Leadership Spotlight: Kelly

This is the seventh of our spotlights on community members who help out the CSPC in leadership positions. In this issue, we’ve asked some questions to get a deep and personal look at Board Member and Programming Team Co-Lead, Kelly.

  • Name and handle: 

    • Kelly (Jagged_Edge on FetLife)

  • Pronouns: 

    • She / Her

  • How do you identify? 

    • I am a cis-female and I present as quite feminine and have a very assertive personality. I am pan-sexual and while I have led and followed in relationships, I identify most as an s-type. I am highly primal and identify strongly as prey.

  • How long have you been with the CSPC? 

    • I began volunteering in 2012. 

  • What brought you here and what are your main areas of interest? 

    • I always thought there was something peculiar about my sexuality and the way I related to men in that realm. When I found BDSM in 2000, I realized that there were words that described me and that I was not alone. I found self-acceptance in learning about BDSM and the courage to be myself, and to let that authenticity be seen by others. 

    • I am here to help others learn about themselves and to develop the courage to live authentically, to the extent they are safe to do so. My passion lies with working with people newer to kink, or simply new to the Seattle kink scene. 

  • CSPC e-mail address, roles, and areas you cover: 

    • My email is kelly@thecsp.corg. In addition to working on the board, I currently co-lead the Programming Team (programming@thecspc.org) and am the program manager for the Passport Program (cspc.passport@gmail.com). So, I am the appropriate person to contact if you are interested in starting any kind of programming at the CSPC or if you have any questions or are interested in attending Passport. I would also love to hear from you if you are interested in working on the programming team or volunteering in any way with the CSPC. 

  • What was your path to your current position? 

    • The CSPC was the first place I’d ever undressed and played in public. Volunteering quickly allowed me to find a chosen family with whom I could finally, really be myself. I am outgoing and work well with others, so serving as an ambassador, a role we don’t currently utilize, was a natural fit for me. I then began monitoring and at about the same time, with a fellow volunteer I began co-leading the Passport Program, which helps newer community members acclimate to and learn more about the sex-positive culture. 

    • Soon after, I also began working with the Programming Team, evaluating the large number of parties we were running at the time, and then in 2014 I utilized my event planning skills to lead the team producing the Masquerade fundraiser. I went on to co-champion both Passport and OnRamp, an educational-based party. 

    • I started the newest version of the Programming Team in 2018 and continued managing Passport while championing two parties, Fresh Meet and PAINS. I was asked to join the board in April of this year

  • Which CSPC event is your favorite and why? 

    • Unfair question… Passport is my baby and I very much enjoy serving our community as its program manager. My favorite party to attend was In Irons, which was one of our hardest S&M parties in our old space. It encouraged party-goers to really exude their internal experience while they played (the party tagline was “We like to hear you scream!”) I would like to bring it back, incidentally, so please let me know if you would like to champion the party.

  • Career: 

    • I am in sales and sales management. 

  • What do you like to do in your free time?

    • These days, I enjoy paddleboarding and I swim with a monofin and a mermaid tail. There is nothing like swimming swiftly through the water - it is so freeing. I also like softball, music and frisbee. 

  • Living situation: 

    • I am poly and live in an intentionally-built poly household. I have three male partners and one female partner. We practice kitchen table poly, so I know my metamours, and my partners know one another. I have no pets, but am planning on getting a puppy when I can.

  • Fun fact: 

    • I had to have much of my lower jaw removed and reconstructed due to aggressive tumors. I had amazing surgeons and am healthy now.

  • Turn-ons and squicks: 

    • Oh, what a great question. As an auralist, I am turned on by sound, and have a thing for voices. I also appreciate subtle, confident dominance. I am undone by vulnerability and authenticity… and violence. Admitting what squicks me out offers way too much ammunition to my partners, so I will keep those to myself. I will say though, that I believe that an individual’s authentic sexual expression is a human right and I don’t align with the “my kink is fine but yours is not” mentality.  

  • Hopes and concerns for the CSPC and the greater sex positive community: 

    • I would like for us to once again become the community center that I loved, only better. I assess that BIPOC are under-represented in our community and I want to ensure that we are creating a space for everyone. I hope we have a building of our own as soon as we can and begin creating parties and programming that serve us all. I want for us to have a home where we can all explore and be our authentic selves. I am concerned that people don’t have the opportunity to learn how to explore safely and intend to continue creating educational opportunities so we can continue to explore ourselves and invite collaborators.

