Consent Corner 1.9.1

By Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake


Greetings, lovely readers.  This is the time of year when we think of gratitude.  We’re grateful for you, brave believer in the value of sex positivity.  Long may our collective freak flag fly!  

Homework:  Cultivate a grateful heart and thank those you love for sharing this time with you.  Please.  And, thank you.

You can thank us at:  info@thecspc.org.

Allena Gabosch to appear on Bawdy Storytelling this Saturday, November 21

Dixie De La Tour and Allena Gabosch at Re-Bar in 2019 (photo by Louis Shackleton Photography).

Dixie De La Tour and Allena Gabosch at Re-Bar in 2019 (photo by Louis Shackleton Photography).

Who do you think of when you think of the CSPC? For many of us the answer has to be Allena Gabosch. There would be no CSPC were it not for the vision, courage, audacity, tenacity, and blood-sweat-and-tears of Allena. She helped found the Center and was our Executive Director for more years than anyone can count.

Allena is nearing the end of her battle with cancer but she’s determined to give us all one last scene. Get your ticket to Bawdy Storytelling this Saturday, and come celebrate a life well lived.

Facebook link

FetLife link

Ticket link

Leadership Spotlight: Elissa

This is the eleventh of our spotlights on community members who help out the CSPC in leadership positions. In this issue, we’ve asked some questions to get a deep and personal look at our Programming Team Co-Lead, Elissa.

 

  • Name:

    • Elissa

  • Pronouns:

    • She/Her

  • How do you identify?

    • I’m transfeminine, gender fluid, bisexual, solo poly, and a switch.

  • How long have you been with the CSPC?

    • My first CSPC event was five years ago in the fall of 2015. I became a member and volunteer in early 2016.

  • What brought you here and what are your main areas of interest?

    • Mostly, I came here to make friends and find partners. When I returned to Washington after college, I missed my friends from Minnesota and a lot of my old friends here had moved away. The Center gave me the community I needed, with the side benefit of a place to have hardcore BDSM scenes and group sex and various other fun activities. I’m primarily interested in pain, roleplay, cuddles, and I enjoy vanilla sex as well, when I get the chance to have some.

  • CSPC e-mail address and title:

    • programming@thecspc.org Co-Lead of the Programming Team 

    • Contact me if you’d like to be part of our team where we plan and execute events, or if you’d like to suggest or run a new event.

  • What was your path to your current position?

    • I started as a setup volunteer, eventually expanding to work as an ambassador and library volunteer at the old space. When we lost our original space in 2016, I went back to focusing on setup as those other roles were no longer available. I joined the Programming Team when it started, because I wanted to make a bigger impact on the direction things were taking. I was preparing to take on the role of Co-Lead before COVID hit and finally did once we reconvened the team again in the summer.

  • Which CSPC event is your favorite and why? 

    • My favorite events that were running in the Pioneer Square space were Myself and F*cking Precious because there was always something fun to do or watch and everyone was always having a good time. My favorite at the old space was Women on Top, because I like being topped by women and topping as a woman, and the community around that event was the best.

  • Day job:

    • I’ve done a lot of different things. Right now, I’m unemployed due to the pandemic.

  • What do you like to do in your free time?

    • I take a five mile walk every day, I listen to podcasts and watch movies, I love professional wrestling, I write a little, I’m working on learning Japanese, I play video games, I like to bake and do origami, and I’ve been playing in several online tabletop RPGs, one of which I run.

  • Living situation:

    • I live with my parents, my sibling, and our two cats; Cashew and Chanterelle, who are cute and also evil, because they are cats.

  • Fun fact:

    • I used to be nearly fluent in Spanish when I was in high school, and my siblings and I would speak it to each other sometimes to say stuff we didn’t want our parents to hear. Even in the first few years of college, I’d watch telenovelas on an antenna TV while I was drawing. My favorite was Salome. I’m pretty rusty, but I can still speak a little and read more.

  • Turn-ons and squicks: 

    • I like big noses, leather and latex, and a nice husky voice. I love the sound of a great impact scene. Curves or muscles are quite nice as well and both are better. The sting of alcohol sprayed on my split skin or giving or receiving a good solid bite. But the thing that works best for me is a good reaction, whether a laugh of delight or scream of pain from a bottom, the words of appreciation from a top at my own good job of bottoming, the approach of a partner’s orgasm... things like that. I have a fair number of squicks but the biggest one is feet. I’m fine to rub a partner’s feet, and I love a good boot, but I find a lot of the foot fetish standbys like footjobs, foot sucking, and sniffing dirty feet to be just really unpleasant, and I don’t even like looking at most people’s bare feet.

