Ask a (Sex-Positive!) REALTORⓇ

by Rebecca Bingham

Hello friends! I'm Becca, (MissBeccaBee on fet), and I'm your local polyam, fat, chronically ill, neurodiverse, trans competent, queer, femme, kinky real estate agent. Yes, those are a lot of intersections, which means I grok a lot of people and situations.

I'm currently based in Snohomish county, but I'm regularly all over the I5 corridor from Camano Island to Vancouver, WA. I've been in the Seattle kink community for 20 years, and part of the Seattle leather community for over a decade. I prioritize discretion, integrity, and dignity in my business, and I'm looking forward to serving the kink and polyam communities for your specific housing needs!

Our homes are central to our well being. Many of us work, learn, love, and play in these spaces that are so much more than simply shelter from the elements–they reflect us and support us in all the varied aspects of our lives. I work with kink-aware lenders, lawyers, and other professionals to help you navigate your own homeownership journey.

Here I'll be sharing tips, advice, and cute stories from my life as a kinky Realtor (and retired phone sex operator). I would love this to be a write-in advice column! Please message me on Fetlife, or on FB, and of course, I won't mention your name.

Let’s start with a couple of quick tips for kinky homeownership and investment!

How to make a bedroom/playroom quieter:

One of the easiest ways to soundproof a room is with soft furnishings. That's why bedrooms, living rooms, and stairs are so often carpeted. Everything you can think of that creates a shape can dampen or accentuate sounds. One of the cheapest ways is by adding lined drapes or even blankets over your windows. Having multiple layers of fabric between you and the window prevents shapes from being backlit and breaks up sound waves. You can also get acoustic tiles designed to muffle, but if you aren't worried about what it looks like and are on a budget, buy some egg crate-type foam mattresses. They do a fairly good job when put vertically on an outside wall, and you can put something decorative over it to hide it. Putting down an area rug or a few throw rugs on hardwoods in bedrooms/playrooms is also helpful. Pro tip: If you are building a new home, you can ask for thicker insulation to be put in. It will keep your house at a more even temperature year-round and help soundproof the rooms, both to the outside and from each other. The installer won't even blink at the request.

Did you know? 

You can buy a multi-family house of up to four units, and if you live in one of them for at least three years as your primary residence, you can still use a regular FHA loan. How perfect for a polycule or private short-term dungeon rentals (depending on the rules/laws in the area–which we can look into)!

So hello and welcome! Please send me your questions to answer, and if you or someone you know is looking to buy or sell a house, please connect with me via my website or on social media. I'm delighted to do the leg work for referrals outside of the state to make sure of a best fit for complicated housing needs or share resources for all your nesting or moving needs.

Community Matters--New Masking Guidelines

This is a reminder that starting October 1 the CSPC will be increasing our masking requirements for our in-person events. All volunteers and attendees will be required to wear an N95, KN95, or equivalent mask. We will have some masks at the registration desk for those who don’t have a mask of that type. But since we can’t always know how many will be needed, we ask that you please bring your own mask if possible.

The purpose of increasing these standards is to keep our events as safe as possible. We only have a few policy levers to work with, and we’re trying to invest our volunteers’ time and energy in those that will be most effective at preventing community spread. Our simultaneous move to stop doing vaccination checks at the door will have very little effect on the likelihood of a person with COVID walking in through the door, especially since the vast majority of our membership is already vaccinated and boosted. And since the Omicron variants (which now make up 99.9% of the virus spreading around the U.S.) spread readily among both vaccinated and unvaccinated populations, people with COVID are guaranteed to come to some of our events no matter what our vaccine policy. We still strongly recommend vaccination and booster shots, as doing so greatly improves medical outcomes for the infected person. We also highly recommend self testing before coming out to an event, even if you aren’t symptomatic, to help prevent community spread.

Changing the masking standards at events is our most effective way of mitigating the associated risks. An N95 can give eight times as much protection as a surgical mask, so this is a significant thing we can do to reduce community spread and keep one another safe. As a bonus, having everybody at our events in better masks makes the whole environment safer. When you remove your mask for a drink or a mind-blowing  scene, you can do so with much more confidence that the air around you will be safe.

