Consent Corner 1.18

by Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Hello sexy readers! Spring is here, the days are getting longer, and hope is in the air.

And, happy April Fool’s Day!  It reminds us of a wonderful tarot card, and if you guessed the Fool, you’d be correct.  The Fool is often depicted as walking along, seemingly oblivious to their physical surroundings and about to step from solid ground into the air.  In the tarot, the Fool represents new beginnings, opportunity, and potential.  It symbolizes a first step on life’s journey.

We’re all about creating a consent framework that gives you the opportunity for a beautiful and love-filled life.  So, take some to ponder how the Fool’s spirit of potential can enrich your relationships.  Remember that everybody plays the fool sometimes.  And, there’s no exception to the rule.

Feeling foolish? We’d love to hear about it at: info@thecspc.org. 

“Be excellent to each other” - Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other” - Emma and Rachel

Touchstone

By Turtle

There are things you think you know, then someone dumps a bucket of ice water and glitter over your head. Maybe you find yourself sitting on the curb as the world spins cattywampus, blinking itsy bitsy cutting cellophane out of your now pixelated sight. At first, I thought 2020 and Covid precautions had caused my destitution of touch. It was a much longer journey, however.

I come from a touchy family. Always with the hugs and the squeezing too many people onto any available seating even if it leaves a chair open, except during pinochle. Only then do you get your own chair! No cheating!

I’d go out dancing at the clubs, squishing in with the other dancers on the boxes and catwalks. Constantly there was inadvertent touch, and certainly some very on purpose crushing and grinding. I’d never know whose sweat or even how many people’s sweat I would wash off as the sun peeked over the horizon. I was high on life!

Touch is important to humans. It calms our cardiovascular system, signals trust and safety. It leads to lower blood pressure and, hey, who doesn't love a little oxytocin "the love hormone" in your life?

One day, I received the diagnosis of chronic illness that included pain. It’s not the fun unicorn, rainbows and candy that some make it out to be, said with sad irony. Fairly quickly, I’d flinch away from soft touch. Firm touch was still ok. I started feeling "other" and not included...like standing outside in the dark and cold while watching a party going on inside a house that I wasn't invited to.

Soon, I needed to see the touch coming and I'd need it to be firm and purposeful. No idle stroking back and forth in the same spot back and forth and back. It felt like my skin was being peeled off. At the Center, friends would ask if I was huggable. I was grateful when I could say yes. Thankful for a community who understood the many various facets of consent.

Then one day, our 21st-century plague hits and people lose their ever-loving minds over simple precautions I’ve lived with for years. But due to their right to be a walking talking coughing petri dish, I no longer leave the house. I don’t see people in person. Strangely, since everyone is doing everything virtually, I’m more social than before. But I crave touch.

My nesting partner is focused in his head. We no longer play or snuggle. I find myself treasuring when he tucks his toes under my legs at night. We adopted a pup who is about 55 pounds now. He lays on me and I snuggle with him. It helps but it’s not the same. Plus he's at that awkward age where he's all elbows and paws.

I’m finding myself almost willing to overlook safety measures for just the smallest physical connection… hugs, holding hands, spooning, kissing, massage. And as that angst grows unbearable…

I remind myself that our hearts are our touchstones. Yes, we all need physical touch. It just isn’t quite safe yet, though it will be soon. Make a plan for how to play and engage when it is safer. For the moment, we need to reach out with our hearts until it is safe to do so with our bodies.

Consent Corner 1.17

by Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Hello sexy readers! Spring is almost here and there’s an almost visible hope in the air. Can you feel it? Can the reopening of the CSPC be far behind?

A local nonprofit organization that sponsors an annual kinky camping event - The Gathering Northwest - recently hosted a discussion with folks representing local venues about what a post-pandemic reopening might look like. Maybe you’ve visited The Streamhouse or Kitsap Aces, or attended The Gathering NW or Leather Reign. Representatives of these groups talked about what precautions they might take upon reopening, and they pondered requiring proof of vaccination, social distancing, and masks. Everyone who holds a leadership position said that they want to keep you as safe as possible. But we need your help in being mindful of consent, which includes being transparent in sharing information and knowing your own capacity to uphold your autonomy and the autonomy of others. That way your sexy self can visit these events again and again! 

