⓇ

by Rebecca Bingham

Warmest wishes to those who celebrate holidays in November, with a special thank you to Veterans on Nov 11th! Which happens to also fall on Leather Reign weekend this year. (And most years, tbh, as LR falls on the 2nd weekend in November every year).

I had a question already, and I'm so delighted!

Question: Would you mind discussing a little about WHY someone might "need" a kinky Realtor, and what is code-switching?

I'll start with code-switching. I really like this definition: "Broadly, code-switching involves adjusting one’s style of speech, appearance, behavior, and expression in ways that will optimize the comfort of others in exchange for fair treatment, quality service, and employment opportunities" from Harvard Business Review (https://hbr.org/2019/11/the-costs-of-codeswitching). So, in housing terms, I might suggest you ask your contractor to put in extra insulation for your temperature-sensitive hobbies, which will also provide GREAT soundproofing. You get your needs met, and it hasn't been outed to a workperson that you are making a kinky dungeon to tie people up in :) 

Also, by being a kink-friendly, queer Realtor, I can help with complicated issues such as a poly family where everyone is taking title although no one is married to each other without batting an eye. I work with a kink-friendly real estate attorney who can draw up the paperwork to make the agreements legal and binding, and kink-aware, queer lenders who understand that sex work is real work and will help ensure all your income is accounted for when investing in real estate, which is super helpful for pro-dommes and other sex workers. We can handle deadnames professionally, name changes, pronouns, and all sorts of queer situations with discretion.

Thank you for the questions, and I look forward to more! Please message me on Fetlife, or on FB, and of course, I won't mention your name.

Next month, I will include a market update. It's still Oct at the time of this writing. And of course, if you or someone you know is looking to buy or sell a house, please connect with me via my website or on social media.

Donate Now to the Fucking Fabulous Fall Fundraiser!

by Eirikah Delaunay

My favorite thing about the CSPC is the community (and that’s saying a lot, because WOW there’s a lot to love about the CSPC). This fall we’ve created a way to get to know each other better while contributing to the community we all love–the Fucking Fabulous Fall Fundraiser!

You are invited to donate your skills or your stuff for our online auction that will run for two weeks of bidding beginning the day after Thanksgiving, just in time for holiday gift buying. This is a fantastic opportunity to share your talents or your goodies with our community! Are you a business owner? Donate the service or product you sell and advertise your business to our community in the item description!

We’re already seeing exciting items rolling in! Would you like a thoroughly negotiated flogging or a class in fire play? Or perhaps a perfectly smoked brisket to be the star of your holiday buffet? A tarot reading to look ahead at what 2023 has in store for you? Maybe a sybian would tickle your fancy–it’s okay to buy yourself a gift, too! 

We’ll begin posting items on the auction site soon so folx can start their window shopping early. What delights do you have to share with our community? Whether they are sexy, beautiful, or just plain useful, we want to celebrate the treasures you have to offer.

All purchases will help the CSPC achieve its mission to create spaces to celebrate, develop, and explore sexuality and sensuality among a diverse and supportive community. And that is simply Fucking Fabulous!

The link to the donation form will be added to the CSPC website soon. (Donations of services that involve two-way nudity/sex acts will not be accepted, in alignment with CSPC policy.)

A Good Smack on the Back

by Emma Atkinson 

“I came to the CSPC for the flogging, but I stayed for the people” - A

Fifty or so lovely folks found their way to Kinky Acres on Saturday, October 1, for the CSPC volunteer appreciation party “A Smack on the Back.” The quotes are from actual participants who were there. The weather was beautiful, the location was idyllic, and the clothing was minimal. The stage was set for a super party! 

“I started the summer searching for myself and a community.  Thanks to the CSPC, at the end of the summer I ended up with a family, transformed.” - T

Play spaces were created on the spacious lawn. We were treated to the culinary creations of Cass and Dan, who also cooked for us at both Frolic events. There was a lot of spirited conversation going on around the tables as we savored the yummy dinner they provided.  

“The CSPC is one of the pivotal organizations that creates the Seattle culture” - E

After dinner, raffle winners took possession of great swag including floggers, CSPC bags and tee shirts, and sensation toys. The official CSPC treasure chest was there, too, and volunteers chose the treasure (scented and handmade soaps, hair accessories, and various lotions and potions) that they wanted to take home and enjoy.  

“I’m continually surprised by the depth of healing and inner growth that people are experiencing at CSPC events.” - B

As the sun began to set, more clothing was put on. These fall evenings can get a bit nippy in the Pacific Northwest!  We were treated to some fire play - it’s quite beautiful, especially in the dark.   It’s probably not an exaggeration to say that a good time was had by all.

