Café is OPEN: Safe(r) Kink

by Camille Café

I’m sure it’s partly due to Covid, but I’m much more cautious now than when I started going to the Center. I was hot to trot then, being fresh out of a marriage. Not having dated as a younger woman, I threw myself into playing at the CSPC with ferocious abandon. I was naïve and had no idea what to expect. Rather than the goal of wanting to learn how to become better at being discriminating, I just wanted to get laid. I got what I got what I wanted, but I learned in ways that were often painful and sometimes overwhelming. I think what I’m advocating here might be called pain mitigation or safe(r) kink.

I know lots of folks are aware of this, but just a refresher - there are several types of safety. I want to focus on physical, psychological, and emotional safety. Physical safety is the obvious one. Many kink activities are risky - impact play, sharps play, and even getting tied up has its dangers. It’s important to mitigate these risks as much as possible. That’s why it’s important to do your homework. Read and learn as much as you can about the activities you’re drawn to. Go to classes. Talk to people and get recommendations for responsible Tops. Check out their credentials. If you’re a newbie, or even if you have some experience, you want to be playing with experienced partners who know the potential risks. Do they know what to do in an adverse situation?

At this point it’s important to talk about communication. It’s essential to negotiate effectively and have a foundation of good clear communication. Negotiate fully what you do and don’t like – what you will and won’t accept. What are your absolute limits? Establish them beforehand, not when you’re engaged in your scene. The brain chemistry of kinky activity is powerful. It can impact your emotions and decision-making ability. Even if something was an absolute “no” beforehand, it might seem okay in the midst of a scene. Flying on yummy brain chemicals is not the time to change your mind. Stick to your initial plan. If you find you want to try something else, save it for the next time you play.

The best thing about playing at the Center is that there are trained monitors on site who know enough about how scenes should look that they are likely to see irregularities. I met a guy at a non-Center event who I gave consent to tie me up. After my hands were tied, he aggressively ran his hands up and down my body. I hadn’t given him consent for that. I was so shocked that I froze and couldn’t say anything. I was perfectly sober. A friend was sitting close by, but she was intoxicated and didn’t notice my distress.

Another great thing about playing at the Center is that intoxicants aren’t allowed. I know many people feel like drugs enhance the experience but getting to know someone isn’t the time to be intoxicated. You want your wits about you. One time I got intoxicated with a stranger in his home. I had another non-consensual, very unpleasant experience. See the pattern here? Play it as safely as you can – especially at first. You want others around you. Make sure those who are around you are sober. Being safe depends on you and your partner. And sometimes, despite ticking off all of the safety checks, violations do occur. How might you develop a plan to handle a violation? It’s difficult to navigate.

I think the best approach to psychological and emotional safety is to be realistic about kink. It’s easy to get caught up in the fantasy - it’s heady stuff. The brain chemistry of it is mind altering. It can set you up to make decisions you regret later. Don’t get lost and forget about the very real dangers of kink. Sometimes the intentions of those you’re playing with aren’t yours. Keep your expectations real. Talk at length about your limits and expectations. Theirs, too. This is the time to be totally honest. I think having kink experiences and looking for love relationships are better as separate pursuits, at least until you get to really know people and have some experience under your belt. Others see it differently. That’s why it’s important to talk to as many people as you can about their experiences.

Should your interactions include sex? You don’t have to be sexual. You can be sexual if you want. Think about it. Read about it. Talk about it. I confused sex and love and was often hurt when partners didn’t react like I wanted them to. I didn’t keep my expectations real. Even though I was told to take it slow and cautiously, I barreled in and was impulsive in my behavior. If I had to do it all again, I would have thought more carefully about how much sex I wanted to have with people I had very little connection with. If you want to be sexual with partners with “no strings attached,” keep your expectations real about that, too. Get to know your own limits, communicate them to the people you play with, and revisit them regularly. Limits often change over time. It’s very common. As you explore and grow, you might find yourself in a completely different place with different limits and different desires.

With self-knowledge, consent, boundaries, and communication in place, you will be all set to have safe(r) sexual and kink experiences at the CSPC. But never fear—there’s more to the story of my entry into kink world. Stay tuned for the next installment of Café is OPEN!

Close Encounters at PPMT!

The Power Play Mixed-Tape Theme of the Month: Aliens and Alternate Realities

Are you secretly an alien? Come show your tail, inner borg, or just let your wires hang out! For that matter, internet rule #34 applies! Bring your favorite alternate reality to life! Wait until you hear the music! October 8th Just for You!

Power Play Mixed-Tape Rocks Sensuality and BDSM under the same roof!