You’re probably wondering what an “equivalent mask” means. We’re using that language because there are many standards around the world for masks. FFP2 masks from Europe, Korea 1st Class masks, or DS2 masks from Japan will all give roughly similar results for purposes of preventing spread of COVID-19 and other airborne diseases. So will any masks that have the following characteristics:

1.       Materials that have been shown to filter airborne particles at an equivalent rate to an N95 filtration medium.

2.       A close fit around the face (to prevent air flowing around the mask).

3.       Effective filtration in both directions (in other words, no valves that are allowing unfiltered air to flow out).

An EC at an event has the final say over whether a given mask meets these standards, but you can check in with us beforehand if you have any questions. Just email info@thecspc.org.

Looking forward to many more (safer) events, together with you all,

--The CSPC Board

It's Time for Femme Dominion!

Join us at Gallery Erato on Saturday, September 24 (7pm-midnight) for Femme Dominion, a BDSM play party for Femme identified Tops and all the people who adore them. Get your kink on and get in some socializing with like-minded pervs in a Queer centered space. Bask in the many glorious forms that Femme can take, especially when it takes charge.

Play equipment and places to get intimate abound with seating scattered throughout the space to optimize the sweet voyeur/exhibitionist dynamic of public play. Last month the event was awash in sexy scenes all night long.

In response to the marked eagerness of our attendees we’ve decided to abbreviate our social hour to just 30 minutes followed by a sensual transitional performance, and then it's absolutely game on until we shut down at midnight. We’ll once again have name tags and red wrist bands for flagging, signaling to others at the event that you’re open to be approached for something more than just social interaction. We’re consistently impressed with the success rates of these simple tools.

This is a Queer-centered, but not exclusionary, party focused on Femme Dommes and all the lovely people who appreciate our particular attentions as well as those who simply prefer Femme led spaces. We embrace Femme in its many varied manifestations inclusive of, but not exclusive to, gender identity.

Come explore ours or your own.

Buy your tickets here! Not yet a member? Purchase a New Member Ticket here, which includes new member orientation, your first month’s membership fee, and party entry. 

There will be no tickets available at the door for this event, tickets are only available through pre purchase online. Registration for this party is limited to a maximum of 120 tickets and we have sold out in advance of every one of our events so far so please plan accordingly. 

We are always looking for more people committed to this type of programming to fill volunteer positions. Help with setting/cleaning up as well as registration and monitoring is always welcome. If you are interest in helping in these capacities, please complete the online volunteer orientation and volunteer application form and then reach out to us at FemmeDominion@thecspc.org so we can help you get signed up for the right shift for you.

Why I Rapid Test Before Every Event

by Skitty

Velvet dress? Check

Fishnets and boots? Check

KN95? Check

Negative rapid test? Check

Why do I test? So I can get laid. And so you can get laid too. It’s that simple. Well, maybe not quite that simple. I can get laid at home. But home isn’t a sex dungeon and it’s not filled with all my friends and lovers and possible new connections.

As CSPC president, I need to engage with people. I need to volunteer within the community.

I test for COVID before every CSPC event. In fact, I test before every date, social outing, and trip. Despite my natural instinct to stay home and nest, I have rather a busy schedule, typically with multiple outings in a week.

So, I test. I test because I need to protect my polycule. I think of it as an extension of our safer sex practices. Sometimes it’s a bother, but it helps keep us all safer and allows us the freedom to explore new experiences, both within and outside our “cule.”

I test because I have no time to be sick. I have responsibilities. And I’d prefer not to die. If my test were to come back positive, I would be able to get treatment much sooner.

I test out of respect for myself and for others. By testing before each event, I can maintain my boundaries, knowing that those I play with are doing the same. We can choose to exchange fluids, breathe each other in, and have a damn good time with reduced risk of making one another ill.

I test because this is my community, my family, and I have a responsibility to your health as well as mine. Testing allows me to proceed with confidence. There is much less likelihood that I will infect others.

