Consent Corner 2.2

by Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Dearest Reader,

We offer you warm greetings in these crisp autumn days, and thank you for joining us on this journey through the nuances of consent.  We’re grateful to be a part of the CSPC’s community and its communications with you.  

In the last newsletter we reviewed our consent model and likened it to building a strong and enduring structure.  We noted that we’re well advised to build our structure’s foundation on a solid ground of respect.  The foundation is what we’re considering today, and it represents Autonomy.  Specifically, for you, the foundation means your own Autonomy.

Autonomy is the act of self-government or self-determination.  You get to decide what’s good for you:  what will nurture your mind, body and spirit.  

Your foundation is yours alone, and doesn’t have to resemble anyone else’s.  You can listen to suggestions about how you might reconsider what’s good for you, but ultimately it’s your life, and you get to decide how you’re going to live it.  Yay you!  

You have the right to appreciate whatever it is that you do appreciate, along with other consenting beings.  You have the right to allow something today that you didn’t allow yesterday, and vice versa - and what’s a little vice among friends?  You’re changing all the time, and your wants and needs will change, too.  Just keep your partner(s) in the loop about it.  Sneak preview:  communication is another integral part of our consent structure that we’ll talk about in an upcoming column!  

We’ve been fortunate enough to have met some people who always seem to be on their own side, no matter what.  They’re unfailingly kind to themselves, even as they face what would appear to be challenges.  They tend to see unfortunate experiences not as errors, but rather as learning opportunities.  We’re absolutely in awe of such people, and we encourage you to follow their example as you build your own foundation of Autonomy.  

Homework:  take 5 minutes, get comfortable, and ponder what nourishes you in mind, body and spirit.  Just notice what arises for you.  And, today or tomorrow, make one of them so.  

Got compliments?  You can appreciate us at:  info@thecspc.org. 

“Be excellent to each other” - Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other” - Emma and Rachel

Leadership Spotlight: Eirikah

This is the fifteenth of our spotlights on community members who volunteer with the CSPC in leadership positions. In this issue, we’ve asked some questions to get a deep and personal look at our newest Board Member, Eirikah.

• Name/scene name:

  • Eirikah Delaunay

• Pronouns:

  • she/her

• How do you identify?

  • I identify as a polyamorous bisexual cis-woman, sadomasochist, and typically Dominant-leaning Switch.

• How long have you been with the CSPC?

  • I’ve been a member of the CSPC for 10 years.

• What brought you here and what are your main areas of interest?

  • I first experienced and embraced kink and sacred sexuality at 18 years old after being raised Baptist in the American Deep South. I kept these essential parts of myself super private for the next two decades out of fear of judgment. I felt isolated in my belief that sex-positive community was just a fantasy found in books and movies. I relocated to Seattle with my family in 2010, and a year later an online date mentioned The Crucible in Washington, DC. Through the magic of Google (BDSM+club+Seattle), I found the CSPC. My first event was a social night to scout the vibe before attending a tasting event the next night. I was so nervous that my partner and I sat in the car in the parking lot for a half hour before going inside. When we finally did, we found a circle of people just like us--many ages, many genders, many shapes and sizes, all smiling--who enthusiastically welcomed us, showed us the space, and were excited to see us again the next night, where I got to try “take down and struggle play” as a kink thing for the first time. I had finally found “my people.” 

• CSPC e-mail, role, areas you cover:

  • Eirikah@thecspc.org, Board Member, mission alignment and communications

• Which CSPC event is your favorite and why? 

  • Over the years, I’ve enjoyed participating in the Sacred Sexuality group and the Erotic Hypnosis group at the CSPC. D/s is a core element of all my erotic relationships, and I loved the dynamic of Libertine Social Club, Wildfire, and the Ladies’ Sovereign Tea. As a bit of an introvert who likes to play hard, however, my favorite event was Monday Madness. I loved the smaller, quieter, more intimate gathering with many of the folks who’d spent their weekends volunteering at the larger weekend events and did their own playing at Monday Madness. I also loved the tasting events as a way for folks to learn more about what they enjoy and how to practice different kinds of play more safely, and I loved the intensity and creativity of Asylum.

• Career or day job:

  • After a long career in academia, I am now a somatic sex+magic coach at Desire Alchemy (https://desirealchemy.com) who offers individual, partnered, and group coaching for people curious and excited about using effective communication, magic, sexuality, kink, and/or power exchange relationships as vehicles for personal growth and bliss. 

• What do you like to do in your free time?

  • I love spending time with my partners, hanging out in nature, gardening, reading, reading tarot and astrology charts, and making art.

• Living situation (partners, roommates, pets, plants):

  • I live with my nesting partner, a huge floofy cat with too many names, and a jungle of plants he desperately wants to eat. My two adult children live nearby, but not with me.