  • Advice for new members or volunteers: 

    • For new members: I know it can be scary to begin exploring a world that is new, not only are the people and many of the terms new, but you might be taking steps that force you to get to know yourself in different ways. I celebrate your decision to take those courageous steps. The best thing I did when I was in that space was to begin volunteering. I immersed myself in this subject matter and with people I could learn from and by whom I could be cared for. 

    • For new volunteers: Don’t be shy. Jump in. Be forthcoming with your abilities if you are open to utilizing them and share what you would like to learn so we can get you hooked up with the opportunity to contribute while you are learning. We need you more than you might even know. Please don’t assume you don’t know enough, if you are open to learning and showing up, we will be thrilled to have you. There is room for everyone.

  • Is there an event or organization, outside of the CSPC, that you feel our community should know about? 

    • The Seattle community has changed a lot over the years and there are now so many venues to be explored and celebrated. Once we are able, I recommend exploring them. We all offer something a little different and you are bound to learn things about yourself or can at least count on making some new friends. For now, it is probably worth seeking out some of these organizations to see if they are offering programming during Covid. 

Consent Corner 1.6

By Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Welcome back to our special corner of the Universe. We are continuing our talk about how good consent practices are intrinsically entwined with good fun. Check our recent CSPC newsletters to see what we’ve discussed so far.

When we decide to give consent, the most important place to start is learning about our own capacity. We need to have the capacity to protect autonomy, understand and share information, as well as make good decisions about what is being agreed to. Our partner(s) need to have the capacity to engage too. No one is ever at 100% capacity, and the level of capacity to make decisions and have clear consent directly influences the level of risk in an interaction. 

How can we know our capacity levels? That’s where self-awareness comes into play. The willingness to be on your own side and advocate for yourself – no matter what – also comes into play. You’re worth every bit of respect, self-love and self-care that you grace yourself with as you continue to learn more about the lovely person you are!

Rachel suggests a daily check-in with yourself. Make a habit of starting your day by quietly reflecting, without distractions for just a few minutes, and seeing what comes up for you. This can be done before you get out of bed or while sitting with your morning cup of tea or coffee. Ask yourself, how am I doing today, physically, emotionally, and in relation to the world? Am I tired or feeling energized? (physical check-in) Am I at peace, happy, anxious or sad? (emotional) Am I looking at my commitments for the day ahead with dread, excitement or somewhere in between? (relation to the world) I (Emma) recently took a workshop where a lovely woman who uses this technique described her check-in process as a daily "roundtable" with herself. Isn’t that an awesome metaphor?

How would we know that something could be amiss with us? If personal check-ins are new for you, Rachel coaches folks to first tune in to their breathing. Breathing is both an automatic and conscious bodily function that can tell us a lot about the state of our capacity. Many people subconsciously hold their breath when they are stressed, scared, or anxious. Are you holding your breath as you read this? I (Emma) do it all the time at the dentist’s office. I get anxious just sitting in that chair - yeesh! Take some time to just breathe. Being mindful and taking slow, deep breaths actually calms your nervous system. Then, take a little more time to breathe, just to see how it feels. 

What are some other signs that something’s up? Irritability or distraction are often signs that your capacity is at low tide, which can be rooted in physical needs (sleep, food, dehydration), or being emotionally flooded. Are you feeling overwhelmed, irked, or are you easily distracted from the task at hand? Remember to stop, breathe, and think – in that order, please.

These regular check-ins, or roundtables, which can be done in the morning or at any time during the day, are how you get to know yourself. This kind of self-awareness is a skill which improves through practice. If you aren't sure how to get started, there’s an ample supply of free resources for guided meditations, body scans and breathing techniques online that can help you become aware of, and gauge, your capacity.

As you better understand your capacity, it will be easier to build healthy consent practices into your relationships and daily life.

We give our consent to let you contact us with questions or comments at info@thecspc.org.

Leadership Spotlight: MaryAnne

This is the sixth of our spotlights on community members who help out the CSPC in leadership positions. In this issue, we’ve asked some questions to get a deep and personal look at our Board Treasurer, MaryAnne.

  • Name and scene name: 

    • MaryAnne / Emma

  • Pronouns: 

    • she / her

  • CSPC e-mail address, title, and areas you cover: 

  • What was your path to your current position? 