What seemed clear is that there are a lot more questions than answers, and there are going to be a lot more conversations about risk-sharing. You are responsible for you and for giving your consent. You want to be safe and to minimize the risk of something bad happening. The venue/party/conference wants you to be safe, too. They want your visit to be one you’ll remember with a smile. 

When you attend a party/event/happening, you give your consent to it as it is. What advice can we offer you? We’re so glad you asked. Get your documentation together for tests, shots, etc. Read what you’re signing. Ask questions. Get clarification if you’re puzzled. And, trust your gut, or at least respect what its intuition is trying to tell you. 

Your gut is probably reminding you how good it felt to be in the company of kindred spirits. Thank you for doing your part to build the community we all want. 

Questions? Hit us up at: info@thecspc.org. 

“Be excellent to each other” - Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other” - Emma and Rachel 

Volunteer Position: Tech Host

The Center for Sex Positive Culture welcomes everyone and encourages our members who identify as BIPOC or LGBTQ/SGL to apply for this volunteer position.

Summary:

The CSPC is looking for a volunteer who is comfortable with digital, mostly video, communication styles with reliable internet access to run the technical aspects of CSPC virtual events, discussion groups, munches, and new member orientations in coordination with event hosts or facilitators. The primary platform used is Zoom with occasional use of Google Hangouts. This position involves online face-to-face interaction with other volunteers and event participants.

Responsibilities:

• Consistently and reliably volunteer at one or more CSPC event per month (you will be assigned to a particular event team based on your availability, interest, and current volunteer openings)

• Log in, launch the appropriate platform, and open the room a half hour before the start of the event

• Assemble online documents, links, etc that might be needed for the event 

• Admit the event hosts or facilitators and work with them on any preparations needed prior to the start of the event, including troubleshooting any technical problems

• Admit participants as they arrive or communicate with them through chat if they arrive too early

• During the event, move participants to breakout rooms, keep track of who will speak next, answer questions in the chat, provide links as needed, share screen as needed, mute or remove participants in the case of problematic behavior, admit or readmit attendees as needed

• Remain for up to 30 minutes after the end of the event to debrief with the hosts or facilitators and submit a short electronic feedback form

• Attend occasional online continuing education events to learn about changes to procedure, update your skills, and get to know your fellow volunteers

• Attend monthly online team meetings (not required but highly recommended)

Qualifications:

• Be a member of the CSPC

• Have completed a Volunteer Orientation (this can be done at the start of volunteering)

• Have reliable internet access, a laptop or desktop computer with a screen capable of displaying many tabs at once, a private and quiet work space, and some combination of  microphone and headphones

• Have a basic understanding of Zoom and Google Hangouts (training will be provided)

• Have a basic understanding of Google Docs and Google Drive and a willingness to use these tools 

• Be willing to show your face on screen and provide your name or scene name

• Work well as part of a team

• Have availability evenings and weekends (to gain an understanding of the CSPC event schedule go to https://thecspc.org/event)

• Be reliable, available on a consistent basis, exercise discretion, and respect confidentiality

Contact:

• Email volunteerliaison@thecspc.org to apply for this volunteer position.

The Center for Sex Positive Culture creates spaces to celebrate, develop, and explore sexuality and sensuality among a diverse, supportive community.

Joining A New BDSM Community During Covid

by RubyJupiter

One of the scariest things you can do is reveal the most intimate parts of yourself to a whole new community... where you know absolutely nobody.

Last year, I took a new job located up in the Seattle area. For my heat-hating California self, I was very excited about this - weather that is not on the heat spectrum of hell, with a culture that was more liberal and open. It was exciting to dream about all the deliciously kinky stuff I'd see, how I'd make all sorts of new friends and potentially reinvent myself.

Except for, you know, reality: my introverted ass knew nobody up there. I prefer being the wallflower and watching all the fun happen. I have a terrible time letting others in on the best of days. When it comes to opening myself to others and letting them see my authentic self and kinks? I'm freaking Fort Knox.

But I knew I wanted to join the community, and that to do so I'd need to break out of my comfort zone. I mean, where else was I going to watch beautiful people get tied up and spanked, electrocuted, and made to come over and over again? Porn sites? HA!!

I did my research. FetLife is a great starting point, except when it isn't - kink communities can be a very underground thing, for good reason. Even when there's not a global pandemic limiting social interactions, we kinky folks stick to our own. I went back to the basics and started from the very beginning.