• Something no one would ever guess about you:

  • I co-owned an independent hip-hop record label in the early 2000’s.

• Turn-ons: 

  • Turn-ons: flirting, language, curiosity, collaborative kink, laughter, boundaries given and received with clarity and gratitude, personal responsibility, kindness. “More, please.”

• Hopes and concerns for the CSPC:

  • I’m looking forward to helping strengthen the sense of community within the CSPC. All of us have resources to contribute, and all of us can benefit by sharing the resources we have. Energy, enthusiasm, volunteer time, financial donations, great ideas, visibility--all of these resources and many others are essential to creating a welcoming and supportive space where diverse folks can celebrate, develop, and explore sexuality and sensuality.

• Advice for a new member or volunteer: 

  • Connect with an existing volunteer! We would love to help you connect with the service opportunities, events, and other like-minded humans that you’re looking for.

Black and white photo credit: Mitzie Gibson

New Parties are Coming! Renew Your Membership Now at 2021 Rates!

Hello, beautiful people! 

The CSPC is again running parties in person. The Myself! Party has sold out in both September and October. In November we will be hosting three events: Fresh Meet on the 5th, LaQueer on the 13th, and another Myself! on the 21st. 

December will feature Fresh Meet on the 10th and Myself! on the 12th. And at our last Board Meeting we approved two more exciting parties for December: a reboot of Power Play Mixed Tape (Dec. 4) from the Interbay era, and the brand spanking new Femme Dominion (Dec. 18)! Watch our newsletter and website for more details and ticketing links.

We’re maintaining policies to keep our events as safe as possible, but it’s safe to say that our COVID-19 shutdown is over. For the past year and a half, we’ve kept all active CSPC memberships active at no charge to you. This is your notice that the membership clock is once again ticking as of November 1st.

Speaking of memberships, 2021 is an excellent time to purchase a membership renewal. Membership dues will be going up in 2022. Renewing now lets you lock in our current rates (only $5 per month) for up to a year. Treat yourself this holiday season to the gift of CSPC membership. You can give yourself access to our play parties, discussion groups, discord server, etc. for a whole year to come!

Volunteers Needed - Get Into the Party for Free!

The party has started and we need you! The CSPC is once again hosting in-person events and in urgent need of volunteers to keep everything running tickety-boo. In addition to shaping the community, making new friends, and generally being awesome, volunteering at an event means you get in for free!

Check out the Volunteering section of our website to get started. You will need to:

• Watch the 10-minute orientation video

• Complete the online volunteer application

• Create a Volgistics account (this is our shift scheduling system)

• Join the Volunteer Google group and start receiving notices for volunteer shifts

• Sign up for a shift!

For Volgistics and Volunter Google group questions, email VC@thecspc.org

For general volunteering questions, email volunteerliaison@thecspc.org 

Once you have completed the above steps, you are eligible to start volunteering at in-person events as well as online and behind the scenes. If you are a volunteer from the way back, when we were located at Interbay, please contact volunteerliaison@thecspc.org to determine what your next steps should be. Here is a list of event volunteer roles and what you need to qualify for each role:

Setup

• No training required

• Arrange equipment/floor plan as directed by EC/Host

• Set out/restock safer sex supplies and linens

• Set out food and beverages

Registration

• Attend a 30-minute online training (the next one is at the online Volunteer Munch on Nov 7th)

• Greet individuals and determine eligibility for entry

• Collect appropriate paperwork and payment

• Provide wristbands indicating that attendees have gone through registration

• Answer questions

• Entry line management

Orientation Leader

• Shadow a current New Member Orientation Leader during a shift

• Run New Member Orientations and answer questions as needed

Host

• Must be a Champion of the event/strongly invested team member of the event 

• Circulate and be social at an event, focusing attention on those who have not yet engaged in socialization

• Know the rules and kindly communicate them as needed to attendees in the social areas

• Direct floor plan set up

• Be a resource and friendly face for new members

• Manage music needs during the event as needed/agreed to

Monitor

• Must complete one online classroom session and two shadow shifts (the next online classroom session is at the online Volunteer Munch on Dec 5th)

• Facilitate play, use of equipment and supplies, etc.

• Keep safer sex supplies and linens stocked throughout the event

• Know the rules, educate attendees on them, and enforce them as needed with compassion

• Monitor the play spaces for issues or individuals needing assistance

• Route scenes that need EC approval to the EC

• Move ladders and equipment as requested

• Handle emergency situations and escalate as needed to the EC

• Keep an eye on bathrooms and food areas 

Event Coordinator (EC)

• Be qualified as a Registration volunteer and Monitor, complete two shadow shifts

• Manage the people and property of an event

• Mange all staff/volunteers and provide guidance

• Be the final decision maker at an event, deal with any outside inquiries from police/fire/etc.

