First Play Party: Tips and Tricks

by Flowers

So you’ve decided you want to go to your first kink party! You’re going to have an amazing time. The kink community is full of incredibly kind and loving individuals. However, it can be a bit nerve-wracking to go to your first party, so in honor of Fresh Meet and the Finding Your Way discussion group, here are a few things you can expect from your first party. 

Before I start though, keep in mind that these tips, as with many things in kink, are fluid. What may be true for one person may be the exact opposite for others. 

1: What will people be wearing? 

When going to a party, you will see people wearing all kinds of things. When entering the party venue, most people will be wearing casual clothes, so as to not attract outside attention and to stay street legal. Once they get inside, the rules absolutely change. You will see people in just about everything, from regular street clothes, to lingerie, to fetish outfits, to absolutely nothing but a smile. There is no pressure to wear anything specific, and you should wear whatever makes you most comfy. 

You should also check the rules of the party/venue, because they might have certain rules about what you can or can’t wear. 

2: You don’t have to play.

A common mindset when attending a kink party for the first time is the idea that it’s going to be everyone having sex with everyone, or that you must have sex, or hit people, or take part in a scene. That’s not true at all. There are many people who simply enjoy watching or hanging out with kinky friends and socializing, and that’s more than okay. Another worry about kink is how certain identities, such as asexuality for example, come into play. Asexual people also have a place in kink, and you don’t have to be interested in sex to enjoy a kink party. There are plenty of things for ace people to enjoy as well! And this holds true for the full spectrum of identities; there’s a place for everyone. Sometimes it can be very daunting to see everything that’s going on, and if you don’t feel comfortable jumping right in, you are allowed to take your time. 

3: Try to go into the party with no expectations. 

When going to your first party, you may have many expectations of how things are supposed to go. That is okay! That’s great! But be prepared to be flexible about it. Parties can be different from group to group, venue to venue, or even party to party. Maybe you see something at a party that you didn’t know existed but you want to try . Maybe you see something you thought you might want to try but then lose interest in. Things might not happen exactly the way you dreamed of, and that’s okay. It’s not your fault at all. There is always the next party! At my new member orientation, I received great advice from our wonderful president, Skitty: “Maybe this party you’ll have all of your kinky, sexy dreams fulfilled and do everything you’ve ever wanted to do. That’s absolutely incredible! Maybe you don’t, and that’s not how it works out. That’s okay too.” Go into it with no expectations, and be ready to take it as a fun experience. 

4: Relax and have fun! 

At the end of the day, the most important thing is enjoying yourself. You should never leave a play party feeling worse about yourself or upset that you attended. The CSPC always strives to be a fun, welcoming environment for everyone, but maybe you find that some parties just aren’t your vibe! That’s okay! The world of kink is expansive. There are different parties, discussion groups, and people to talk to. The most important thing should be that you are feeling safe and enjoying yourself.

So whatever happens, take a deep breath, relax, and have fun! You got this!!!

Hump History: Afterthoughts and Observations

by Teeebone

After the last party at the Center on September 9th, 2016, I took a well deserved break from the heavy activity for about six weeks. Then I started to miss the Hump. Wednesdays just weren’t the same after that. And then of course, I began to miss the other parties I used to work at, too. Power Play Mixed-Tape, OMG-SX!, The Poly Social, sometimes even Monday Madness– Typically I would find myself at the CSPC two or three times a week.

With all this experience, I sat down and thought about what made The Hump so successful:

1. An EC/Champion/Host must learn how to delegate tasks because you can’t make the party happen by yourself. It was tough enough to do strike and clean up by myself, and I don’t recommend it. The CSPC has a lot of information and experience on “how to” put parties and events together and trusting others to do the tasks that you assign them can require an uncomfortable leap of faith if you don’t have experience in delegation.

2. Online ticket sales FTW! Back in the day, cash was handled at the door and we had a registration program for handling admissions. To be honest, about half the time the EC on duty had to hang around the cashier’s desk to resolve issues that regularly came up using the old system. These days, ticket sales are done online in advance and this is a much smoother way to handle admissions. 