    • I was a librarian, food prep volunteer, registration assistant, and I did a lot of laundry.

  • What do you like to do in your free time? 

    • I’m a DJ, art enthusiast, and avid reader.

  • Fun fact: 

    • I’m actually a rather private person.  

  • Advice for a new member: 

    • Jump in and start volunteering as soon as you can. That’s what I did, and it was great to have a reason to stand around and feel uncomfortable instead of just standing around feeling uncomfortable. I got to know a lot of great people and I learned a lot, too. 

  • Anything else we should know? 

    • I may not fully appreciate all kinds of music or sexual expression, but I’ll defend to the death your right to create and enjoy what you do. Every day presents an opportunity to be the person cats already think I am.

ACCESSIBILITY DTF SUMMARY

INTRODUCTION

The Accessibility Disappearing Task Force met six times between June and early August of 2020. Our task was to discuss and generate ideas for improving accessibility at the CSPC in a variety of areas. This work was prompted and framed in part by the accessibility inquiry document presented by one of the task force members (Paul, who discussed this document at a previous board meeting).

The task force was made up of Center volunteers and community members, many of whom have disabilities and speak from personal experience about the challenges they've faced in attending events. We discussed ideas for improving accessibility at the CSPC in a variety of areas. 

OVERVIEW OF RECOMMENDATIONS

There’s no way to “fix” accessibility all at once through broad policy strokes. The range of accessibility needs among our members and potential members is too diverse. Improving accessibility at the CSPC will be an iterative process in which we’ll improve from each interaction and each attempt to accommodate an individual.

In order to get those interactions going we’ll need to advertise the fact that the CSPC is doing this work to increase our accessibility and inclusivity. Some people who are used to living with their disabilities might not expect coming out to an event to even be possible, or might have lowered expectations about their ability to engage. Getting the word out could help improve the experience for people who might normally not share the fact that they have a disability.

Consistent effort will need to be put forth in order to improve accessibility. The CSPC will need to present a willingness to engage in a variety of ways, and then follow up with actions that support members on a case-by-case basis. A benefit of this approach is that nobody at the CSPC needs to be an expert on every type of need or accommodation. Instead, we’d accept that any given person is the expert on their own needs, and provide a process for discussing and implementing the easiest and most effective accommodations.

There are some changes to consider implementing right away (prior to any specific requests) that would make the CSPC more accessible to some members. An example of this is the Accessibility Buddy role.

EXAMPLE ACCOMMODATION: ACCESSIBILITY BUDDY ROLE (GUEST OR VOLUNTEER)

This is one possible accommodation which was brought up as being potentially helpful in a number of contexts, because the idea itself is very flexible. An Accessibility Buddy is a person who is assigned to help with a specific member’s needs during part or all of an event.

In its simplest form, a member/potential new member could already have a person in mind to act as the Accessibility Buddy (e.g. “I need an interpreter, can I bring along person X?” or “I have mobility needs, and person Y could help me at the party.”). Simply allowing the member to bring their own Buddy to the party as a guest (without additional cost) would be a win-win scenario for the CSPC. We’re getting a member to come out who otherwise would not be able to, and they’re providing their own accommodations – all the CSPC would need to do is make it easier for them to do so. No significant new systems or processes need to be created to make this happen (the existing Guest paperwork could be used to ensure that the Buddy has ID, etc.).

A more complicated form of the Accessibility Buddy could occur when the member requesting accommodations does not have a person available to provide them. It would be possible in such cases to make an agreement with one or more volunteers, who would then spend all or part of their shift(s) assisting the member. For this case we’d recommend:

  •  Including the party champions and at least one board member in the discussion with the member

  • Spelling out the accommodations anticipated prior to the party, so that any volunteers taking on this role are aware of the specific duties involved

  • Making the decided-upon accommodations available to the ECs prior to the event 

  • Combining this role, where possible, with other roles that don’t interfere with its duties (e.g. a party Champion or Ambassador could probably also act as an Accessibility Buddy in cases where the accommodations are not too time-consuming; on the other hand it would likely be best not to ask a Monitor to provide accommodations that require them to stay near the member, since Monitors should be moving around)

  • Making this a volunteer shift as opposed to a role that lasts the entire event (if the member needs accommodations throughout an event, they’d have a shift change at some point)

  • Getting general guidance from the CSPC Board regarding liability and any limits to keep in mind when arranging accommodations, so we don’t accidentally promise something that we legally can’t deliver (e.g. would it be allowed for a volunteer Accessibility Buddy to transport the member to and from the party in a private vehicle?)

