Consent Corner 1.2

by Emma Atkinson 

 

Welcome back to Consent Corner! We want to help you better understand how good consent can make your interactions more fun and fulfilling.

 

The Corner is taking a step back in this newsletter to try to get a little perspective.  Current events—protests and marches—are asking us to acknowledge how systematic bias has become an almost unquestioned part of our society.  In George Floyd’s final moments his rights and autonomy were violated, his pleas for air were ignored, and his consent to the interaction was neither sought nor considered.  Consent is so important!

 

Homework:  Imagine a world that’s based on consent and respect.  You respect yourself and your choices, and extend that respect to others you know.  You respect people in the communities in which you participate—CSPC, family, friends, neighbors, work, school, geeky clubs (if you’re me)—and they reciprocate by honoring you.  These communities are respected by the nation, and honored by the global community.  That’s a world I’d like to live in, and I’m guessing that you would, too.  Let’s start by making respect and consent an integral part of our interactions in the CSPC community.

 

We’d love to hear what you’re learning about consent!  Please send your thoughts and questions to: info@thecspc.org.

We Stand in Solidarity

The month of June has traditionally been one of celebration for the LGBTQ/SGL community. This year, we acknowledge the grief that may be felt by our community about the cancellation of many of the Pride celebrations due to the pandemic, and the horrifying events which have led to protests around the country calling for the end of systematic violence and oppression of BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, and People Of Color). These topics are closely related. The CSPC owes a debt of gratitude to the organizers and participants in the historic Stonewall Riots, without whom we would likely not have any reason to celebrate. The Stonewall Riots were started by a trans woman of color, Marsha P. Johnson. She, and many other pioneers, were trans people who also identified as BIPOC. Their actions and experiences remind us that many times, improving society requires standing up and protesting the denial of our rights as human beings.  The CSPC was able to come into existence because of the work of those founding pioneers and was built on the ideas of inclusion and freedom.  

The CSPC wishes to express its grief, sympathy and solidarity to the victims and the families of those experiencing racism, oppression and violence. Today, and every day, we stand with our BIPOC brothers and sisters.  We stand with those who are engaged in, calling for, and working at the positive and lasting societal changes needed to bring about justice and equality in the wake of hundreds of years of systemic injustice, hatred, oppression, and police brutality surrounding BIPOC. We stand united for change, justice, and equality.  

Leadership Spotlight: Mei Woo

This is the first of our spotlights on community members who help the CSPC out in leadership positions. In this issue, we’ve asked some questions to get a deep and personal look at our Board Secretary, Mei.

  • Name and/or scene name:

    • Mei Woo AKA The Gentle Servant

  • Pronouns:

    • She/Her

  • How do you identify (this can include gender, sexual orientation, kink or BDSM roles, etc.)?

    • I identify as a Queer Trans Woman generally and a bottom and sub for Kink play

  • How long have you been with the CSPC?

    • First event I attended as a guest was an On the Market event in 2012 when I was in the area for an internship and was going to meet a potential play partner to see if we had chemistry. Became a full member in 2013 and haven’t looked back.

  • What brought you here and what are your main areas of interest?

    • Geographically I was brought here by family connections. I was an active member of the Spokane scene until 2013 and had heard about the CSPC from locals who traveled to Seattle. I’ve been a submissive as long as I can remember, starting as a service sub and eventually meeting partners who jived in other ways. My main areas of interest right now in terms of play are leather and rope bondage along with some ageplay. 

  • Which CSPC event is your favorite and why?

    • Ooo… good question. My favorite event was the Morning Wood events, which was really an excuse to get together in the morning, to cuddle and watch cartoons instead of porn (with some fun times in between). It’s unfortunately not a viable party with our current model, but I would love for it to return some time. The current party I enjoy the most is the F*cking Precious, as while I don’t have a little persona, I do have a medium one. 

  • Career or day job (industry, position, or whatever you're comfortable sharing):

    • I am currently an attorney with her own solo practice.

  • What do you like to do in your free time?

    • Writing, particularly for TTRPG settings, characters, and the like to be used in games eventually. Also video games (I’m a sucker for shooters and RPGs) and cooking. 

  • Living situation (partners, roommates, pets, plants):

    • I am married with my partner/Master and our Rabbit Captain Hopps. 

  • Something no one would ever guess about you or a fun fact:

    • I am an Eagle Scout with the Boy Scouts of America. Never was good at knots though.

