What's In a Word?: Sex-Positive Dictionary

“Inconceivable!”

“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

–The Princess Bride

The mission of the Center for Sex Positive Culture is to “create spaces to celebrate, develop, and explore sexuality and sensuality among a diverse, supportive community.” An important part of that exploration within a diverse community is developing shared understandings of the language we use to describe ourselves, our sexualities, and our sensualities. 

For many of the words we use, however, there isn’t a single definition to rely on. Language is fluid, just like other forms of human expression (like our sexuality). So how do we create deeper understanding between us, while avoiding “one twue way-ism”? 

To approach this challenge, the CSPC is embarking on an ambitious project to member-source a dictionary of commonly-used terminology in the sex-positive community. This resource will be crafted by CSPC members and available to CSPC members (and possibly the public–we are looking into appropriate hosting platforms now).

Each word will offer multiple definitions submitted by CSPC members or crafted by CSPC member teams connecting via our Discord server. The author of each definition will be identified by their initials to honor the voice of the individual or team submitting the definition while minimizing any hierarchy of “rightness” that might spring up around definitions submitted by community leaders, etc.

In each newsletter, we’ll be announcing five “words of focus.” Please submit your definitions of those words or acronyms to the Sex-Positive Dictionary DTF (that’s Disappearing Task Force, pervs!) at sexpositivedictionary@thecspc.org. We’ll also be soliciting and sharing definitions of these five words on social media.

The five words for this issue are:

• Impact play

• Genderfluid

• Sensation play

• Brat

• Primal

Are there words you’d like to see included? Definitions you’d like to share for words that don’t happen to be on this period’s list? Questions about the project? Want to volunteer to help? Contact us at sexpositivedictionary@thecspc.org, and we’ll get right back to you.

Community Matters: Join the Action at the CSPC!

by Sadie

Did you know that CSPC currently puts on 22 events a month?  That includes virtual discussion groups, in-person events, New Member Orientations, Munches, Board meetings, and Volunteer events.  There’s something going on to entice everyone!  

Are you new to kink or the CSPC?  Check out Fresh Meet!  Are you an experienced player who loves dance music?  Come get your beat on at Power Play Mixed-Tape!  Want to volunteer?  Come get acquainted with our leadership at our Volunteer Munch! (Learn more about helping support your vibrant CSPC community as a volunteer here.)  Have a special interest?  Come to one of our Discussion Groups!  We have groups focused on Power Dynamics, Switching, Queer Identities, Consensual Non-Monogamy, Neurodivergence in the Scene, Erotic Writing and more!  

This is one of the many reasons I love the CSPC.  There’s something for everyone.  Some of our events aren’t my thing.  That’s okay, there are others that are.  If you haven’t visited recently, this might be a good time!  Check out the current event offerings and read the descriptions on our website at theCSPC.org/event. We can’t wait to connect with you!

Registration and Monitor Volunteer Training March 30!

by Sakari

Mark your calendars! Registration and Monitor volunteer training via Zoom on March 30!

Hi CSPC fam! Are you volunteer-curious? Do you have a drive to help your fellow community members? If so, think about taking an advanced volunteer training class with us! The CSPC is hosting a big training day on March 30.

From 5pm to 6pm there will be Registration training for anyone interested in facilitating our front-of-house operations. If you have experience in customer service and like the idea of greeting our party goers while smoothing their way to kinky enjoyment, this could be a great opportunity. 

From 6pm to 7pm we'll have a Monitor training classroom. Monitors are a key component of our mission. If you're passionate about consent culture, responsible kink, and just plain helping your fellow community members, please consider becoming one of our Monitors by taking this first step. Once the classroom portion is complete, you get the chance to sign up for a shadow shift at one of our parties to complete your training. 

If you'd like a chance to make a bigger impact at the CSPC, please join us in our online Zoom meeting space on March 30 at https://us02web.zoom.us/j/81161509712?pwd=U2QrbDNzSjV4VW1tb3JSSkNUbVBhQT09.

See our website for more information about becoming a volunteer. If you have any questions please send emails to eventsdirector@thecspc.org. 

Hope to see you there!