AREAS DISCUSSED AND IDEAS FOR ACCOMMODATIONS

During the DTF meetings we covered a variety of topics, and brainstormed ideas for actions the CSPC could take to improve accessibility in each area. The topics discussed were:

  • Transportation

  • Building/Venue

  • Food/Beverages

  • Social Interactions

  • Community Engagement 

The committee believed that these areas would most benefit from the committee’s time, discussions, and reflection. What follows is a summary of the ideas and suggestions for accommodations generated by the task force within each of these areas.

TRANSPORTATION

Concern: Many people may not be able to attend events at the CSPC because they lack adequate transportation options or parking, or cannot get safely to and from the Center.

Recommendations:

  • Website/e-mail advice for various methods of transport (private car, metro bus, light rail, flex transit, Uber/Lyft, carpool, taxi, limo).

  •  Social media forum to sign up for carpooling/ride sharing.

  •  A transportation fund that members can donate to when signing up for the party, which could be used for accessibility issues or other transportation emergencies (if somebody needs help we could get them an Uber or taxi).

  • Even without funding, we could provide assistance with backup plans for when members have a ride home fall through (having an Internet-connected device available at registration for them to use, or just assisting them with using their own device to call/text a friend or otherwise arrange a ride).

  • Hosting events at different times could help with some types of rides (Access/Dart and other public transportation options have limited hours). But moving events earlier would have to be weighed against things like whether people on a work schedule could actually make it to a new member orientation. Weekend events would be easier to schedule early.

  • Using some volunteer time to walk people to/from parking or bus stations.

  • Having volunteers give rides might be possible, but there are some concerns around that (availability of volunteers who have cars they can use, driver safety and insurance, how much would/could the center reimburse for things like gasoline).

BUILDING/VENUE:

Concern: The building might not be accessible to some people, or they might not be able to understand what is happening at events.

Recommendations:

  • For online meetings, using a service which allows attendees to turn on automatically-generated Closed Captioning is very helpful (if sometimes imperfect).

  • For physical venues, it’s best to avoid areas that have stairs, difficult walkways, unsafe drop-offs, and other dangerous conditions.

  •  Prior to attending events, having pictures, diagrams, and text descriptions of the venue could help people decide if it’s a space they’d feel comfortable navigating.

  • Just having somebody to talk to about the space could help potential members figure out any areas where they might need help. This will vary greatly depending on the person attending and their abilities.

  • Paperwork done in person at the party can be a problem for people who are visually impaired. It would be great if we had PDFs that could be filled out/signed prior to the party. The same is true for any party-specific rules or other handouts (making them all downloadable beforehand could be a big help).

  • Improved lighting in the registration area. Due to a combination of dimmer lighting for the party environment and the angle of the single light over registration, holding forms towards yourself blocks the light’s angle, making check-in forms hard to see. A possible solution could be to use desk height lamps at the registration desk and information handout table where seats are provided already for filling out forms. This would provide lighting at better angles, and also would not disturb party lighting.

  •  Orientation would be more accessible if all the information was presented in a visual form (handouts or slide deck) as well as verbally. This is already being worked on as part of our online New Member Orientations and should be a continued practice when in-person orientations resume.

  • Announcements made at events should also come in multiple forms (e.g. use a projector with text matching the “15-minute warning” that’s being given over the PA, blinking the lights to draw attention that an announcement is being made).

  • It would be possible to project an image of a laptop that is doing on-the-fly Closed Captioning (e.g. one person logged into a Google Meets room). This would make all kinds of things, from orientations to announcements, more accessible to hearing-impaired members. While this type of captioning is not perfect, it would be significantly easier to arrange than an ASL interpreter.

  • Locating things like sign-up boards for pick up play near a volunteer’s station (registration, possibly the food serving area at some events) would make it easier for members who can’t reach or see the whiteboard to ask a volunteer for assistance.

  • The location of the lockers downstairs in our present space is a potential issue for people who want to change or use them for valuables, but who have difficulty getting down there. This could be worked around if a buddy/volunteer could run things down to a locker for them.

  • Some way of separating play from social areas (police tape, stretchable barriers) could help people avoid accidentally walking through scenes, and could help visually-impaired people know where the play areas are.

