By Turtle
Neurodiverse folx have no issue communicating within our community. The difficulties come when we attempt communications with people who refuse to acknowledge other languages exist and insist everyone else conform to their understanding of the world. As humans, it behooves us to create openings to make straight line communication accessible to all.
I suggest that we set aside assumptions, insinuations, and innuendo. State how you feel, what you want, and specific expectations to the person you are interacting with. At times, this needs to start with yourself. How can you negotiate with anyone effectively if you've never taken adequate time to effectuate what you'd like, hate, love, or want to try? What are your pet peeves? What intimidates you? Write it all down.
Often, the neurodiverse experience extreme discomfort with eye-to-eye contact. If you aren't comfortable speaking the information face-to-face, you can share your document. Other techniques are sitting back-to-back for the conversation, talking in the dark, or over the phone. Even messaging can work if you agree to not assume emotional subtext and to ask clear, concise questions. I've even seen folx have highly effective discussions while both work on hobbies in the same space.
We as a group tend to be direct and specific, using dictionary definitions for words. Otherwise, I personally find myself asking, “What do you mean by that?” “Error 404!” “More input please.” “BEEP boop. Explain.” Yes, I tend to use humor to break down communication barriers. But I'm still not going to know you are interested in me unless you say, “Hey, I like you. Want to hang out?” Which I will follow up with, “What do you mean by that?” Followed by your explanation of, “I enjoy your company,” “I want to scene with you,” “I want to fuck you silly,” or a billion other possibilities.
For enthusiastic consent from a neurodivergent:
Know when someone is capable of giving consent.
Tell us very specifically what you want using actual names for body parts.
Point to where we can touch and what we can take off.
Tell us what the end of the scene looks like.
Show us how to please you.
Be open to let us show you exactly what pleases us. Be open to hearing exactly what we want to touch, lick, kiss, fuck, hit, punch, etc.
Be on time.
Follow up afterward.
Honor our boundaries.
Ask, “Is this ok?” whenever you need to or when we get that fearful look in our eyes.
Successful negotiation comes down to two people who are motivated to be direct about their wants and needs regardless of identifying features in order to reach an enthusiastic YES!
The ND/DG (Neurodivergent discussion group) meets first Sundays from 5-7 p.m. and third Mondays from 7-9 p.m. Find us on thecspc.org/events