“We all volunteer for different reasons.  But to come together, all at the same time, none of us working, to socialize and play - what a day!” -T

Thanks to everyone who made the volunteer appreciation event happen. And thanks to the dedicated volunteers who make everything happen at the CSPC!

It takes all of us contributing to build and sustain the thriving sex positive community we want to be a part of. Not yet a volunteer? Join us here! Whether at parties or behind the scenes, there’s a volunteer role just right for everyone. Email us at HR@thecspc.org to find the spot that’s right for you. Limited time and energy? Donate here! 

Fucking Fabulous Fall Fundraiser!

by Emma Atkinson

Would you like to help the CSPC, find amazing holiday gifts for loved ones, and have fun - all at the same time?  It might sound too good to be true, but read on!

The Fucking Fabulous Fall Fundraiser will auction off all sorts of cool items this fall, just in time for the holiday season. Here’s how you can be a helper in this grand endeavor:

Donate a Service!

Do you have a skill to donate? How about:

• an hour of computer consultation - your knowledge can help with those frustrating little things that drive most of us users crazy

• provide a truck for a short time - put in the limits that you’re comfortable with 

• a meal that you could cook and provide - maybe you make a mean lasagne or curry that you can drop off, or maybe you will be the star chef for a dinner party

• ask a Domme (or top or furry or master or …) consulting - 30 minutes to talk one on one with a Domme (or whatever) and get some questions answered - you can be a mentor to someone who’s new to the community 

• a flogging, done with considerable consent negotiations 

• a custom-written story or poem

Donate Stuff!

Do you have an item to donate?  Maybe:

• a rainbow-colored beaded curtain for your living space - customized as needed

• any new or gently used toys or furniture taking up space around your dungeon 

• a work of art (or jewelry or knitting or whatever makes your heart sing) that you made

• a work of art that someone else made and you’re ready to part with it

• those sexy boots you never wear

• books that outgrew your bookshelf

• plants that outgrew your windowsill

Are you a business owner? Donate the service or product you sell and advertise your business to our community in the item description!

The link to the donation form will be added to the CSPC website soon. (Donations of services that involve two-way nudity/sex acts will not be accepted, in alignment with CSPC policy.)

Purchase!

The CSPC will post the donated items on an online auction site for your holiday shopping pleasure! Bidding will open right after Thanksgiving and run for about a week as a silent auction, similar to the Paddlepalooza event earlier this year.

You might know someone who’s hard to find presents for. You can give them an experience or unique treasure that will rock their world!  And you’ll probably find at least one item that you can’t live without and decide to buy it for yourself.  

The best part: it’s for a good cause. Your purchase will help the CSPC achieve its mission to create spaces to celebrate, develop, and explore sexuality and sensuality among a diverse and supportive community. Fucking Fabulous!

Community Matters--New Masking Guidelines

This is a reminder that starting October 1 the CSPC will be increasing our masking requirements for our in-person events. All volunteers and attendees will be required to wear an N95, KN95, or equivalent mask. We will have some masks at the registration desk for those who don’t have a mask of that type. But since we can’t always know how many will be needed, we ask that you please bring your own mask if possible.

The purpose of increasing these standards is to keep our events as safe as possible. We only have a few policy levers to work with, and we’re trying to invest our volunteers’ time and energy in those that will be most effective at preventing community spread. Our simultaneous move to stop doing vaccination checks at the door will have very little effect on the likelihood of a person with COVID walking in through the door, especially since the vast majority of our membership is already vaccinated and boosted. And since the Omicron variants (which now make up 99.9% of the virus spreading around the U.S.) spread readily among both vaccinated and unvaccinated populations, people with COVID are guaranteed to come to some of our events no matter what our vaccine policy. We still strongly recommend vaccination and booster shots, as doing so greatly improves medical outcomes for the infected person. We also highly recommend self testing before coming out to an event, even if you aren’t symptomatic, to help prevent community spread.

Changing the masking standards at events is our most effective way of mitigating the associated risks. An N95 can give eight times as much protection as a surgical mask, so this is a significant thing we can do to reduce community spread and keep one another safe. As a bonus, having everybody at our events in better masks makes the whole environment safer. When you remove your mask for a drink or a mind-blowing  scene, you can do so with much more confidence that the air around you will be safe.

You’re probably wondering what an “equivalent mask” means. We’re using that language because there are many standards around the world for masks. FFP2 masks from Europe, Korea 1st Class masks, or DS2 masks from Japan will all give roughly similar results for purposes of preventing spread of COVID-19 and other airborne diseases. So will any masks that have the following characteristics:

1.       Materials that have been shown to filter airborne particles at an equivalent rate to an N95 filtration medium.

2.       A close fit around the face (to prevent air flowing around the mask).

3.       Effective filtration in both directions (in other words, no valves that are allowing unfiltered air to flow out).

