The Future!

by the CSPC Building Committee 

We've all heard the talk about how someday we want to buy our own building or at least lease one. We want you to know that we have looked at over 3,000 buildings online and visited quite a few in person over the past several years. Much of what complicates the process of finding a building is our extensive list of requirements, as well as the rules and guidelines of cities and counties.

The adult business requirements have been difficult to get around. Many cities have specific adult business areas where we “could” be located, plus we must be a certain distance away from churches, schools, and other businesses/places where children gather. Most also require an adult business to be a certain distance from other adult businesses. 

What makes things increasingly difficult? Our list of requirements includes an elevator for accessibility. But elevators are expensive and are not usually available in buildings we can afford. We will have to adjust our expectations to find a place that has a majority of our prerequisites met. For example: being near a bus stop and food as well as easy highway access and adequate free parking. There are also requirements for the construction of the building itself.

There's a long list of things that we must do before we can take on a new location. We need to make sure we have the funds to expand and that may require fundraising. (Email info@thecspc.org to donate funds, as well as new or gently used items.) 

We need to make sure that we have a detailed list of expectations of upgrades that we plan to do and how much those may cost. Having it on some sort of spreadsheet is a bonus! Research is imperative and time intensive.

Once that plan is in place, we can get started on finding a location that fits the majority of our needs. This has been a multiyear endeavor with many eyes and ears helping to find something that will work, as our building unicorn home. We’ve even considered building from the ground up!

We need to think about the donation of labor as well. We will need many volunteer hours to get our new home ready in a short amount of time. We are including installation of a sound system, plumbing, office area, décor lighting, storage, moving existing and building new play equipment. All of this is in addition to fixing any preexisting issues the building needs. For example: adding a sprinkler system, shower, washer/dryer, kitchenette, etc.

We will be reaching out to prior members in addition to current members to help with this endeavor. These are people who have previously dedicated their time to the CSPC. They volunteered with us over the wider 25 years of our existence as an organization. Everyone has been waiting for a new building that is wider and taller, addressing the need to be able to play more extensively. These members are highly likely to renew and help assist in the process of opening a new community center! This means that the old community from Interbay and the new community that we have built at Gallery Erato will integrate and become an even more amazing membership. 

We hope to bring back the idea that we are a community center where all the different organizations can find a place to meet safely and be supported.

It would be extremely helpful to know what skills everyone has to bring to the building process. If you have special skills in interior design, electrical, plumbing, carpet/flooring or carpentry, please contact us so we can build a plan for getting a new expanded CSPC up and running quickly. Even just a general, “I can build stuff and hold up a wall. Let me help!” Please let us know.

Our building committee lead is Larry, CSPC Board Member. You can reach him at facilitiescoordinator@thecspc.org.

Consent Corner 24.03

By Emma Atkinson 

Hello, lovely and sunny readers! I hope 2024 is rocking your world. 

We’ve been considering the Bumbershoot consent model and here we are at the final letter and final concept. That means that the letter “T” is up. It reminds you: Take care of yourself and others, and we’re better together. 

What a wonderful reminder to all of us that we need to look out for one another, in all ways and at all times. And, what a privilege we have to continue to create and shape the welcoming community at the CSPC that we want. 

It’s always a good time to remember your self-care. And, it can be helpful to have a variety of options, since different situations might need different solutions. Think of it as a tool kit that’s available to help you take the best possible care of yourself. 

Homework: What’s your favorite self-care practice? What are your top three practices? What didn’t work quite so well? We’d love to hear about it at: info@thecspc.org. You’ll be glad you did.

“Be excellent to each other.” —Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other.” —Emma

Negotiation Tactics for the Neurodiverse

By Turtle

Neurodiverse folx have no issue communicating within our community. The difficulties come when we attempt communications with people who refuse to acknowledge other languages exist and insist everyone else conform to their understanding of the world. As humans, it behooves us to create openings to make straight line communication accessible to all.

