Consent Corner 2.1

by Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Dearest Readers,

You’ve asked for it.  You’ve waited patiently for it.  And, as promised, here it is:  Version 2 of your favorite corner, Consent Corner, begins today!

Our goal is to help you make consent a fun part of all of your interactions.  We’ll be answering your questions and suggesting approaches to building strong consensual bonds with your loved ones (and soon-to-be-loved ones, too!).  

First, let’s review the model we use to consider consent.  We summarized our model briefly in the last column but we want to expand it and give you a visual of the framework. We invite you to think about consent as a building structure with Respect as the solid ground, and on it sits the foundation of your Autonomy with the Pillars of Consent:  Capacity, Information, and Agreement holding up the roof which represents the Autonomy of others.  

As you consider what consent means for you, remember that it’s all based on the solid ground of Respect.  Any builder worth their salt will tell you that a strong foundation and framework must be built on solid ground.

What do we mean by respect?  It’s so important that Aretha Franklin even spelled it out for us in song:  R E S P E C T.  It’s well worth your time to find out what it means to you. 

Respect goes far beyond mere tolerance, and continues on past the notion of acceptance.  It’s about recognizing the inherent worth and dignity of everyone, including yourself.  

Here’s the sign we’d like to see prominently displayed at our new location:

RESPECT 

Yourself 

Each Other

The CSPC 

Everything Else

When you take time to negotiate consent, you’re acknowledging that you care about yourself and your partner(s).  The good news is that we’ll be helping you learn more about how to do it in this column, so keep checking us out.  The better news is that it will make encounters with your partner(s) even more amazing than before!  What’s not to love about that?

Homework:  get your questions ready and send them to:  info@thecspc.org.

“Be excellent to each other” - Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other” - Emma and Rachel

Consent Corner 1.28

by Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Dearest Readers, 

Can you believe it? We are quickly approaching the anniversary of bringing you a full year of Consent Corner! Emma and Rachel want to keep this corner of the world fresh and interesting for you, so we decided to meet up in person over the weekend to brainstorm and discuss the future of this column. 

We are excited to report that we engaged in some great consent negotiations to be extra safe. After all, we are still in a pandemic and this was the first time seeing each other in person since February of 2020! Informed consent, and what we need to disclose before social interactions is changing all of the time and varies from person to person. We get asked a lot of questions about how to navigate the changing landscape of social interactions. In a nutshell, it’s all about respect. Just like with a safer sex talk, using the 4 Pillars of Consent is super helpful! (In case you need a memory jog the 4 Pillars are: Capacity, Information, Agreement, and Autonomy) 

It’s important to be honest about your capacity,  we have all been through a lot, and it’s okay to not be social at all, renegotiate boundaries or cancel if you find yourself nervous about meeting up.  Share information transparently: your vaccine status, if you have been traveling, social indoors or in crowded spaces, or if you have been exposed to COVID-19.  Also something to consider; what are the COVID-19 protocols for where you are meeting up? Create agreements around where you are comfortable meeting, the level of physical contact, the length of interactions, and mask etiquette. And as far as autonomy goes:  be open to the needs of everyone involved and be compassionate about cancellations.  Being a safe person who accepts “no” gracefully (even when disappointed) is a huge part of what makes interactions truly consensual.    

Homework:  consider how your interactions are evolving in our changing (and challenging!) times.  And, consider posing your questions to us at:  info@thecspc.org.  

“Be excellent to each other” - Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other” - Emma and Rachel

Consent Corner 1.27

by Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Hello lovely readers!  Are you wondering what’s up with the world these days?  We’re with you.  We’re reminded that life is always changing.  Just when we think we’ve got something figured out, like masks or vaccines, life seems to toss us something new.

We’re reminded of a poem by Rainer Maria Rilke titled “Moving Forward”, translated by Robert Bly:

“The deep parts of my life pour onward, as if the river shores were opening out.  It seems that things are more like me now, that I can see farther into paintings.  I feel closer to what language can’t reach.  With my senses, as with birds, I climb into the windy heaven, out of the oak, in the ponds broken off from the sky my feeling sinks, as if standing on fishes.”

