This is the seventeenth of our spotlights on community members who volunteer with the CSPC in leadership positions. In this issue, we’ve asked some questions to get a deep and personal look at one of our co-hosts for the Neurodivergent Discussion Group and More Amore: a Consensual NonMonogamy Discussion, Gloria Jackson-Nefertiti.
Name and/or scene name:
Gloria Jackson-Nefertiti (scene name is GloriaJN)
Pronouns:
she/her/hers
How do you identify (this can include gender, sexual orientation, kink or BDSM roles, etc.)?
Cisgender female, Bisexual, Solo Polyamorous, Switch (had been mostly a bottom and was just starting to learn how to top before the CSPC temporarily closed), breast cancer survivor, neurodivergent: autistic, with ADHD/ADD, PTSD, Anxiety/Depression and TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury).
How long have you been with the CSPC?
I joined in 2006. I don’t remember the exact month, but I just know it was some time after May. That’s when I began dating my new (at the time) partner, who introduced me to the CSPC.
What brought you here and what are your main areas of interest?
Well, as I mentioned above, I went to the CSPC with my partner. I had heard of it, and was curious about it, but I was too afraid to go by myself, because somehow, I thought I’d have to be willing to have sex as soon as I walked through the door! (Don’t ask where I got that idea from, because I don’t know.) Not only that, but I thought I had to be open to any and all types of sex and kink; in other words, I had to be up for everything. (Don’t ask where I got that from, either.) Once I went for the first time with my partner, I realized that wasn’t the case. We were able to watch other people playing, and then we went to the back for sex. It was nothing like I expected! It was just really chill, and I felt I was able to go at my own pace.
Before COVID, my main areas of interest involved mostly getting flogged and occasionally whipped and spanked. I haven’t been tied up nearly enough, and I was only suspended once. That needs to change! And also, vanilla sex is sometimes really nice, with the right person.
And now, during the pandemic, I’ve rarely attended any activities. I just want to make sure I’m comfortable venturing out, especially around a lot of people.
CSPC e-mail address, title/role, reasons for contact/areas you cover:
My role at the CSPC is “co-host,” as I’m a co-host for the Neurodivergent Discussion Group and for More Amore: a Consensual NonMonogamy Discussion, both of which are CSPC online events.
I guess my primary title or role is “Educator.” The classes listed below have been presented at conferences all over the US and in Vancouver, BC. I’ve been on polyamory/non-monogamy panels, as well as panels of “sexperts” at the CSPC. I’ve also been on polyamory/non-monogamy panels at colleges, including the times that we (me, Allena Gabosch, and one other person) spoke to some Human Sexuality classes at Highline College. Finally, I was part of an LGBTQ panel, also at Highline College, as well as at Franklin High School in Seattle. Both times, I talked to the students about Bisexuality.
The classes I teach are:
“Transcending Shame” (the most popular one and the first class I created)
“Polyamory 101: From Threesomes to WE-SOMES!”
“We Do Not Live Single-Issue Lives,” a class on Intersectionality, which is also becoming popular.
My e-mail address is notgloriajean@gmail.com; you can email me if you want to know more information about the classes I teach, if you’re interested in hiring me to do a presentation or a keynote speech, or if you have questions about anything. You can also email me to find out my schedule. I used to include that on my website (www.notgloriajean.net), but when the pandemic hit, those dates became obsolete, but I haven’t yet gotten around to updating my itinerary!
What was your path to your current position?
In January 2011, I took a free class at the now closed Sharma Center, called “Sexual Shame.” I thought it was a good class, and as I sat and listened, I had two dominant thoughts: 1) “This is helpful information, not just for sexual shame, but shame in general.” And 2) “I could totally do this!” (What I meant was that I could teach a class on shame.) But I kind of put it on the backburner until 2015/2016, when I began to hear about conferences that were looking for presenters. The first thing that came to mind was that Sexual Shame class that I took in 2011. Plus, I remembered what a major role shame played in my life, and that my family and the church used it to keep me in line.
Suddenly, the name, “Transcending Shame” popped into my head as the name for the class. I presented it for the first time in April 2017 at Converge Con in Vancouver, BC. It’s definitely evolved over the years.
Now, I’ll usually include shame-related quotes from various teachers, authors, celebrities, etc., in my PowerPoint presentation. But over the years, I’ve come up with some quotes I really like, that I’ll put on the slides:
"Shame is isolating, which is why having community is so important."
"Admit the guilt, but don't give in to the shame!"
"I am never, ever again going to be anybody's source of shame."
Which CSPC event is your favorite and why?
Wow, that’s a really good question! I know that when the Center was having nightly events (and sometimes, two events the same night) and I was volunteering a lot more, I had several favorite parties. There used to be the Hump on Wednesday nights (a party I helped create), and the Grind on Thursday nights, both of which were probably my favorite parties. Now, even though I very rarely get to attend parties in person (and I hope that changes soon), I’d say my favorite parties are La Queer and Power Play Mixed-Tape, which was another favorite when we were in the old building.
But in the meantime, I’ll just say that my favorite parties (or events) are the Neurodivergent Discussion Group and More Amore: a Consensual NonMonogamy Discussion, mainly because I’m a co-host in both groups.