I suggest that we set aside assumptions, insinuations, and innuendo. State how you feel, what you want, and specific expectations to the person you are interacting with. At times, this needs to start with yourself. How can you negotiate with anyone effectively if you've never taken adequate time to effectuate what you'd like, hate, love, or want to try? What are your pet peeves? What intimidates you? Write it all down. 

Often, the neurodiverse experience extreme discomfort with eye-to-eye contact. If you aren't comfortable speaking the information face-to-face, you can share your document. Other techniques are sitting back-to-back for the conversation, talking in the dark, or over the phone. Even messaging can work if you agree to not assume emotional subtext and to ask clear, concise questions. I've even seen folx have highly effective discussions while both work on hobbies in the same space.

We as a group tend to be direct and specific, using dictionary definitions for words. Otherwise, I personally find myself asking, “What do you mean by that?” “Error 404!” “More input please.” “BEEP boop. Explain.” Yes, I tend to use humor to break down communication barriers. But I'm still not going to know you are interested in me unless you say, “Hey, I like you. Want to hang out?” Which I will follow up with, “What do you mean by that?” Followed by your explanation of, “I enjoy your company,” “I want to scene with you,” “I want to fuck you silly,” or a billion other possibilities. 

For enthusiastic consent from a neurodivergent:

• Know when someone is capable of giving consent.

• Tell us very specifically what you want using actual names for body parts.

• Point to where we can touch and what we can take off.

• Tell us what the end of the scene looks like.

• Show us how to please you.

• Be open to let us show you exactly what pleases us. Be open to hearing exactly what we want to touch, lick, kiss, fuck, hit, punch, etc.

• Be on time.

• Follow up afterward.

• Honor our boundaries.

• Ask, “Is this ok?” whenever you need to or when we get that fearful look in our eyes.

Successful negotiation comes down to two people who are motivated to be direct about their wants and needs regardless of identifying features in order to reach an enthusiastic YES!

The ND/DG (Neurodivergent discussion group) meets first Sundays from 5-7 p.m. and third Mondays from 7-9 p.m. Find us on thecspc.org/events

Parties from the Past: The Grind

By Teeebone

Back in the Interbay days, one of the first parties I went to was called the Grind. It was held weekly on Thursday nights. The Grind was a dark-themed, BDSM-focused party with dancing that featured Goth, Industrial, and EBM music primarily from the 90s and 00s, and it was very popular. I had fun on the dance floor and in the back room and so did many others. Certain music tracks remain “Grind Classics” in my library. “Non-Stop Violence” by Apoptygma Berzerk, “Military Fashion Show” by And One, “Megalomaniac” by KMFDM, and “The Ubiquitous Mr. Lovegrove” by Dead Can Dance to name a few. Any time I had a free Thursday evening was an opportunity to dance the night away to cool music, watch or participate in a scene, or just simply hang out with folx, all of us dressed in black and getting into the Grind state of mind.

The Grind had its origins in the industrial club scene of the late 1990s, being inspired by Seattle nightclubs like the Catwalk, the Vogue, and Machinewerks. While the music, dancing, and fetish themes were present, BDSM play was limited. Shortly after the Center was opened, the folx who would become the founders of the Grind were approached to create a club night. Keep in mind that they were building this party from the ground up, raising funds, drafting the floor plan, forming a team, and installing the sound and lighting systems in the building. The founders selected Thursday night to hold this party as a weekly event in order to allow for dedicated men’s and women’s parties to be on Fridays. On May 18, 2000 the Grind debuted at the CSPC with an attendance of 48. Such humble beginnings, eh?

After the first year though, the attendance had doubled. By the time of my first attendance to the Grind, (2004-05) the head count was typically breaking 150. The Center was full of energetic dancers and players and the loud music was in a class all its own. As somebody who DJs, I was struck by how unique and one of a kind it was, and it was perfectly fine to dance by yourself! It was an amazing thing to behold. The Grind had cemented its reputation as one of the Center’s go-to parties, especially because orientation was held right before it started, resulting in some new members attending it afterward. 