FOOD/BEVERAGES: 

Concern: Food allergies/restrictions, as well as motor skill differences, can prevent members from fully participating in an event that offers food and beverages.

Recommendations:

  • Some kind of information on our website about what food/beverages are typically available would be helpful for members with diet restrictions, so they can plan ahead (we don’t always know every detail when we have somebody purchasing food for the party, but there are common items we could list).

  • For sanitary reasons (in part related to the pandemic), there was a general preference among the DTF members for individually-wrapped snacks. We also discussed the possibility of having a volunteer stationed at the food area, who could be responsible for handing out food on request (which reduces the number of hands in the bowls) as well as for keeping food the proper temperature.

  • Although having every kind of adaptive utensil would be unrealistic for the center, simply having individually-wrapped plasticware and straws on hand can be helpful for a variety of situations.

SOCIAL INTERACTIONS:

Concern: Members might not be comfortable with or understand how to connect socially at events, and might not know how or from whom to seek assistance.

Recommendations:

  • Having pre-scene conversation checklists available could help newer members prepare. Some possible items could be:

    • Safety parameters (what’s allowed/not)

    • Safe word info (for center and participants), as well as reminders about what monitors can and can’t do (any should respond to “safeword” if they hear it, but monitors will not know to listen for any other safe word unless notified it’s in use)

    • Hard limits for participants

    • Desires/expectations

    • Participant conditions (physical/mental/emotional)

  • Practice role-playing advocating for and arranging a scene (with the agreement beforehand that it’s just a practice exercise), could be helpful for people with social anxieties/inhibitions.

  • Possibly a party activity or a whole party could be held around the idea of practicing communication/negotiations. People could switch places round-robin and then practice again with new partners. Exercising those muscles will make them stronger.

  • Having a forum for people to talk about their experiences outside of scenes/events could help people understand and be more willing to jump in and try attending an event. We’re doing this right now with the member munches, but it could be a community-building event we continue to hold even after in-person events resume.

  • Wristbands (indicating things like play style/scene availability, or to “ask about my needs”) and more complicated signs can help people start conversations. One good example is the custom of putting up signs by scenes at the Myself! Party with instructions. One of our task force members indicated that they don’t object to wearing a sign that says “blind jogger” at the track, so that people are aware. We could make signs and cues like this available to members who could use them to inform or start conversations with others.

  • Encouraging socialization prior to a party (e.g. starting discussion threads about the party on social media, and pointing people who register toward these discussions) can allow party-goers to get to know one another and break some of the ice early. Doing this online can help some members who are less able to approach new people in person.

  • People with disabilities have been, to varying degrees, segregated and isolated from certain social activities. We will have stereotypes and other assumptions challenged as we work with members. Awareness of this and willingness to think outside the box will help. Allowing the individual members to lead the conversations and engaging with them in a search for solutions will be more beneficial than trying to create a one-size-fits-all solution for any area.

COMMUNITY ENGAGEMENT:

Concern: People might not know about the CSPC and its events. They might think there is no way to accommodate them or that the Center isn’t willing/able to work with them.

 Recommendations:

  • Making some statement to let people know of our commitment to this (similar to companies calling out that they’re “equal opportunity employers”) would potentially be an opening to start discussions.

  • We currently have a non-discrimination statement on the front page of the web site, and it specifically calls out that people with special needs are welcome (“welcomes everyone, regardless of…ability, disability, or body type.”). It might be good to get this message out in places beyond the web site and the member manual, so that people who are considering us can easily find messaging about our commitment to inclusivity. (We included the statement in the latest newsletter, and there’s certainly more than can be said about this when we work out any processes for members to request accommodations.)

  • As we examined our current non-discrimination statement, the group had some suggestions for improving it:

    • Including the words “special needs,” since “disability” is focused on a person not being able to do something.

    • Potentially working in the words “accessibility” and/or “accommodations,” in the context of discussing our commitment toward individual members’ needs.

    • There were mixed opinions around the list of “phobic”/biased remarks members should avoid. While some of us felt it was helpful to call out specific things to avoid like that, others of us felt the list was long and yet still not complete/encompassing of all the possible ways to be prejudiced. Perhaps something along the lines of this would help reduce the repetition of “phobic” if we decide to go that direction: “Remarks that are intolerant or phobic of others based on race, sex, sexuality, gender, [continue list]… will not be tolerated.”

