Consent Corner 2.10

by Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Greetings, most beloved readers!  Thank you for returning to the corner in which all things consent-related are discussed.  If this is your first time here, welcome!

We’ve been talking about consent agreements lately, and about how important it is to revisit them periodically.  We’ve considered how making agreements is similar to creating boundaries.

What if in the course of a consent conversation you’re met with what you consider some form of blowback or opposition? You might perceive the response as containing anger or defensiveness - then what?

Now, let’s take a step back for a minute to note that healthy communication is based on mutual respect for each other's autonomy and boundaries, a commitment to transparency about your capacity, and sharing information about your experience with the activity you are going to engage in. Ideally, all participants are willing to acknowledge and accept accountability for their words and deeds in the interaction. Opposition is less likely to happen when the consent conversation begins with these concepts firmly in mind. 

We think that the best solution to any conflict (or difference of opinion, but we’re just saying conflict here) is a win-win solution. A good question to ask is: “How can we all get what we want and feel good about it in this situation?” 

Marshall Rosenberg wrote extensively about Nonviolent Communication, and how to structure interactions so that the participants leave it with their needs met.  We think that your time learning more about him and his ideas is time well-spent (http://www.cnvc.org).

In a win-win situation, everyone wins (well duh, you might say, and rightly so).  But it might take a little digging to understand what unmet needs could be triggering the conflict.  Here’s an example: you say that you don’t want to kiss during your sexual interactions and your partner seems upset at this request.  What’s the unmet need?  Maybe your partner equates kissing with love and is afraid that your request means that you don’t love them.  They need to know that you love them, so it’s an unmet need.  Maybe your partner needs to feel connected with you and is afraid of feeling disconnected if there’s no kissing.  Again, it’s an unmet need. What else can you do with them to show your love or connection?  There’s hugging, cuddling, spooning, nuzzling - and your creative kinky mind can come up with so many more fun ideas. 

Differences of opinion mean that we’re human and our brains work.  They give us the opportunity to ask our brains to work a little more to better understand ourselves and each other.  Welcome these opportunities and learn from them, and remember that the goal is a win-win outcome. 

Homework:  think about a conflict situation you’ve experienced that resulted in a win-win outcome (or a win-win-win-win-… outcome for those polyamorously inclined).  No reason - just bask in remembering how good that felt!  And, share your outcome tales with us at:  info@thecspc.org.

“Be excellent to each other” - Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other” - Emma and Rachel

Community Matters: Staying Safe with More Sexy People

As the public health guidelines for COVID-19 precautions continue to shift, The CSPC is committed to protecting the safety of our members to the best of our ability. We want all our members to make decisions about purchasing tickets for CSPC events with full knowledge of protocols that will be in place at the time of the event. That means that our protocols will shift more slowly in practice, as we want to make sure that events uphold the protocols in place when the event was first advertised and tickets were sold.

As you know, The CSPC has three primary areas of safety precautions in place for in-person events at this time: mandatory proof of vaccination; mandatory masking except for eating, drinking, or using your mouth in a scene; and capping event attendance at 100 tickets sold in order to create space for more social distance.

We have sold out nearly all in-person events since we returned to holding parties, so it is clear that our community is eager to gather, and we want to be able to welcome as many members as possible at our events. 

In the interest of serving our community’s need to connect in-person while maintaining the safest environment possible, we are pleased to share that events being scheduled for April will have an increased cap of 120 tickets sold. Vaccination and masking protocols will continue to be unchanged at this time.

We appreciate the willingness to consider each other’s safety and comfort you have demonstrated by supporting the ongoing vaccination and masking policies, which made increasing the number of members at our gatherings an easier choice.

We will announce further changes to The CSPC’s standing COVID protocols in the newsletter and will note the pertinent expectations for each event in the specific event descriptions.

Stay safe, stay sexy!

–The CSPC Board

Lucky Pervs! Come Join the Shenanigans at Femme Dominion!

Join us at Gallery Erato on Saturday, March 19, for Femme Dominion, a BDSM play party for Femme identified Tops and all the people who adore them. Get your kink on and get in some socializing with like-minded pervs in a Queer centered space. Bask in the many glorious forms that Femme can take, especially when it takes charge.

Play equipment and places to get intimate abound with seating scattered throughout the space to optimize the sweet voyeur/exhibitionist dynamic of public play. If December’s event was any indication, you can expect a wide variety of sensual, sexual, and solidly S/M scenes all night long.

We’ll start the evening with a social hour to help you climatize into our erotic world and enjoy some slightly less distracted interactions. We’ll also have name tags and red wrist bands for flagging to ease introductions and help those folks interested in pick-up play find each other.