In a way, Covid made some group interactions much easier, especially for my introspective self. Munches, which previously had been held in-person at public locations, moved online to vehicles such as Zoom and Teams. Here, before I even moved up to the Pacific Northwest, I was able to introduce myself to the community and vice versa. Whereas previously at munches I'd usually sit along the outside edges of the group, listening to various groups/conversations and wondering how or who I'd "bug" with my thoughts; online it's one large conversation with everyone on an equal playing field. 

My first online munch was with the CSPC, a Seattle-based sex positive group, that (prior to Covid) had regularly hosted kink and sex related events. At first, it was awkward; I knew no one and had about as much confidence as a flea in making my thoughts known. (Those who know me well probably don't believe this, but I'm initially very good at blending into the scenery.) Amazingly, everyone was great, and cool, and NORMAL, and when I did pipe up, my words were heard and, better yet, discussed.

It was very motivating, which probably explains what happened next.

There was a shortage of volunteers and they put out the call. I answered. Now, I know a little about nothing and a lot about even less, but for some reason I was desperate to belong to this wonderful little community I'd found. At the very least, I figured I'd get to know more people so that when the in-person events started again, I'd at least be recognized. What I didn't plan on was being good at this, and freaking LOVING being an active member of this organization. I now Tech Assist the monthly Switch discussion group, and am vying for a spot to assist the upcoming Poly discussion group. I've agreed to start writing for the newsletter since I have a background in writing and editing. I am excited to help put together a few more upcoming events. I have also discovered that I have opinions, and somewhat to my surprise, can be somewhat dogged in getting my thoughts out into the open.

Who knew?

In a big sense, Covid has made the transition oddly easy. I attended my first CSPC munch last summer in 2020 and was immediately welcomed. You know what the absolute weirdest part of this whole business is, though? I haven't met any of these people in person yet!! That blows my freaking mind, but makes me ecstatically happy for what will be coming up in the next few months.

So if you're new to a kink community and afraid of joining in, please don't feel alone. We are normal people doing what we can in a world gone wack-a-doodle, all trying to find some semblance of normalcy and the company of others to share. I hope to meet you someday, either online or in person!

Consent Corner 1.16

by Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Hello sexy readers, and welcome back to the cuddliest Corner.  We’ve missed you terribly!  Stay sexy until we can be with each other in person:  safely, lawfully, and with the utmost enthusiastic consent.

Our friends in the European Union passed a law that goes into effect soon and it’s being called The Right to Repair.  If you’re making large consumer products - like, for example, refrigerators - you have to make them repairable.  You have to sell parts, make a manual available, and allow folks to open it up and work on it.  

To us, it’s a reminder to care for each other as best we can, and to think about fixing rather than tossing aside.  People are with us for a time, and it may be time to put a particular relationship aside.  You have the right to remove your consent and end a relationship. But, consider that you also have the right to repair it.

You may choose not to exercise that right.  You may be unsuccessful in making suitable repairs.  Or, the repairs may work out even better than you could have imagined.  

Repairing rather than trashing is respectful.  It promotes the long-term sustainability of the planet, the community, the CSPC, and our relations with each other.  Consider having a conversation about consent that supports you in mind, body, and soul.  Remember gratitude for what others have offered you.  With gratitude, enough becomes a feast.  We’re most grateful for your continuing support.

Got fan mail for us flounders?  Send it to info@thecspc.org.

“Be excellent to each other” - Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other” - Emma and Rachel

Volunteer position: Newsletter Editor

The Center for Sex Positive Culture welcomes everyone and encourages our members who identify as BIPOC or LGBTQ/SGL to apply for this volunteer position.

Summary:

Assist other Communications Team members to create, assemble, and edit the twice monthly CSPC newsletter. This position reports to the Communications Director and can be expanded over time.

Responsibilities:

• Edit submitted newsletter material

• Ensure that content aligns with the CSPC’s mission and adheres to our policies

• Report or fix incorrect information including dates, times, or invalid links

• Communicate with CSPC members and those of the greater sex positive community who contribute material to the newsletter, with the goal of acquiring and editing content in time for publication

• Pitch ideas for newsletter content with a focus on recurring articles that require few volunteer hours

• Write articles of interest to our membership (not required)

• Attend the Communications Team meetings every second Monday evening (not required but highly recommended)

Qualifications:

• Be a member of the CSPC

• Have completed a Volunteer Orientation (this can be done at the start of volunteering)

• Have a basic understanding of Google Docs and Google Drive and a willingness to use these tools 

• Exercise excellent proofreading skills 

• Work well as part of a team

• Adhere to deadlines

Contact:

• Email volunteerliaison@thecspc.org to apply for this volunteer position.