3. Many hands make everything more fun. On the topic of ECs, The Hump got to experiment with a three ECs/Night schedule for a while, which helped divide the labor so that all three ECs had the option to work and play at the party. As our volunteer corps continues to grow, I hope we can get back to this best practice. #worklifebalance

4. Consent matters. The growth of consent culture (and classes on consent) has helped our efforts in educating our new members on scene etiquette, boundaries, and consent in a much more immersive and effective way. Explicitly elevating consent as a core value within our community has caused remarkable positive change.

5. Listen to attendees and try new things. In the first couple of years of its existence, The Hump did a lot of experimenting with music themes, different setup options, various snack spreads, monthly special events like “Whump at the Hump” and “Cuddle Huddle,” classes taught by members like Swing Dancing, Tango, and Belly Dancing and even the occasional “Hump Town Hall” during the social where we asked the attendees what they would like to experience at The Hump. While we had to scale things back after the fourth year, we were able to streamline things to help us produce a better Hump for the attendees.

6. The volunteer team is Fam. Build that crew and keep it together. It can be the greatest challenge you may ever experience, but I found it rewarding, especially when watching The Hump grow as an event. Always remember that the CSPC is a community!

I think that covers the most salient points. I seem to remember telling many a new member when they first attended a Hump that they had taken the first step in what would be a very interesting journey… And it most certainly was! :^)

Want to be part of the volunteer team that starts the Next Great Party? Become a volunteer today!

Hump History Year Nine: A Farewell to Charms

by Teeebone

By 2016, the CSPC had already been looking for a new home, as the terms of our lease were set to expire in the Fall of 2017, though the property owner ultimately negotiated a settlement for the CSPC to “leave early” a year sooner. Thus, Year Nine of the Hump was only seven months and a week long, but it was the year I felt I had worked the hardest yet.

A lot of staff turnaround took place, you see. At the end of January, the last core member from the founding Hump Team left. It was getting difficult to keep the party fully staffed. There was a general sense of exhaustion not just with my crew, but others as well. Even The Grind had gone from a weekly to a monthly schedule by then.

And yet, we were able to continue… The biggest challenge for this year was educating new members on scene etiquette, boundaries, and consent. I am very grateful that “consent culture” has become a thing nowadays because it helps educate those who are new in the community about what is acceptable behavior at our parties. The weekly tasks of event maintenance continued on a stable though busy “business as usual” routine throughout the year,so much so that it came as a surprise that the CSPC was going to leave its home sooner rather than later!

On September 7, 2016, I showed up at the Center at 4pm to run the very last Hump. I walked around the space, took in my memories and then an hour later got on with helping the crew set up the party one last time. We had a record breaking attendance, the tally being at ninety-nine, although I think there were a hundred plus due to a few walk-ins here and there.

It was an excellent finale, and when the last song was played on the DJ set, the attendees said their goodbyes and made their way home. I then joined the strike crew to clean stuff up and put things away. After the strike crew left, I was alone in the building where I did my last lockdown. At the DJ station, I took one last look at the Main Space in its dimly lit “after-hours” ambiance. So many memories, so much fun! I slung my backpack over my shoulder and then went to the front door, opened it, and stepped outside. I checked the lock and then went to my car. It was done.

I went back to attend the last Grind at the Center’s Interbay location the next day and then again for the Very Last Party the day after that. But that was it. On September 9, 2016, the last party was held at the CSPC’s original location. Then on September 15, the CSPC officially left the building that had been its home since 1999.

The Hump had perked along for more than eight years and had become a regular feature at the CSPC. It introduced many new members to the community as a “starter” party and served well in its function. To all of the volunteers who worked so hard as members of the Hump Team, I thank all of you so very much! We could not have done it without you!

Until next time... :^)

Want to be part of the volunteer team that starts the Next Great Party? Become a volunteer today!

Hump History Year Eight: Eight's Not Enough

by Teeebone

The eighth ‘season’ of the Hump started out with a bang as we ushered in 2015. The New Year’s Eve party was always a big event, so we held “An Intimate Affair: A Sexy Dinner before the NYE Festivities.” This was a high protocol dinner before the party began, with such menu items as Sweet Kale Gourmet Salad, Mini Beef Wellington with Bacon, Cranberry Green Beans, Garlic Smashed Potatoes, and New York Cheesecake with Raspberry Sauce, just to name a few! Dinner was served in the Annex from 6 to 9pm, with the space being converted into a dessert bar and play space afterward.