The days of “peak Grind” would continue until the summer of 2007, when the Center had to raise admission costs, though three months later there would be an early-bird discount implemented. Also in late 2007, the Center acquired the Annex and a new party, the Chill was scheduled opposite the Grind to act as a space to allow attendees to step away from the loud music and have easier conversation. This diluted the party’s crowd even though you only needed one admission to have access to both parties. In early 2008, the Center’s yearly membership rate was increased, which peeled away some more attendees. Staff attrition also took its toll, though the Grind team held together quite well considering its long run. By 2013, the music played by the DJs began to branch out into more contemporary and dance-pop-oriented stuff. At this point, the Grind was more than ten years old and a large chunk of the original audience of members who attended week after week had left because of various “life in general” reasons. Many of the new members were not into Goth, Industrial, or EBM music as much as the older members were.

In May of 2015, the Grind stopped being a weekly party and switched to an irregular schedule, eventually settling on fifth Fridays of the month in January of 2016 and then to fourth Fridays in June. The last Grind at the Interbay location was held on August 26, 2016 and had a packed house. The Grind was the Center’s longest running party, lasting more than eighteen years. Considering that this was a weekly party for most of its existence, that’s a lot a hardcore dedication in volunteer work. I will always be grateful for the Grind team’s effort because I always had fun at that party. There were four more Grinds held at the Gallery, with the last one taking place in March of 2019. At that point, the team decided to shut things down and step away.

Which brings us to the present. This year, the Center will be celebrating its 25th Anniversary and part of that celebration will include bringing back some of the classic parties from the past, like the Grind! A new team is being formed to reboot this party and volunteers will be needed! If this sort of thing fascinates you, then click on this link and join us!

https://thecspc.org/volunteering

Working on the Disappearing Task Force for CSPC Transparency

By Ari

In November and December 2023, I participated on the disappearing task force on the transparency of the CSPC’s current incident reporting system. I worked with a group of about twelve as we discussed our current policies and procedures and evaluated how each facet of the process could be more transparent for the community. My initial reason for joining the group was to invest more of my time into making the CSPC community the best it can be, but it turned out to have much more of an impact on me than I thought it would. I got to meet and interact with members I didn’t know prior to the task force, which was a great thing to start with. I also really enjoyed learning more about the organization and its structure. 

Outside of the six two-hour meetings, the additional work required of the task force was truly customized to the individuals in the group. No one was “volun-told” to do anything they didn’t have bandwidth for or interest in. I raised my hand to take on some work outside of meetings to design a consent page that will appear on the CSPC website along with a co-worker so that neither of us would be swamped. I found the time commitment customizable to what I felt capable of in any given week, and the task force itself was indeed “disappearing.” After our last meeting we had a couple of deliverables that folks were working on separately, but there were no additional requests after the task force wrapped. 

As we continue to work on transparency in the CSPC, my hope is that much more of the membership will continue to get involved in ways that appeal to them. I’m definitely looking out for more opportunities like this, and I’d encourage anyone who enjoys our community to also find ways to get involved. It’s a great way to learn about what it truly takes to run an org like this and to put your fingerprints on the direction of things going forward. 

Broaden Your Mind

The CSPC throws amazing parties and hosts many important discussions on various topics. But luckily, we live in a place where there are many more options to dive into sex- and body-positive culture. The list below is just a sampling of some great events coming up in the next month.

We include non-CSPC events in the first issue each month. If you have an event suggestion, please email Marissa at newsletter@thecspc.org and it might make it into our next issue!

February 3

Abbey Arts: Bandit Theater: Swipe Right [IMPROV] ($15–$22.50 | in person)

One brave soul from our audience will plug their dating profile into a projector and allow comedians to critique their online presence. Then the improvisers will do a set of improv comedy based on the profile. You’ll laugh, you’ll judge, you’ll fall in love.

February 7

Papaya Project: Sex Trivia ($10–$20 | in person)

Join us for a fun, educational night of sex trivia and to fundraise for comprehensive sexuality education! A portion of each ticket will be donated to Pleasure Pie, a grassroots sexual justice organization based in Boston, MA.

