Consent Corner 2.12

By Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Hello dear readers!  As ever, thank you for joining us on our consent-related musings.  We hope you’re as fine as frog’s hair - and that's pretty darn fine.

So, COVID-19’s been kicking our collective butts, right?  At least with respect to our capacity, autonomy, and agreements in our consent framework, it has.

Maybe you’ve noticed some significant reductions in your capacity to make good consent decisions.  Have you experienced the need to shift your plans as personal health issues appear and reappear?  Have your plans changed as virus variants emerged?  There seems to be so much uncertainty about the pandemic’s impacts, both in the short and the long term.  

The threat of COVID infection has also reduced our personal autonomy.  We’re all trying to make the best possible decisions and respect our own and others’ autonomy.  For those in higher risk groups - people with compromised immune systems, for example - consent decisions can be a matter of life or death.  Yeesh!  

And what do our existing consent agreements look like now?  Does it feel sometimes- as Rilke suggests in a poem - like we’re standing on fishes?  Does what we thought was solid footing seem to be giving way to unexpected shifts and turns?  

We’ve got lots of questions.  Answers?  Not so many.  Fortunately you’re clever enough to discover the right answers for you, keeping in mind that last week’s answers might not work for you this week.  Perhaps repeating the mantra “change is good'' might bring you some comfort.  Personally, we’ve probably said it a million times already, and we think it might finally be starting to sink in.   We trust that you’ll learn it much more quickly. 

Homework:  resolve to be gentle with yourself and others as you explore the pandemic’s twists and turns and variants.  And stay safe and stay sexy as we all figure out what the new normal will look like.  Got a COVID story or an idea about the new normal to share?  We’d love to hear from you at:  info@thecspc.org.

“Be excellent to each other” - Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other” - Emma and Rachel

Hump History: Year Two--Coming Back for Seconds!

By Teeebone

January 22, 2009: "You all rock!!! Thank you soooooo much for having taken this idea and run with it for a year..."- (From a congratulatory email sent from the office.)

The second year began with celebration and excitement, but there was still so much for us to learn and experiment with, including new music and event themes, workshops, demos, and much more. Looking back, I see it was still a very busy time for all of us.

In late February, we celebrated Mardi Gras with a King Cake, which is a large New Orleans pastry with a little plastic baby baked inside it. Whoever found the baby in the cake won their choice of a music theme for a future Hump, which resulted in a Hip-Hop Hump in May.

On March 20, 2009, we created “The Hump CSPC's Wednesday Party” discussion group on FetLife, which remains online to this day. FetLife became an important part of publicizing upcoming CSPC events and information as it acts as an unofficial social network for members of the CSPC.

At the end of April, we held our first "taster" event, jokingly referred to as the Whump. This event was very much like the Try It, You'll Like It Party held on fifth Sundays as a quarterly event. Planning for this started late in 2008, but we waited for a fifth Wednesday to come up for it to happen.

A "taster" event typically had 10-12 stations that catered to different BDSM activities like flogging, rope, whips, claws, etc. Experienced Tops volunteered to share their specialty and give new members "a taste" of what a scene could be like. Experienced bottoms could volunteer to be the "stunt bottom" if the attendee wanted to learn any Topping activity. Attendee turns were regulated with sign-up sheets and prompts from the PA mike and/or event monitors.

Converting the Hump into the Whump meant closing the Back Room (no sexy time) and clearing out the Cuddle/Romp Pile, Solo Space, and Dance Floor to make room for the stations. The level of activity was much higher than any previous Hump and we gained a serious appreciation for the folks who ran the Grind and the Saturday BDSM Pan Parties. The event was well received and broke an attendance record (75), so we decided to do it twice a year.

In June, the Center celebrated its tenth year in operation. That same month the Center was also offered the remaining space in the building, which became the RAW Dungeon. Later that same month, the Hump broke another attendance record with 81 attendees.

