Consent Corner 23.10

By Emma Atkinson 

Hello darlings! Who's in favor of continuing to celebrate Pride through July? Okay, let's do it!

Today might be a good day to consider and express your gratitude. Actually, you could probably say that on any given day. To whom have you given your consent, and for what? 

Melody Beattie notes that gratitude "can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend." For me, when I can change my thought of "I have to do this" into "I get to do this," that's when the gates of paradise swing open. 

I'm grateful to you, reading this column and giving me the opportunity to explore the beauty of consent. There are many people behind the scenes who work tirelessly to make the newsletter happen. Please thank them when you get the chance.

Homework: It's July, who wants homework? Other than me, probably no one, so please enjoy the gifts of the season. Share your enjoyment with us at: info@thecspc.org.

"Be excellent to each other." —Bill and Ted

"Be sexcellent to each other." —Emma

Consent Corner 23.9

By Emma Atkinson 

Hello sexy readers! We hope Pride Month 2023 is all you dreamed of and more! Please look for the CSPC’s presence in the parade and festivals. Join us if you can, or come by and say hi! 

Imagine an orange “Detour” sign with an arrow pointing you in a different direction. Let’s follow that arrow for a short detour in this edition.

There’s so much in our lives that we haven’t consented to. Pain of many kinds doesn’t ask for our consent before visiting us.

Thich Nhat Hahn, a widely respected Buddhist writer, suggests that we ought to be grateful for everything that comes to us in life. This seems far easier said than done, at least for us mere mortals.

Recent encounters with pain have forced yours truly to slow down. I’m from Philly—we walk fast and talk fast. Slow down? That’s for wimps.

As I slowly left my doctor’s office on crutches recently, I noticed a few things. Her office assistant had created a beautiful environment around her, and we noted our similar attraction to shiny things. And as I passed the examination room doors on the way out, I saw pictures of the cutest critters ever: the office staff’s beloved animal companions.

Peace of mind can come from looking around to find something to be grateful for in any situation. Sometimes it seems like I have to look really, really, really hard to find that thing to be grateful for, and often through my tears. Please know that it’s there, and you’re probably in the midst of what a friend lovingly terms “another f@$&ing opportunity for growth.” Yay, right?

Homework: Celebrate Pride! And, if you have the time, slow down a bit and appreciate what you see and hear around you. Please share your gratitude with us at: info@thecspc.org.

“Be excellent to each other.” —Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other.” —Emma

Consent Corner 23.8

By Emma Atkinson

Hello lovely readers! Yes, it’s Pride month, and it’s a great time to celebrate *you* in all of your splendor.

It’s a perfect time to put on your consent hat and show off those consent-related skills you’ve been strengthening. We know that when discussing consent, good times are highly likely to be in store. Let’s celebrate good times!

Homework: Please celebrate this entire month in ways that bring you joy. We’d love to hear about how you’re celebrating at: info@thecspc.org.

“Be excellent to each other.” —Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other.” —Emma

Consent Corner 23.7

By Emma Atkinson 

Hello super sexy readers! Happy May to you! It's the month that comes in like a marmoset and goes out like a mandrill. Of course, your mileage may vary.

I thought I’d use today’s newsletter to summarize the FRIES model of consent we’ve been considering. Planned Parenthood developed the acronym to help us remember what makes up a good consent agreement. Consent ought to be Freely given by all participants and is Reversible by any participant at any time. Ideally, all participants are knowledgeable enough to make Informed and Enthusiastic decisions about Specific activities.  

When you’re having consent-related discussions, can good times be far behind? While life holds few guarantees, taking the time to talk about consent will increase the likelihood that everyone will walk away from an experience with positive feelings. Don’t you want the odds to be in your favor? I thought so.  

Homework: Do you have an experience to share when you used the FRIES model for your benefit or forgot it and wished you had remembered it? Share it with us at: info@thecspc.org.  

“Be excellent to each other.” —Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other.” —Emma

Consent Corner 23.6

By Emma Atkinson 

Hello lovely readers! It must be spring — robins seem to be everywhere, don’t they?  

Planned Parenthood developed the FRIES model of good consent that we’ve been pondering in recent editions of this amazing newsletter. It’s time to consider the final letter in the acronym, and that’s the letter S, and that stands for school, which rhymes with pool, and that’s big trouble! Oops, sorry for the inexplicable reference to The Music Man. Our S actually stands for Specific, which makes way more sense.  

Good consent is specific. All participants agree that x, y, and z will happen. As long as x, y, and z occur, all participants will likely have a wonderful experience. If at any point v happens, you’d be well advised to pause activities and get more information. Assuming good intentions, there’s lots of valid reasons that activity v could be brought into play. Who hasn’t been swept away in the heat of a moment to do things one later regrets? An ounce of conversation is so much better than a pound of regrets. Or, maybe it’s just me.  

Homework: please remember FRIES when embarking on consent conversations. And share your thoughts and experiences with us at: info@thecspc.org.

“Be excellent to each other.” —Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other.” —Emma

Consent Corner 23.5

By Emma Atkinson 

Hello again, you sexy thing! Can you believe it’s already April? Isn’t it the month that comes in like a lemur and goes out like an aphid? March has its animals (lion and lamb) and other months ought to have some too. Right?