  • Turn-ons and/or squicks:

    • Turn-ons: head pats (Every. Single. Time.), teasing, being held down, and being forced to kneel

    • Squicks:  Genital mutilation, permanent mutilation in particular. 

  • Hopes and concerns for the CSPC and/or the greater sex positive community:

    • My hope is that the CSPC continues to grow and is able to eventually host more niche parties that, while not necessarily profitable, cater to under-served portions of our community so that they have a place to interact and engage with each other. 

  • Advice for a new member or volunteer:

    •  Don’t let being a novice at something scare you off. More likely than not, you can do the thing you’re afraid of trying if you’re willing to put in the time, effort, and a little bit of risk. And, more often than not, what you thought was challenging is actually easier than you thought.

  • Is there an event or organization, outside of the CSPC, that you feel our community should know about?

    • My partner and I are highly supportive of the Ingersoll Gender Center, which is an organization that helps trans and questioning individuals address their needs, including legal, financial, and emotional needs and is one of the (if not the) longest running trans-support organizations in the US. Its support group has been running once a week consecutively for over 40 years no matter what (even now, albeit via webconference).  

  • CSPC e-mail address, title/role, reasons for contact/areas you cover:

  • Anything else we should know (including any advice for future spotlight questions)?

    • I recommend as a good question: What was your path to your current position?

    • My answer to that: Set-up, registration, Board member at large, President, Secretary.

CONSENT CORNER 1.1

by Emma Atkinson

Welcome back to Consent Corner!  We’re talking with Consent expert Rachel Drake about autonomy and how it relates to great interactions.  I hope you had a chance to think about autonomy (homework from last time) because in Rachel’s thinking it’s about figuring out what you and your partner(s) want for your body, mind, and spirit.

The body connection might mean considering what devices might be brought into play, and the nature of the boundaries you set with respect to them.  It could represent how - and if - you want to be touched.  Safe words or safe signs?  You get to decide.

Honoring your mind could lead you to think about the words that you want to hear in an interaction, or words that ought to be avoided.  Will there be role play, and what roles will we play?  What constitutes a power dynamic, and is it relevant?  How can we interact in ways that enrich us all as much as possible?

What if you’re not sure what you want?  Or, what if part-way through the experience you sense that it’s not quite what you thought it might be and you’re not sure if you still want it?  Good Consent means that you get to pay attention to how you’re feeling and share it in real time with your partner(s).  And, your partner(s) gets to respect your wishes and keep you comfortable, and everyone wins!

How could we honor our spirit?  What might aftercare look like, immediately afterwards and in upcoming days?  It’s highly likely that thorough attention to what our mind and body want will automatically give us what our spirit wants.  And, everyone wins!

Homework:  what would an experience look like that honors you in body, mind, and spirit?  What would it sound like, or taste like, or feel like?

Extra credit:  try out one of your ideas with a friend and get some feedback.  Because, you know you want to!

And, give us feedback at info@thecspc.org.

CONSENT CORNER – WELCOME!

by Emma Atkinson

Welcome to Consent Corner.  Consent:  You’ve heard about it, you know something about it, and you’re probably wondering if there’s more to know.  I’m with you!  That’s why we’re hanging out here in Consent Corner.  We’re going to learn more so we can have more fun.  You’re with me, right?

Consent is an agreement about what will happen in an interaction:  before, during and after.  Agreements are negotiated.  So, how can we make the best possible negotiations so we can make the best possible agreements?  We know that great agreements lead to great interactions, right?  And, who doesn’t want great interactions?

Consent expert Rachel Drake has agreed to talk about it with us in each CSPC newsletter.  She’s been a coach, writer and educator in the field for over a decade, and I’m excited to bring her passion, wisdom and insight to CSPC members.

Rachel’s consent model is firmly grounded in the notion of upholding your own autonomy as well as that of the other participant(s) in an interaction.  She acknowledges how complex it is to give or get good consent – there’s a lot to know!

What does it mean to uphold your autonomy?  It’s taking responsibility for what you do, for your part in an interaction.  The more you know about consent, the better you’re able to act in ways that strengthen your integrity and create meaningful bonds with others.

Fair warning:  Hanging out in Consent Corner means that you’re going to learn a lot about good consent.   You’ll ask yourself meaningful questions.  You’ll probably change how you see consent.  And, I think you’ll also have a lot more fun in the process.  