In August after 81 weekly Humps, I finally took a night off. I have to admit it was a strange experience attending as opposed to working the event. Taking time off the "job" was a bit unusual for me. I guess volunteering in this community is just part of who I am. I ended up attending practically every Hump that was held–for eight years, seven months, and a week. That's a whole lot of Humps! :3

By September, the new RAW Dungeon was available for use and on the 16th, we had our 1st Whump at the Hump, an add-on party from 8pm-12am on the third Wednesday of the month. The "taster" event that was held at the end of September was re-named "Sweet Taste-ations". Yet another attendance record was broken on that night, this time at 93.

The second year ended with higher average attendance levels (60-70 attendees) and the Hump crew felt confident about the future. We had managed to break the attendance record three times! Even more good news for us would follow into the new year of 2010...

Until next time... :^)

Community Matters: Keeping Our Community Safe(r)

As the public health guidelines for COVID-19 precautions and the conditions on the ground continue to shift, the CSPC is committed to protecting the safety of our members to the best of our ability. Ensuring that our members have full knowledge of the safety protocols that will be in place at an event before purchasing tickets is important in our informed consent-based culture. That means that our protocols will shift more slowly in practice, as we want to make sure that events uphold the protocols in place when the event was first advertised and tickets were sold.

For the upcoming in-person events in both April and May, the CSPC will continue to uphold the updated precautions announced in March: we will continue to require mandatory proof of vaccination; mandatory masking except for eating, drinking, or using your mouth in a scene; and we will cap event attendance at 120 tickets sold in order to maintain space for social distance while welcoming more of our members to our in-person events.

We have sold out nearly all in-person events since we returned to holding parties, so it is clear that our community is eager to gather, and we want to be able to welcome as many members as possible at our events. Your willingness to consider each other’s safety and comfort by supporting the ongoing vaccination and masking policies has made the increase in the number of members at our gatherings possible. Thank you!

We will announce further changes to the CSPC’s COVID protocols in the newsletter and will note the pertinent expectations for each event in the specific event descriptions.

Stay safe, stay sexy!

–The CSPC Board

PPMT 2.0: Best Party Ever!

By Teeebone

On March 12, 2022, I had the wonderful experience of reliving the glory that is Power Play Mixed-Tape (PPMT) 2.0. Even though it was only the second party since the return of this legacy event, this time it felt like everything had effortlessly fallen into place–smooth execution of setup, a full crew of experienced team members working together harmoniously, a number of pre-planned scenes being scheduled throughout the night, and a sold-out crowd.

I had just put together the tightest two hours of music for my closing DJ set, and the whole PPMT team was pumped up for the night because everybody involved was looking forward to having a good time. TK (aka Turtle) has a knack when it comes to team building, and when the team gets together, that’s when the magic happens. We got on FetLife and Discord and chatted PPMT up. Contacts were made, and scenes were discussed and negotiated. The word got out, and just like that, all the tickets were sold!

And what a party it was! The theme was “Mardi Gras: Farewell to the Flesh!” and the headliner scene involved smashing and mashing King Cakes on a naked attendee who was laid down upon a table with tarps placed all around to catch escaping crumbs and icing. Good, clean, messy fun! A PPMT Team Tasting Top provided sensation play tastings in the Exploration Bay, and there was also some heavy play including a hood scene, some whip scenes, and a pussy-kicking scene. I even got to see some of the PPMT crew play after they had finished their shifts for the night! The combination of play, music, and good feels made for the one-of-a-kind awesomeness that we strive for when we have CSPC parties.

Will this fabulousness ever be matched? Will it be surpassed? That is the challenge we as volunteers face when we work at these events and that night... it was all good. I’ll tell you what, though–on April 9, Power Play Mixed-Tape returns! In April, PPMT will be brought to you by the letter L! Lace, latex, leather and OTK (over the knee) spankings for littles! Our Exploration Bay (main floor near Registration) will offer firsthand experiences (Top & bottom) in leather care and in OTK spanking so come get a taste, and help us create the next “Best Party Ever”!

To join us at April’s PPMT, learn more and buy tickets here: https://thecspc.org/events/power-play-mixed-tape/2022/apr

Did reading this article give you a thrill? Volunteering for the CSPC is a great way to get involved and meet people! Find out more about volunteering at https://thecspc.org/volunteering. Our volunteer teams are the secret sauce that makes the CSPC so delicious!