Power Play Mixed-Tape makes having a fantastic fucking time easy. Dress to impress and surround yourself with sensual sex and bass-pounding BDSM. Best yet - The music will be HOT - Throbbing Beats from 8 to 10 pm with DJ ObliqueBanter and sizzling sexiness by DJ Boneman from 10 pm to midnight! Surge and Doof with us! (The basement will ride a noticeably lower decibel level for your pleasure! Earplugs are available at the Registration desk.)

Pickup Play- Are you available to play? Grab a name tag located on a table just past the Registration desk, add your name and Top/bottom designation, and/or write a sticky note detailing your fantasy, then place it on the Pickup Play Board. Don’t miss out. Just ask, negotiate and give clear consent!

Come Beat, Flirt, Needle, Bleed, Cut, Hang, Tie, Eat, Lick, Grab, Bite, Kiss, Fuck, Cum and maybe much more with someone new, someone old, something cool, something bold! Spin on the dance floor or be suspended from one of our hard points. Make someone sizzle on the rack or bend them over a spanking bench. Any play sanctioned by the CSPC is allowed at PPMT so review CSPC's Essential House Rules. Expect sex anywhere and everywhere except the bathroom and Aftercare room! If it's going to be bloody, bring your own plastic/tarp and linens. No solo masturbation unless scene participants and Event Coordinators give permission, please.

PPMT ran from 2012 up until the closure of Interbay in 9/2016. PPMT was selected as 2012 Party of the Year as well as March 2014 Party of the Month. Join our Fetlife group to plan a scene or just fantasize! Got something devious or seductive in mind? Email ahead to secure a fantasy needing special devising or to seek EC approval for riskier play.

Want to come? Purchase your tickets online! Not yet a member? Purchase your New Member ticket here (includes New Member Orientation, your first month’s membership fee, and entry to the party immediately following orientation).

A Good Smack on the Back

by Emma Atkinson 

“I came to the CSPC for the flogging, but I stayed for the people” - A

Fifty or so lovely folks found their way to Kinky Acres on Saturday, October 1, for the CSPC volunteer appreciation party “A Smack on the Back.” The quotes are from actual participants who were there. The weather was beautiful, the location was idyllic, and the clothing was minimal. The stage was set for a super party! 

“I started the summer searching for myself and a community.  Thanks to the CSPC, at the end of the summer I ended up with a family, transformed.” - T

Play spaces were created on the spacious lawn. We were treated to the culinary creations of Cass and Dan, who also cooked for us at both Frolic events. There was a lot of spirited conversation going on around the tables as we savored the yummy dinner they provided.  

“The CSPC is one of the pivotal organizations that creates the Seattle culture” - E

After dinner, raffle winners took possession of great swag including floggers, CSPC bags and tee shirts, and sensation toys. The official CSPC treasure chest was there, too, and volunteers chose the treasure (scented and handmade soaps, hair accessories, and various lotions and potions) that they wanted to take home and enjoy.  

“I’m continually surprised by the depth of healing and inner growth that people are experiencing at CSPC events.” - B

As the sun began to set, more clothing was put on. These fall evenings can get a bit nippy in the Pacific Northwest!  We were treated to some fire play - it’s quite beautiful, especially in the dark.   It’s probably not an exaggeration to say that a good time was had by all.

“We all volunteer for different reasons.  But to come together, all at the same time, none of us working, to socialize and play - what a day!” -T

Thanks to everyone who made the volunteer appreciation event happen. And thanks to the dedicated volunteers who make everything happen at the CSPC!

It takes all of us contributing to build and sustain the thriving sex positive community we want to be a part of. Not yet a volunteer? Join us here! Whether at parties or behind the scenes, there’s a volunteer role just right for everyone. Email us at HR@thecspc.org to find the spot that’s right for you. Limited time and energy? Donate here! 

Fucking Fabulous Fall Fundraiser!

by Emma Atkinson

Would you like to help the CSPC, find amazing holiday gifts for loved ones, and have fun - all at the same time?  It might sound too good to be true, but read on!

The Fucking Fabulous Fall Fundraiser will auction off all sorts of cool items this fall, just in time for the holiday season. Here’s how you can be a helper in this grand endeavor:

Donate a Service!

Do you have a skill to donate? How about:

• an hour of computer consultation - your knowledge can help with those frustrating little things that drive most of us users crazy

• provide a truck for a short time - put in the limits that you’re comfortable with 

• a meal that you could cook and provide - maybe you make a mean lasagne or curry that you can drop off, or maybe you will be the star chef for a dinner party

• ask a Domme (or top or furry or master or …) consulting - 30 minutes to talk one on one with a Domme (or whatever) and get some questions answered - you can be a mentor to someone who’s new to the community 

• a flogging, done with considerable consent negotiations 

• a custom-written story or poem

Donate Stuff!