February 9+ (three weekends in February)

Acrobatic Conundrum: THREADS ($17.50–$100 | in person)

THREADS is a circus paean to the fibers that intertwine to make up our lives and universe, that connect us and string together our story. Pendant, taut, and resonant, the cast of acrobats weave their stories together via the fiber-centric movement arts of aerial rope, trapeze, slackrope, and hair-suspension, all set to a soulful score played by chanteuse and multi-instrumentalist, Kamila.

February 11

Abbey Arts: The QUEER Not-Creepy Gathering for People Who Want to Fall In Love ($10–$30 | in person)

Are you a f***ing amazing person who just wants to meet another f***ing amazing person?

This event is for you!

February 13

Papaya Project: Seattle Sexuality Professionals Meet-Up (free | in person)

Are you a Sexuality Educator, Counselor, Therapist, or other sexuality-related professional living in Seattle? Do you want to connect with other people in your field, brainstorm future collaborations, or just have a space to collectively decompress? Join us for this special meet-up, where we will discuss sexuality and spirituality.

February 14

Olmstead: BeautyBoiz presents Cupid's Cabaret ($15–$60 | in person)

Have you been naughty or nice this year? Athena knows, and she's got something for you either way. Come out to Olmste(a)d on Valentine's eve and soak up all the sexiness of the lovely cast for our very first dinner variety show!

February 16–17

Kremwerk: 10-Year Anniversary (TBD | in person)

Can you believe it's been a whole decade of Kremwerk magic? We're throwing the ultimate birthday bash the best way we know how -- with three rooms of music, dancing, and YOU!

February 17

Pan Eros Foundation: CBT: Squeezing, Smacking, and Stretching ($30 | in person)

This rope workshop will be a hands-on class with active participation and rope tying. We will briefly analyze the various aspects of CBT such as male anatomy, health risks, and safety precautions to keep in mind. We will then discuss various techniques for squeezing, smacking, and stretching the cock and balls. We will then conclude with 3 different CBT ties and practical hands-on practice with step-by-step follow-along instructions.

February 18

North End Makerspace: Be Gay, Make Stuff (free | in person)

Let's get together in a safe and welcoming environment and make stuff! Whatever craft floats your boat. We have plenty of table space and some tools you can use while you're here. 

February 18

Sex Positive World: Challenging Amatonormativity ($0–$25 | online)

This presentation delves into the hidden world of genetics, neuroscience and medicine. We shall be discussing 11 sex chromosomal compositions that we know of today, presented alongside brain imaging studies of hypothalamic areas (BNST and SDN-POA/INAH 3 Cluster) that recognize gender change in an individual. Neural bases of monogamous and non-monogamous behaviors and advanced medical research into in-vitro gametogenesis and parthenogeneis, shall also be presented.

February 19

Stoup Brewing: Board Gayme Night (free | in person)

A weekly meetup for the LGBTQIA+ community hosted by Seattle Gaymers. 

February 20

Sex Positive World: Awesome Boundaries Around the World ($0–$25 | online)

Whether you’ve been taught to go against your own boundaries in order to please others or to push hard for what you want, or a mix of both, this on-line workshop is a place to explore together how we each got to where we are today with boundaries and how to get to a better place in how we set and receive boundaries.

February 24

Pan Eros Foundation: A Black Tie Affair ($120–$2,700 | in person)

You are cordially invited to an exclusive soirée benefiting the Seattle Erotic Art Festival. We are pleased to host you at Gallery Erato, Seattle’s year-round home of erotic art. Join us for an evening of performances, exquisite food, a unique way to participate in the art and support the festival, and a sneak peek at the 2024 selected art.

February 25

Sex Positive World: Sexy Intersections: Anti-Oppression and Sex Positivity ($0–$25 | online)

This class helps us all think about the many power dynamics that affect us when we interact in sex positive community. This is a core class in SPW for all of us wanting to learn more about how we show up/speak up/receive feedback from others when we share space together. It’s a good space for beginners who are eager to learn as well as for experienced community members who want more tools and techniques to navigate sexy spaces well.