I test to do my part to keep our volunteer team from becoming sick. Because we enjoy one another’s company, we spend a lot of time together, and while that is great, it means that it doesn’t take long for the virus to pass between us. If too many volunteers are out sick at any given time, that would mean we wouldn’t be able to safely staff our events and would need to cancel. Oh, the horror!

So here we are, two and a half years into the pandemic, and I am still COVID free. I’m not sure whether it is luck or because of consistent adherence to practice. I’m betting it's a combination of both. That, and being selective by avoiding interactions that do not mean as much to me. If you see me at an event, it is because I have assessed the risk and decided you’re worth it.

I believe that getting boosted and wearing a well-fitting mask any time I am out in public have also been key components in staying COVID free. I also enjoy the side benefit of not having had a single cold or flu in the past two and a half years.

So go ahead, put on your slutwear, grab a mask, and do a rapid test (free tests are still available from WA state). Then come get laid.

Cafe is OPEN--Getting Started at the CSPC

by Camille Cafe

I walked thru the door of the Center for Sex Positive Culture all by myself on the night of October 17, 2012. I had recently said goodbye to my husband as he went off to work in Antarctica for a season. We were splitting up, and it was his way of dealing with it - getting as far away from Seattle as he could. We’d put most of our belongings in storage, and I’d moved with our two cats into a dingy basement apartment in Georgetown. We’d separated for many reasons, but the driving force behind this arrangement was that I wanted to explore my sexuality. I hadn’t dated as a young woman; I was 27 when I had sex for the first time. I met my husband when I was 36. It was my first relationship, and we married about a year later. Sex was so problematic for us I found it unsatisfying. Was it, as I feared, all there was?

I went to the Center because it was a sex club–the perfect place to explore the “more” I was hoping to find. I wasn’t sure what to expect. I knew next to nothing about kink and BDSM. I hadn’t even heard of polyamory at that point. Several people recommended it as a safe place to explore, and that was exactly what I wanted. I figured I had a lot to learn. Boy, did I ever.

During a phone call I made to the Center before my first visit, I learned safety is both physical and emotional. I also learned that it’s safest to explore having sex or playing in a kink scene in a public space, especially when you’re just getting to know someone. By attending events, I learned about negotiating interactions before they happen. Giving consent (or not) is part of it, and it’s crucial to establish boundaries before engaging. Knowing and being able to articulate both desires and limits is critical.

When I started playing at the Center there was so much to choose from that I felt like a kid in a candy store. It was both heady and overwhelming. If you’re interested in a particular activity, like rope suspension, start learning about it. Go to classes. Read about it. Go to Tasting events where you can have a quick, low risk experience of it. Above all, talk to people. It’s helpful to find out what makes that particular thing so exciting and what can go wrong. Knowing what the risks are is need-to-know information. Most importantly, take your time. Jumping into things impulsively can be a bad idea that leads to getting hurt or burning out.

Another important aspect of self-care is paying attention to physical and mental health related to your sexuality. Get tested regularly for STIs  to keep yourself and the community safe. I used to get tested quarterly when I was playing regularly. Sharing results with partners is expected in most play situations. Learn about brain chemistry. Most kink/sex activities stimulate endorphins and can impact your judgment – like the “high” of new love. It can be a big consideration when playing. Pay attention to how your personal chemistry impacts you and figure out how to protect yourself from making bad decisions.

When I started at the Center, I went to a regular Tuesday afternoon event where people just talked while playing games or doing crafts. You had to wear clothes, and no sexual activity was allowed. I loved those Tuesdays. Not only did I learn a lot, but I also met the most interesting people. The sex positive community is full of fascinating and dynamic people. I drank it all in, listening as much as I could. Meeting and talking to folks who’ve been in the community a long time is as worthwhile as meeting other new folks. People who’ve been playing in the community for 20 or 30 years have invaluable insights and experiences. Most of these folks are committed to helping new people learn to play safely. There’s a lot of help, you just have to find it.

The one thing that I would stress from my experiences is to take it slow and be aware. I know it may sound overly cautious, but when you know what to expect and have safety stops in place, you can truly relax, let go, and have fun.

***For more support on your sex positive journey, join us in person at Fresh Meet or online for the finding YOUR way Discussion Group.