  • Hopes and concerns for the CSPC and the greater sex positive community:

    • Even in the fairly short time I’ve been a part of the community, we have been through some hard times, but none as hard as this pandemic. I don’t know if we’ll make it through this. I’m going to do my best to make sure we do but it’s not going to be easy. That being said, I think digital events offer us an opportunity to reach out to a wider and more diverse community, which is great. Though we lost a lot when we lost our original space, when we came back, one of the great things we gained was a community that was much more diverse in many ways and I hope that continues. Another great thing is how much closer the greater sex positive community has become in the past few years. I think that’s important to foster. In the long term, I hope we’ll find a new place of our own, because that will be a gamechanger in how we can run events and foster community, and I hope that’s something we can work towards. 

  • Advice for a new member or volunteer: 

    • Try out everything you can. I remember my first time at the Center, coming with a partner and telling her I wasn’t sure about all this pain stuff, and of course I immediately saw an impact scene that I couldn’t stop watching. There are tons of things that I got the chance to try at a tasting event or from a friend or acquaintance who wanted to show off their new toys or techniques, from claws to electricity to rough body play, that I might never have tried, but now are some of my favorite kink activities.

  • Is there an event or organization, outside of the CSPC, that you feel our community should know about?

    • I love Diadem Events, a group that does play Femdom play parties and teaching events at the Streamhouse and other locations. It’s run by a good friend of mine and I help them run events as well.

  • How can we build up each other? How can we be here for one another?

    • We have to ask what people need and want, and give what we can. Not everyone needs or wants the same things. We have to be aware of that and not assume we know best.

Consent Corner 1.9

By Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake


Welcome back, dear ones.  Thank you for continuing this journey through the complexities of Consent.

For this edition, we decided to ponder how to make consent communication as hot as possible.  It’s our considered opinion that any communication can be hot - it all depends on what’s said and how it’s said.

Remember that mutual enjoyment is the goal.  A sense of humor and an open mind will serve you well.

Talk with your partner(s) about words that light your fire.  What do you call your private parts?  You know which words get you ready for action.  Maybe just hearing a word like tool or johnson gets you hot and bothered.  Maybe talking about a bush or a pussy gets your juices flowing.  Talk, share, and have fun!

Will you create a scenario for your activities?  What roles will be played?  How will we interact?  Your imagination can be useful in creating a satisfying interaction.

How will you know when you’re done?  Safewords can send a signal to your partner(s).  The word “red” can indicate that you want to stop now.  The word “yellow” can mean that you want to slow down what’s going on and ask your partner(s) to check in with you.  

Nonverbal signals can be quite useful, too, when speaking is difficult.  Think about wrestling, where a person taps out of a situation.

Got a signal for us?  Send it to info@thecspc.org.  


Leadership Spotlight: Turtle

This is the tenth of our spotlights on community members who help out the CSPC in leadership positions. In this issue, we’ve asked some questions to get a deep and personal look at our Programming Team Co-Lead, Turtle.

  • Scene name:

    • Turtle

  • Pronouns:

    • However I am presenting. I will not be offended for being addressed as human. 

  • How do you identify?

    • I am a submissive sufferer, differently abled, introverted sapiosexual, pansexual, trigender, little, intuitive heyoka, metaphysical witch. 

  • How long have you been with the CSPC?

    • 10 years

  • What brought you here and what are your main areas of interest?

    • Interest in BDSM initially. Areas of interest include but are not limited to: Come closer… I'll whisper it to you…

  • CSPC e-mail address, title, reasons for contact: 

  • What was your path to your current position?

    • Well, that's a long rambling story. How long do you have? Wouldn't you rather watch a movie and eat popcorn? 

  • Which CSPC event is your favorite and why? 

    • This is a trick question! How much you enjoy a party is totally up to you! In the past: PPMT, Introperverted, Bang for the Buck, Black & Blues, Asylum, R&T

  • Day job:

    • By day, I organize my stuffies, water my plants, meditate, make sure all my books are ordered by size, and my best bud hits the doggo park for intense sniffs. 

  • What do you like to do in your free time?

    • I love music, reading, writing, volunteering, camping, and and and… 

  • Living situation:

    • A nesting mate and a potential long distance yumminess, with some amazing family and friends. Super Max my service dog and Sir Oskar - Lord of All the Flies (cat) 

  • Something no one would ever guess about you or a fun fact:

    • I really am a turtle. 