At 7pm, the Hump (in the Main Space) opened for the two-hour social and then at 9pm, it was ‘Party On!’ with the doors opening for the Whump (in the RAW Dungeon) and access granted to the Annex. At midnight there was a toast featuring sparkling apple cider to ring in the new year. All of this required extra staff to make happen, and the volunteer corps stepped up to carry the celebration off beautifully. The NYE party always takes a lot of work, but I have noticed that the membership genuinely appreciates the event and the effort that we put into it.

By the second half of January, I realized that my work schedule had gotten so full that I made the decision to step away from running OMG SX! (formerly the Luv Shack), the monthly sex-focused party I had put together four years earlier. I handed the keys over to my successor, and they made some changes and ran the party until the CSPC shut down in September of 2016.

On February 14th, Fifty Shades of Grey was released as a movie. And then suddenly, everyone in America wanted a good old-fashioned, over-the-knee, open-handed spanking! The kink-curious quotient shot skywards. This unprecedented growth in our community was exciting, but it also required a lot of tender loving care and gentle reminders to new members about etiquette and how to play within our community.

From spring into summer, there were some arguments between staff members over cell phone use and what constituted proper enforcement of the rules which required an extended period of negotiation to settle the disputes. I did my best to not let the conflicts sap my strength and instead focused my energy on running the Hump.

In July there was more discussion about the CSPC’s policy on suspensions. The Hump was always a suspension-friendly event, usually having 1-2 suspensions each night. The catalyst for reviving this ongoing debate was an incident involving a member who misrepresented themselves and attempted to do a suspension with unapproved gear. The scene was stopped and the member protested this, but we held firm. We have rules about suspensions and they need to be followed. So, from summer into fall clarifications were made, rules updated, and changes duly noted.

Our volunteers are always working to make our parties sexy, fun, and as safe as possible. Another staff duty from back in the day: Checking the parking lot and offering to escort attendees to their vehicles when leaving. Usually at 25-30 minute intervals, I would grab a flashlight and check the parking lot for weirdness. Only on rare occasions would something be weird. Escorting attendees to their vehicles (and sometimes to the nearby bus stop) helped add a layer of safety that attendees greatly appreciated. Did I mention that the “Buddy System” works? When you come to the Center, bring a buddy!

The year ended with a well deserved “Whew!” as the Hump watched the holiday season pass by without having to worry about the upcoming NYE party. I even managed to have that night off!

Until next time... :^)

Want to be part of making sexy dreams a reality in our community? Become a volunteer, either party-facing or behind the scenes! Complete the online orientation and volunteer application today!

Café is OPEN: Safe(r) Kink

by Camille Café

I’m sure it’s partly due to Covid, but I’m much more cautious now than when I started going to the Center. I was hot to trot then, being fresh out of a marriage. Not having dated as a younger woman, I threw myself into playing at the CSPC with ferocious abandon. I was naïve and had no idea what to expect. Rather than the goal of wanting to learn how to become better at being discriminating, I just wanted to get laid. I got what I got what I wanted, but I learned in ways that were often painful and sometimes overwhelming. I think what I’m advocating here might be called pain mitigation or safe(r) kink.

I know lots of folks are aware of this, but just a refresher - there are several types of safety. I want to focus on physical, psychological, and emotional safety. Physical safety is the obvious one. Many kink activities are risky - impact play, sharps play, and even getting tied up has its dangers. It’s important to mitigate these risks as much as possible. That’s why it’s important to do your homework. Read and learn as much as you can about the activities you’re drawn to. Go to classes. Talk to people and get recommendations for responsible Tops. Check out their credentials. If you’re a newbie, or even if you have some experience, you want to be playing with experienced partners who know the potential risks. Do they know what to do in an adverse situation?

At this point it’s important to talk about communication. It’s essential to negotiate effectively and have a foundation of good clear communication. Negotiate fully what you do and don’t like – what you will and won’t accept. What are your absolute limits? Establish them beforehand, not when you’re engaged in your scene. The brain chemistry of kinky activity is powerful. It can impact your emotions and decision-making ability. Even if something was an absolute “no” beforehand, it might seem okay in the midst of a scene. Flying on yummy brain chemicals is not the time to change your mind. Stick to your initial plan. If you find you want to try something else, save it for the next time you play.