Hump History: Year One--First Impressions

by Teeebone

"You are getting this because you expressed some interest to be involved with the Wednesday Dance Party Team."- Excerpt from an email in late 2007

Our first team meeting was January 2, 2008. Originally the first Hump was supposed to be January 9, but we clearly weren’t ready so a follow-up meeting was held instead. The new start date was set for January 30, 2008. We decorated for the party with spare or borrowed gear, silks and member contributions to the CSPC, including some new lamps and vases, a red LED "lips" rope light wall sculpture and a plaster camel lawn ornament that we nicknamed "Humphrey" that became the party's mascot.

The weekly Wednesday party consisted of a social from 6-8pm, which was free to attend and open to the public. At about 7:45pm somebody got on the mic and announced that the party was about to begin and that those who hadn’t paid admission needed to go to the cashier’s desk or go home. Then from 8pm-12am it was sexytime!

To be honest, the first year almost killed us. The pace of the activity was exhausting. We jam-packed the Hump with demos, classes, and discussions during the social and served a simple hot dish with goodies at the party. We had a lot to learn about how to sustainably run the Hump, and it would be a while longer before we got into a more laid-back tempo.

In February, we had our first challenge. A conflict developed between the Cuddle/Romp Pile and the Self-Gratification Area (as it was called back then), which resulted in one or two drama threads on the old CSPC board on the Internet. Some folks were walking and wanking (wandering around the front area of the Main Space, looking for scenes to masturbate to), which disturbed the folks on the Cuddle/Romp Pile because they had NOT consented to being watched and masturbated to, so the Hump Crew sat down and wrote up new rules and set some boundaries:

• The Self-Gratification Area would be marked and veiled all around.

• Have the rules for this zone in the area for attendees to read.

• Intervene with attendees who walk & wank.

• Intervene with attendees who are wanking in the zone and watching people in other areas.

• Have the TV + DVD player set up with porn in the Self-Gratification Area.

• Rename this area "Solos, Sex and Voyeurs."

These measures helped heal the rift between the two groups. In any case, the fans of the Solos, Sex and Voyeurs space still had the option to attend a monthly party known as Myself! an event which focused on masturbation.

In March I was made an Event Coordinator, adding to my duties as a DJ, Poster Artist, and a Host of the Hump. I found myself wearing many hats! As the year went by, we found ourselves helping attendees plan scenes. Some were private, others were public. Public scenes like bukkake, glory hole, or gangbang scenes are more of an audience participation event, requiring more attention and care such as:

• Finding out what the requesting member’s preferences, expectations and boundaries were.

• Informing the requesting member about what needed to be done in order to structure a scene that would fulfill their desires while respecting their boundaries within the limits of CSPC rules..

• Ensuring all participants knew the rules of the scene and helping enforce those rules.

• Providing a safe haven for any needed aftercare and clean up.

And that's it. It's been the formula for success ever since. I often got an email or PM from somebody asking about organizing something special at the Hump, and I just couldn’t help but feel good all over about that.

There were concerns about the Hump becoming a "Sausage Fest" (as in way more men than women in attendance), a problem when running events like this, especially when everybody paid the same price for admission. We tried out a number of things including themes and workshops that focused on women and reduced admission pricing for women and couples. In the end however, we found that the best way to make the party appealing to women was to make the space a safe place for women to play.

By November, plans were made for a "Taster Party Hump" to be held on a 5th Wednesday of the year. A Taster event is like a sampler box of chocolates, only instead of chocolates, you get a sample of BDSM play, like a brief flogging or caning scene (to name a few). This party would become "Sweet Taste-ations," our twice a year BDSM Taster event, which would become a reality in 2009 and introduce “The Whump at the Hump” as a monthly sibling party later.

In December we had our biggest attendance yet: 71 people. The party rocked, and we were all up to the task. We ended the year with an Xmas Eve Potluck. Then we hibernated till January–although I did do a DJ set on New Year's Eve, LOL! After our first year anniversary, I sent this to the staff:

"It's been two days after the party and it's finally sinking in that a whole year has gone by. I sit tapping keys and feeling humble on a Friday trying to take it all in. In the space of a year we managed to create a weekly party at the club with some spare props and parts and a little imagination and energy to create... THE HUMP- a sex-focused dance party on a WEDNESDAY! And we succeeded in attracting and building an audience that attends regularly. None of this would have been possible without you, our volunteers. This is a shout out to all those who helped out with THE HUMP, from the past to the present. On behalf of myself, the other Hump ECs, our Director, the Site Coordinator and our Volunteer Coordinator, THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR HELP!"--My email to the Hump Crew, 01-30-2009

Until next time! :^)

Consent Corner 2.10

by Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Greetings, most beloved readers!  Thank you for returning to the corner in which all things consent-related are discussed.  If this is your first time here, welcome!