Do you have an item to donate?  Maybe:

• a rainbow-colored beaded curtain for your living space - customized as needed

• any new or gently used toys or furniture taking up space around your dungeon 

• a work of art (or jewelry or knitting or whatever makes your heart sing) that you made

• a work of art that someone else made and you’re ready to part with it

• those sexy boots you never wear

• books that outgrew your bookshelf

• plants that outgrew your windowsill

Are you a business owner? Donate the service or product you sell and advertise your business to our community in the item description!

The link to the donation form will be added to the CSPC website soon. (Donations of services that involve two-way nudity/sex acts will not be accepted, in alignment with CSPC policy.)

Purchase!

The CSPC will post the donated items on an online auction site for your holiday shopping pleasure! Bidding will open right after Thanksgiving and run for about a week as a silent auction, similar to the Paddlepalooza event earlier this year.

You might know someone who’s hard to find presents for. You can give them an experience or unique treasure that will rock their world!  And you’ll probably find at least one item that you can’t live without and decide to buy it for yourself.  

The best part: it’s for a good cause. Your purchase will help the CSPC achieve its mission to create spaces to celebrate, develop, and explore sexuality and sensuality among a diverse and supportive community. Fucking Fabulous!

Ask a (Sex-Positive!) REALTORⓇ

by Rebecca Bingham

Hello friends! I'm Becca, (MissBeccaBee on fet), and I'm your local polyam, fat, chronically ill, neurodiverse, trans competent, queer, femme, kinky real estate agent. Yes, those are a lot of intersections, which means I grok a lot of people and situations.

I'm currently based in Snohomish county, but I'm regularly all over the I5 corridor from Camano Island to Vancouver, WA. I've been in the Seattle kink community for 20 years, and part of the Seattle leather community for over a decade. I prioritize discretion, integrity, and dignity in my business, and I'm looking forward to serving the kink and polyam communities for your specific housing needs!

Our homes are central to our well being. Many of us work, learn, love, and play in these spaces that are so much more than simply shelter from the elements–they reflect us and support us in all the varied aspects of our lives. I work with kink-aware lenders, lawyers, and other professionals to help you navigate your own homeownership journey.

Here I'll be sharing tips, advice, and cute stories from my life as a kinky Realtor (and retired phone sex operator). I would love this to be a write-in advice column! Please message me on Fetlife, or on FB, and of course, I won't mention your name.

Let’s start with a couple of quick tips for kinky homeownership and investment!

How to make a bedroom/playroom quieter:

One of the easiest ways to soundproof a room is with soft furnishings. That's why bedrooms, living rooms, and stairs are so often carpeted. Everything you can think of that creates a shape can dampen or accentuate sounds. One of the cheapest ways is by adding lined drapes or even blankets over your windows. Having multiple layers of fabric between you and the window prevents shapes from being backlit and breaks up sound waves. You can also get acoustic tiles designed to muffle, but if you aren't worried about what it looks like and are on a budget, buy some egg crate-type foam mattresses. They do a fairly good job when put vertically on an outside wall, and you can put something decorative over it to hide it. Putting down an area rug or a few throw rugs on hardwoods in bedrooms/playrooms is also helpful. Pro tip: If you are building a new home, you can ask for thicker insulation to be put in. It will keep your house at a more even temperature year-round and help soundproof the rooms, both to the outside and from each other. The installer won't even blink at the request.

Did you know? 

You can buy a multi-family house of up to four units, and if you live in one of them for at least three years as your primary residence, you can still use a regular FHA loan. How perfect for a polycule or private short-term dungeon rentals (depending on the rules/laws in the area–which we can look into)!

So hello and welcome! Please send me your questions to answer, and if you or someone you know is looking to buy or sell a house, please connect with me via my website or on social media. I'm delighted to do the leg work for referrals outside of the state to make sure of a best fit for complicated housing needs or share resources for all your nesting or moving needs.

Community Matters--New Masking Guidelines

This is a reminder that starting October 1 the CSPC will be increasing our masking requirements for our in-person events. All volunteers and attendees will be required to wear an N95, KN95, or equivalent mask. We will have some masks at the registration desk for those who don’t have a mask of that type. But since we can’t always know how many will be needed, we ask that you please bring your own mask if possible.