• Be an authority on the rules of the CSPC

• File EC reports after each event

• Deal with all attendee issues during an event

• Fill in roles as needed when shifts are not filled

Strike

• No training required

• Move equipment to storage

• Clean up trash/dishes

• Collect dirty linens and place in designated area for washing

• Vacuum, mop floors if needed

• Do a final moop (matter out of place) sweep looking for garbage, water bottles, personal items, etc.

• Take stock of food and beverages and report to EC.

We can’t wait to volunteer with you at our next event! Please reach out if you have any questions.

For Volgistics and Volunter Google group questions, email VC@thecspc.org

For general volunteering questions, email volunteerliaison@thecspc.org 

Side Effects

By Turtle

10/17/21

It often comes up in conversation, “You seem to volunteer a lot. Why?” I ask them to be specific. Why do I volunteer? Or why do I volunteer so much?

The first question is easy. I was raised to volunteer. As third-generation immigrants, my family always made it clear that we were expected to give back to our local community. I started when I was nine. I’m 51 now. I’ve volunteered in Brownies, 4-H, school functions, VFW, Grays Harbor County Fair Board, ASB, Honor Society, Humane Society, Triangle Square, Rainbow Coalition, OUT in the Park, PBS, Metropolitan Community Church, Center for Spiritual Living, WashPIRG, as a clown, as a DJ, Compass Housing, Challenge Air, and most recently the CSPC. These are just the names I remember off the top of my head.

Other reasons I volunteer are to meet people as I tend to be an introverted hermit and it helps pull me out into interacting. I also love helping and learning new skills. I’m much more well-rounded as a human being and experience a much deeper level of empathy. Sometimes I volunteer purely from a social justice need to be active in moving our community forward in a positive fashion. I’ve canvassed for signatures for WashPIRG, answered phones for PBS, met with congressional representatives, raised money for good causes like Wolfhaven. At times, I just feel out of sync with the world and volunteering helps me feel useful. Those people I meet become a network of support too!

There is so much above and beyond that though. Here is where the “side effects” to volunteering weigh in. People have used the ripples from a pebble tossed into a pond, but I’d challenge the imagery as notably too small.

I, and the many other volunteers over the 20+ years of this organization, believe deeply in the Mission of the Center for Sex Positive Culture. Although I no longer identify as a conservative Catholic, I was still quite locked up when I joined the CSPC. Through education, mentorship, role models, observation, access to more inclusive information and support, I now have an acceptance of myself and know who I am. I am a Pangender, Pansexual, Poly, Sapiosexual, Sufferer submissive… for starters. I’m far more okay with my body too. I’m not judgmental of others, I can just accept them where they are and be supportive when those morph. I’ve released shame, guilt, self-revulsion. I experienced a Becoming.

We provide a space for people to shed the shackles of the past, the shame they have been conditioned to accept, and models that they've been told are all that they are allowed to be.

I’ve seen this journey happen to others. I’ve lent a hand when needed. I’ve had many people tell me quietly in between moments of stillness about how they don’t think this could’ve happened anywhere else but a magical dream like the CSPC. I’ll keep volunteering in big and small ways, whatever ways I am capable of for as long as I am able to pave the way for those who will come to take my place, and continue this grand odyssey we are all on in Becoming.

Consent Corner 2.1

by Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Dearest Readers,

You’ve asked for it.  You’ve waited patiently for it.  And, as promised, here it is:  Version 2 of your favorite corner, Consent Corner, begins today!

Our goal is to help you make consent a fun part of all of your interactions.  We’ll be answering your questions and suggesting approaches to building strong consensual bonds with your loved ones (and soon-to-be-loved ones, too!).  

First, let’s review the model we use to consider consent.  We summarized our model briefly in the last column but we want to expand it and give you a visual of the framework. We invite you to think about consent as a building structure with Respect as the solid ground, and on it sits the foundation of your Autonomy with the Pillars of Consent:  Capacity, Information, and Agreement holding up the roof which represents the Autonomy of others.  

As you consider what consent means for you, remember that it’s all based on the solid ground of Respect.  Any builder worth their salt will tell you that a strong foundation and framework must be built on solid ground.

What do we mean by respect?  It’s so important that Aretha Franklin even spelled it out for us in song:  R E S P E C T.  It’s well worth your time to find out what it means to you. 

Respect goes far beyond mere tolerance, and continues on past the notion of acceptance.  It’s about recognizing the inherent worth and dignity of everyone, including yourself.  