An EC at an event has the final say over whether a given mask meets these standards, but you can check in with us beforehand if you have any questions. Just email info@thecspc.org.

Looking forward to many more (safer) events, together with you all,

--The CSPC Board

Why I Rapid Test Before Every Event

by Skitty

Velvet dress? Check

Fishnets and boots? Check

KN95? Check

Negative rapid test? Check

Why do I test? So I can get laid. And so you can get laid too. It’s that simple. Well, maybe not quite that simple. I can get laid at home. But home isn’t a sex dungeon and it’s not filled with all my friends and lovers and possible new connections.

As CSPC president, I need to engage with people. I need to volunteer within the community.

I test for COVID before every CSPC event. In fact, I test before every date, social outing, and trip. Despite my natural instinct to stay home and nest, I have rather a busy schedule, typically with multiple outings in a week.

So, I test. I test because I need to protect my polycule. I think of it as an extension of our safer sex practices. Sometimes it’s a bother, but it helps keep us all safer and allows us the freedom to explore new experiences, both within and outside our “cule.”

I test because I have no time to be sick. I have responsibilities. And I’d prefer not to die. If my test were to come back positive, I would be able to get treatment much sooner.

I test out of respect for myself and for others. By testing before each event, I can maintain my boundaries, knowing that those I play with are doing the same. We can choose to exchange fluids, breathe each other in, and have a damn good time with reduced risk of making one another ill.

I test because this is my community, my family, and I have a responsibility to your health as well as mine. Testing allows me to proceed with confidence. There is much less likelihood that I will infect others.

I test to do my part to keep our volunteer team from becoming sick. Because we enjoy one another’s company, we spend a lot of time together, and while that is great, it means that it doesn’t take long for the virus to pass between us. If too many volunteers are out sick at any given time, that would mean we wouldn’t be able to safely staff our events and would need to cancel. Oh, the horror!

So here we are, two and a half years into the pandemic, and I am still COVID free. I’m not sure whether it is luck or because of consistent adherence to practice. I’m betting it's a combination of both. That, and being selective by avoiding interactions that do not mean as much to me. If you see me at an event, it is because I have assessed the risk and decided you’re worth it.

I believe that getting boosted and wearing a well-fitting mask any time I am out in public have also been key components in staying COVID free. I also enjoy the side benefit of not having had a single cold or flu in the past two and a half years.

So go ahead, put on your slutwear, grab a mask, and do a rapid test (free tests are still available from WA state). Then come get laid.

Cafe is OPEN--Getting Started at the CSPC

by Camille Cafe

I walked thru the door of the Center for Sex Positive Culture all by myself on the night of October 17, 2012. I had recently said goodbye to my husband as he went off to work in Antarctica for a season. We were splitting up, and it was his way of dealing with it - getting as far away from Seattle as he could. We’d put most of our belongings in storage, and I’d moved with our two cats into a dingy basement apartment in Georgetown. We’d separated for many reasons, but the driving force behind this arrangement was that I wanted to explore my sexuality. I hadn’t dated as a young woman; I was 27 when I had sex for the first time. I met my husband when I was 36. It was my first relationship, and we married about a year later. Sex was so problematic for us I found it unsatisfying. Was it, as I feared, all there was?

I went to the Center because it was a sex club–the perfect place to explore the “more” I was hoping to find. I wasn’t sure what to expect. I knew next to nothing about kink and BDSM. I hadn’t even heard of polyamory at that point. Several people recommended it as a safe place to explore, and that was exactly what I wanted. I figured I had a lot to learn. Boy, did I ever.

During a phone call I made to the Center before my first visit, I learned safety is both physical and emotional. I also learned that it’s safest to explore having sex or playing in a kink scene in a public space, especially when you’re just getting to know someone. By attending events, I learned about negotiating interactions before they happen. Giving consent (or not) is part of it, and it’s crucial to establish boundaries before engaging. Knowing and being able to articulate both desires and limits is critical.

When I started playing at the Center there was so much to choose from that I felt like a kid in a candy store. It was both heady and overwhelming. If you’re interested in a particular activity, like rope suspension, start learning about it. Go to classes. Read about it. Go to Tasting events where you can have a quick, low risk experience of it. Above all, talk to people. It’s helpful to find out what makes that particular thing so exciting and what can go wrong. Knowing what the risks are is need-to-know information. Most importantly, take your time. Jumping into things impulsively can be a bad idea that leads to getting hurt or burning out.