Until next time! :^)

Leadership Spotlight: Gloria Jackson-Nefertiti

This is the seventeenth of our spotlights on community members who volunteer with the CSPC in leadership positions. In this issue, we’ve asked some questions to get a deep and personal look at one of our co-hosts for the Neurodivergent Discussion Group and More Amore: a Consensual NonMonogamy Discussion, Gloria Jackson-Nefertiti.

• Name and/or scene name:

  • Gloria Jackson-Nefertiti (scene name is GloriaJN)

• Pronouns:

  • she/her/hers

• How do you identify (this can include gender, sexual orientation, kink or BDSM roles, etc.)?

  • Cisgender female, Bisexual, Solo Polyamorous, Switch (had been mostly a bottom and was just starting to learn how to top before the CSPC temporarily closed), breast cancer survivor, neurodivergent: autistic, with ADHD/ADD, PTSD, Anxiety/Depression and TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury).

• How long have you been with the CSPC?

  • I joined in 2006. I don’t remember the exact month, but I just know it was some time after May. That’s when I began dating my new (at the time) partner, who introduced me to the CSPC.

• What brought you here and what are your main areas of interest?

  • Well, as I mentioned above, I went to the CSPC with my partner. I had heard of it, and was curious about it, but I was too afraid to go by myself, because somehow, I thought I’d have to be willing to have sex as soon as I walked through the door! (Don’t ask where I got that idea from, because I don’t know.) Not only that, but I thought I had to be open to any and all types of sex and kink; in other words, I had to be up for everything. (Don’t ask where I got that from, either.) Once I went for the first time with my partner, I realized that wasn’t the case. We were able to watch other people playing, and then we went to the back for sex. It was nothing like I expected! It was just really chill, and I felt I was able to go at my own pace.
    
    Before COVID, my main areas of interest involved mostly getting flogged and occasionally whipped and spanked. I haven’t been tied up nearly enough, and I was only suspended once. That needs to change! And also, vanilla sex is sometimes really nice, with the right person.
    
    And now, during the pandemic, I’ve rarely attended any activities. I just want to make sure I’m comfortable venturing out, especially around a lot of people.

• CSPC e-mail address, title/role, reasons for contact/areas you cover:

  • My role at the CSPC is “co-host,” as I’m a co-host for the Neurodivergent Discussion Group and for More Amore: a Consensual NonMonogamy Discussion, both of which are CSPC online events. 

 I guess my primary title or role is “Educator.” The classes listed below have been presented at conferences all over the US and in Vancouver, BC. I’ve been on polyamory/non-monogamy panels, as well as panels of “sexperts” at the CSPC. I’ve also been on polyamory/non-monogamy panels at colleges, including the times that we (me, Allena Gabosch, and one other person) spoke to some Human Sexuality classes at Highline College. Finally, I was part of an LGBTQ panel, also at Highline College, as well as at Franklin High School in Seattle. Both times, I talked to the students about Bisexuality.

The classes I teach are:
“Transcending Shame” (the most popular one and the first class I created)
“Polyamory 101: From Threesomes to WE-SOMES!”
“We Do Not Live Single-Issue Lives,” a class on Intersectionality, which is also becoming popular.

My e-mail address is notgloriajean@gmail.com; you can email me if you want to know more information about the classes I teach, if you’re interested in hiring me to do a presentation or a keynote speech, or if you have questions about anything. You can also email me to find out my schedule. I used to include that on my website (www.notgloriajean.net), but when the pandemic hit, those dates became obsolete, but I haven’t yet gotten around to updating my itinerary!

• What was your path to your current position?

  • In January 2011, I took a free class at the now closed Sharma Center, called “Sexual Shame.” I thought it was a good class, and as I sat and listened, I had two dominant thoughts: 1) “This is helpful information, not just for sexual shame, but shame in general.” And 2) “I could totally do this!” (What I meant was that I could teach a class on shame.) But I kind of put it on the backburner until 2015/2016, when I began to hear about conferences that were looking for presenters. The first thing that came to mind was that Sexual Shame class that I took in 2011. Plus, I remembered what a major role shame played in my life, and that my family and the church used it to keep me in line.
    