We’ve been talking about consent agreements lately, and about how important it is to revisit them periodically.  We’ve considered how making agreements is similar to creating boundaries.

What if in the course of a consent conversation you’re met with what you consider some form of blowback or opposition? You might perceive the response as containing anger or defensiveness - then what?

Now, let’s take a step back for a minute to note that healthy communication is based on mutual respect for each other's autonomy and boundaries, a commitment to transparency about your capacity, and sharing information about your experience with the activity you are going to engage in. Ideally, all participants are willing to acknowledge and accept accountability for their words and deeds in the interaction. Opposition is less likely to happen when the consent conversation begins with these concepts firmly in mind. 

We think that the best solution to any conflict (or difference of opinion, but we’re just saying conflict here) is a win-win solution. A good question to ask is: “How can we all get what we want and feel good about it in this situation?” 

Marshall Rosenberg wrote extensively about Nonviolent Communication, and how to structure interactions so that the participants leave it with their needs met.  We think that your time learning more about him and his ideas is time well-spent (http://www.cnvc.org).

In a win-win situation, everyone wins (well duh, you might say, and rightly so).  But it might take a little digging to understand what unmet needs could be triggering the conflict.  Here’s an example: you say that you don’t want to kiss during your sexual interactions and your partner seems upset at this request.  What’s the unmet need?  Maybe your partner equates kissing with love and is afraid that your request means that you don’t love them.  They need to know that you love them, so it’s an unmet need.  Maybe your partner needs to feel connected with you and is afraid of feeling disconnected if there’s no kissing.  Again, it’s an unmet need. What else can you do with them to show your love or connection?  There’s hugging, cuddling, spooning, nuzzling - and your creative kinky mind can come up with so many more fun ideas. 

Differences of opinion mean that we’re human and our brains work.  They give us the opportunity to ask our brains to work a little more to better understand ourselves and each other.  Welcome these opportunities and learn from them, and remember that the goal is a win-win outcome. 

Homework:  think about a conflict situation you’ve experienced that resulted in a win-win outcome (or a win-win-win-win-… outcome for those polyamorously inclined).  No reason - just bask in remembering how good that felt!  And, share your outcome tales with us at:  info@thecspc.org.

“Be excellent to each other” - Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other” - Emma and Rachel

Community Matters: Staying Safe with More Sexy People

As the public health guidelines for COVID-19 precautions continue to shift, The CSPC is committed to protecting the safety of our members to the best of our ability. We want all our members to make decisions about purchasing tickets for CSPC events with full knowledge of protocols that will be in place at the time of the event. That means that our protocols will shift more slowly in practice, as we want to make sure that events uphold the protocols in place when the event was first advertised and tickets were sold.

As you know, The CSPC has three primary areas of safety precautions in place for in-person events at this time: mandatory proof of vaccination; mandatory masking except for eating, drinking, or using your mouth in a scene; and capping event attendance at 100 tickets sold in order to create space for more social distance.

We have sold out nearly all in-person events since we returned to holding parties, so it is clear that our community is eager to gather, and we want to be able to welcome as many members as possible at our events. 

In the interest of serving our community’s need to connect in-person while maintaining the safest environment possible, we are pleased to share that events being scheduled for April will have an increased cap of 120 tickets sold. Vaccination and masking protocols will continue to be unchanged at this time.

We appreciate the willingness to consider each other’s safety and comfort you have demonstrated by supporting the ongoing vaccination and masking policies, which made increasing the number of members at our gatherings an easier choice.

We will announce further changes to The CSPC’s standing COVID protocols in the newsletter and will note the pertinent expectations for each event in the specific event descriptions.

Stay safe, stay sexy!