This is a Queer centered, but not exclusionary, party focused on Femme Dommes and all the lovely people who appreciate our particular attentions as well as those who simply prefer Femme led spaces. We embrace Femme in its many varied manifestations inclusive of, but not exclusive to, gender identity.

Come explore ours or your own.

There will be no tickets available at the door for this event, tickets are only available through pre-purchase online. Registration for this party is limited to a maximum of 100 tickets and we did sell out in advance of our last event so plan accordingly.

It’s time for Femme Dominion shenanigans! Saints need not apply.

Wicked Wordplay: A Sex-Positive Writing and Reading Group (ONLINE)

Mmmmmm….Saucy stories! Pervalicious poetry! Erotic essays! Naughty notes! Give us all your Wicked Wordplay! 

Come join in sensual and sexual co-writing and reading time with facilitators Chel and Eirikah, tech host Turtle, and our supportive online community at our first gathering on Wednesday, March 23, from 6:00 pm to 8:00 pm Pacific time. Attendance is free for CSPC members, and $5 for non-members. Register here to get the Zoom link via email.

Each session will begin with a review of our group agreements and the CSPC Online Group rules, followed by 30 minutes of co-writing time. We’ll provide a prompt to get your creative juices flowing—or you can work on the sexy writing project of your choice!

For the second hour, we invite writers to share 5 to 10 minutes of their verbal hotness and imagination with the group. If our group is too large to accommodate all the writers who choose to read, our breakout rooms create more capacity for connection. We’ll close each session with a few minutes of conversation about writing-focused topics.

Wicked Wordplay will NOT provide dedicated workshopping time–we focus on parallel writing within virtually shared (if physically separate) environments, then indulging in the pleasures of sexy storytime. 

If you choose to share your writing, you can request to receive appreciation only, brief constructive comments via chat, or more detailed critiques in a shared Google doc. 

All sex-positive writers and readers/listeners are welcome. Come celebrate your unique sensual and sexual experience by writing and reading with us. We’re excited to get spicy with you!

Don’t fancy yourself a writer, but love to be teased and tantalized by wicked wordplay? Join us! You can use our co-writing time to journal, compose love notes to your honey (or yourself!), or just doodle your daydreams, then sit back and enjoy listening to the group’s reading. You might even surprise yourself and decide to read sometime!

A little peek at your facilitators, Chel and Eirikah: 

Chel (they/them)—pronounced like “chode” and “cherry”—is a monster with an appetite for language, adventure, and primal play. They snagged a Bachelor of Arts in English, and then convinced a corporation to pay them for writing words. In their free time, Chel crafts fantastical adult literature to explore their endless collection of kinks. Chel’s dearest dream is to become a flaming wheel with six wings and infinite eyes.

Eirikah (she/her) is a writer, Witch, and sexual rebel who identifies as a white, polyamorous, bisexual, cisgender woman, Dominant-leaning Switch, and sadomasochist. Her one true fetish is language; both/and is her magic word. Her erotica was published in the Seattle Erotic Arts Festival Literary Art Anthology in 2018, 2019, and 2020. As a somatic sex+relationship coach (https://desirealchemy.com) who believes in the healing power of authentic sexuality, she is also a contributor to two Amazon bestselling books: Sacred Medicine: Mystical Practices for Ecstatic Living and The Ultimate Guide to Self-Healing Volume 5. She holds an MFA in Creative Writing and serves as a member of the CSPC Board of Directors and editor of the CSPC newsletter.

Frolic is Coming!

Start saving your pennies, Frolic is coming!  If you love kink, camping, and community, we’ve got a treat for you!  Frolic is a wonderful three-day kinky camping event in Snohomish. Details are still being worked out, but we hope to celebrate together three weekends this year rather than one!  All play allowed at The CSPC will be allowed at Frolic, and we’ll have ample equipment to play upon. There will be entertainment, activities, and a thriving community of camping kinksters!  

Here are some of the things that were said after the event wrapped up last year:

  “Great venue - The grounds were fabulous. The outdoor hot water shower was much appreciated.”

 “Relaxing and exciting at the same time. I felt like I was at a kinky retreat. I was able to unplug from my regular routine and reconnect with myself and my partner outside of our daily lives.”

 “Safe. I felt free to be myself and wasn’t worried about creepers, non-vaxxers and other human hazards.”

 “It was wonderful to feel freedom to do things outdoors, in a safe environment, that I wanted to do for years. Thank you for your help and support with that. It seemed like you wanted to find a way to make that happen for us - I really appreciated that.”

