Community Matters: Building an Inclusive Community

by Eirikah Delaunay

One of the core values of the CSPC is inclusive community building. Our identity as a sex positive community center is one of our defining qualities. The CSPC is created by members, for members. This means that all the work of organizing and staffing parties, communications and website management, fundraising and email answering is done by members who volunteer to share their time, energy, and skills to support the community. We are also fortunate to be supported by members who may not have the capacity to volunteer their time, but who contribute financially above and beyond their membership fees and party ticket purchases.

We strive to be a welcoming and inclusive space for the diverse individuals who seek out sex positive community. What can you do as a member (or volunteer) to help create the culture of belonging we all want to experience?

First, when you attend events, make an effort to talk with folx you don’t already know, especially folx who seem like they might be there alone. It takes a lot of courage to break into a new social group, and you can be the person who makes that newcomer feel welcome and connected. 

But what do you say to a total stranger at a sex party? Especially if you don’t want to come off as creepy? That’s not as tough as it sounds. Consider starting with a compliment. Telling someone you like their hair or shoes or outfit (not a body part) is a great ice breaker. You might also begin with a question that can get a conversation rolling, like “How long have you been a member?” or “How did you find the CSPC?” Be sure you share your name and pronouns, and ask them for theirs.

Those tactics also work if you’re a newer member and you’re trying to meet people. You might also ask members who have been around a little longer what their favorite party is and why, or what’s the most memorable scene they ever saw at an event. (Remember, no names unless it was your own scene! Confidentiality still applies.)

Our new online discussion group, finding YOUR way, is another great way to connect with people in the community as a newer member–or as a more established member who has been away for a while (think building change and COVID lockdown…).

And if you’re not yet a volunteer, there’s no time like the present! As our membership continues to grow, we want to be able to offer more and more parties tailored to what turns our members on, and that means we need YOU! Every party starts as the fantasy of a Champion, and every party requires a full staff of set up and strike, registration, D.J.s, monitors, and event coordinators to make attendees’ dreams come true. We’re also always looking for more people to help out with the behind-the-scenes work as well, including Board roles. Get started with your online volunteer orientation and application today! Our next online registration and monitor training session is Monday, August 22, from 7-9pm. Join us!

The CSPC community is as strong as we make it, and our differences make us stronger. Thanks so much for all the ways that you take care of each other and our community, and for all the ways you bring connection and hotness into each others’ lives.

Sneak Peek at What's Next: Bloom Community!

Want a sneak peek of what's coming up in Seattle's sex positive scene?

To help our beautiful sex positive community to connect with each other throughout the Seattle area, we’re collaborating with Bloom Community.

Bloom is a sex positive social, dating, and community app with a strong consent culture that helps people meet around events. This means you can:

• See a full docket of Seattle sex positive events

• Scope who’s going to the same events you’re going to

• Make new friends & more

• Enjoy life amidst community, like it was meant to be!

We will be sharing this connection tool with local Seattle sex positive community organizers, but we'd love to see your events too! Create an event here and make sure to specify that it's part of "Seattle Community Events" under "Add event to." You can also follow the CSPC on Bloom by following these steps: 

1. Download Bloom Community with referral code the-center-for-sex-positive-culture

2. Sign up for any of our upcoming events

3. the people on the list who you want to chat with. When the is mutual, you'll be notified and can chat via the app

4. Check back to see who joins after you!

We’ll be adding more CSPC events to this platform soon! Check out the bounty our local Seattle sex positive community is offering at https://www.joinbloom.community/seattle-events. We can’t wait to meet you!

The Life of the Party

by Teeebone

What is the life expectancy of a given party at the CSPC? In my experience, parties typically last somewhere between two to three years. Historically, once a party got past its third year, it tended to become a fixture. If longer running parties did end up shutting down, they were remembered as classics.

But parties come and parties go. From a big picture perspective, each party has its own natural life cycle. As an event coordinator, champion or host, you help build a core team of like minded individuals who share a vision of what the party is about and give it purpose. You develop personal leadership skills to hold the crew together, and if somebody needs to step back for any reason you find folks who can take their place. Staffing the events and keeping the talent within the team are the greatest challenges team leaders face when running regularly scheduled parties, whether they are quarterly, monthly, or weekly. That’s why we at the CSPC always (and often) encourage folks to become volunteers.