Of course poems are inherently mysterious and open to our own personal interpretations.  That image of standing on fishes resonates with us, as we hope it does with you.  It seems to capture a sense of life taking us this way and that, as fish dart here and there when currents and circumstances change.  

Until we can embrace you for real, up close and personal, we offer you virtual hugs.  And virtual floggings, bondage, spanks, whips - whatever your kinky heart consents to.  

Homework:  please share your thoughts on consent with us as we reimagine the next iteration of your favorite corner:  Consent Corner.  You can send questions, lavish praise, and tokens of appreciation to:  info@thecspc.org.  You know you want to!

“Be excellent to each other” - Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other” - Emma and Rachel

Consent Corner 1.26

by Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Hello sexy readers!  We hope you’re well and happy.

The Corner is currently busy soaking up the many pleasures that summer has to offer.  We sincerely hope you’re doing the same.

We’re doing it all for you, of course, so we can return refreshed and invigorated.  You’re most welcome!  

We wish you love and joy until we meet again…

“Be excellent to each other” - Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other” - Emma and Rachel

Consent Corner 1.25

by Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Hello again, sultry sexy readers!  We’re enjoying the special sultry weather that *is* summer in the Pacific Northwest, and hope you are as well.

We were thinking (uh oh!) about having the right and the responsibility to consider consent.  Unitarian Universalists say that we all have the right and responsibility to develop an understanding of religion/spirituality/higher power/whatever works for us.  It’s the same with consent.

You have the right to define consent in a way that works for you.  You have the right to change any aspect of consent as you grow and learn.  Something that was good before may cause you some concern now.  You might want to shake things up a bit and try something new.  It’s your life - fuck with it!  

We’d suggest as well that you have the responsibility to make consent an integral part of all you do.  Think about what’s okay for you and what’s not.  You get to decide what feels right for you.  How cool is that?!

Remember the model for consent that we laid out, with the main columns of Capacity, Information, Agreement, and Autonomy? Consider how you might use the model to make consent an even more fun part of your life.

And, it’s always a good time to practice gratitude.  We’re grateful for partners, friends, colleagues, and the many communities in which we have the privilege to participate.  We’re grateful for the careful editing of our column that makes us sound so much better than we would otherwise.  We’re grateful to you, dear reader, as well.  We couldn’t do it without you.

Homework:  Ask someone for their consent.  How do you feel?  What’s their response?  Notice when and how consent is requested and granted by people at a market or at an event.  Take a moment to stop and appreciate the consent around you.  

We’re grateful (in advance) for your fan mail at:  info@thecspc.org.

“Be excellent to each other” - Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other” - Emma and Rachel 

Consent Corner 1.24

by Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Hello lovely readers!  Can you believe that life seems to be heading to some variation of normal?  We’ve been enjoying hugs (and more!) that were deferred in the interest of good health.  Of course, we’re all the gatekeepers of what’s appropriate for our own health and safety.

In the prior newsletter we posed a question:  how do you know when it’s time to acknowledge a consent issue?  Remember that we’re not talking about clear steps over the line:  something done that was expressly banned, or not honoring safewords (prearranged signals to pause or stop activities).  We’re talking about when you have feelings that seem uncomfortable and you’re not clear on how to interpret them.  You know that something’s not quite right, but you don’t know what it is.  And, we’ve talked before about how unexpected feelings can come up in consensual activities.  

The good news is that we have an answer to that question.  Yay!  Our answer is that only you can make the call about what those nagging feelings represent.  You can bring in a friend or trusted advisor to get clarity.  You can meditate or take a walk if that helps.  You can Google it - we’re big fans of whatever works.

The better news is that the answer is simple, but admittedly not always easy.  Our advice is to make friends with those feelings, and gently inquire about what they’re trying to tell you.  Give those feelings a hug (if they’re huggable) and thank them for their service.  They’re showing up to help you.  They might be alerting you to something that needs a discussion with others.  They might be asking you to resolve an issue for yourself.  You’ll find the wisdom and strength to do what’s next for you.

Homework:  No homework!  Please let your sexy self enjoy this beautiful summer weather.

Please share your joy with us at:  info@thecspc.org.

“Be excellent to each other” - Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other” - Emma and Rachel

Consent Corner 1.23

by Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Hello sexy, sassy readers!  We hope Pride was everything you hoped for and more.  

