Leadership Spotlight: Skitty

This is the fifth of our spotlights on community members who help out the CSPC in leadership positions. In this issue, we’ve asked some questions to get a deep and personal look at our Board Member and Volunteer Liaison, Skitty.

  • Name and scene name: 

    • Shelley Gauthier / Skitty

  • Pronouns:

    •  she/her

  • How do you identify? 

    • cis female, pansexual, polyamorous, kinky, and submissive

  • How long have you been with the CSPC? 

    • four years

  • What brought you here and what are your main areas of interest? 

    • I used to live about a mile from the old Interbay location, and had heard rumors that there was a “sex club” under the Magnolia Bridge. Shocking! So four years ago, when I began to open up my relationship with my new partner, I had to check it out. Let’s just say, I got more than I bargained for!

  • CSPC e-mail address, title/role, areas you cover: 

  • What was your path to your current position? 

    • I was a member for a year and a half before joining the Programming Team. Soon after that, I became Co-Lead. I kept attending events and accumulating volunteer roles and in February of 2020, I joined the Board of Directors. At that point, I was in love with the CSPC and couldn’t get enough, so it seemed like a great idea to resurrect the role of Volunteer Liaison and create a Communications Team. I think I’ve finally reached my hard limit.

  •  Which CSPC event is your favorite and why? 

    • I love the warm, charming, fun energy of “Fucking Precious” but I have to say, my favorite party is LaQueer. It is at the LaQueer parties that I feel most at home. It is a feast for the senses. “Queer” is a very large umbrella and this is an inclusive event for all of us. The last LaQueer I went to had dozens of scenes and every one of them was a different combination of people enjoying one another in a different combination of ways.

  • Career or day job: 

    • Most of my teaching career has been in Special Education. These days, I am a full time volunteer with the CSPC and at KEXP.

  • What do you like to do in your free time? 

    • I love to read, attend live music events, and spend hours talking, especially if it includes food and drink. One of my favorite things is when people disagree with me. I appreciate hearing different points of view and reconsidering my perceptions based on the experiences and viewpoints of others. Always learning!

  • Living situation (partners, roommates, pets, plants): 

    • I live with my male nesting partner, two teenage sons, and two ridiculously fluffy cats. I also have a long distance girlfriend and a non-binary Mistress who works tirelessly to keep me in line.

  • Something no one would ever guess about you or a fun fact: 

    • I’m afraid of sharks in swimming pools but only after dark.

  • Turn-ons:

    • Negotiation, consent, practicing safer sex, and having my neck kissed and bitten.

  • Squicks: 

    • I’m squicked by tickling. I know a lot of people love this but if you tickle my feet, you just might end up with a bloody nose from an involuntary kick.

  • Advice for a new member or volunteer: 

    • Create the community you want by speaking up, reaching out, and volunteering.

  • Is there an event or organization, outside of the CSPC, that you feel our community should know about? 

    • Bawdy Storytelling is an amazing event that used to take place monthly at the Re-Bar and is now happening online. Storytellers share personal, true stories about sex, kink, body image, gender, and so much more!

 Consent Corner 1.5

By Emma Atkinson and Rachel Drake

Welcome back to Consent Corner!  Consent maven Rachel Drake is our guide in learning more about this complex yet critical topic.

How did our discussion of capacity and consent sit with you?  Were you able to relate your own experiences to anything we mentioned?

We talked a lot about factors that could possibly interfere with your ability to make good consent decisions.  We’re all unique, and what throws me off balance in an interaction - like being really tired - might have a minimal impact on you, and vice versa.  

Being human means we’ll make mistakes.  And, it also means that we can learn and try to do things better in the future.  As much as we try, we can’t foresee every possible feeling or event that presents itself in our encounters.  What seemed super- exciting initially might turn into something that we’d like to end right now, thank you very much.

Remember that our goal in Consent Corner is for everyone involved to have the most fun possible!  And, you get to decide what fun means for you.

Homework:  notice how your ability to give consent changes over time.  Pay particular attention if you feel uncomfortable or uneasy.  These and similar feelings can guide you to a clearer understanding of what might be your own personal triggers, i.e., feelings that throw you off balance.

Got questions or criticisms?  Want to send us fan mail?  You can reach us at info@thecspc.org.

Final LaQueer Update

The board has wrapped up the inquiry process from last year’s LaQueer incident. It has been quite the learning process, requiring us to identify and address blind spots in the CSPC’s process, priorities, and conflict resolution strategy, both current and historic. Changes have been made across the organization to reflect the lessons we’ve learned, and we continue to establish practices for better transparency and accountability, which will ultimately make for a stronger community. 