The best thing about playing at the Center is that there are trained monitors on site who know enough about how scenes should look that they are likely to see irregularities. I met a guy at a non-Center event who I gave consent to tie me up. After my hands were tied, he aggressively ran his hands up and down my body. I hadn’t given him consent for that. I was so shocked that I froze and couldn’t say anything. I was perfectly sober. A friend was sitting close by, but she was intoxicated and didn’t notice my distress.

Another great thing about playing at the Center is that intoxicants aren’t allowed. I know many people feel like drugs enhance the experience but getting to know someone isn’t the time to be intoxicated. You want your wits about you. One time I got intoxicated with a stranger in his home. I had another non-consensual, very unpleasant experience. See the pattern here? Play it as safely as you can – especially at first. You want others around you. Make sure those who are around you are sober. Being safe depends on you and your partner. And sometimes, despite ticking off all of the safety checks, violations do occur. How might you develop a plan to handle a violation? It’s difficult to navigate.

I think the best approach to psychological and emotional safety is to be realistic about kink. It’s easy to get caught up in the fantasy - it’s heady stuff. The brain chemistry of it is mind altering. It can set you up to make decisions you regret later. Don’t get lost and forget about the very real dangers of kink. Sometimes the intentions of those you’re playing with aren’t yours. Keep your expectations real. Talk at length about your limits and expectations. Theirs, too. This is the time to be totally honest. I think having kink experiences and looking for love relationships are better as separate pursuits, at least until you get to really know people and have some experience under your belt. Others see it differently. That’s why it’s important to talk to as many people as you can about their experiences.

Should your interactions include sex? You don’t have to be sexual. You can be sexual if you want. Think about it. Read about it. Talk about it. I confused sex and love and was often hurt when partners didn’t react like I wanted them to. I didn’t keep my expectations real. Even though I was told to take it slow and cautiously, I barreled in and was impulsive in my behavior. If I had to do it all again, I would have thought more carefully about how much sex I wanted to have with people I had very little connection with. If you want to be sexual with partners with “no strings attached,” keep your expectations real about that, too. Get to know your own limits, communicate them to the people you play with, and revisit them regularly. Limits often change over time. It’s very common. As you explore and grow, you might find yourself in a completely different place with different limits and different desires.

With self-knowledge, consent, boundaries, and communication in place, you will be all set to have safe(r) sexual and kink experiences at the CSPC. But never fear—there’s more to the story of my entry into kink world. Stay tuned for the next installment of Café is OPEN!

A Good Smack on the Back

by Emma Atkinson 

“I came to the CSPC for the flogging, but I stayed for the people” - A

Fifty or so lovely folks found their way to Kinky Acres on Saturday, October 1, for the CSPC volunteer appreciation party “A Smack on the Back.” The quotes are from actual participants who were there. The weather was beautiful, the location was idyllic, and the clothing was minimal. The stage was set for a super party! 

“I started the summer searching for myself and a community.  Thanks to the CSPC, at the end of the summer I ended up with a family, transformed.” - T

Play spaces were created on the spacious lawn. We were treated to the culinary creations of Cass and Dan, who also cooked for us at both Frolic events. There was a lot of spirited conversation going on around the tables as we savored the yummy dinner they provided.  

“The CSPC is one of the pivotal organizations that creates the Seattle culture” - E

After dinner, raffle winners took possession of great swag including floggers, CSPC bags and tee shirts, and sensation toys. The official CSPC treasure chest was there, too, and volunteers chose the treasure (scented and handmade soaps, hair accessories, and various lotions and potions) that they wanted to take home and enjoy.  

“I’m continually surprised by the depth of healing and inner growth that people are experiencing at CSPC events.” - B

As the sun began to set, more clothing was put on. These fall evenings can get a bit nippy in the Pacific Northwest!  We were treated to some fire play - it’s quite beautiful, especially in the dark.   It’s probably not an exaggeration to say that a good time was had by all.

“We all volunteer for different reasons.  But to come together, all at the same time, none of us working, to socialize and play - what a day!” -T

Thanks to everyone who made the volunteer appreciation event happen. And thanks to the dedicated volunteers who make everything happen at the CSPC!