  • Turn-ons and/or squicks: 

    • It's quite a list. I'm ObliqueBanter on Fet. 

  • Hopes and concerns for the CSPC and the greater sex positive community:

    • My hope is that we all work together for the greater good of our combined communities and have amazing fun doing it! 

  • Advice for a new member or volunteer: 

    • Jump in to volunteer as you'll learn things so much more quickly as well as get to know fantastic people. Also, never say never… Don't be afraid to say, "No". Do feel free to say what you DO want. Take your time. 

  • How can we be here for one another?

    • Listen. Repeat what you think you heard. Actively imagine yourself in the other person's situation.

Leadership Spotlight: Sadie

This is the ninth of our spotlights on community members who help out the CSPC in leadership positions. In this issue, we’ve asked some questions to get a deep and personal look at our Operations Manager and Interim President, Sadie.

  • Scene name:

    • I’m Sadie in the scene.  Miss Sadira Night in formal situations!

  • Pronouns:

    • she/her work fine.  I don’t have any real verve for one set over another, but I was raised female and it’s easy to let those pronouns stand.

  • How do you identify?

    • I am a male woman with femme presentation, demisexual, bisexual, sapiosexual, Domminant, sado-masochist, owner, Mommy/caregiver, head of household, and polyamorous.  I also identify as an ambivert, teacher/educator, mentor, dancer, cat-mom, and person with child-like (not childish) joy!   

  • How long have you been with the CSPC?

    • I joined the CSPC in January of 2003, so about 17 years and counting now.    Since then I spent 4ish years as an event host, a couple years as a board member, and about a year of Operations Management!  

  • What brought you here and what are your main areas of interest?

    • I’ve been a sado-masochist for as long as I remember.  At five, I was having fantasies and I spent my early life wondering what was wrong with me that I was envisioning people being hurt and enjoying it.  In my early relationships, I took over without meaning to, subsuming my partners’ personality and desires without even realizing it.  It bothered me when I did realize.  Eventually, a friend brought me to the CSPC and I began learning in depth about D/s, service, and the ethical structures for consent in a power-exchange relationship as well as how to hurt people safely and in ways that we would both enjoy.  

    • I am not personally interested in the sex-based parties.  I understand their value and that for many people they are freeing, but what interests me is sado-masochism and power dynamics.  Any event that focuses on that, or ends up with a lot of that flavor is something I enjoy.  Protocol parties, medical play parties, impact parties all hold my attention well.  

  • CSPC e-mail address:

  • What was your path to your current position?

    • I joined the CSPC in January of 2003.  The first 8 years, all I did was dance and watch the play happening.  It was difficult for me to step into my identities and roles.  Finally, someone put a submissive in front of me, a paddle in my hand and said, “Go.  You need this.”  From there on in, I felt like I stepped more and more into myself with every interaction! I hope that the CSPC as a venue and community can provide that stepping stone for others like it did for me.

    • In 2018, I joined the board of directors because a friend told me I should and emailed the current board to recommend me.  I didn’t know at the time how involved I would get!  About a year later, the idea for a paid position came up and I quit the board to accept the position after a lengthy hiring process.  At the moment, I am also acting as interim president, though I am not technically a member of the board, nor do I vote unless it is as a tie-breaker.

  • Which CSPC event is your favorite and why? 

    • The Femme SovereignTea is my favorite, hands down, with the Women on Top as a close second.  These parties were where I came into my own personally and in a D/s context, where I met my partner, where I discovered what I wanted out of life.  I am forever grateful to the ones who organized the tea to begin with and those who took it over when the first group retired.  I spent years without missing a single one because I realized that I got cranky the whole next month if I missed it.  It was the first place I got to experiment with Dominance.  The place I learned about submissives and service and impact play.  I was surrounded by strong female Dominants and strong submissives of every gender, inspired by them and wanting to inspire them.  Eventually, I decided that one tea a month wasn’t enough and started hosting my own, and then got asked to help host the CSPC tea.  When CSPC moved to the new space after being dark for some time, I took over the tea and my team hosted it for a couple years.  It is my hope that this and a Femdom party like Women on Top will quickly come back once we are able to re-open.

    • Other events I loved before we went dark included Asylum, Libertine, The Grind, and House Wildfire.

  • Career or day job:

    • I have so many secret identities…  Currently I do business consulting with commercial real estate, work with scholarships, manage charity funds, manage a short term rental calendar, act, do operations management at the CSPC, and individualized private kink education (safety, impact, service, D/s, etc…). 