  • Although the general advice of the group is that accommodations will need to be very individualized, it would be helpful if we could give some kind of specifics about the kinds of things we can/will do. A good example of this would be if carpooling/ride sharing is available from volunteers or worked out among attendees in a designated discussion group (whatever the details, knowing it’s even possibly available helps people who might need such accommodations figure out if they can attend).

  • Letting people know who may scout our location in advance that we do have a ramp for the first step of our location available and how to let us know when they arrive, if they need it and are arriving alone.

  • Letting members know that they can request accommodations when they register for an event online. Including a text field for them to request specific accommodations would be a good conversation starter. It would also help to give examples of what kinds of accommodations we are currently able to provide, and to set the expectation that making a request will begin a conversation with a CSPC representative, who will discuss ways we could potentially help.

  • Getting the word out about our commitment to inclusivity/accommodation means connecting to other communities. Some ideas that were thrown around included:

    • Website

    • Newsletter

    • Social media channels

    • Handouts/flyers at various organizations

      • Speech Hearing and Deafness centers

      • Services for the Blind

      • Counseling/mental health organizations

      • Relationship anarchy organization

      • Colleges

      • Any place where people who might enjoy being members might be looking for social groups and other like-minded people

We need to help members and potential members who have special needs feel encouraged to reach out to us and find out what is possible. If we don’t make an effort to let them know that we’re willing to help, they’ll probably assume that our events are inaccessible to them.

CONCLUSION

The Accessibility DTF and this document are meant to be first steps in an ongoing discussion, leading to continued improvements that make the Center for Sex Positive Culture a more inclusive and accessible space for all. Comments, questions, and suggestions are encouraged. Please email info@thecspc.org with your thoughts.

Leadership Spotlight: Skitty

This is the fifth of our spotlights on community members who help out the CSPC in leadership positions. In this issue, we’ve asked some questions to get a deep and personal look at our Board Member and Volunteer Liaison, Skitty.

  • Name and scene name: 

    • Shelley Gauthier / Skitty

  • Pronouns:

    •  she/her

  • How do you identify? 

    • cis female, pansexual, polyamorous, kinky, and submissive

  • How long have you been with the CSPC? 

    • four years

  • What brought you here and what are your main areas of interest? 

    • I used to live about a mile from the old Interbay location, and had heard rumors that there was a “sex club” under the Magnolia Bridge. Shocking! So four years ago, when I began to open up my relationship with my new partner, I had to check it out. Let’s just say, I got more than I bargained for!

  • CSPC e-mail address, title/role, areas you cover: 

  • What was your path to your current position? 

    • I was a member for a year and a half before joining the Programming Team. Soon after that, I became Co-Lead. I kept attending events and accumulating volunteer roles and in February of 2020, I joined the Board of Directors. At that point, I was in love with the CSPC and couldn’t get enough, so it seemed like a great idea to resurrect the role of Volunteer Liaison and create a Communications Team. I think I’ve finally reached my hard limit.

  •  Which CSPC event is your favorite and why? 

    • I love the warm, charming, fun energy of “Fucking Precious” but I have to say, my favorite party is LaQueer. It is at the LaQueer parties that I feel most at home. It is a feast for the senses. “Queer” is a very large umbrella and this is an inclusive event for all of us. The last LaQueer I went to had dozens of scenes and every one of them was a different combination of people enjoying one another in a different combination of ways.

  • Career or day job: 

    • Most of my teaching career has been in Special Education. These days, I am a full time volunteer with the CSPC and at KEXP.

  • What do you like to do in your free time? 

    • I love to read, attend live music events, and spend hours talking, especially if it includes food and drink. One of my favorite things is when people disagree with me. I appreciate hearing different points of view and reconsidering my perceptions based on the experiences and viewpoints of others. Always learning!

  • Living situation (partners, roommates, pets, plants): 

    • I live with my male nesting partner, two teenage sons, and two ridiculously fluffy cats. I also have a long distance girlfriend and a non-binary Mistress who works tirelessly to keep me in line.

  • Something no one would ever guess about you or a fun fact: 

    • I’m afraid of sharks in swimming pools but only after dark.

  • Turn-ons:

    • Negotiation, consent, practicing safer sex, and having my neck kissed and bitten.

  • Squicks: 

    • I’m squicked by tickling. I know a lot of people love this but if you tickle my feet, you just might end up with a bloody nose from an involuntary kick.