Enough of the foreplay, let’s talk about consent! We’re exploring the Planned Parenthood model for good consent: FRIES. We’re up to the letter E, and you know what that means. You’re right, it stands for Enthusiastic! In good consent situations, all participants are super excited about what’s about to go down. Oops, I meant to say “super excited!!” Once you get started using exclamation points, it’s hard to stop!  Or, maybe it’s just me!

Any hint of hesitation among participants during consent conversations ought to be considered a good time to get more information. Plus, don’t you love it when you can put aside worries for a while and focus on the present moment? Worries might include: Did I lock the car door? What are my kids doing? Fill in your own worry here.

Interactions in which everyone’s excited to be there and knows that good times are ahead are super hot. Who doesn’t want to be part of that? You can make it happen by recalling that letter E when you’re in the middle of consent conversations. Oops, I mean “you can make it happen!!!” It couldn’t hurt to remember the other four letters in the FRIES model, too. Just saying. Enthusiasm probably = fun times. 

Homework: Does Enthusiasm actually = fun times? Check it out and let us know at: info@thecspc.org.

“Be excellent to each other.” —Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other.” —Emma

Consent Corner 23.4

By Emma Atkinson 

Hello lovely readers! Welcome back to the corner where we’re all about the ins and outs of consent. Where consent discussions happen, you know that good times are likely to be in your future. 

We’ve been pondering Planned Parenthood’s FRIES model of consent. We’re now looking at the I in FRIES, and that means that good consent is Informed consent.

You’ve no doubt been advised in numerous contexts to know yourself. It’s good advice, and we’re echoing it here. Who are you? What satisfies you in body, mind, and spirit? What’s the meaning of life? No reason for that question, just curious. 

You’re also well advised to learn whatever you can about potential partners. Ask questions of those people and listen closely to their answers. Ask questions of people who know your potential partners too, and listen carefully to what they say. Put on your explorer hat and do your due diligence. 

Remember that unexpected and uncomfortable feelings can arise at any time. You have the right to pause any and all interactions when you need to—remember, that’s the Reversible part of the consent model. You may have gathered what you consider to be all relevant information and still be blindsided by unexpected and uncomfortable feelings. We’re human, stuff happens, and we get to figure it out. As a friend so aptly put it, it’s another fucking opportunity for growth. Yay, right? 

Homework: Have you determined the meaning of life? Please share it at: info@thecspc.org.

“Be excellent to each other.” —Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other.” —Emma

Consent Corner 23.3

By Emma Atkinson 

Hello sexy readers! Happy March, and welcome to the month that comes and goes like lions and lambs. Or, so they say, apparently.

We’ve been considering the FRIES model of consent that Planned Parenthood developed. Let’s move on to the wonders of the letter R.

Good consent is always Reversible, or as we like to remember it: Revocable. Any participant is free to call a halt to the festivities at any time. It’s good to know, right?

Whatever lovely antics you’re experiencing could trigger uncomfortable or confusing feelings. Whether expected or not, these feelings are calling for your attention and you’d be well-advised to pay them heed.

There are so many reasons why your feelings can be triggered. You could remember an uncomfortable event or unpleasant person who you’d forgotten. You might suddenly understand that your body doesn’t want quite so much of something for which you’d consented. You might be so overwhelmed by emotions that you need to untangle and process. It might be a good time to Reverse or Revoke the consent you’ve given and think things over.

You’re worthy of having experiences that enhance you in body, mind, and spirit. You can request and receive the time and space you need to ponder unexpected feelings. Life is about continuous learning, if we’re fortunate.

We’d like to suggest that good consent can also be remarkable and rip-roaringly fun. Good consent might lead to raucous and rowdy experiences. Of course, your mileage may vary.

Homework: Got any fun and sexy R adjectives? Feel free to share them with us at: info@thecspc.org. 

“Be excellent to each other.” —Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other.” —Emma

Consent Corner 23.2

By Emma Atkinson 

Hello sexy readers! Thanks for checking in to see what’s happening in the sexiest corner! 

Last time we talked about the FRIES model of consent created by Planned Parenthood. Those folks know a thing or two about sex-related matters, don’t they?

First of all, if you’re talking with someone about consent, you know that good times are likely to be ahead, right? Yay for consent conversations!

Good consent happens when it’s Freely given. Coerced agreements are likely to be, at best, unpleasant for at least one participant, and at worst could be seriously harmful. If you find yourself the recipient of what you perceive as attempts at coercion, remember that “No” is a complete sentence. “No, thank you” also works and gets points for kindness, too.

It might be a good time to practice saying “No” with conviction. And practice in receiving a “No” with grace and compassion couldn’t hurt. Practice furthers you on your way to something resembling perfection. 

You’ll know it’s time to ask for help if your “No” isn’t being honored. You might need time to think about a request and consider if it seems like fun. Does it seem like it could be fabulous to do it? Are the others in the consent discussion friendly?

It’s easy to get caught up in a sexy situation and lose your sense of what might be good for you in body, mind, and soul. I’m in agreement with Oscar Wilde: “I can resist everything except temptation.” “More” can be quite tempting in the heat of passion, but its consequences might be unpleasant for some time.

It’s probably a good idea to do a lot of consent discussion before things get hot and heavy. And, it seems wise to engage in these discussions with trustworthy people. Freely given consent to hot and honorable people almost always leads to supremely satisfying experiences. Who doesn’t want that? 

Homework: please consider how you’ve given or received consent freely, and share it at: info@thecspc.org.

“Be excellent to each other.” —Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other.” —Emma