 “We will definitely try to come back in the future. Thanks for a wonderful event!”

 “The extended duration and privacy of the event contributed so much. Saturday was the first time in my adult life when I woke up and went to bed without a single moment during the day when I needed to mask the nature of my preferences and my relationship.”

 “The depth of knowledge and care in craft and safety: sitting around the fire pit, after some discussion of fireplay, I asked a question for resources about branding. I learned so much more than I even would have hoped for from the discussion. Not only that what we’ve had in mind could really be done responsibly only by an experienced professional - but the ins and outs, whys and wherefores of that fact. All discussed with care and absent of judgment.”

 “Seeing the community itself: sui generis. In the circle at the closing ceremony, I was touched by the memories shared of the woman [Allena Gabosch] who died. While I never myself met her (this was basically my first CSPC event), I could feel the community in that moment – not just in the memories that were shared, but more so by the looks of recognition from others around the circle who were listening to those shared memories.”

 “One of my favorite moments was getting in a group of people and playing a variation of truth or dare. I was surprised at the amount of cartwheels I was dared to do, and happy I got my hair pulled.”

 “There was a sense of community that I’ve been missing. I saw sharing of ideas, feelings and warmth.”

 “It’s been a couple years since I’ve had space and time to dance with my whips. Getting out onto the field, with the music playing ambiently, and dancing was a highlight of my Frolic. Such an amazing thing to just be able to move and play and crack among people who appreciated it, in a place with a space.”

  “Being among so many people of like mind, the conversations were incredible. I met folx from all over and got to talk about our interests and deep connections. There’s someone I hope is going to message me and explore! Being there with people I knew had had vaccine cards checked, out of the city, with folx I knew I didn’t have to filter myself around the way I do with vanillas felt so safe and validating, especially after a year and a half of isolation.”

“It was a pretty chill weekend. It was good to be isolated from the outside world. Everyone was welcoming and accepting.”

 “Making love on a mattress, in the shade of the trees with the breeze on bare skin, was such a treat.”

 “The kinky card game was a great way to get to know people: who’s silly, who’s serious, who’s  playful, and who’s mischievous.”

  “I got to meet my long distance girlfriend for the very first time. I won my first high quality paddle. On top of that, I got to spend a weekend with some of my favorite people in the entire world, meet some new favorite people and have an absolute blast!”

 “The play was wonderful. I got to do a couple scenes and the high is still with me.”

 “With the freedom to play at will over a full weekend surrounded by gorgeous scenery, it’s no wonder I have too many favorite moments to pick just one. Hard work and forethought showed in every detail. I’ve been waiting a long time for this kind of getaway.”

 “My favorite moment was after the day's energies brought many of us together around the flame. Each coming from our own burnt embers of kinky energy to share in an enrichment. Being shown manipulations of fire and some participation in the same. The wisdom of an elder retelling stories to pass on his own passions. Coming together in one place, to share in community in the dark, comforted by lighting it up around the campfire.”

 “I can sum up my favorite moment in two words: outdoor orgasm.”

Stay tuned for more details on this year’s Frolic events!

Celebrating Neurodiversity!

by Teeebone

In August 2021, the CSPC introduced a new online discussion group for neurodivergent members to meet on Zoom on the fourth Tuesday each month. The ND/DG became so popular that a couple months after its debut, a second time slot was established on first Sundays. This group creates a safe space and provides access for this “community within the community” to talk and be themselves.

Public awareness and celebration of neurodiversity has grown over the last two decades. Founded in 2018 by Siena Castellon when she was 16 years old, Neurodiversity Celebration Week is an official yearly event coming up on March 21-27, 2022. This teenager from the UK had faced many challenges, including prejudice and bullying in school, which motivated her to create this event to address and challenge misconceptions and stereotypes that still prevent autistic people and people with learning disabilities from reaching their full potential.

Supportive recognition of neurodiversity is an ongoing endeavor. While public education still has a way to go on this matter, primarily due to limited school funding, there are encouraging signs from the business sector. Places like AMC movie theaters offering Sensory Friendly Films and Chuck E. Cheese restaurants hosting monthly Sensory Sensitive Sundays are good examples of this. The general public is becoming more educated on this subject and are learning better ways to communicate and connect with neurodivergent people.