Because we are committed to the privacy of our members, we are not at liberty to disclose the paths selected by the participants of the incident. However, know that the board took on an enormous load pursuing integrity, rather than sweep the matter under the rug.

What can be shared are the improvements made to the organization, most of which are geared towards safety, transparency, and building trust. 

  • The Transformative Accountability (TA) process, developed by Rachel Drake in cooperation with Consent Academy, was employed for the first time for the CSPC during this inquiry. We believe that this approach to conflict resolution is progressive, honors the dignity of all involved, and can transform difficulty into community healing and growth.  Adapting TA for the CSPC’s purposes will be an ongoing project.

  • The CSPC Communications Team has been formed. One of their objectives is to improve transparency by opening lines of communication between the CSPC community and their leadership. They have resurrected and reimagined the newsletter, which is now distributed on a twice-monthly basis. Content is intended to acquaint the community with the CSPC’s people, processes, and culture. A relaunch of social media is also around the corner. It will involve dedicated moderation and a more reliable source of information and engagement.

  • Due to COVID, monthly board meetings are now streamed and then posted online. This has fortuitously boosted accessibility, allowing people to remotely attend, and bring comments and concerns to the board. Even after social distancing ends, we will continue to stream board meetings so that they remain as accessible as possible.

  • A task force was created to audit and rewrite CSPC policy and procedures to reflect the current needs of the organization. The team consists of board members, volunteers, members, and community leaders. They have updated general party rules and volunteering guidelines. For increased accountability, these documents along with all CSPC policy will be made public, accessible, and available for community review. 

  • Other relevant process changes include:

    • Party ECs (i.e. dungeon master) must be of the party’s target demographic. For example, a queer party must now have a queer EC.

    • Party rules must be posted in high visibility locations.

    • New parties must establish a volunteer team before scheduling events. This will prevent volunteer shortages and last minute pleading.

    • All committees and teams, most notably the Volunteer Team, now have a board liaison in order to more readily understand a team’s needs and quickly respond with support.

We have come a long way since August, and more is in the works. We will never be perfect, but we will persistently take steps to improve safety, accountability, and trust-building. Thank you to everyone who has cared enough to be involved in this process. Your time and emotional labor are continuing to pay dividends in the form of ongoing change. The CSPC is stronger because of you.

CONSENT CORNER 1.4

by Emma Atkinson

Welcome back to Consent Corner!  We’re talking with consent expert Rachel Drake about the nuances of consent, which she assures us will lead to improved interactions.  Thanks for joining us as we learn and grow.

In prior newsletters we’ve considered your autonomy:  what aspects of an interaction will nurture your mind, body and spirit.  Your partner(s) have their autonomy, too.  So, how can we create an interaction that rocks everyone’s world?

Rachel suggests that we pay attention to these key concepts for healthy consent interactions she helped develop with the Consent Academy: Capacity, Information, Agreement and Autonomy.  We’ll consider each of these concepts thoroughly, starting with capacity.  

Capacity means everyone involved in an interaction is able to understand what they are agreeing to, and able to give and/or receive a clear-headed yes or no free of coercion. One way to test if there is good capacity when it comes to power dynamics is that all parties feel comfortable enough to stop whatever is happening at any time for any reason. Have you noticed how if you’re hungry or tired you might not have made exceptionally good choices?  How does consuming drugs or alcohol influence your decisions?  Have you noticed that a strong emotion like anger or fear can cloud your judgment?  Rachel says that we’re constantly influenced by factors like these that can interfere with optimal decision making.  She assures us that we’re never operating at 100% capacity – let’s take comfort in knowing that we’re human and we’re always adapting to what life gives us.

Okay, I asked, how can we evaluate our capacity to give consent?  Know yourself, Rachel says.  Know yourself well enough to consider what could be limiting your capacity.  Encourage your partner(s) in their self-reflections and keep the communication flowing. The more diminished one’s capacity the higher the risk of violating consent. If you don't feel good about your capacity or someone else's it is better to say "no". 

Rachel encourages us to think of an interaction as a series of events over time.  There’s planning, foreplay, play, aftercare, tomorrow, next week, etc., etc.  If we’re lucky, that is!  What do we want it to look like?  Capacity – yours and others’ – can change at any time, so staying transparent is vital to everyone’s best interests.