Career or day job (industry, position, or whatever you're comfortable sharing):
My job title, that I’ve done since the mid-1980s, is “Artists’ Model.” In other words, I’m a “muse” for various students and experienced artists, in painting, drawing, and sculpture classes and sessions.
What do you like to do in your free time?
Now, that’s a good question! This is going to sound so weird, but I discovered the @Gorillas community on Twitter a couple or so months ago, and started following them. The way I found them is, one night, I was reading tweets that led me to other tweets, and I was finally led to a tweet showing a female gorilla who was in heat. The way she moved and wiggled her butt to try to get her male partner’s attention looked like she was twerking! As you can imagine, lots of memes came from that video! I also follow them on YouTube (“Gorilla World”). And you know, sometimes, I just crack up laughing at their almost slapstick antics. Other times, I get a little teary-eyed when I see how much they love each other. It’s so evident. Anyway, I never run out of material to watch!
Here’s another thing I like to do in my free time: since May 2020, I’ve been working on my memoir. I haven’t had a lot of time to work on it lately, but I hope that once things settle down for me, I can sit down and devote my time and energy to it. The name of the memoir is "A Different Drum: A Black, Autistic, Polyamorous, Mentally Ill, Former Fundamentalist Christian/Cult Member and Breast Cancer Survivor WHO JUST WANTS TO FIT IN."
Living situation (partners, roommates, pets, plants):
For the past five years (January 2017-2022), I lived in an intentional community in Seattle’s University District, made up of 13-14 housemates. With the onset of the pandemic, however, people gradually started moving out. I still live in the U District, but I now live alone in an “apodment” (not apartment). It’s much smaller than I anticipated, so I’m still arranging things and throwing stuff out! After that’s complete, I plan to finally get some plants.
Something no one would ever guess about you or a fun fact:
My favorite song of all time is the “Blue Danube Waltz” or as it’s also called, “The Beautiful Blue Danube,” by Johann Strauss. I’m including the YouTube video so, if anyone says, “Oh, I don’t know that song,” I can tell them, “Oh, believe me, you know this song! Everybody does!” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YkkOlXME85E). The version in the YouTube video was played by the New York Philharmonic Orchestra, with Leonard Bernstein as the conductor. That’s EXTREMELY important to me because Leonard Bernstein was bisexual.
Turn-ons and/or squicks:
My turn-ons are cuddling, with long, luxurious, never-ending hugs, especially the kind where I feel like the other person and I are melting into each other (my primary love language is Physical Touch, after all). Another turn-on is deep kissing with lots of tongue. I’ve got lots of other turn-ons, but I’ll just mention one more: when someone (dear friend, partner, or lover) looks at me longingly; I guess you’d call that a “come hither” look.
What squicks me is: 1) clothespins for the purpose of being placed on my nipples. Someone did that to me years ago, without my consent, which was bad enough. But they also took pictures, and I remember how distressed and scared I looked. Apparently, that was a turn-on for the photographer. Anyway, clothespins are traumatizing for me. 2) Bukkake squicks me. There’s nothing wrong with it, but I just can’t look. 3) Finally, hook pull suspensions are more than I can handle. By the way, I agree with the saying, “Your Kink Is Not My Kink, But Your Kink Is Okay” (YKINMKBYKIO). These kinks are just not okay for me!
Hopes and concerns for the CSPC and/or the greater sex positive community:
My hope is that we find a permanent building SOON! I really miss going to the Center practically every night. It was definitely a community for me; what’s sad is that I didn’t realize just how much of a community it was until it was gone. Sure, we have Gallery Erato, but it’s just not the same. I got so used to having multiple activities throughout the week, and making lots of friends who I wouldn’t have met if not for the Center. The CSPC is also where I met one of my partners, over 10 years ago.
Advice for a new member or volunteer:
Whether they’re new to the Center or kink, I’d advise them to take as many classes as possible, to get an idea of what they’re into and what’s out there, as well as to gain skills. I’d also advise them to attend a tasting or two, just to get an idea of what they’d like and what they would absolutely never do! I’m sure these are also good ways to meet other play partners.
Is there an event or organization, outside of the CSPC, that you feel our community should know about?
Yes! The Seattle Erotic Art Festival (www.seattleerotic.org), April 29-May 1, 2022, a Pan-Eros Foundation event, is at the Seattle Center Exhibition Hall. I’m especially excited about it because for the first time, I was one of the judges for the event!
Southwest Love Fest: Symposiums & An Annual Conference on Relationships, Identity, Community & Non Monogamy
April 22-24, 2022 | VIRTUAL CON via Zoom (https://www.swlovefest.com)
I'll be presenting "We Do Not Live Single-Issue Lives"
Finally, if you’re polyamorous or curious, and live in Denver, CO (or plan to visit in May), there’s the Annual Rocky Mountain Poly Living Conference (https://www.lovingmorenonprofit.org/conferences/polyliving/rmpl-denver/), May 13-15, 2022. I don’t yet know what I’ll be presenting, but I know it’ll be great, so come on down!
How can we build up each other? How can we be here for one another?
As far as I can see, we’re already doing that. People are good about checking in with me, to see how I’m doing. Plus, some members are my Facebook friends, which lets them know what’s going on in my life. So even though it’s not the kind of community that I had grown to love, I think it’s starting to get there again, slowly but surely.