The purpose of increasing these standards is to keep our events as safe as possible. We only have a few policy levers to work with, and we’re trying to invest our volunteers’ time and energy in those that will be most effective at preventing community spread. Our simultaneous move to stop doing vaccination checks at the door will have very little effect on the likelihood of a person with COVID walking in through the door, especially since the vast majority of our membership is already vaccinated and boosted. And since the Omicron variants (which now make up 99.9% of the virus spreading around the U.S.) spread readily among both vaccinated and unvaccinated populations, people with COVID are guaranteed to come to some of our events no matter what our vaccine policy. We still strongly recommend vaccination and booster shots, as doing so greatly improves medical outcomes for the infected person. We also highly recommend self testing before coming out to an event, even if you aren’t symptomatic, to help prevent community spread.

Changing the masking standards at events is our most effective way of mitigating the associated risks. An N95 can give eight times as much protection as a surgical mask, so this is a significant thing we can do to reduce community spread and keep one another safe. As a bonus, having everybody at our events in better masks makes the whole environment safer. When you remove your mask for a drink or a mind-blowing  scene, you can do so with much more confidence that the air around you will be safe.

You’re probably wondering what an “equivalent mask” means. We’re using that language because there are many standards around the world for masks. FFP2 masks from Europe, Korea 1st Class masks, or DS2 masks from Japan will all give roughly similar results for purposes of preventing spread of COVID-19 and other airborne diseases. So will any masks that have the following characteristics:

1.       Materials that have been shown to filter airborne particles at an equivalent rate to an N95 filtration medium.

2.       A close fit around the face (to prevent air flowing around the mask).

3.       Effective filtration in both directions (in other words, no valves that are allowing unfiltered air to flow out).

An EC at an event has the final say over whether a given mask meets these standards, but you can check in with us beforehand if you have any questions. Just email info@thecspc.org.

Looking forward to many more (safer) events, together with you all,

--The CSPC Board

It's Time for Femme Dominion!

Join us at Gallery Erato on Saturday, September 24 (7pm-midnight) for Femme Dominion, a BDSM play party for Femme identified Tops and all the people who adore them. Get your kink on and get in some socializing with like-minded pervs in a Queer centered space. Bask in the many glorious forms that Femme can take, especially when it takes charge.

Play equipment and places to get intimate abound with seating scattered throughout the space to optimize the sweet voyeur/exhibitionist dynamic of public play. Last month the event was awash in sexy scenes all night long.

In response to the marked eagerness of our attendees we’ve decided to abbreviate our social hour to just 30 minutes followed by a sensual transitional performance, and then it's absolutely game on until we shut down at midnight. We’ll once again have name tags and red wrist bands for flagging, signaling to others at the event that you’re open to be approached for something more than just social interaction. We’re consistently impressed with the success rates of these simple tools.

This is a Queer-centered, but not exclusionary, party focused on Femme Dommes and all the lovely people who appreciate our particular attentions as well as those who simply prefer Femme led spaces. We embrace Femme in its many varied manifestations inclusive of, but not exclusive to, gender identity.

Come explore ours or your own.

Buy your tickets here! Not yet a member? Purchase a New Member Ticket here, which includes new member orientation, your first month’s membership fee, and party entry. 

There will be no tickets available at the door for this event, tickets are only available through pre purchase online. Registration for this party is limited to a maximum of 120 tickets and we have sold out in advance of every one of our events so far so please plan accordingly. 

We are always looking for more people committed to this type of programming to fill volunteer positions. Help with setting/cleaning up as well as registration and monitoring is always welcome. If you are interest in helping in these capacities, please complete the online volunteer orientation and volunteer application form and then reach out to us at FemmeDominion@thecspc.org so we can help you get signed up for the right shift for you.

Why I Rapid Test Before Every Event

by Skitty

Velvet dress? Check

Fishnets and boots? Check

KN95? Check

Negative rapid test? Check

Why do I test? So I can get laid. And so you can get laid too. It’s that simple. Well, maybe not quite that simple. I can get laid at home. But home isn’t a sex dungeon and it’s not filled with all my friends and lovers and possible new connections.

As CSPC president, I need to engage with people. I need to volunteer within the community.

I test for COVID before every CSPC event. In fact, I test before every date, social outing, and trip. Despite my natural instinct to stay home and nest, I have rather a busy schedule, typically with multiple outings in a week.

So, I test. I test because I need to protect my polycule. I think of it as an extension of our safer sex practices. Sometimes it’s a bother, but it helps keep us all safer and allows us the freedom to explore new experiences, both within and outside our “cule.”

I test because I have no time to be sick. I have responsibilities. And I’d prefer not to die. If my test were to come back positive, I would be able to get treatment much sooner.