It takes all of us contributing to build and sustain the thriving sex positive community we want to be a part of. Not yet a volunteer? Join us here! Whether at parties or behind the scenes, there’s a volunteer role just right for everyone. Email us at HR@thecspc.org to find the spot that’s right for you. Limited time and energy? Donate here! 

Why I Rapid Test Before Every Event

by Skitty

Velvet dress? Check

Fishnets and boots? Check

KN95? Check

Negative rapid test? Check

Why do I test? So I can get laid. And so you can get laid too. It’s that simple. Well, maybe not quite that simple. I can get laid at home. But home isn’t a sex dungeon and it’s not filled with all my friends and lovers and possible new connections.

As CSPC president, I need to engage with people. I need to volunteer within the community.

I test for COVID before every CSPC event. In fact, I test before every date, social outing, and trip. Despite my natural instinct to stay home and nest, I have rather a busy schedule, typically with multiple outings in a week.

So, I test. I test because I need to protect my polycule. I think of it as an extension of our safer sex practices. Sometimes it’s a bother, but it helps keep us all safer and allows us the freedom to explore new experiences, both within and outside our “cule.”

I test because I have no time to be sick. I have responsibilities. And I’d prefer not to die. If my test were to come back positive, I would be able to get treatment much sooner.

I test out of respect for myself and for others. By testing before each event, I can maintain my boundaries, knowing that those I play with are doing the same. We can choose to exchange fluids, breathe each other in, and have a damn good time with reduced risk of making one another ill.

I test because this is my community, my family, and I have a responsibility to your health as well as mine. Testing allows me to proceed with confidence. There is much less likelihood that I will infect others.

I test to do my part to keep our volunteer team from becoming sick. Because we enjoy one another’s company, we spend a lot of time together, and while that is great, it means that it doesn’t take long for the virus to pass between us. If too many volunteers are out sick at any given time, that would mean we wouldn’t be able to safely staff our events and would need to cancel. Oh, the horror!

So here we are, two and a half years into the pandemic, and I am still COVID free. I’m not sure whether it is luck or because of consistent adherence to practice. I’m betting it's a combination of both. That, and being selective by avoiding interactions that do not mean as much to me. If you see me at an event, it is because I have assessed the risk and decided you’re worth it.

I believe that getting boosted and wearing a well-fitting mask any time I am out in public have also been key components in staying COVID free. I also enjoy the side benefit of not having had a single cold or flu in the past two and a half years.

So go ahead, put on your slutwear, grab a mask, and do a rapid test (free tests are still available from WA state). Then come get laid.

Cafe is OPEN--Getting Started at the CSPC

by Camille Cafe

I walked thru the door of the Center for Sex Positive Culture all by myself on the night of October 17, 2012. I had recently said goodbye to my husband as he went off to work in Antarctica for a season. We were splitting up, and it was his way of dealing with it - getting as far away from Seattle as he could. We’d put most of our belongings in storage, and I’d moved with our two cats into a dingy basement apartment in Georgetown. We’d separated for many reasons, but the driving force behind this arrangement was that I wanted to explore my sexuality. I hadn’t dated as a young woman; I was 27 when I had sex for the first time. I met my husband when I was 36. It was my first relationship, and we married about a year later. Sex was so problematic for us I found it unsatisfying. Was it, as I feared, all there was?

I went to the Center because it was a sex club–the perfect place to explore the “more” I was hoping to find. I wasn’t sure what to expect. I knew next to nothing about kink and BDSM. I hadn’t even heard of polyamory at that point. Several people recommended it as a safe place to explore, and that was exactly what I wanted. I figured I had a lot to learn. Boy, did I ever.

During a phone call I made to the Center before my first visit, I learned safety is both physical and emotional. I also learned that it’s safest to explore having sex or playing in a kink scene in a public space, especially when you’re just getting to know someone. By attending events, I learned about negotiating interactions before they happen. Giving consent (or not) is part of it, and it’s crucial to establish boundaries before engaging. Knowing and being able to articulate both desires and limits is critical.

When I started playing at the Center there was so much to choose from that I felt like a kid in a candy store. It was both heady and overwhelming. If you’re interested in a particular activity, like rope suspension, start learning about it. Go to classes. Read about it. Go to Tasting events where you can have a quick, low risk experience of it. Above all, talk to people. It’s helpful to find out what makes that particular thing so exciting and what can go wrong. Knowing what the risks are is need-to-know information. Most importantly, take your time. Jumping into things impulsively can be a bad idea that leads to getting hurt or burning out.