  • Advice for a new member or volunteer: 

    • Create the community you want by speaking up, reaching out, and volunteering.

  • Is there an event or organization, outside of the CSPC, that you feel our community should know about? 

    • Bawdy Storytelling is an amazing event that used to take place monthly at the Re-Bar and is now happening online. Storytellers share personal, true stories about sex, kink, body image, gender, and so much more!

 Consent Corner 1.5

By Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Welcome back to Consent Corner!  Consent maven Rachel Drake is our guide in learning more about this complex yet critical topic.

How did our discussion of capacity and consent sit with you?  Were you able to relate your own experiences to anything we mentioned?

We talked a lot about factors that could possibly interfere with your ability to make good consent decisions.  We’re all unique, and what throws me off balance in an interaction - like being really tired - might have a minimal impact on you, and vice versa.  

Being human means we’ll make mistakes.  And, it also means that we can learn and try to do things better in the future.  As much as we try, we can’t foresee every possible feeling or event that presents itself in our encounters.  What seemed super- exciting initially might turn into something that we’d like to end right now, thank you very much.

Remember that our goal in Consent Corner is for everyone involved to have the most fun possible!  And, you get to decide what fun means for you.

Homework:  notice how your ability to give consent changes over time.  Pay particular attention if you feel uncomfortable or uneasy.  These and similar feelings can guide you to a clearer understanding of what might be your own personal triggers, i.e., feelings that throw you off balance.

Got questions or criticisms?  Want to send us fan mail?  You can reach us at info@thecspc.org.

Final LaQueer Update

The board has wrapped up the inquiry process from last year’s LaQueer incident. It has been quite the learning process, requiring us to identify and address blind spots in the CSPC’s process, priorities, and conflict resolution strategy, both current and historic. Changes have been made across the organization to reflect the lessons we’ve learned, and we continue to establish practices for better transparency and accountability, which will ultimately make for a stronger community. 

Because we are committed to the privacy of our members, we are not at liberty to disclose the paths selected by the participants of the incident. However, know that the board took on an enormous load pursuing integrity, rather than sweep the matter under the rug.

What can be shared are the improvements made to the organization, most of which are geared towards safety, transparency, and building trust. 

  • The Transformative Accountability (TA) process, developed by Rachel Drake in cooperation with Consent Academy, was employed for the first time for the CSPC during this inquiry. We believe that this approach to conflict resolution is progressive, honors the dignity of all involved, and can transform difficulty into community healing and growth.  Adapting TA for the CSPC’s purposes will be an ongoing project.

  • The CSPC Communications Team has been formed. One of their objectives is to improve transparency by opening lines of communication between the CSPC community and their leadership. They have resurrected and reimagined the newsletter, which is now distributed on a twice-monthly basis. Content is intended to acquaint the community with the CSPC’s people, processes, and culture. A relaunch of social media is also around the corner. It will involve dedicated moderation and a more reliable source of information and engagement.

  • Due to COVID, monthly board meetings are now streamed and then posted online. This has fortuitously boosted accessibility, allowing people to remotely attend, and bring comments and concerns to the board. Even after social distancing ends, we will continue to stream board meetings so that they remain as accessible as possible.

  • A task force was created to audit and rewrite CSPC policy and procedures to reflect the current needs of the organization. The team consists of board members, volunteers, members, and community leaders. They have updated general party rules and volunteering guidelines. For increased accountability, these documents along with all CSPC policy will be made public, accessible, and available for community review. 

  • Other relevant process changes include:

    • Party ECs (i.e. dungeon master) must be of the party’s target demographic. For example, a queer party must now have a queer EC.

    • Party rules must be posted in high visibility locations.

    • New parties must establish a volunteer team before scheduling events. This will prevent volunteer shortages and last minute pleading.

    • All committees and teams, most notably the Volunteer Team, now have a board liaison in order to more readily understand a team’s needs and quickly respond with support.

We have come a long way since August, and more is in the works. We will never be perfect, but we will persistently take steps to improve safety, accountability, and trust-building. Thank you to everyone who has cared enough to be involved in this process. Your time and emotional labor are continuing to pay dividends in the form of ongoing change. The CSPC is stronger because of you.

CONSENT CORNER 1.4

by Emma Atkinson

Welcome back to Consent Corner!  We’re talking with consent expert Rachel Drake about the nuances of consent, which she assures us will lead to improved interactions.  Thanks for joining us as we learn and grow.