Here’s the sign we’d like to see prominently displayed at our new location:

RESPECT 

Yourself 

Each Other

The CSPC 

Everything Else

When you take time to negotiate consent, you’re acknowledging that you care about yourself and your partner(s).  The good news is that we’ll be helping you learn more about how to do it in this column, so keep checking us out.  The better news is that it will make encounters with your partner(s) even more amazing than before!  What’s not to love about that?

Homework:  get your questions ready and send them to:  info@thecspc.org.

“Be excellent to each other” - Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other” - Emma and Rachel

So many events! What's new at the CSPC?

It’s a busy time at the CSPC!

Following up on the sell-out of both The Frolic in August and September’s Myself! Party, we have three in-person events planned during the next month or so.

Myself! comes again (and again) on Sunday, October 24th, continuing its victorious run as the CSPC’s most long-lived active party. The energy at the last Myself! was fantastic, and we’re looking forward to doing it all again with you.

On Friday, November 5th, we’ll see the return of Fresh Meet, our party that is all about meeting and connecting, building community, and trying new experiences. Popular with new and experienced members alike, Fresh Meet features ice-breaker activities and tastings to help people connect and broaden their horizons.

And on Saturday, November 13th, we’ll see the long-awaited return of the LaQueer Party! A sex-positive party created by and for people in the LGBTQIA+ community, LaQueer is as unique and diverse as the individuals who attend. Come have fun and play with us!

While doing our best to help the sex-positive community create events and opportunities to connect, we at the CSPC remain focused on safety and consent. In addition to Washington state’s requirement of masks at indoor events (at all times when not eating, drinking, or engaging in a scene), we’re requiring proof of COVID-19 vaccination for all persons at all of our events.

We’re also limiting the size of all in-person parties to a maximum of 100 tickets sold. Volunteer staff is in addition to this, but on average we expect to have fewer than 100 people in the building at any given time (staff come in multiple shifts, some number of ticket holders end up unable to attend, etc.). We’re also experimenting with ways for attendees to flag their availability/willingness for closer contact.

It’s an exciting time with in-person events returning after a long hiatus, and even more in the works. We also recognize that meeting in person isn’t realistic for everyone just yet, and we’re continuing to offer orientations, munches, discussion groups, and other events online.

We’re doing our best to ensure that everybody in the community has a place here that matches their comfort level. As an attendee or volunteer, at events in person or online, come and join us! Help us build the community you want to see.

Restructuring the CSPC -- want to play a part?

Greetings, cherished members!

The CSPC’s Board of Directors is planning to discuss and vote on a restructuring plan at the next Board Meeting. The proposed organizational structure is summarized in the below document. Note: the document below should have vertical and horizontal scroll bars so you can see the entire org chart. There’s also a “Pop-out” button to get a larger view of this document. Or, here is a downloadable PDF version of the same chart.

As always, Board Meetings are open to the public (and accessible online). We welcome all community members to come and give their thoughts during the attendee comment period. Join the discussion at our Board Meeting on October 13th, starting at 7 pm Pacific time.

If you see a volunteer position or task below that you’d be interested in helping with or learning more about, please consider joining our merry band of volunteers. You’ll meet amazing people, have fun, and help out with the cause of sex-positivity.

Consent Corner 1.28

by Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Dearest Readers, 

Can you believe it? We are quickly approaching the anniversary of bringing you a full year of Consent Corner! Emma and Rachel want to keep this corner of the world fresh and interesting for you, so we decided to meet up in person over the weekend to brainstorm and discuss the future of this column. 

We are excited to report that we engaged in some great consent negotiations to be extra safe. After all, we are still in a pandemic and this was the first time seeing each other in person since February of 2020! Informed consent, and what we need to disclose before social interactions is changing all of the time and varies from person to person. We get asked a lot of questions about how to navigate the changing landscape of social interactions. In a nutshell, it’s all about respect. Just like with a safer sex talk, using the 4 Pillars of Consent is super helpful! (In case you need a memory jog the 4 Pillars are: Capacity, Information, Agreement, and Autonomy) 

It’s important to be honest about your capacity,  we have all been through a lot, and it’s okay to not be social at all, renegotiate boundaries or cancel if you find yourself nervous about meeting up.  Share information transparently: your vaccine status, if you have been traveling, social indoors or in crowded spaces, or if you have been exposed to COVID-19.  Also something to consider; what are the COVID-19 protocols for where you are meeting up? Create agreements around where you are comfortable meeting, the level of physical contact, the length of interactions, and mask etiquette. And as far as autonomy goes:  be open to the needs of everyone involved and be compassionate about cancellations.  Being a safe person who accepts “no” gracefully (even when disappointed) is a huge part of what makes interactions truly consensual.    

Homework:  consider how your interactions are evolving in our changing (and challenging!) times.  And, consider posing your questions to us at:  info@thecspc.org.  

“Be excellent to each other” - Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other” - Emma and Rachel