Call for CSPC Mementos and Memories

Hello members! The Center for Sex Positive Culture’s Communications Team is looking ahead to our organization's 25th Anniversary in 2024! We want to put something together to commemorate the history of our wonderful community over its quarter century of celebrating sexuality. As such, we are putting a call to you, our members, to share mementos and memories related to the CSPC over the past 25 years. 

Whether it be photos of old pamphlets, recollections of The Wet Spot, or anything else related to the CSPC over its years, we’d love to have them shared with us so we can curate our collection content that we can draw from for this project! If you have any interest in sharing, please submit your contact information and contributions to [this form link] alongside filling out the associated Content Release Form linked on the form itself. 

We cannot and do not promise that anything shared with us will be guaranteed to be included. Nevertheless, we will do our best and make sure our celebration of our organization’s past is as wonderfully diverse as our membership! Thank you so much, and we look forward to being able to showcase our past as we move toward the future! 

The CSPC Communications Team

Consent Corner 24.02

BY Emma Atkinson 

Hello lovely ones, and warm wishes for the happiest and most wondrous 2024! Hopefully, you’re off to a good start on it.

We’re considering the Bumbershoot consent model: C.O.N.S.E.N.T. The second “N” says: Need support? Venue staff are here to help. 

Wherever you are, please remember to look around for help when you need it. And, please remember how you recognize when you need help. For me, there’s a tightness in my chest when I’m feeling uncomfortable. We’re all unique wonders, so you know best how discomfort says hello to you. 

Volunteers are there to help you have the best possible experience. They want everyone at an event to have the best possible experience, too. They want to help — let them do it! 

Volunteering is an opportunity to give back to an organization for what has been freely and lovingly given to you. Please step up at the CSPC and join the amazing volunteer team. 

Homework: How do you know when you’re uncomfortable? We’d love to hear a story about it at: info@thecspc.org. 

“Be excellent to each other.” —Bill and Ted

“Be sexcellent to each other.” —Emma

Questions I Wish I'd Asked or Known When I Joined the BDSM Community

by Turtle 

tk@thecspc.org  | ObliqueBanter 

You've been dreaming about this for a long time. Waiting to get your courage up to come to an orientation here at your local BDSM community at the Center for Sex Positive Culture. You get excited waiting for the day to come. You carefully pick out a sexy outfit. You are going to go have that fantasy and revel in it! You walk in and are surrounded by others. You all try not to make too much eye contact. The orientation leader begins their presentation and you try to listen carefully, but the fantasy has taken over. You are simultaneously hot, cold, wet with excitement. Then, the doors open and more people pour in, surrounding you. Music starts and lights dim. Suddenly, you are overwhelmed. How are you supposed to find the fulfiller of your fantasy? I’m lost and have so many questions!

There are many questions to ask. There's so much information to find out. 

• How many people are there? 

• What's where? 

• How much will it cost? 

• Will I find the person who can fulfill my fantasy with me? 

• What do people think of me?

Those are some questions I did ask beforehand. Then, I actually joined the community. I learned that there are some critical things I had no idea about and would never have thought to ask. Here are some common questions that often get asked (and sometimes answered) in the first six months.

What is negotiation for play? People need to know how to negotiate. Innumerable attendees think that they can negotiate well, but with a clever Dom/Top/Master, everything that you're trying to negotiate becomes malleable in carefully twisted definitions. I did not know that it’s best to not renegotiate once I start a scene. Your body is dumping chemicals into your system and your brain has now entered an altered state. 

I sent a friend to chat with a couple of Masters who were hanging around. I had hoped they’d teach her how to negotiate. She came back so excited. “I've negotiated my first scene.” And I said ok, what is it, and she said, “I get to have a scene where they glue a dildo to my forehead and I roll around making narwhal sounds!” Excuse me. Which part of that did you get out of the negotiation? She said, “I don't have to make whale sounds.” I laughed and sent her back to try again. They didn't mess with her and they really helped her to learn to negotiate. But, oh dear, they like to have their fun! 