We’re very excited as we plan to bring you another version of Consent Corner in upcoming newsletters.  Be on the lookout for Version 2.0 and forward as your favorite corner transforms.  It’s kind of like Doctor Who, who changes into a different physical presence over his (or now her) life.  It’s a Time Lord thing - look it up if you’re unfamiliar with its intricacies.

We’d like to pose a question:  how do you know when it’s time to acknowledge a consent issue?  We’re not talking about clear steps over the line:  something done that was expressly banned or not honoring safewords (prearranged signals to pause or stop activities).  We’re talking about when you have feelings that seem uncomfortable and you’re not clear on how to interpret them.  You know that something’s not quite right, but you don’t know what it is.  

We’ve talked before about how unexpected feelings can come up in consensual activities.  You can get triggered into feeling scared or anxious.  Something might come up for you that you thought had been resolved.  And, there it is, right in front of you, shifting the experience from what you’d expected or consented to into something different.  It’s kind of like in Doctor Who, when the T.A.R.D.I.S. takes him or her and companion(s) to a different planet or time.  They’re experiencing an important event in Earth history, and then they’re in the future on another planet.  You might say, “Wait, how did I get here?”  

Stay tuned as we explore this idea of exploring our feelings.  In the meantime, there’s homework!

Homework:  Think about times in your experiences when you weren’t sure how to handle a consent issue, or if a consent issue actually represented a violation.  If you’re anything like us, you’ve got an ample supply.  

Extra Credit:  check out Gavin de Becker and his book “The Gift of Fear.”  Spoiler:  The gift is that sense you have that something’s not quite right.

Extra Extra Credit:  If you’re a fan of sci-fi, British TV, or if you’re just curious, look up Doctor Who.  We think you’ll be glad you did.  

You’ll be glad to give us praise at:  info@thecspc.org.

“Be excellent to each other” - Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other” - Emma and Rachel

Consent Corner 1.22

by Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Hello lovely readers, and we hope you’re relishing all the juicy aspects of Pride.  Doesn’t it seem like the world is opening up a little bit?  There are more people out in parks, gathering in small groups, and enjoying what the Pacific Northwest has to offer at this time of year.  

Question:  you see a friend who you haven’t seen since pre-COVID - what do you do?  You want to give them a big hug, but what’s the new etiquette?  You can’t assume that your own comfort level with physical contact is the same as your friend’s comfort level.  

We like to suggest that right now the world is giving us opportunities to hone our consent skills.  Could we ask our friend:  would you prefer to hug, bump elbows, high five, or share a smile?  Could we ask:  are you huggable?  Imagine how impressed your friend will be as you flex the consent muscles you’ve been building in our time together.  What’s even better is knowing that the consensual greeting can be followed by what’s really important - reconnecting with a loved one.

Homework:  savor Pride celebrations, find a way to ask about physical contact that feels good for you, and look for chances to practice good consent.  Please, and thank you.  

We give our consent for contact at:  info@thecspc.org.

“Be excellent to each other” - Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other” - Emma and Rachel

Consent Corner 1.21

by Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Hello lovely readers, and Happy Pride Month 2021!  We hope it’s uplifting and joyous.  Of course antics, shenanigans, and other consensual mischief are always encouraged!  

Thinking of our own sense of pride, it occurred to us that we’re exceedingly proud of:  you.  Yup, you.  You believe in sex positivity (well, you’re reading this newsletter).  You want to know more about consent (and, you’re reading this column).  You want to be the best possible you (don’t we all?).  You rock!  

You’re amazing, and we think you ought to be reminded of it regularly.  Thank you for being a part of this super sexy community.

A little bird says the CSPC may be able to host some safe small-scale parties in the not too distant future.  Woohoo!  This same bird went on to ask us to remind you to please fill out the brief survey asking for your views on safe CSPC reopening practices.  You can find it here.

Are you huggable?  If so, we’re sending you consensual virtual hugs.  Yum!  Was that good for you, too?  

We love exploring the intricate jewel that is consent.  Thank you for joining us on the journey.  Praise and admiration can be sent to:  info@thecspc.org.

“Be excellent to each other” - Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other” - Emma and Rachel