Want to find out more about Neurodiversity Celebration Week? Just follow the magic footprints: https://www.neurodiversityweek.com/

And if you’re curious about the ND/DG, we’re on Zoom on the first Sundays of the month from 5-7 pm and the fourth Tuesdays of the month from 7-9 pm–during Neurodiversity Celebration Week this month! You don’t have to be a neurodivergent person to attend, just be aware, respect the space, and be understanding and supportive. :^)

Let's Get This Party Started!

by Sakari

Do you have any parties centering around…?

Do you have any parties centering around foot worship?  Around poly mingling?  Around WAM?  Around furries?  Around sex in swimming pools?  Around left-handed people?  We get variations of this question all the time.  I wish that we already had all those parties set up, but the truth is, we don’t throw parties.  You, our members, do.  The good news is that if there’s a party or focus you’d like to see at the CSPC, you can bring your vision to life!

Let’s say you desperately want a party with a certain focus.  You can have that if you’re willing to put the work in!  An event like this takes some work, but we have it all set up for you and your team.  It takes about 3-6 months to put an event together and a couple months to get a regular schedule going. 

First step is contacting our Events Director at EventsDirector@theCSPC.org.  They have resources and know-how to help you plan an event, whether it’s your first or fiftieth. 

The process goes something like this:

• A month or two of envisioning your party while recruiting and creating your team.  What is the theme, what will it look like, feel like, what aspects are needed?  Who is going to work with you on bringing this to fruition? 

• Sharing a proposal with the CSPC board and presenting at a board meeting.  Once you have your vision, our Events Director will help you flesh it out and write it up into a proposal.  It will be sent to the board a week before the board meeting so they can comment and ask questions.  At the board meeting, you will tell a little about your proposed event, answer any lingering questions, and the board will vote as to whether it can move forward or offer feedback on what it still needs before it can be approved. 

• Once you’re approved, you’ll work with Events to get posters designed, Operations to get ticketing and website links, and Communications to help with marketing.  You’ll also be promoting the party as you continue planning.  Your first event can happen six weeks to two months from the approval. 

• As we get close, you’ll be promoting the party and continuing to recruit volunteers for your team.  All CSPC events are by members, for members, and having a committed team of trained volunteers makes every party more fun for everyone!

• On the night of the event, you’ll be in charge of what the party looks like and how it’s run!  With the support of Events and your volunteer team, you can settle into your groove as the Host with the Most, connecting with party goers and bringing the energy and activities that you envisioned to life.

• After the first event, you’ll debrief with our Events Director and decide if and when you’d like your next event.  If you’re looking to do the party regularly, we have a policy of two months between the first and second party, ramping up to once a month or whatever your desired cadence is. 

So there you have it!  It may sound complex, but if you have a vision, we have the resources to make it happen and to simplify the process along the way. 

Reach out to EventsDirector@theCSPC.org to get your party started! 

Interested in volunteering? We can’t do what we do without trained volunteers! Many roles are open, both at parties and behind the scenes. Complete your online volunteer orientation and submit your volunteer application form today!

Tips for Successfully Navigating Pick-up Play

by Turtle

I’m a country girl so when I initially heard the words “pick-up play,” my mind translated to pick-up truck play… hot days, a cooler filled with BYOB, a fire on the river with whatever your line caught for dinner, laughter followed by blatant stupidity at the mud flats to see how far you could run your truck up the muddy cliff before sliding down or the occasional nail biting slow backwards tip-over! All of this well before cell phones and teens having affordable portable video cameras. Thank the Goddess!

Then I joined the CSPC, and pick-up play was explained to me as a scene you plan on the spot, possibly with someone you literally just met. I don’t know about you, but my anxiety rocketed through the roof. I may have had a rictus smile that grew more strained by the second, eyes darting for escape routes, with “It’s not you, It’s me” on the tip of my tongue. I’m sure the back of my head as I dashed from the building was the last that person saw of me. I don’t even remember who it was now. I’m just that shy. Oh sure, I look like an extrovert at times. I joke that I can play one on TV, but I’ve taken many social skills training classes to get there. I have a diagnosis of Asperger’s, which means I’m Neuro-Divergent (ND).

The Neuro-Divergent Discussion Group (ND/DG) has given NDs a chance to more comfortably connect and create skills with community-building tools such as the Pick-Up Play Board used at PPMT, Myself!, and other CSPC events. Of course, many people, whether outgoing or shy, share the same basic fears around meeting someone new, approaching them, asking them to do a thing, delineating the thing with consent fully involved, then doing it all safely and with a maximum fun output.

Things that hold us back from potentially playing with someone we just met:

1)      I see you across the room but have no idea if you are interested. Solution: Next to the Pick-Up Play Board are name tags. Take one, then add your name and whether you are a Top/bottom.  Now, I can see you are interested and can even approach and use your name. A casual scan even tells me whether our Top/bottom designations match up. But even if they don’t, say hi. You never know the entirety of what someone is into.