    Suddenly, the name, “Transcending Shame” popped into my head as the name for the class. I presented it for the first time in April 2017 at Converge Con in Vancouver, BC. It’s definitely evolved over the years.
    
    Now, I’ll usually include shame-related quotes from various teachers, authors, celebrities, etc., in my PowerPoint presentation. But over the years, I’ve come up with some quotes I really like, that I’ll put on the slides:
    
    "Shame is isolating, which is why having community is so important."
    "Admit the guilt, but don't give in to the shame!"
    "I am never, ever again going to be anybody's source of shame."

• Which CSPC event is your favorite and why? 

  • Wow, that’s a really good question! I know that when the Center was having nightly events (and sometimes, two events the same night) and I was volunteering a lot more, I had several favorite parties. There used to be the Hump on Wednesday nights (a party I helped create), and the Grind on Thursday nights, both of which were probably my favorite parties. Now, even though I very rarely get to attend parties in person (and I hope that changes soon), I’d say my favorite parties are La Queer and Power Play Mixed-Tape, which was another favorite when we were in the old building.
    
    But in the meantime, I’ll just say that my favorite parties (or events) are the Neurodivergent Discussion Group and More Amore: a Consensual NonMonogamy Discussion, mainly because I’m a co-host in both groups.

• Career or day job (industry, position, or whatever you're comfortable sharing):

  • My job title, that I’ve done since the mid-1980s, is “Artists’ Model.” In other words, I’m a “muse” for various students and experienced artists, in painting, drawing, and sculpture classes and sessions.

• What do you like to do in your free time?

  • Now, that’s a good question! This is going to sound so weird, but I discovered the @Gorillas community on Twitter a couple or so months ago, and started following them. The way I found them is, one night, I was reading tweets that led me to other tweets, and I was finally led to a tweet showing a female gorilla who was in heat. The way she moved and wiggled her butt to try to get her male partner’s attention looked like she was twerking! As you can imagine, lots of memes came from that video! I also follow them on YouTube (“Gorilla World”). And you know, sometimes, I just crack up laughing at their almost slapstick antics. Other times, I get a little teary-eyed when I see how much they love each other. It’s so evident. Anyway, I never run out of material to watch!
    
    Here’s another thing I like to do in my free time: since May 2020, I’ve been working on my memoir. I haven’t had a lot of time to work on it lately, but I hope that once things settle down for me, I can sit down and devote my time and energy to it. The name of the memoir is "A Different Drum: A Black, Autistic, Polyamorous, Mentally Ill, Former Fundamentalist Christian/Cult Member and Breast Cancer Survivor WHO JUST WANTS TO FIT IN."

• Living situation (partners, roommates, pets, plants):

  • For the past five years (January 2017-2022), I lived in an intentional community in Seattle’s University District, made up of 13-14 housemates. With the onset of the pandemic, however, people gradually started moving out. I still live in the U District, but I now live alone in an “apodment” (not apartment). It’s much smaller than I anticipated, so I’m still arranging things and throwing stuff out! After that’s complete, I plan to finally get some plants.

• Something no one would ever guess about you or a fun fact:

  • My favorite song of all time is the “Blue Danube Waltz” or as it’s also called, “The Beautiful Blue Danube,” by Johann Strauss. I’m including the YouTube video so, if anyone says, “Oh, I don’t know that song,” I can tell them, “Oh, believe me, you know this song! Everybody does!”  (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YkkOlXME85E). The version in the YouTube video was played by the New York Philharmonic Orchestra, with Leonard Bernstein as the conductor. That’s EXTREMELY important to me because Leonard Bernstein was bisexual.

• Turn-ons and/or squicks: 

  • My turn-ons are cuddling, with long, luxurious, never-ending hugs, especially the kind where I feel like the other person and I are melting into each other (my primary love language is Physical Touch, after all). Another turn-on is deep kissing with lots of tongue. I’ve got lots of other turn-ons, but I’ll just mention one more: when someone (dear friend, partner, or lover) looks at me longingly; I guess you’d call that a “come hither” look.
    