Homework assignment:  For next time, think about what autonomy means to you.  Think about interactions you’ve had where autonomy was relevant, in a good way or maybe in not such a good way.  Look up the definition of autonomy and see if there’s some aspect of its meaning that you hadn’t thought about before.  No, there won’t be a quiz.

Join me as we visit Consent Corner in each CSPC newsletter.  Questions or comments?  Email info@thecspc.org.

Sexy Lines for the Coronapocalypse

(Free advice worth every penny, from Mistress 7)

If you’re dismayed by the lack of in-person dating during social distancing, try to remember that you can still be flirty even when getting within arm’s reach is verboten. If you feel like that sexy person six paces ahead of you in line might just be the person of your dreams, wave until you get their attention (do not go tap them on the shoulder) and try out one of these sexy lines for our strange times:

·       I see you’re shopping for essentials, too. I had no idea this grocery store carries vibrators!

·       I practice safer sex. How do you feel about full-body latex suits and respirators?

·       You have an amazing voice. That’s become *very* important to me lately.

·       I’m into medical play, and your N95 FFR is really doing it for me.

·       Hi! You look nice. Are you wearing a ring under those gloves?

·       I don’t need to get within six feet of you to make you feel amazing.

·       Wanna have some phone sex from within closed cars across the parking lot from each other?

·       You have pretty eyes, and I’m sure there’s a nice smile somewhere under that face mask.

·       How’s your schedule look around June, or whenever we’re allowed to commingle again?

·       Are you COVID-bonded with anybody? Would you like to be?

… and the line which in the past was sometimes considered unattractive:

·       I literally haven’t been out of the house in weeks.

If the person you’re talking to doesn’t respond positively, take heart. They probably won’t recognize you without protective gear, so you might have a chance to try again post-pandemic.

Accessibility Disappearing Task Force

The CSPC is forming a 6-week disappearing task force (DTF) to brainstorm ideas around access for members with disabilities and other unmet needs. We want our events to be inclusive for our entire sex-positive community. Getting your input will be a vital step toward that goal.

Anyone can join, and your time commitment is limited. Task force members will exchange ideas in six weekly meetings. The meeting times and logistics will be determined by the team, but some possibilities are video and voice conference, text chat, and online document sharing.

Any concern or challenge to attending and getting the most out of CSPC events is in scope for this discussion. Please contact Erik7CSPC@gmail.com to join the discussion and help us make our events more accessible to all.

CSPC Hard at Work During Social Distancing

by 7

I interviewed Skitty, the CSPC’s newest board member, to ask about how the Center is weathering the COVID-19 crisis, as well as to inquire about her social distancing garb today.

Skitty: Is that a round-about way of asking me what I’m wearing?

7: Yes. Roll with it. The readers want to know.

S: I’m wearing a tie-dyed hoodie that says “SCRW 2018,” from a sex-positive event I go to every summer, but which has been canceled this year due to social distancing.

7: That is sad, but it’s a good segue to my next question: How is the CSPC dealing with all the changes these past few months?

S: Parties have been the main way the CSPC helped the community come together in recent years, so losing those events has had a huge impact. Even before social distancing orders were in place, there were heartfelt discussions within the board about what direction we needed to go, followed by initial scrambling to cancel events. It’s especially disappointing because we’d planned to increase the number of parties starting in March.

We’ve put a hold on everybody’s memberships so that they’re not paying for a period when parties are not occurring. That’s the right thing for us to do, but it also puts us in peril. No tickets are being sold and virtually no membership renewals are happening, while we continue to have ongoing costs. We’re in a loss period right now, so we’re thinking of creative ways for the organization to weather this storm. It’s important that we be here when this is all over.

After the governor’s order, we also needed to look at running the monthly board meeting online. We realized that the need for a virtual board meeting was an opportunity for us to better serve the community. A lot of preparation went into clearing the technical hurdles, advertising in a timely manner, and gathering community feedback prior to our first virtual meeting. It was the highest attendance we’ve ever had at a board meeting, in part because location, parking, and travel time were no longer factors. Our plan is to continue to offer virtual participation even after the stay at home order lifts.

7: How is the CSPC preparing for life after the ban on gatherings is no longer in place?

S: No one is sure when this is going to end or what the long-term effects will be. So we have to figure out how to best be a community within the new reality.

We’re looking at things like gathering sizes, activities, and of course our sanitation protocols so we can improve them to the level we’ll need when we’re sharing spaces again. We’re going to need policies for things like hand sanitizer, hand washing procedures and facilities, best practices for cleaning of equipment, as well as other items like pens  – everything from top to bottom.