2)      I really want a certain type of scene or attraction. Solution: By the Pick-Up Play Board are sticky notes. Write down what you want to do or have done to you, how to find you, name. Or the type of attraction you are looking for. Stick it to the Board. Linger on the main floor and talk to others in name tags.

3)      Someone approached me with my sticky note in their hand! Solution: Find a quiet corner. Talk about exactly what you want. Be specific. Do NOT be afraid to ask questions. What, how long, where, who, etc. No is an okay answer as well. Remember FRIES! (See at bottom of article)

4)      Do talk about health concerns! It is very important today to ask about health concerns. These can range from your personal Covid-19 protocols to STIs to physical or mental issues. For example, I’m extremely claustrophobic, so let’s choose a play space out in the open away from corners and not use a blindfold. Or my knees are just not as happy as they used to be, so I can be on my hands and knees or sit in a chair but not the standard slave position.

5)      Nervous? Solution: Ask a staff member to just keep an eye out for your scene.

6)      Note: When playing with implements/toys new to you- make sure they are clean and sanitized. Touch them to feel for weight, heft, how they will feel when they touch you (pick out only the ones you’d like to use), see what they are made of. A lace flogger feels very different from one made from wide leather pieces, or one made of wire.

7)      Bring a Care Bag. Move it close to where you are scening just in case. This bag should have soft comfy clothes to change into, personal lube and condoms, non-latex items if needed, personal hygiene items (no showers at the Gallery,) snacks, water bottle, a comfort item, something to zip jewelry into. If Neuro-Divergent: sensory control items like headphones, sunglasses, earplugs, mp3 player, aftercare blanket. I’m a heavy player so I also bring my own sheet and towels (NOT WHITE), first aid supplies, safety scissors.

Things to remember: Just because you have a pick-up play scene with someone does NOT invite them directly into your regular life. You choose whether you continue contact. It’s a good idea to have a business card with the way you want to be contacted on it for people you meet at parties. Maybe that’s your scene name and CSPC Discord username, or Fetlife name, or a private email.

It’s up to you to “Find Your Way to Yes!” We are here to help you! Feel free to email me or talk to any of the CPSC staff. We will be happy to introduce you around and smooth your passage into our community where you will quickly find you now belong to a great big quirky multi-faceted family! 

Hump History: Origins

by Teeebone

Cue the music: Music video link, Everybody Dance Now - C & C Music Factory [Lyrics] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wc8nkyUbZJU

When I first became a member of the SPCC (the Sex Positive Community Center, aka "The Wet Spot" as the CSPC was known back in those days) in the Summer of 2003, I usually attended a twice monthly event called Erotic City–a sex-focused party held on 2nd and 4th Friday nights. For my first 2+ years of membership, all I did was simply attend events. At some point in late 2005, I began to get involved in volunteering as a DJ for Erotic City. Folks liked my music and I felt encouraged enough to formally join the volunteer rolls in 2006.

In May of 2007, the SPCC officially opened the Annex space, and it was at this time that the organization changed its name to the CSPC. This new space allowed us to hold two events on the same night, which led to the creation of new parties. A decision was made to move the Wednesday Drop-in Social to the Annex and create a new party for the Main Space.

I was contacted by the office in November to become part of the "Wednesday Dance Party" team as a DJ. The plan was to form a new crew of volunteers braced with a few of the veteran members who would run the party and train new ECs, cashiers, and ambassadors. The set up and floor plan were directly influenced by Erotic City and The Grind. The music themes were influenced by another party called The Spin, a monthly event that switched music themes each month, although for this new party, it would change each week.

A really big challenge was what to name the event. Indeed, this could make or break the party. Luckily, we came up with "The Hump" (because Wednesday is Hump Day, lol) at the team meeting just a few weeks before go-time. I quickly made a stylized logo and printed up posters. The Hump was part of what could be called the "Second Wave" of parties like The Chill and Myself!.

The first Hump was held on January 30, 2008. Admission was $15. The free social ran from 6-8pm, with the party rocking from 8pm-12am. Total attendance, including staff was 46. (Such humble beginnings!) This was the first step of a very interesting journey for all of us. The Hump Crew was just one of the many teams assembled to create and run parties at the CSPC. 

Interested in becoming part of CSPC history as part of the volunteer team for the Next Big Party? Find out more about volunteering for the CSPC here!

Until next time- :^)