Sexy (Social) Science 2

by Emma Atkinson

Hello wonderful readers!  Isn’t the cooler weather a welcome shift?  

Science can be fun, especially if it’s both sexy and social. Your latest mission, should you choose to accept it, is to try being just a bit more social than usual.  

Some lovely person recently commented on how it can be difficult to meet people at CSPC parties. Many party goers attend with a date, the music can be a bit loud at times, and not everyone there has a goal of meeting someone new.

So, the next time you go to an awesome CSPC event, try to catch a few people’s eyes and smile at them. While being careful not to interrupt a scene or aftercare time, try giving a truthful compliment or two and see how that goes. It shouldn’t be all that hard - look around at a party and you’ll see amazing people wearing amazing clothes and using amazing toys. And sometimes the most ordinary-looking person in the room has amazing stories to share!

Think about what that person might want then and there. Don’t we all want to be seen and acknowledged? Don’t we want to be welcomed and feel like we’re a part of the community? Of course we do! 

Your mission is to focus on helping people at the event feel welcome. Try it, and notice if you feel more welcome yourself. Start slowly- there’s no need to push yourself too much, especially at first. Successful science experiments are habit-forming, and you may find it easier over time to get to know more people while you’re creating the kind of community you want to be in.

Please share your experiences at:  info@thecspc.org.

“She blinded me with science” - Thomas Dolby

“They blinded me with sexy (social) science” - Emma Atkinson

Hump History Year Seven: Before the Eighth

by Teeebone

As the Hump began its 7th year in 2014, the ongoing challenge of staff maintenance continued to slowly escalate, particularly in the EC (Event Coordinator) department. The EC position is basically a manager type of position, and typically was combined with being a Champion or Host of any given party or event. By this time, a significant number of older ECs had left for one reason or another, and finding replacements for them was proving difficult.

Event Coordinators run the party, delegate responsibilities among the crew, arrange the volunteer schedule with the volunteer coordinator, handle publicity, and help come up with new ideas and themes if they are also Champions and/or Hosts. It’s a lot to take on, and by 2014 I found myself both opening and closing the Hump at least once and sometimes twice a month.

While we’re on the topic of volunteers, I’d like to give a shout-out to all of those who worked as cashiers during the Interbay days of the CSPC. It was a difficult job involving not just the typical cash handling and credit card transactions of a retail cashier, but also potential drama at the doorstep issues when it came to resolving conflicts over membership and/or admission to the party. When this happened, the EC had to get involved and make a decision on how to resolve the conflict. Typically, an EC could expect to be hanging around the cashier’s desk for at least a quarter of their shift.

As for the Hump itself, the party had become quite rope bondage-friendly over the years and usually had two suspensions a night. The back sex room filled up by 9pm, and the cuddle/romp pile was a center of activity while the solo space was occupied with an exhibitionist scene of some sort. In the previous summer, we began using a video projector to show porn on a big screen that divided the cuddle/romp pile from the solo space. The placement of said screen was optimal and allowed folx to watch porn from almost anywhere in the Main Space. It was literally the best backdrop ever!

Another thing of note was the wave of “kink-curious” members entering the community in the wake of the Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon, and I found myself having to remind new members about the rules and etiquette that our membership follows, especially in relation to cellphones. Cellphones had been in use for years at this point, and the habit of checking the phone was a common activity. Handling this problem required some gentle reminders of the rules and making sure that they were followed.

The Hump rolled on with a birthday sundae scene in the Messy Room in mid-June. This involved laying down tarps to cover a massage table and the floor, with the subject lying on the table while ice cream, toppings, and pressurized whipped cream in a can were placed on them and then licked and/or eaten off the subject. VERY MESSY! Who knew that cold could be so hot?

While the Hump Crew took Xmas Eve off, New Year’s Eve came on a Wednesday the following week that year so we had a NYE Edition Hump and Whump! The event included a fancy dinner for 30 premium attendees and all of the spaces (the Main Space, Annex, and RAW Dungeon) open for play! 2015 was just around the corner!

Until next time... :^)

Want to be part of a dedicated party crew who helps make sexy dreams come true? Join the volunteer corps today!

Back 2 Skool with PPMT!