There are other things that I never even considered.

I didn’t know I would be exploring my inner self so much, that I would really be digging down deep questioning all the original tenets my family and friends taught me growing up. I ended up finding a new way to look at the world. 

I didn't know it would become such a big part of my life, that the other parts would fall away and everyone I knew would be in the community. I would work to support them in finding a similar place like mine, where they could come and be seen without shame or judgment.

I didn't realize that scening could trigger my emotions and bring up old trauma. It took a while to learn how to control my emotions, to figure out triggers and if I could reframe those experiences.

One thing people often come in thinking is, “Finally, I'm going to get to live out my fantasy!” We tell you at orientation. “If you're expecting your fantasy to happen tonight, it won't happen.” Your IRL experience is going to be very different from your fantasy because you didn't know that your body could do this, or that it gave off these hormones, or that your connection with that person would be so strong that you would just be “someplace else.” A phenomenon called sub drop is very real, and there's Top drop too. I had never realized that those are important ideas nor how to handle them. 

I did not know that most scenes are pre-arranged. You have to talk to people. It is important to take the time to get to know people and their reputations. I learned what is or is not “normal.” You can't do pick-up play if you aren’t willing to get to know someone. It was time to step out of my shell and talk to people. I didn't realize how much I was repressing my core self by trying to present as vanilla. 

I didn’t know that if I said “no” to someone or a scene, it's not like it would never happen. It could happen later or maybe at another time as one becomes more comfortable. When I started, I didn't want to do anything besides floggers. I was abhorrently wrong! (LMAO!) Floggers are great, but there were other toys that reached down deep to touch a special spot inside me.

I learned how to say (and hear) “no” gracefully. I needed to know that someone saying “no” to me wasn’t a personal rejection. It's more likely to have absolutely nothing to do with me. Saying “no” is just something that we need to be honest about because we may have other plans, may not feel up to it, or have bruises and can't take more right now.

I had to learn how to navigate consent for me as a neurodivergent person. I hadn't realized how pivotal consent is in my life. I decide how you touch me, or whether you get to touch me at all.

Eventually I settled down with a Master. They taught me how to prepare for a scene and reiterated not to negotiate after a scene starts. 

There's an abundance of new information to observe. How can anyone possibly keep track of it all? There is just so much coming at me all at once. I often will feel overwhelmed, especially if my emotions are triggered, and I'll need to have my scene partner hold safe space until I can get my head and body back together. 

I didn't realize how many people were in the community. I was surrounded by all these people, looking at me and I'm looking at them, and I'm thinking, “Oh, I should have worn something else” and they're probably thinking the same thing about themselves. There are just oodles and oodles of people, and when a party starts and more people pour in, I think, “There can't possibly be this many people, but if there are this many people into it, it is mainstream.” We're no longer outliers. 

I had some difficulty with the lingo and all the definitions at first. It was easy to get tripped up. Thankfully, people graciously took time to explain the subtleties. Example: the differences between Master, Dom, and Top. Or between polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, and consensual non-monogamy. 

I didn’t realize how much it can cost. But I learned how to pick up some neat stuff at thrift stores to make pervertables. Creativity can help you save money, and it can enhance the fun!

Remember that this is a journey. Where you start is not at all where you will end (and it never has to end!). You have choices to make. This is a choose-your-own-adventure story and you are the star! You don't have to ever run out of FOMO because there are so many fetishes and kinks to explore. If someone or something is bothering you… Look the other way, go somewhere else. We will support you. If you feel judged, the person judging you is you. The shame you hold inside of yourself is yours. If you want to let it go, you can let it go here. We're here for you. We're a community. 

I just wish there had been a list somewhere with all these basic questions so I would have known where to start. Hopefully this is helpful to newcomers who might be just as confused as I was!