–The CSPC Board

Lucky Pervs! Come Join the Shenanigans at Femme Dominion!

Join us at Gallery Erato on Saturday, March 19, for Femme Dominion, a BDSM play party for Femme identified Tops and all the people who adore them. Get your kink on and get in some socializing with like-minded pervs in a Queer centered space. Bask in the many glorious forms that Femme can take, especially when it takes charge.

Play equipment and places to get intimate abound with seating scattered throughout the space to optimize the sweet voyeur/exhibitionist dynamic of public play. If December’s event was any indication, you can expect a wide variety of sensual, sexual, and solidly S/M scenes all night long.

We’ll start the evening with a social hour to help you climatize into our erotic world and enjoy some slightly less distracted interactions. We’ll also have name tags and red wrist bands for flagging to ease introductions and help those folks interested in pick-up play find each other.

This is a Queer centered, but not exclusionary, party focused on Femme Dommes and all the lovely people who appreciate our particular attentions as well as those who simply prefer Femme led spaces. We embrace Femme in its many varied manifestations inclusive of, but not exclusive to, gender identity.

Come explore ours or your own.

There will be no tickets available at the door for this event, tickets are only available through pre-purchase online. Registration for this party is limited to a maximum of 100 tickets and we did sell out in advance of our last event so plan accordingly.

It’s time for Femme Dominion shenanigans! Saints need not apply.

Wicked Wordplay: A Sex-Positive Writing and Reading Group (ONLINE)

Mmmmmm….Saucy stories! Pervalicious poetry! Erotic essays! Naughty notes! Give us all your Wicked Wordplay! 

Come join in sensual and sexual co-writing and reading time with facilitators Chel and Eirikah, tech host Turtle, and our supportive online community at our first gathering on Wednesday, March 23, from 6:00 pm to 8:00 pm Pacific time. Attendance is free for CSPC members, and $5 for non-members. Register here to get the Zoom link via email.

Each session will begin with a review of our group agreements and the CSPC Online Group rules, followed by 30 minutes of co-writing time. We’ll provide a prompt to get your creative juices flowing—or you can work on the sexy writing project of your choice!

For the second hour, we invite writers to share 5 to 10 minutes of their verbal hotness and imagination with the group. If our group is too large to accommodate all the writers who choose to read, our breakout rooms create more capacity for connection. We’ll close each session with a few minutes of conversation about writing-focused topics.

Wicked Wordplay will NOT provide dedicated workshopping time–we focus on parallel writing within virtually shared (if physically separate) environments, then indulging in the pleasures of sexy storytime. 

If you choose to share your writing, you can request to receive appreciation only, brief constructive comments via chat, or more detailed critiques in a shared Google doc. 

All sex-positive writers and readers/listeners are welcome. Come celebrate your unique sensual and sexual experience by writing and reading with us. We’re excited to get spicy with you!

Don’t fancy yourself a writer, but love to be teased and tantalized by wicked wordplay? Join us! You can use our co-writing time to journal, compose love notes to your honey (or yourself!), or just doodle your daydreams, then sit back and enjoy listening to the group’s reading. You might even surprise yourself and decide to read sometime!

A little peek at your facilitators, Chel and Eirikah: 

Chel (they/them)—pronounced like “chode” and “cherry”—is a monster with an appetite for language, adventure, and primal play. They snagged a Bachelor of Arts in English, and then convinced a corporation to pay them for writing words. In their free time, Chel crafts fantastical adult literature to explore their endless collection of kinks. Chel’s dearest dream is to become a flaming wheel with six wings and infinite eyes.

Eirikah (she/her) is a writer, Witch, and sexual rebel who identifies as a white, polyamorous, bisexual, cisgender woman, Dominant-leaning Switch, and sadomasochist. Her one true fetish is language; both/and is her magic word. Her erotica was published in the Seattle Erotic Arts Festival Literary Art Anthology in 2018, 2019, and 2020. As a somatic sex+relationship coach (https://desirealchemy.com) who believes in the healing power of authentic sexuality, she is also a contributor to two Amazon bestselling books: Sacred Medicine: Mystical Practices for Ecstatic Living and The Ultimate Guide to Self-Healing Volume 5. She holds an MFA in Creative Writing and serves as a member of the CSPC Board of Directors and editor of the CSPC newsletter.