7: Pun intended?

S: Ha ha! It will be also important to know what people’s concerns and priorities will be when we do start getting together again. With a better idea of what people want to get back to and what their comfort levels are, we can try to accommodate that in the safest way possible. 

It’s worth mentioning that we’ve discussed the feasibility of virtual events from day one. One of the CSPC’s primary concerns has always been protecting the privacy of its members, and this is new territory with novel challenges. We can get behind virtual events if there is demand for them from the community, and if there are members with the necessary expertise who we can assist to get an event off the ground in such a way that everybody is aware of any risks.

7: When can we expect in-person parties to start again?

S: We do not anticipate holding any in-person events in the month of May. We’re as eager as anybody to get back with our friends and playmates, but we have to be patient and prioritize the safety of everyone. Some of the way forward will be determined by city, county, and state leaders. However, there’s a huge amount of work for us to do in the meantime.

This crisis has highlighted the importance of the CSPC being a community center. At our events, members get to express themselves and aspects of their sexuality authentically, and present the way they feel inside. We’re looking at how we can continue to support members until we’re again able to offer a safe space for that.

7: Speaking of safe spaces, any comment on the search for a new CSPC location?

S: We are looking for a new venue which would allow us to hold a greater variety of events and gatherings, at different times and days of the week. We would have permanent use of the space, which would mean less worry about ticket sales covering the cost of a rental. This would allow us to open our doors to small groups of say, ten people who want to gather, which is potentially a safer first exercise than trying to pack a party with seventy-five people.

A couple of board members are leading the search for a new location, and have spent a lot of time scouting properties. We’re considering factors like having more available parking, access from public transportation, etc. And of course, it’s important to have a place we can call our home. It would give us flexibility to build out the space to best meet the community’s needs. 

7: That would be great. I’ve seen board members continue to volunteer a lot of time during this period, and I’d like to extend that into a wider call to action for our members. Can you help provide one?

S: Yes. We’re prioritizing communications right now, and we’ve assembled a brand new communications team, currently made up of six volunteers. Internally, we’re working on keeping members and volunteers informed (including sending out this newsletter on a regular basis), seeking feedback and ideas, and making it easier for our members to become involved if they want to help out, because we’re all volunteers at the CSPC. 

We’re also working on our outward communications with the sex-positive community as a whole. This includes improvements to and more content for our web site, increased activity on social media, and monitoring of various platforms so that we can engage in a timely manner with people who reach out to us.

The purpose of the communications effort is to have a free exchange of ideas, so the CSPC reflects what its members want it to be. We are all stewards of the organization. Not everybody can volunteer, but people can also give input, donate, and help spread the word. And of course once we have in-person events going they can come out to parties, participate, and have fun.

The community is ours to shape, and it’s up to all of us to sustain it. If you’d like to volunteer some time and expertise to the communications team, or if you have an interest in or idea about any sort of volunteer leadership role, please let me know via email at SkittyCSPC@gmail.com.

LaQueer Incident Update

After a hectic winter, the board is moving again on processing the LaQueer incident that occurred on 8/3/19. You can get caught up on happenings up to this point here and here

In November, a task force was created to audit and rewrite CSPC policy and procedures to reflect the current needs of the organization. At the time of this writing, they have invested 216 volunteer hours focused on reviewing and updating process. The team consists of board members, volunteers, members, and community leaders. They have already updated general party rules and are currently examining volunteering guidelines. Next in the queue will be conflict resolution, party logistics, and emergency procedures. All updates to the CSPC policy and procedure documents are reviewed by key stakeholders, such as team leads and volunteers as well as the Board of Directors, and will be made publicly available in an effort to receive ongoing accountability from the community at large. If you want to be a part of the task force, contact policy@thecspc.org, as the task force operates on a project-basis and regularly incorporates new members as they are able to.

In accordance with Transformational Accountability, the CSPC board has prepared proposed action plans for those involved in the LaQueer incident. These are neither mandates nor punishments, but a proposed guide for regaining trust from the community and a potential path back to full CSPC participation. Participants are being asked to collaborate on their action plans. They may request modified or alternate actions, or can decline to engage. Their involvement with the organization will be limited accordingly. We will report on the paths selected by participants, along with a timeline if applicable.

Thank you again for your patience during our ongoing effort to make the Center a more enriching and enjoyable place for kink.