 The Center for Sex Positive Culture creates spaces to celebrate, develop, and explore sexuality and sensuality among a diverse, supportive community.

Love Letters to the CSPC

The Center for Sex Positive Culture sent out a call to their membership for some love letters in our last newsletter. Thank you so much to those who responded to the call! And an extra-special thank you to those who specified that you are okay with us sharing your love letters here.

The CSPC wanted to say that they loved each and every message. It’s also not too late to send your own love letter. Simply email it to loveletters@theCSPC.org, and let us know if you’d like a personalized response. Feel free to let your writing flow as hot and steamy as you want. The Center will appreciate it. After all, “Sex-Positive” is their middle name.

Here are some messages the Center received:

There was a group in Seattle
The CSPC their handle
They keep us all grinnin'
our sex lives a spinnin'
with cuddles, a flogger, or candle
—D

I miss you
Recall the sounds your heart used to make when it jumped
into the blue clear pools
of excitement & ecstasy
Remember how the deepest pains used to melt away like sugar in that pool
making life even sweeter
Stevia
Saccharine
Sugar bear
We’re going to be okay
Me myself and I
Because we’re the strongest fallen angel I know
—H

Roses are red
And sand dunes are taupe
I love it, my dear,
When you tie me with rope.

Roses are red
And sometimes they're white
When Phase 4 is here
You can f&$@ me all night.

Roses are red
One metal is copper
When we get together
Let's do something improper.

Roses are red
And grasses are green
When the state's in Phase 4
Let's do something obscene.

Roses are red
Sometimes skies are grey
I've been awfully naughty
Won't you make me pay?

Roses are red
Sometimes skies are blue
When we're face to face
Ooh, the things that we'll do!

Roses are red
And oranges orange
There's nothing that rhymes
So let's f&$@ instead!

Roses are red
And bees can make honey
When we're in Phase 4
Let's f&$@ like a bunny.

Roses are red
And stop signs are red
We. could sit and chat
Let's get f&$@ing instead!

Roses are red
And marshes have muck
When we get together
I just wanna f&$@.

Roses are red
And the flu makes you sick
It gets me so hot
When I'm sucking your d&$@.

—A friend

This is a love letter to The Center for Sex Positive Culture. This is a testament to the awesome power of freedom. The freedom to be me. The freedom from guilt and shame and all the other mucky feelings that arise from a life biased against sexuality and expression. I love the CSPC because the CSPC loved me back. She gave me the one thing I needed in life: love.

I met my Mistress and partner at the CSPC. It was during a wonderful party called "Women on Top." It was the perfect moment and the perfect outcome. None of it would have been possible without the center.

So, this one is for you CSPC. I love you. It's my deepest wish that you continue to give others the chance at love you afforded me.

—Sakari, CSPC communications director

Consent Corner 1.15

by Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Hello lovely readers!  Welcome back to the place to talk about all things consent-related.  We’re here to answer your questions in a friendly, non-judgmental way.  

It’s a new year, and it might be a good time to consider updating your consent framework(s).  You don’t necessarily have to, but it might be worth considering.

In the previous column, we took a side trip into what we can do when faced with new information.  Something we thought was true turns out to not be true.  Our understanding of a situation turns out to differ from a partner’s understanding of it.  You thought they loved it when you (fill in the blank) and it turns out they’re not as thrilled as you imagined.  

When we get new information, we update our knowledge base.  For example, you may experience the addition of a new partner into your relationship(s) - either by your choice or another’s choice.  Or, health issues may arise in relationships.  Things are different, and these changes will probably affect the nature of your interactions, either for a while or from here on out.

How can we create a consent framework that promotes each other in body, mind, and spirit?  We’re glad you asked.  This might be a good time to look through previous Consent Corner columns and review what you’ve learned so far.  

It might also be a good time to ask us a question at info@thecspc.org.  And, stay tuned because there’s lots more to come in the Corner that will help you continually improve consent frameworks.  

“Be excellent to each other.”  Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other.”  Emma and Rachel