    What squicks me is: 1) clothespins for the purpose of being placed on my nipples. Someone did that to me years ago, without my consent, which was bad enough. But they also took pictures, and I remember how distressed and scared I looked. Apparently, that was a turn-on for the photographer. Anyway, clothespins are traumatizing for me. 2) Bukkake squicks me. There’s nothing wrong with it, but I just can’t look. 3) Finally, hook pull suspensions are more than I can handle. By the way, I agree with the saying, “Your Kink Is Not My Kink, But Your Kink Is Okay” (YKINMKBYKIO). These kinks are just not okay for me!

• Hopes and concerns for the CSPC and/or the greater sex positive community:

  • My hope is that we find a permanent building SOON! I really miss going to the Center practically every night. It was definitely a community for me; what’s sad is that I didn’t realize just how much of a community it was until it was gone. Sure, we have Gallery Erato, but it’s just not the same. I got so used to having multiple activities throughout the week, and making lots of friends who I wouldn’t have met if not for the Center. The CSPC is also where I met one of my partners, over 10 years ago.

• Advice for a new member or volunteer: 

  • Whether they’re new to the Center or kink, I’d advise them to take as many classes as possible, to get an idea of what they’re into and what’s out there, as well as to gain skills. I’d also advise them to attend a tasting or two, just to get an idea of what they’d like and what they would absolutely never do! I’m sure these are also good ways to meet other play partners.

• Is there an event or organization, outside of the CSPC, that you feel our community should know about?

  • Yes! The Seattle Erotic Art Festival (www.seattleerotic.org), April 29-May 1, 2022, a Pan-Eros Foundation event, is at the Seattle Center Exhibition Hall. I’m especially excited about it because for the first time, I was one of the judges for the event!
    
    Southwest Love Fest: Symposiums & An Annual Conference on Relationships, Identity, Community & Non Monogamy
    April 22-24, 2022 | VIRTUAL CON via Zoom (https://www.swlovefest.com)

I'll be presenting "We Do Not Live Single-Issue Lives"

Finally, if you’re polyamorous or curious, and live in Denver, CO (or plan to visit in May), there’s the Annual Rocky Mountain Poly Living Conference (https://www.lovingmorenonprofit.org/conferences/polyliving/rmpl-denver/), May 13-15, 2022. I don’t yet know what I’ll be presenting, but I know it’ll be great, so come on down!

• How can we build up each other? How can we be here for one another?

  • As far as I can see, we’re already doing that. People are good about checking in with me, to see how I’m doing. Plus, some members are my Facebook friends, which lets them know what’s going on in my life. So even though it’s not the kind of community that I had grown to love, I think it’s starting to get there again, slowly but surely.

Consent Corner 2.11

by Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake 

Warm springtime greetings from our corner to you!  We’ve been relishing the feel of some warm-ish breezes, the sight of perky daffodils swaying in those breezes, and the heady though short-lived scent of hyacinths.  What a great time to talk about consent! 

We recently came across a crossword puzzle clue that read something like: able to freely discuss one’s kinks.  Our first thoughts were along the lines of:  fortunate and open-minded.  The answer that fit in the puzzle’s appropriate boxes was “sex positive” - quite an apropos definition, in our opinion.

In a consent discussion, each participant will ideally feel comfortable discussing their idiosyncrasies.  These specific traits - or “kinks” in sex-related discussions - are what make each of us the unique and lovely beings that we are.  

Since you’re reading this edition in the CSPC newsletter, you likely consider yourself to be sex-positive.  But what does it mean to be sex-positive?  If we asked 10 people to define the term, we’re likely to get 10 different answers.  The answers would no doubt be similar in many ways, yet there would be subtle differences that reflect each individual’s ideas and experiences.  And that’s a wonderful thing!  Our differences are a cause for celebration.

Sharing information about how we personally define terms is an act of discovery to help make meaningful agreements. Understanding those differences is such an important part of a clear consent conversation to be able to uphold our own autonomy, and that of others. 

The CSPC is embarking on a member-sourced sex-positive dictionary project that hopes to capture the nuances of our combined knowledge and experience.  Please consider adding your voice as we learn and grow together.  

Homework:  ponder what “sex-positive” means to you, and jot down your thoughts so you’re ready to add them to the collective dictionary.