In prior newsletters we’ve considered your autonomy:  what aspects of an interaction will nurture your mind, body and spirit.  Your partner(s) have their autonomy, too.  So, how can we create an interaction that rocks everyone’s world?

Rachel suggests that we pay attention to these key concepts for healthy consent interactions she helped develop with the Consent Academy: Capacity, Information, Agreement and Autonomy.  We’ll consider each of these concepts thoroughly, starting with capacity.  

Capacity means everyone involved in an interaction is able to understand what they are agreeing to, and able to give and/or receive a clear-headed yes or no free of coercion. One way to test if there is good capacity when it comes to power dynamics is that all parties feel comfortable enough to stop whatever is happening at any time for any reason. Have you noticed how if you’re hungry or tired you might not have made exceptionally good choices?  How does consuming drugs or alcohol influence your decisions?  Have you noticed that a strong emotion like anger or fear can cloud your judgment?  Rachel says that we’re constantly influenced by factors like these that can interfere with optimal decision making.  She assures us that we’re never operating at 100% capacity – let’s take comfort in knowing that we’re human and we’re always adapting to what life gives us.

Okay, I asked, how can we evaluate our capacity to give consent?  Know yourself, Rachel says.  Know yourself well enough to consider what could be limiting your capacity.  Encourage your partner(s) in their self-reflections and keep the communication flowing. The more diminished one’s capacity the higher the risk of violating consent. If you don't feel good about your capacity or someone else's it is better to say "no". 

Rachel encourages us to think of an interaction as a series of events over time.  There’s planning, foreplay, play, aftercare, tomorrow, next week, etc., etc.  If we’re lucky, that is!  What do we want it to look like?  Capacity – yours and others’ – can change at any time, so staying transparent is vital to everyone’s best interests.

Stay tuned – more on capacity will be coming your way next time!  And, we’d love your feedback at info@thecspc.org.  

~~~~~~~~~~ 

If you would like more information about this model of healthy Consent you can contact Rachel Drake at https://racheldraketransformations.com/about

or Consent Academy at https://www.consent.academy/

Book Review - Partners in Power: Living in Kinky Relationships

PartnersInPower.jpg

Rinella, Jack. Partners in Power: Living in Kinky Relationships. Oakland, CA: Greenery Press, 2003.

Whether already a reader of Jack Rinella, The Master’s Manual: A Handbook of Erotic Dominance, The Compleat Slave: Creating and Living an Erotic Dominant/submissive Lifestyle, or new in your readership, this text is an essential read in examining kinky relationships. Requisite reading for its topical coverage, Partners in Power, presents a readable exploration of leather culture in its exploration of the relationships formed and found within.  

Written in Rinella’s measured and clear writing style and supported by his personal experiences and examinations, often times in compounding detail with a slight dry wit, Partners in Power offers an informative read. Complete with coverage and close analysis of relationship topics spanning values, structures and depths, Rinella rarely deviates from his emphasized point of self-awareness.

Exploring relationship aspects from a starting point of self-awareness and self-acceptance allows for psychologically healthy relationships, according to Rinella. Fundamental considerations of self-image, expectations and momentum in kinky relationships are presented with close attention to the importance of honesty and openness. 

As a title that champions self-knowledge and encourages personal methodology, Partners in Power encourages the reader to seek out complete and reliable sources: Preferably dependable sources providing relevant information with a focus on the entirety of their kinky relationship(s). Throughout the text the reader is reminded that these relationship constructs and dynamics are above all else about being human, expressly, “leather is first and foremost an exploration of self.” (58)

An authoritative, informative, and sensible reading recommendation. Enjoy. 


Erin Payton Baker, MLIS

pronouns: she/her

(206) 229-2185

Head Librarian

Pan Eros Foundation

library@pan-eros.org

Between the Covers

“Between the Covers” is an online book discussion group covering a range of sexy topics. Join sexy Head Librarian, Erin, and the Pan Eros Executive Director, Sophia Sky (who identifies as a Shenaniganarian & uses she/her pronouns), from 7:00 - 8:30 on the third Thursday of the month. They choose the topic, you choose whatever related resource turns you on. For more information and tickets, follow the link:

Between the Covers Tickets | online via Zoom | Seattle, WA | Thu, Jul 16 from 7pm - 8:30pm