The next most important thing to having a trusty and reliable staff is holding on to your audience. Even before the party actually happens, you have to plan things out. You have to ask yourself hard questions like what the target demographic is or if the event is financially viable. You plan and plot with your fellow champions, compose your pitch, and then present it to the Board. Once it gets approved, it’s game on!

Even when there’s an audience waiting to attend your party, you’ve got to do the heavy lifting of party promotion on FetLife, Discord, and other social media. Generating excitement and anticipation is crucial, especially if it's a new party, though I have seen success stories with rebrands and reboots too. Sometimes it’s necessary to change things up during a party's tenure to keep the attendees coming back for more.

As Host/EC/Champion of the Hump I saw and dealt with all these issues in one fashion or another. Each party has its own lifecycle based on team dynamics, community support, and the natural ebb and flow of something fading so that something new and exciting can take its place. When the team for every new party first gets together, they are filled with the drive, enthusiasm, and desire to “DO” that party. And then they make that party happen. People show up and everyone there has a booty-shakin’ good time. For one bright, shiny moment... They are all HAPPY.

All new parties typically enjoy a honeymoon period of six to twelve months, then attendance stabilizes and then declines over time. But that’s just part of the nature of things: parties come and go, they create great memories, and then inspire the next wave of party champions.

Because none of the CSPC’s parties can happen without volunteers first. If you are into some particular hotness or belong to a specific segment of our community, consider creating or working at a party that caters to what you are into. The CSPC makes it easy to volunteer! Just follow the magic footprints...

Let's Get This Party Started!

by Sakari

Do you have any parties centering around…?

Do you have any parties centering around foot worship?  Around poly mingling?  Around WAM?  Around furries?  Around sex in swimming pools?  Around left-handed people?  We get variations of this question all the time.  I wish that we already had all those parties set up, but the truth is, we don’t throw parties.  You, our members, do.  The good news is that if there’s a party or focus you’d like to see at the CSPC, you can bring your vision to life!

Let’s say you desperately want a party with a certain focus.  You can have that if you’re willing to put the work in!  An event like this takes some work, but we have it all set up for you and your team.  It takes about 3-6 months to put an event together and a couple months to get a regular schedule going. 

First step is contacting our Events Director at EventsDirector@theCSPC.org.  They have resources and know-how to help you plan an event, whether it’s your first or fiftieth. 

The process goes something like this:

• A month or two of envisioning your party while recruiting and creating your team.  What is the theme, what will it look like, feel like, what aspects are needed?  Who is going to work with you on bringing this to fruition? 

• Sharing a proposal with the CSPC board and presenting at a board meeting.  Once you have your vision, our Events Director will help you flesh it out and write it up into a proposal.  It will be sent to the board a week before the board meeting so they can comment and ask questions.  At the board meeting, you will tell a little about your proposed event, answer any lingering questions, and the board will vote as to whether it can move forward or offer feedback on what it still needs before it can be approved. 

• Once you’re approved, you’ll work with Events to get posters designed, Operations to get ticketing and website links, and Communications to help with marketing.  You’ll also be promoting the party as you continue planning.  Your first event can happen six weeks to two months from the approval. 

• As we get close, you’ll be promoting the party and continuing to recruit volunteers for your team.  All CSPC events are by members, for members, and having a committed team of trained volunteers makes every party more fun for everyone!

• On the night of the event, you’ll be in charge of what the party looks like and how it’s run!  With the support of Events and your volunteer team, you can settle into your groove as the Host with the Most, connecting with party goers and bringing the energy and activities that you envisioned to life.

• After the first event, you’ll debrief with our Events Director and decide if and when you’d like your next event.  If you’re looking to do the party regularly, we have a policy of two months between the first and second party, ramping up to once a month or whatever your desired cadence is. 

So there you have it!  It may sound complex, but if you have a vision, we have the resources to make it happen and to simplify the process along the way. 

Reach out to EventsDirector@theCSPC.org to get your party started! 

Interested in volunteering? We can’t do what we do without trained volunteers! Many roles are open, both at parties and behind the scenes. Complete your online volunteer orientation and submit your volunteer application form today!