“Be excellent to each other” - Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other” - Emma and Rachel

What's In a Word?: Sex-Positive Dictionary

“Inconceivable!”

“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

–The Princess Bride

The mission of the Center for Sex Positive Culture is to “create spaces to celebrate, develop, and explore sexuality and sensuality among a diverse, supportive community.” An important part of that exploration within a diverse community is developing shared understandings of the language we use to describe ourselves, our sexualities, and our sensualities. 

For many of the words we use, however, there isn’t a single definition to rely on. Language is fluid, just like other forms of human expression (like our sexuality). So how do we create deeper understanding between us, while avoiding “one twue way-ism”? 

To approach this challenge, the CSPC is embarking on an ambitious project to member-source a dictionary of commonly-used terminology in the sex-positive community. This resource will be crafted by CSPC members and available to CSPC members (and possibly the public–we are looking into appropriate hosting platforms now).

Each word will offer multiple definitions submitted by CSPC members or crafted by CSPC member teams connecting via our Discord server. The author of each definition will be identified by their initials to honor the voice of the individual or team submitting the definition while minimizing any hierarchy of “rightness” that might spring up around definitions submitted by community leaders, etc.

In each newsletter, we’ll be announcing five “words of focus.” Please submit your definitions of those words or acronyms to the Sex-Positive Dictionary DTF (that’s Disappearing Task Force, pervs!) at sexpositivedictionary@thecspc.org. We’ll also be soliciting and sharing definitions of these five words on social media.

The five words for this issue are:

• Impact play

• Genderfluid

• Sensation play

• Brat

• Primal

Are there words you’d like to see included? Definitions you’d like to share for words that don’t happen to be on this period’s list? Questions about the project? Want to volunteer to help? Contact us at sexpositivedictionary@thecspc.org, and we’ll get right back to you.

Community Matters: Join the Action at the CSPC!

by Sadie

Did you know that CSPC currently puts on 22 events a month?  That includes virtual discussion groups, in-person events, New Member Orientations, Munches, Board meetings, and Volunteer events.  There’s something going on to entice everyone!  

Are you new to kink or the CSPC?  Check out Fresh Meet!  Are you an experienced player who loves dance music?  Come get your beat on at Power Play Mixed-Tape!  Want to volunteer?  Come get acquainted with our leadership at our Volunteer Munch! (Learn more about helping support your vibrant CSPC community as a volunteer here.)  Have a special interest?  Come to one of our Discussion Groups!  We have groups focused on Power Dynamics, Switching, Queer Identities, Consensual Non-Monogamy, Neurodivergence in the Scene, Erotic Writing and more!  

This is one of the many reasons I love the CSPC.  There’s something for everyone.  Some of our events aren’t my thing.  That’s okay, there are others that are.  If you haven’t visited recently, this might be a good time!  Check out the current event offerings and read the descriptions on our website at theCSPC.org/event. We can’t wait to connect with you!

Registration and Monitor Volunteer Training March 30!

by Sakari

Mark your calendars! Registration and Monitor volunteer training via Zoom on March 30!

Hi CSPC fam! Are you volunteer-curious? Do you have a drive to help your fellow community members? If so, think about taking an advanced volunteer training class with us! The CSPC is hosting a big training day on March 30.

From 5pm to 6pm there will be Registration training for anyone interested in facilitating our front-of-house operations. If you have experience in customer service and like the idea of greeting our party goers while smoothing their way to kinky enjoyment, this could be a great opportunity. 

From 6pm to 7pm we'll have a Monitor training classroom. Monitors are a key component of our mission. If you're passionate about consent culture, responsible kink, and just plain helping your fellow community members, please consider becoming one of our Monitors by taking this first step. Once the classroom portion is complete, you get the chance to sign up for a shadow shift at one of our parties to complete your training. 

If you'd like a chance to make a bigger impact at the CSPC, please join us in our online Zoom meeting space on March 30 at https://us02web.zoom.us/j/81161509712?pwd=U2QrbDNzSjV4VW1tb3JSSkNUbVBhQT09.

See our website for more information about becoming a volunteer. If you have any questions please send emails to eventsdirector@thecspc.org. 

Hope to see you there!