Stay tuned – more on capacity will be coming your way next time!  And, we’d love your feedback at info@thecspc.org.  

~~~~~~~~~~ 

If you would like more information about this model of healthy Consent you can contact Rachel Drake at https://racheldraketransformations.com/about

or Consent Academy at https://www.consent.academy/

Book Review - Partners in Power: Living in Kinky Relationships

PartnersInPower.jpg

Rinella, Jack. Partners in Power: Living in Kinky Relationships. Oakland, CA: Greenery Press, 2003.

Whether already a reader of Jack Rinella, The Master’s Manual: A Handbook of Erotic Dominance, The Compleat Slave: Creating and Living an Erotic Dominant/submissive Lifestyle, or new in your readership, this text is an essential read in examining kinky relationships. Requisite reading for its topical coverage, Partners in Power, presents a readable exploration of leather culture in its exploration of the relationships formed and found within.  

Written in Rinella’s measured and clear writing style and supported by his personal experiences and examinations, often times in compounding detail with a slight dry wit, Partners in Power offers an informative read. Complete with coverage and close analysis of relationship topics spanning values, structures and depths, Rinella rarely deviates from his emphasized point of self-awareness.

Exploring relationship aspects from a starting point of self-awareness and self-acceptance allows for psychologically healthy relationships, according to Rinella. Fundamental considerations of self-image, expectations and momentum in kinky relationships are presented with close attention to the importance of honesty and openness. 

As a title that champions self-knowledge and encourages personal methodology, Partners in Power encourages the reader to seek out complete and reliable sources: Preferably dependable sources providing relevant information with a focus on the entirety of their kinky relationship(s). Throughout the text the reader is reminded that these relationship constructs and dynamics are above all else about being human, expressly, “leather is first and foremost an exploration of self.” (58)

An authoritative, informative, and sensible reading recommendation. Enjoy. 


Erin Payton Baker, MLIS

pronouns: she/her

(206) 229-2185

Head Librarian

Pan Eros Foundation

library@pan-eros.org

Between the Covers

“Between the Covers” is an online book discussion group covering a range of sexy topics. Join sexy Head Librarian, Erin, and the Pan Eros Executive Director, Sophia Sky (who identifies as a Shenaniganarian & uses she/her pronouns), from 7:00 - 8:30 on the third Thursday of the month. They choose the topic, you choose whatever related resource turns you on. For more information and tickets, follow the link:

Between the Covers Tickets | online via Zoom | Seattle, WA | Thu, Jul 16 from 7pm - 8:30pm

Leadership Spotlight: Rachel Drake

This is the fourth of our spotlights on community members who help out the CSPC in leadership positions. In this issue, we’ve asked some questions to get a deep and personal look at our Board Member, Rachel, who specializes in policy, ethics, and consent.

  • Name: 

    • Rachel Drake

  • Pronouns: 

    • she/they

  • How do you identify? 

    • Ethically non-monogamous: solo-poly-swinger, queer, kinky switch, CNC submissive. 

  • How long have you been with the CSPC? 

    • 8 years 

  • What was your path to your current position? 

    • I served as the Entertainment and Education Director for New Horizons Adult Social Club for several years producing 350+ sex-positive adult parties and events. I was a professional event planner/manager, and have served on the BoD and consulted for numerous non-profits for three decades.

  • Which CSPC event is your favorite and why? 

    • My favorite parties are when I get to see people feeling confident, sexy and safe.

  • Career: 

    • In addition to working on my degree, I currently coach individuals, communities, and organizations in improving their consent and accountability practices. I am also an educator, speaker, and author, currently I am working on my second book. 

  • What do you like to do in your free time? 

    • I enjoy printmaking, flow arts, picnics in weird places, surprise shenanigans, going to the beach to watch the sunset and the moon rise.

  •   Fun fact: 

    • My Pandemic “Drive-thru” BINGO card is almost full! So far I have: Drive-thru margaritas, Drive-thru protest, Drive-thru graduation, Drive-thru movie, Drive-thru rave and Drive-thru strip club!

  • Turn-ons: 

    • Creativity and interesting conversations are big turn-ons for me.

  • Hopes and concerns for the sex positive community: 

    • The pandemic has been hard on the greater sex-positive community. My hope is that this time will be beneficial in that people take the time to get to know themselves and what they want to explore. 

  • Advice for a new member or volunteer: 

    • Don’t be afraid to speak up and make suggestions, step up and create something you have always fantasized about, ask lot’s of questions! There is a lot to learn and much of the culture is community specific.

  •  Is there an event or organization, outside of the CSPC, that you feel our community should know about? 