Another important aspect of self-care is paying attention to physical and mental health related to your sexuality. Get tested regularly for STIs  to keep yourself and the community safe. I used to get tested quarterly when I was playing regularly. Sharing results with partners is expected in most play situations. Learn about brain chemistry. Most kink/sex activities stimulate endorphins and can impact your judgment – like the “high” of new love. It can be a big consideration when playing. Pay attention to how your personal chemistry impacts you and figure out how to protect yourself from making bad decisions.

When I started at the Center, I went to a regular Tuesday afternoon event where people just talked while playing games or doing crafts. You had to wear clothes, and no sexual activity was allowed. I loved those Tuesdays. Not only did I learn a lot, but I also met the most interesting people. The sex positive community is full of fascinating and dynamic people. I drank it all in, listening as much as I could. Meeting and talking to folks who’ve been in the community a long time is as worthwhile as meeting other new folks. People who’ve been playing in the community for 20 or 30 years have invaluable insights and experiences. Most of these folks are committed to helping new people learn to play safely. There’s a lot of help, you just have to find it.

The one thing that I would stress from my experiences is to take it slow and be aware. I know it may sound overly cautious, but when you know what to expect and have safety stops in place, you can truly relax, let go, and have fun.

***For more support on your sex positive journey, join us in person at Fresh Meet or online for the finding YOUR way Discussion Group.

Sexy (Social) Science 2

by Emma Atkinson

Hello wonderful readers!  Isn’t the cooler weather a welcome shift?  

Science can be fun, especially if it’s both sexy and social. Your latest mission, should you choose to accept it, is to try being just a bit more social than usual.  

Some lovely person recently commented on how it can be difficult to meet people at CSPC parties. Many party goers attend with a date, the music can be a bit loud at times, and not everyone there has a goal of meeting someone new.

So, the next time you go to an awesome CSPC event, try to catch a few people’s eyes and smile at them. While being careful not to interrupt a scene or aftercare time, try giving a truthful compliment or two and see how that goes. It shouldn’t be all that hard - look around at a party and you’ll see amazing people wearing amazing clothes and using amazing toys. And sometimes the most ordinary-looking person in the room has amazing stories to share!

Think about what that person might want then and there. Don’t we all want to be seen and acknowledged? Don’t we want to be welcomed and feel like we’re a part of the community? Of course we do! 

Your mission is to focus on helping people at the event feel welcome. Try it, and notice if you feel more welcome yourself. Start slowly- there’s no need to push yourself too much, especially at first. Successful science experiments are habit-forming, and you may find it easier over time to get to know more people while you’re creating the kind of community you want to be in.

Please share your experiences at:  info@thecspc.org.

“She blinded me with science” - Thomas Dolby

“They blinded me with sexy (social) science” - Emma Atkinson

Community Matters

by Eirikah Delaunay

One of the things that makes the Center for Sex Positive Culture so special is our focus on the nature of our organization as a COMMUNITY. Everything we do at the CSPC is created by and for our members. All our parties were developed by members; all the volunteers who staff those parties are members; all the leadership behind the scenes are volunteer members; and as a 501(c)7 nonprofit organization, nearly all of the funding that supports our services come from members.

What does this mean for you? It means ALL your contributions to our community MATTER!

We need your great ideas, your time and energy, your leadership, your donations. Whatever you can offer our community–your personal special sauce–your contribution will make a difference in our ability to create spaces for folx to explore and express their authentic sexual and sensual selves in a diverse, supportive community.

One way to get more connected with the community and find support as you navigate your personal journey is to attend the brand new finding YOUR way online discussion group! This group is dedicated to helping support folx as they pursue their own personal sex positive adventures with the CSPC, and the first meeting is this Monday, September 5.

We also have an exciting fundraising opportunity coming up fast! This Thanksgiving the CSPC is sponsoring a Super Skillz & Stuff auction. All our members have unique skills and talents or maybe some hidden treasures that are ready to be enjoyed by someone new. Maybe you’re a gifted cook who donates a dinner party for four, or maybe you want to offer a piece of your art, a custom-crafted playlist for a particular occasion, or that one pair of boots you never wear. What do YOU have to share with your community? The auction will take place in time to purchase one-of-kind holiday gifts from your CSPC community. Stay tuned for more details and the donation form coming soon!

And of course, it’s always the right time to volunteer! Watch the online volunteer orientation video and submit your volunteer application today! Party volunteers get free entry, behind the scenes volunteers get to be part of the action from the comfort of home, and ALL our volunteers get the opportunity to become part of a fun, dedicated team.

Questions? Ideas? Reach out to info@thecspc.org. 

Thank YOU for all the ways that you make this community the safe, sexy, and welcoming space it is.