Tips for Successfully Navigating Pick-up Play

by Turtle

I’m a country girl so when I initially heard the words “pick-up play,” my mind translated to pick-up truck play… hot days, a cooler filled with BYOB, a fire on the river with whatever your line caught for dinner, laughter followed by blatant stupidity at the mud flats to see how far you could run your truck up the muddy cliff before sliding down or the occasional nail biting slow backwards tip-over! All of this well before cell phones and teens having affordable portable video cameras. Thank the Goddess!

Then I joined the CSPC, and pick-up play was explained to me as a scene you plan on the spot, possibly with someone you literally just met. I don’t know about you, but my anxiety rocketed through the roof. I may have had a rictus smile that grew more strained by the second, eyes darting for escape routes, with “It’s not you, It’s me” on the tip of my tongue. I’m sure the back of my head as I dashed from the building was the last that person saw of me. I don’t even remember who it was now. I’m just that shy. Oh sure, I look like an extrovert at times. I joke that I can play one on TV, but I’ve taken many social skills training classes to get there. I have a diagnosis of Asperger’s, which means I’m Neuro-Divergent (ND).

The Neuro-Divergent Discussion Group (ND/DG) has given NDs a chance to more comfortably connect and create skills with community-building tools such as the Pick-Up Play Board used at PPMT, Myself!, and other CSPC events. Of course, many people, whether outgoing or shy, share the same basic fears around meeting someone new, approaching them, asking them to do a thing, delineating the thing with consent fully involved, then doing it all safely and with a maximum fun output.

Things that hold us back from potentially playing with someone we just met:

1)      I see you across the room but have no idea if you are interested. Solution: Next to the Pick-Up Play Board are name tags. Take one, then add your name and whether you are a Top/bottom.  Now, I can see you are interested and can even approach and use your name. A casual scan even tells me whether our Top/bottom designations match up. But even if they don’t, say hi. You never know the entirety of what someone is into.

2)      I really want a certain type of scene or attraction. Solution: By the Pick-Up Play Board are sticky notes. Write down what you want to do or have done to you, how to find you, name. Or the type of attraction you are looking for. Stick it to the Board. Linger on the main floor and talk to others in name tags.

3)      Someone approached me with my sticky note in their hand! Solution: Find a quiet corner. Talk about exactly what you want. Be specific. Do NOT be afraid to ask questions. What, how long, where, who, etc. No is an okay answer as well. Remember FRIES! (See at bottom of article)

4)      Do talk about health concerns! It is very important today to ask about health concerns. These can range from your personal Covid-19 protocols to STIs to physical or mental issues. For example, I’m extremely claustrophobic, so let’s choose a play space out in the open away from corners and not use a blindfold. Or my knees are just not as happy as they used to be, so I can be on my hands and knees or sit in a chair but not the standard slave position.

5)      Nervous? Solution: Ask a staff member to just keep an eye out for your scene.

6)      Note: When playing with implements/toys new to you- make sure they are clean and sanitized. Touch them to feel for weight, heft, how they will feel when they touch you (pick out only the ones you’d like to use), see what they are made of. A lace flogger feels very different from one made from wide leather pieces, or one made of wire.

7)      Bring a Care Bag. Move it close to where you are scening just in case. This bag should have soft comfy clothes to change into, personal lube and condoms, non-latex items if needed, personal hygiene items (no showers at the Gallery,) snacks, water bottle, a comfort item, something to zip jewelry into. If Neuro-Divergent: sensory control items like headphones, sunglasses, earplugs, mp3 player, aftercare blanket. I’m a heavy player so I also bring my own sheet and towels (NOT WHITE), first aid supplies, safety scissors.

Things to remember: Just because you have a pick-up play scene with someone does NOT invite them directly into your regular life. You choose whether you continue contact. It’s a good idea to have a business card with the way you want to be contacted on it for people you meet at parties. Maybe that’s your scene name and CSPC Discord username, or Fetlife name, or a private email.

It’s up to you to “Find Your Way to Yes!” We are here to help you! Feel free to email me or talk to any of the CPSC staff. We will be happy to introduce you around and smooth your passage into our community where you will quickly find you now belong to a great big quirky multi-faceted family!