    • In the past I have been an elementary school teacher, massage practitioner, and all sorts of other odd jobs, both volunteer and paid.  

  • What do you like to do in your free time?

    • What is this free time of which you speak?

    • I enjoy training my submissives, reading, cooking, kayaking, getting out in the sun, playing video games (Binding of Isaac and Civilization at the moment), dancing, and learning arts and crafts.  Not doing the art or craft mind you, just learning them.  Learning in general is something I enjoy, whether it is learning more about the people around me or philosophical, academic, or practical learning.  Most of all though, I love interacting with people that I care about; connecting, discussing, and spending time with.  

  • Living situation:

    • I live with and preside over my submissive-princess-pet-partner and two other cats in the Dom(me)icile House.  We’ve got a sweet little love-nest set up with a constantly used kitchen and a dungeon that should get more use!

  • Something no one would ever guess about you / fun fact:

    • I used to do trick horseback riding.  I have pictures of me standing on a running horse somewhere around here!  

    • I used to teach Sunday School.

    • Once upon a time, a long, long time ago in the 80s, I went to Disneyland with Jon Cryer.  I didn’t know who he was, but my friends made a big deal of it, asked me to get an autograph,etc.  

  • Turn-ons and squicks: 

    • My main turn-ons are connection and control and pain. Connection has to come first.  They go together for me.  Because connection is one of my turn-ons, I can get into almost anything if I care about a person and they enjoy it, connect over it.  If what they desire links into being controlled and/or suffering, that is all the sweeter.  CNC (consensual non-consent) and devotional relationships, developed slowly in such a way that everyone involved feels safe and supported, hold a special place in my heart.

    • When I desire someone, I want all of them, all of what they are.  I want to bring out the best in them through love, pain, joy, and suffering.  I want devotion and surrender from them.  I want them to move further and further into who and what they are, into the best version of themselves.  My partners are varied, and each one has been so unique.  Each gives and is something so different from any other.  

    • My squicks revolve around disrespect, dishonesty, fakeness, a lack of consent, and a lack of connection.

  • Hopes and concerns for the CSPC and the greater sex positive community:

    • I want the Center to grow back into the community center that it once was, only better.  A place for those who are exploring their sexual freedom to come and play, socialize, meet people, learn from one another, watch, and be free to be themselves.  We are not just a club, we are a community of people who are of all walks of life and many ways of being, who join together for the sexual freedom of all.

    • I hope that we are one of many organizations in this country that promote and allow for the visibility of sexual minorities, and that we can work together to do so.  That anyone who is participating in consensual sexuality, whatever that looks like for them, would have the freedom and place to do so whether with us or with another organization in their area.  

  • Advice for a new member or volunteer: 

    • Get involved.  Meet people.  Talk to everyone, don’t just target those you’re attracted to.  Be a community member.  Be open to new ideas.  Volunteer.  Pair great freedom with great responsibility.  Go to classes and munches and parties and take the time to get to know the community as well as what you are desiring.  

  • Is there an event or organization, outside of the CSPC, that you feel our community should know about?

    • There are a number of wonderful organizations and events around this area.  The Streamhouse is an amazing venue for events and a B&B.  Inn Thrall has, sadly, moved to Philadelphia, but is still an incredible B&B and Femdom-based venue.  I know of Subspace and Kitsap Aces, though I haven’t been to either yet.  There are munches almost every day of the week during non-Covid times as well that are wonderful ways to build the community.  I’m personally partial to the Greenwood munch and the Blue Munch.

    • For larger conventions, I’ve been to and loved Kinkfest, Frolicon, The Gathering, CapCon, West Coast Jungle Gym.  I miss Paradise and Renegade’s Rendez-vous and hope eventually we’re able to do more kinky campout conventions!

    • And, of course, Dom(me)icile Events are simply the best!

  • How can we build up each other? How can we be here for one another?

    • I think the second question encapsulates itself.  We need to be here for one another.  Whether as a community or individuals, we should be constantly working for inclusion and to dismantle barriers to everyone having the ability to pursue their own lives and happiness, including their sexuality.  The idea of “your kink is not my kink, but your kink is ok” often comes across as simplistic or even condescending to me, but in essence, it’s the idea we need to live by in order to be there for one another.

Consent Corner 1.8

By Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

 Hello dear readers, and welcome back to our special Corner.  It’s the Corner that asks you to think carefully about what consent means to you.  We’ve described autonomy.  We’ve considered capacity.  We’ll be back to them, don’t worry.