Leadership Spotlight: Larry Grella

This is the third of our spotlights on community members who help out the CSPC in leadership positions. In this issue, we’ve asked some questions to get a deep and personal look at our Chair of the Building Committee (and unofficial historian), Larry.

  • Name and/or scene name: 

    • Larry Grella aka Temptr

  • Pronouns: 

    • he/him

  • How do you identify? 

    • cis male, all identity friendly, Top/Daddy

  • How long have you been with the CSPC?  

    • I joined the CSPC in 2002, was invited to the board in 2005, was a founding member of the FSPC (now Pan~Eros Foundation) and still serve on both boards

  • What brought you here and what are your main areas of interest? 

    • I used to think I must be weird until I found the Center, now I want to help others learn that they are normal and acceptable.

  • CSPC e-mail address, title/role, reasons for contact/areas you cover: 

    • Temptr@gmail.com, Chair of the Building Committee, Property Search & Construction

  • What was your path to your current position?

    • I have bought & sold properties and am a General Contractor

  • Which CSPC event is your favorite and why? 

    • Myself! Party, because it offers anyone a place to fulfill their sexual fantasies without many restrictions 

  • Career or day job: 

    • I am a self-employed General Contractor

  • What do you like to do in your free time? 

    • Ha! I have almost no free time. Not only am I on the Boards of CSPC & Pan~Eros Foundation but I’m also on the Board of The Gathering NW and I’m construction manager for SEAF.

  • Living situation: 

    • I live alone but have several play partners as well as two Miniature American Shepherds

  • Something no one would ever guess about you or a fun fact:  

    • In my early twenties I was a nude model. 

  • Turn-ons and/or squicks: 

    • My favorite types of play are mind fucks and fire play

  • Hopes and concerns for the CSPC and/or the greater sex positive community: 

    • I want us to find our own building and get back to being a community center.

  • Advice for a new member or volunteer: 

    • My advice for new members is to become a volunteer. There is no better way to meet people and to garner credibility.

  • Is there an event or organization, outside of the CSPC, that you feel our community should know about? 

Book Review - Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism

ScrewTheRoses.png

Cowritten by Phillip Miller and Molly Devon Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns, a highly recommended/suggested introductory BDSM manual, is a fun-filled encompassing guide and introduction to the practice of BDSM. 

Written from the perspective of a partnered D/s relationship and based upon their own experiences, the authors present an illustrative and approachable introductory BDSM reference read.  Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns is a humorous and straightforwardly written title that is deceptively dense in its content of specialized skill and knowledge.

An introductory acknowledgement of the authors’ gender and orientation is presented in the beginning. This is an acknowledgement of styles and orientation applicable to those not sharing Miller and Devon’s “basic orientation.” Stating, “though a tremendous disparity of attractions, orientations, and kinks exists, we are all human and, therefore, the emotional underpinnings of SM apply to us all.” (ii) Experiences covered are the authors’ and are therefore representational of their M/F D/s dynamic.

The title was created out of the need for better and more accessible information. The  authors as practitioners shared their concern for misinformation and engagement without knowledge or training; inherent risks or danger as well as positive contributions to cultivativating personal sexuality for those seeking information on BDSM and D/s dynamics inspired the creation of this text.

The conversational ease of the writing as well as the frameworks and features/practices covered are welcoming to the reader.  Aspects of “sadomasomythology” are continually addressed as the reader is presented with useful and thorough information. Explicit in both general considerations and safety precautions all while embellished in humor and, most importantly,  still supporting the education and exploration of the reader. A fairly comprehensive and expansive amount of information is conveyed.   

Given that this book was originally published in 1995 and as of 2019 was on its thirty-third printing, the only notes I have on this title I am recommending involve small updates. The book is complete with a seemingly thorough though outdated Appendix. As far as area SM support groups, orgs and places for your shopping needs in Washington state, many seem to be no longer in existence or the contact info is out of date. And the included photos and infographics could use an edit to define the fuzzy nature of the photo and illustrative offerings.

Considerate, accessible, and a highly recommended primer. Enjoy.


Erin Payton Baker, MLIS

pronouns: she/her

(206) 229-2185

Head Librarian

Pan Eros Library

library@pan-eros.org

Miller, Philip and Devon, Molly. Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism. Northfield, Mystic Rose Books, 1995.