Another important aspect of self-care is paying attention to physical and mental health related to your sexuality. Get tested regularly for STIs  to keep yourself and the community safe. I used to get tested quarterly when I was playing regularly. Sharing results with partners is expected in most play situations. Learn about brain chemistry. Most kink/sex activities stimulate endorphins and can impact your judgment – like the “high” of new love. It can be a big consideration when playing. Pay attention to how your personal chemistry impacts you and figure out how to protect yourself from making bad decisions.

When I started at the Center, I went to a regular Tuesday afternoon event where people just talked while playing games or doing crafts. You had to wear clothes, and no sexual activity was allowed. I loved those Tuesdays. Not only did I learn a lot, but I also met the most interesting people. The sex positive community is full of fascinating and dynamic people. I drank it all in, listening as much as I could. Meeting and talking to folks who’ve been in the community a long time is as worthwhile as meeting other new folks. People who’ve been playing in the community for 20 or 30 years have invaluable insights and experiences. Most of these folks are committed to helping new people learn to play safely. There’s a lot of help, you just have to find it.

The one thing that I would stress from my experiences is to take it slow and be aware. I know it may sound overly cautious, but when you know what to expect and have safety stops in place, you can truly relax, let go, and have fun.

***For more support on your sex positive journey, join us in person at Fresh Meet or online for the finding YOUR way Discussion Group.

Hump History Year Seven: Before the Eighth

by Teeebone

As the Hump began its 7th year in 2014, the ongoing challenge of staff maintenance continued to slowly escalate, particularly in the EC (Event Coordinator) department. The EC position is basically a manager type of position, and typically was combined with being a Champion or Host of any given party or event. By this time, a significant number of older ECs had left for one reason or another, and finding replacements for them was proving difficult.

Event Coordinators run the party, delegate responsibilities among the crew, arrange the volunteer schedule with the volunteer coordinator, handle publicity, and help come up with new ideas and themes if they are also Champions and/or Hosts. It’s a lot to take on, and by 2014 I found myself both opening and closing the Hump at least once and sometimes twice a month.

While we’re on the topic of volunteers, I’d like to give a shout-out to all of those who worked as cashiers during the Interbay days of the CSPC. It was a difficult job involving not just the typical cash handling and credit card transactions of a retail cashier, but also potential drama at the doorstep issues when it came to resolving conflicts over membership and/or admission to the party. When this happened, the EC had to get involved and make a decision on how to resolve the conflict. Typically, an EC could expect to be hanging around the cashier’s desk for at least a quarter of their shift.

As for the Hump itself, the party had become quite rope bondage-friendly over the years and usually had two suspensions a night. The back sex room filled up by 9pm, and the cuddle/romp pile was a center of activity while the solo space was occupied with an exhibitionist scene of some sort. In the previous summer, we began using a video projector to show porn on a big screen that divided the cuddle/romp pile from the solo space. The placement of said screen was optimal and allowed folx to watch porn from almost anywhere in the Main Space. It was literally the best backdrop ever!

Another thing of note was the wave of “kink-curious” members entering the community in the wake of the Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon, and I found myself having to remind new members about the rules and etiquette that our membership follows, especially in relation to cellphones. Cellphones had been in use for years at this point, and the habit of checking the phone was a common activity. Handling this problem required some gentle reminders of the rules and making sure that they were followed.

The Hump rolled on with a birthday sundae scene in the Messy Room in mid-June. This involved laying down tarps to cover a massage table and the floor, with the subject lying on the table while ice cream, toppings, and pressurized whipped cream in a can were placed on them and then licked and/or eaten off the subject. VERY MESSY! Who knew that cold could be so hot?

While the Hump Crew took Xmas Eve off, New Year’s Eve came on a Wednesday the following week that year so we had a NYE Edition Hump and Whump! The event included a fancy dinner for 30 premium attendees and all of the spaces (the Main Space, Annex, and RAW Dungeon) open for play! 2015 was just around the corner!

Until next time... :^)

Want to be part of a dedicated party crew who helps make sexy dreams come true? Join the volunteer corps today!