 Today, let’s consider how information affects consent.  Here’s a hint:  it affects it a lot!

 Often, in an encounter with another human, there’s a difference in the level of power one person has when compared with the other.  This difference is often referred to as a power dynamic.  There are many reasons for a power dynamic:  differences in economics, experience, age, gender, race, religion, or even politics.

 Differences, per se, are neither good nor bad – they’re just differences.   What we think is most important is that you’re aware of these differences and that you notice how they affect your communication with your partner(s).  These differences can affect how you speak to each other and how you think of each other.  Remember too that we’re considering sensual/sexual exploration, so by definition we’re describing high-intensity situations.  A high-intensity encounter magnifies the impact of your differences in ways you may not have even considered.

 Have you had an encounter with this partner(s) before?  Good!  You already know a few things about them and vice versa.  You’ve built or started to build a strong foundation for what we call a consent framework. 

 Have you never encountered your partner(s) before?  Good!  You’re starting fresh and have the opportunity to start out on a solid foundation for your shared consent framework.

 Homework:  Ponder how power dynamics show up for you in your current relationships.  Have you noticed anything that made you say “what the…?” or “that’s interesting”?  How do you think differences between participants in an encounter affect their ability to give good consent?  Think about an encounter you’ve had or an encounter that pops up as a fantasy (yum, right?).  Do we give the best homework, or what?  

 Want more information?  The Corner can be reached at: info@thecspc.org. 

Leadership Spotlight: Cass

This is the eighth of our spotlights on community members who help out the CSPC in leadership positions. In this issue, we’ve asked some questions to get a deep and personal look at our newest Board Member, Cass.

  • Name and scene name:

    • Cass. Coco-pussy on Fetlife 

  • Pronouns:

    • She / her

  • How do you identify?

    • I am Bisexual and Switch. I am Dom to many but only sub to one.

  • How long have you been with the CSPC?

    • I have been a participant for many years and recently became a board member in June. 

  • What brought you here and what are your main areas of interest?

    • I was fortunate to discover the CSPC at a time when I needed an outlet for my energy and trying to define myself as a single person. 

  • CSPC e-mail address:

  • What brought you to your current position?

    • I feel being an outspoken, positive, and sexually empowered woman of color will help others find their voice and place.

  • Which CSPC event is your favorite and why? 

    • I always loved the Afternoon Delight events and Fem Dom parties.

  • Career:

    • I am a Healthcare Professional in Kirkland 

  • What do you like to do in your free time?

    • I love antiquing, live music, and cooking. 

  • Living situation:

    • I am in an open relationship with a wonderful partner who is my Dom. 

  • Fun fact:

    • I lost my virginity in my 20's.

  • Turn-ons: 

    • I am a sucker for a great smile and sense of humor.  And confidence is the epitome of sexy.

  • Hopes and concerns for the CSPC:

    • My hope is that the CSPC will once again become "The Center"! I want us to be that pillar in the community that comes to mind when you think of safety, inclusion, expression, resources, sexual freedom, empowerment, and family. 

  • Advice for a new member or volunteer: 

    • Do it. Be a part of an organization that wants what you want. Help us become the Great organization we need.

  • Is there an event or organization, outside of the CSPC, that you feel our community should know about?

    • I just think finding your people right now is important.  Be with people who want what is best and healthy for you.

Consent Corner 1.7

by Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Welcome back to the Corner, lovely readers. Join us as we ponder the nature of consent.

Good consent will lead inexorably to good relations (trust us, and try it out for yourself). And, good consent starts with the participants’ understanding of their own and others’ capacity to give that consent.

We’ve talked a lot about capacity and how important it is to be able to check in with yourself and with someone else. Think about how you’ll remember to assess your capacity before and during interactions. The acronym HALT might help: try not to get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired since they all will sap some of your precious capacity.

How do you prefer to check in with others? One way to check on another's capacity, while preserving their autonomy, is to use one of the following questions: “How are you feeling right now?” or “Do you have the bandwidth to talk?" or "Do you want to check in now or later?” How you can best communicate with your partner(s) starts with checking in to see if they are receptive and have the capacity to share information. 

Sharing information and exploring the details of an interaction is another important component of healthy consensual interactions. Next time, the pillar of "Information" is exactly what we’ll be discussing.  Aren’t you glad you’re on this fascinating trek with us through the wild and wooly (and wonderful) world of consent!

Please direct your consent-related questions to: info@thecspc.org.