Frolic is Coming!

Start saving your pennies, Frolic is coming!  If you love kink, camping, and community, we’ve got a treat for you!  Frolic is a wonderful three-day kinky camping event in Snohomish. Details are still being worked out, but we hope to celebrate together three weekends this year rather than one!  All play allowed at The CSPC will be allowed at Frolic, and we’ll have ample equipment to play upon. There will be entertainment, activities, and a thriving community of camping kinksters!  

Here are some of the things that were said after the event wrapped up last year:

  “Great venue - The grounds were fabulous. The outdoor hot water shower was much appreciated.”

 “Relaxing and exciting at the same time. I felt like I was at a kinky retreat. I was able to unplug from my regular routine and reconnect with myself and my partner outside of our daily lives.”

 “Safe. I felt free to be myself and wasn’t worried about creepers, non-vaxxers and other human hazards.”

 “It was wonderful to feel freedom to do things outdoors, in a safe environment, that I wanted to do for years. Thank you for your help and support with that. It seemed like you wanted to find a way to make that happen for us - I really appreciated that.”

 “We will definitely try to come back in the future. Thanks for a wonderful event!”

 “The extended duration and privacy of the event contributed so much. Saturday was the first time in my adult life when I woke up and went to bed without a single moment during the day when I needed to mask the nature of my preferences and my relationship.”

 “The depth of knowledge and care in craft and safety: sitting around the fire pit, after some discussion of fireplay, I asked a question for resources about branding. I learned so much more than I even would have hoped for from the discussion. Not only that what we’ve had in mind could really be done responsibly only by an experienced professional - but the ins and outs, whys and wherefores of that fact. All discussed with care and absent of judgment.”

 “Seeing the community itself: sui generis. In the circle at the closing ceremony, I was touched by the memories shared of the woman [Allena Gabosch] who died. While I never myself met her (this was basically my first CSPC event), I could feel the community in that moment – not just in the memories that were shared, but more so by the looks of recognition from others around the circle who were listening to those shared memories.”

 “One of my favorite moments was getting in a group of people and playing a variation of truth or dare. I was surprised at the amount of cartwheels I was dared to do, and happy I got my hair pulled.”

 “There was a sense of community that I’ve been missing. I saw sharing of ideas, feelings and warmth.”

 “It’s been a couple years since I’ve had space and time to dance with my whips. Getting out onto the field, with the music playing ambiently, and dancing was a highlight of my Frolic. Such an amazing thing to just be able to move and play and crack among people who appreciated it, in a place with a space.”

  “Being among so many people of like mind, the conversations were incredible. I met folx from all over and got to talk about our interests and deep connections. There’s someone I hope is going to message me and explore! Being there with people I knew had had vaccine cards checked, out of the city, with folx I knew I didn’t have to filter myself around the way I do with vanillas felt so safe and validating, especially after a year and a half of isolation.”

“It was a pretty chill weekend. It was good to be isolated from the outside world. Everyone was welcoming and accepting.”

 “Making love on a mattress, in the shade of the trees with the breeze on bare skin, was such a treat.”

 “The kinky card game was a great way to get to know people: who’s silly, who’s serious, who’s  playful, and who’s mischievous.”

  “I got to meet my long distance girlfriend for the very first time. I won my first high quality paddle. On top of that, I got to spend a weekend with some of my favorite people in the entire world, meet some new favorite people and have an absolute blast!”

 “The play was wonderful. I got to do a couple scenes and the high is still with me.”

 “With the freedom to play at will over a full weekend surrounded by gorgeous scenery, it’s no wonder I have too many favorite moments to pick just one. Hard work and forethought showed in every detail. I’ve been waiting a long time for this kind of getaway.”

 “My favorite moment was after the day's energies brought many of us together around the flame. Each coming from our own burnt embers of kinky energy to share in an enrichment. Being shown manipulations of fire and some participation in the same. The wisdom of an elder retelling stories to pass on his own passions. Coming together in one place, to share in community in the dark, comforted by lighting it up around the campfire.”

 “I can sum up my favorite moment in two words: outdoor orgasm.”

Stay tuned for more details on this year’s Frolic events!