I test out of respect for myself and for others. By testing before each event, I can maintain my boundaries, knowing that those I play with are doing the same. We can choose to exchange fluids, breathe each other in, and have a damn good time with reduced risk of making one another ill.

I test because this is my community, my family, and I have a responsibility to your health as well as mine. Testing allows me to proceed with confidence. There is much less likelihood that I will infect others.

I test to do my part to keep our volunteer team from becoming sick. Because we enjoy one another’s company, we spend a lot of time together, and while that is great, it means that it doesn’t take long for the virus to pass between us. If too many volunteers are out sick at any given time, that would mean we wouldn’t be able to safely staff our events and would need to cancel. Oh, the horror!

So here we are, two and a half years into the pandemic, and I am still COVID free. I’m not sure whether it is luck or because of consistent adherence to practice. I’m betting it's a combination of both. That, and being selective by avoiding interactions that do not mean as much to me. If you see me at an event, it is because I have assessed the risk and decided you’re worth it.

I believe that getting boosted and wearing a well-fitting mask any time I am out in public have also been key components in staying COVID free. I also enjoy the side benefit of not having had a single cold or flu in the past two and a half years.

So go ahead, put on your slutwear, grab a mask, and do a rapid test (free tests are still available from WA state). Then come get laid.

Cafe is OPEN--Getting Started at the CSPC

by Camille Cafe

I walked thru the door of the Center for Sex Positive Culture all by myself on the night of October 17, 2012. I had recently said goodbye to my husband as he went off to work in Antarctica for a season. We were splitting up, and it was his way of dealing with it - getting as far away from Seattle as he could. We’d put most of our belongings in storage, and I’d moved with our two cats into a dingy basement apartment in Georgetown. We’d separated for many reasons, but the driving force behind this arrangement was that I wanted to explore my sexuality. I hadn’t dated as a young woman; I was 27 when I had sex for the first time. I met my husband when I was 36. It was my first relationship, and we married about a year later. Sex was so problematic for us I found it unsatisfying. Was it, as I feared, all there was?

I went to the Center because it was a sex club–the perfect place to explore the “more” I was hoping to find. I wasn’t sure what to expect. I knew next to nothing about kink and BDSM. I hadn’t even heard of polyamory at that point. Several people recommended it as a safe place to explore, and that was exactly what I wanted. I figured I had a lot to learn. Boy, did I ever.

During a phone call I made to the Center before my first visit, I learned safety is both physical and emotional. I also learned that it’s safest to explore having sex or playing in a kink scene in a public space, especially when you’re just getting to know someone. By attending events, I learned about negotiating interactions before they happen. Giving consent (or not) is part of it, and it’s crucial to establish boundaries before engaging. Knowing and being able to articulate both desires and limits is critical.

When I started playing at the Center there was so much to choose from that I felt like a kid in a candy store. It was both heady and overwhelming. If you’re interested in a particular activity, like rope suspension, start learning about it. Go to classes. Read about it. Go to Tasting events where you can have a quick, low risk experience of it. Above all, talk to people. It’s helpful to find out what makes that particular thing so exciting and what can go wrong. Knowing what the risks are is need-to-know information. Most importantly, take your time. Jumping into things impulsively can be a bad idea that leads to getting hurt or burning out.

Another important aspect of self-care is paying attention to physical and mental health related to your sexuality. Get tested regularly for STIs  to keep yourself and the community safe. I used to get tested quarterly when I was playing regularly. Sharing results with partners is expected in most play situations. Learn about brain chemistry. Most kink/sex activities stimulate endorphins and can impact your judgment – like the “high” of new love. It can be a big consideration when playing. Pay attention to how your personal chemistry impacts you and figure out how to protect yourself from making bad decisions.

When I started at the Center, I went to a regular Tuesday afternoon event where people just talked while playing games or doing crafts. You had to wear clothes, and no sexual activity was allowed. I loved those Tuesdays. Not only did I learn a lot, but I also met the most interesting people. The sex positive community is full of fascinating and dynamic people. I drank it all in, listening as much as I could. Meeting and talking to folks who’ve been in the community a long time is as worthwhile as meeting other new folks. People who’ve been playing in the community for 20 or 30 years have invaluable insights and experiences. Most of these folks are committed to helping new people learn to play safely. There’s a lot of help, you just have to find it.

The one thing that I would stress from my experiences is to take it slow and be aware. I know it may sound overly cautious, but when you know what to expect and have safety stops in place, you can truly relax, let go, and have fun.

***For more support on your sex positive journey, join us in person at Fresh Meet or online for the finding YOUR way Discussion Group.