It’s Back to School time at PPMT! Join us at Gallery Erato on FRIDAY, September 9, from 8 p.m. to midnight! Dress to impress in your best school uniform or teacher suit! Bring those rulers to break on errant behinds! 

We also will be welcoming Maggie the Magnificent to our Champion Team. Make sure to come say hi to our brand new Team Member! (If you’d like to be a permanent member of the PPMT Team, email us at ppmt@thecspc.org.) 

Power Play Mixed-Tape makes having a fantastic fucking time easy. Dress to impress and surround yourself with sensual sex and bass-pounding BDSM. Best yet - The music will be HOT - Throbbing Beats from 8-10 pm with DJ ObliqueBanter and sizzling sexiness by DJ Boneman  from 10 pm-Midnight! Surge and Doof with us! (The basement will ride a noticeably lower decibel level for your pleasure! Earplugs are available at the Registration desk.)

Pickup Play- Are you available to play? Grab a name tag located on a table just past the Registration desk, add your name and Top/bottom designation, and/or write a sticky note detailing your fantasy, then place it on the Pickup Play Board. Don’t miss out. Just ask, negotiate, and give clear consent!

Come Beat, Flirt, Needle, Bleed, Cut, Hang, Tie, Eat, Lick, Grab, Bite, Kiss, Fuck, Cum and maybe much more with someone new, someone old, something cool, something bold! Spin on the dance floor or be suspended from one of our hard points. Make someone sizzle on the rack or bend them over a spanking bench. Any play sanctioned by the CSPC is allowed at PPMT, so review CSPC's Essential House Rules. Expect sex anywhere and everywhere except the bathroom and Aftercare Room! If it's going to be bloody, bring your own plastic/tarp and linens. No solo masturbation unless scene participants and Event Coordinators give permission, please.

Got something devious or seductive in mind? Email ahead to secure a fantasy needing special devising or to seek EC approval for riskier play: ppmt@thecspc.org. 

Registration for this party is limited to a maximum of 120 tickets. Buy yours today!

Not yet a member but want to be a part of all the sexy PPMT fun? Join us for New Member Orientation right before the party! New Member tickets include orientation, your first month’s membership fee, and the party ticket.

Community Matters

by Eirikah Delaunay

One of the things that makes the Center for Sex Positive Culture so special is our focus on the nature of our organization as a COMMUNITY. Everything we do at the CSPC is created by and for our members. All our parties were developed by members; all the volunteers who staff those parties are members; all the leadership behind the scenes are volunteer members; and as a 501(c)7 nonprofit organization, nearly all of the funding that supports our services come from members.

What does this mean for you? It means ALL your contributions to our community MATTER!

We need your great ideas, your time and energy, your leadership, your donations. Whatever you can offer our community–your personal special sauce–your contribution will make a difference in our ability to create spaces for folx to explore and express their authentic sexual and sensual selves in a diverse, supportive community.

One way to get more connected with the community and find support as you navigate your personal journey is to attend the brand new finding YOUR way online discussion group! This group is dedicated to helping support folx as they pursue their own personal sex positive adventures with the CSPC, and the first meeting is this Monday, September 5.

We also have an exciting fundraising opportunity coming up fast! This Thanksgiving the CSPC is sponsoring a Super Skillz & Stuff auction. All our members have unique skills and talents or maybe some hidden treasures that are ready to be enjoyed by someone new. Maybe you’re a gifted cook who donates a dinner party for four, or maybe you want to offer a piece of your art, a custom-crafted playlist for a particular occasion, or that one pair of boots you never wear. What do YOU have to share with your community? The auction will take place in time to purchase one-of-kind holiday gifts from your CSPC community. Stay tuned for more details and the donation form coming soon!

And of course, it’s always the right time to volunteer! Watch the online volunteer orientation video and submit your volunteer application today! Party volunteers get free entry, behind the scenes volunteers get to be part of the action from the comfort of home, and ALL our volunteers get the opportunity to become part of a fun, dedicated team.

Questions? Ideas? Reach out to info@thecspc.org. 

Thank YOU for all the ways that you make this community the safe, sexy, and welcoming space it is.